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  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« Happiness Project: Watch my new one-minute movie, Secrets of Adulthood, and think of your own. | Main | Happiness quotation from Samuel Johnson. »

Happiness Project: Watch my new one-minute movie, Secrets of Adulthood, and think of your own.

LighthouseI’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I had so much fun with my last one-minute movie, The Years Are Short, I decided to do another one. The Years Are Short is touching (or at least I hope it’s touching); Secrets of Adulthood is on the whimsical side. It features some of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood (see left-hand column of my blog for the complete list).

What exactly are Secrets of Adulthood? They’re the lessons I’ve learned as I’ve grown up. I’m not sure why it took me years to grasp that over-the-counter medication actually will cure a headache, or that what I do every day matters more than what I do once in a while, but it did.

Check it out! Secrets of Adulthood.

This week's proposed resolution: Think about your own Secrets of Adulthood. What have you learned the hard way? What hard-won wisdom do you have to keep repeating to yourself?

I remind myself of the observation by Benjamin Franklin, one of the patron saints of the Happiness Project: "Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other." If you come up of your own Secrets of Adulthood, please consider posting them – we can all benefit from seeing what other people have learned.

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Zoikes, childhood fantasies fulfilled -- Gimundo has an article about a Swiss man who has built himself a real-life flying suit. Perhaps this will be a happiness project expedition one day!

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I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

Comments

Wonderful video. Does Soap & Water really remove most stains? It can't really be that simple!

In a week, this (whatever, such as getting a root canal recently) will be a memory. In a month, it'll just be a note on a list of appointments kept. In a year, it won't even be that. It will be gone soon. Time blunts everything.

One important rule I've learned ... Literally and figuratively, dont' rush. Decisions, thoughts, moments are more complete when we allow them at their own pace.

One secret of adulthood for me -- having routines isn't boring.

I used to think that it would be dull to organize life around lots of routines. It seemed more interesting to do things based on my inclinations at that time.

Actually, having routines in place (for food, housework, my job) means I don't have to spend energy worrying about when to do mundane tasks. In fact, the routines give me more time for fun, creative activity.

I actually sent this in an email to friends today, since my birthday is in two weeks....

so i guess this is my grown woman happiness manifesto....

i love email, but not texting
i love hip-hop but li'l wayne, despite his rock star swag, is the most overrated rapper of the last two decades
i am heavier than i've ever been in my life but i have much more confidence
i really don't give a damn what people think because age has earned me the right to say and do... what the fuck i want
one of my favorite things to do is still just chill out and read a book
i like my men younger and taller and again don't give a damn what anyone thinks because they just came up with a term for what i've been doing all along
i don't smoke buddah i can't stand ses, but a good glass of good wine makes up for many things
age makes you realize and then admit that you don't know everything
the problem with most younger people is that they think that they do
black really don't crack if you take care of it, because i know women in their 50's that put young girls to shame
maturity is hard on the body but great on the soul
pimpin' really ain't easy
superficial things fall to the wayside but the important shit gets more important as you get older
Everything old ain't new again, but some of it's better
You definitely do get what you pay for whether its in money or other things
Youth IS wasted on the young but its still fun to be at that stage
Love is real, if you can find it...or allow it to find you
I could happily live without a cell phone and cable, but not without movies, MP3's or the Internet.
As Chris Rock once said "Good sex is the one thing in life that is not overrated" or something like that....and it does get better with age....for women.
Creature comforts really are important
Quality and authenticity are important in music, men, cars and designer bags
Cats are the most hardheaded creatures on the planet next to toddlers and a woman who's made up her mind about something
Self-esteem, as Katt Williams once said, is just that SELF-esteem, no man or woman or job or car or bank account can give you that
The things a woman really needs: a good gynecologist, a friend who will help her bury a body, the ability to forgive, a good bag and good shoes, a passport, a good set of luggage, a good mattress, a great hairdresser, and a man who knows how to let her know when she's trippin' without having to disrespect her to do it and if she has kids....a good bullshit indicator....
the other thing i know for sure...that i don't know shit for sure and those that say they do are arrogant.....

I love seeing other people's Secrets of Adulthood. My list is getting longer and longer.

What I have found out the hard way was a) that life is mysterious b) don't judge a book by its cover c) to be modest, humble

You can never get inside someone else's marriage.
Other people have questions, too, so just ASK already.
Flexibility is a lot easier when there's an established plan.
(I posted this query on my blog, too.)

My secret: you should buy whatever you want at the grocery store, because it's always cheaper than eating out.

- Talent is a myth. High-level achievement is impossible without hard work and persistence.

- Anything you lack can be trained.

- Money problems aren't real problems. Sickness, death & relationship problems are.

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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