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If you'd like a copy of my resolutions chart

  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« Happiness Project: Pick a favorite. | Main | Lost my temper yesterday. Try again today to do better. »

Happiness quotation from Adam Smith.

Adamsmith“The consciousness, or even the suspicion, of having done wrong, is a load upon every mind, and is accompanied with anxiety and terror in all those who are not hardened by long habits of iniquity.” --Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments

That's why I've found that when I behave myself better, and manage to keep my resolutions, I feel happier. Knowing that I've lost my temper, failed to use good manners, behaved thoughtlessly, etc., makes me anxious, even as I'm making excuses for myself.

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I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

Comments

I'm such a validation-hound that even the slightest whiff of having upset or angered someone and I'm a basket case. And like you, all they while that I'm praying that they'll forgive me, I'm tossing out reasons and excuses for why I did or said what I did.

My big life lesson is to find validation and happiness from within, not from without. It's a challenge some days, but I think I'm getting better at it.

Cheers,
Alex

PS Nice to know my years of iniquity hasn't hardened me.

"The consciousness, or even the suspicion, of having done wrong, is a load ..."

upon my mind and it affects my sleep. All the more reason to do right ... for other people and myself.

That is why doing right, and following what you are supposed too, is actually more personally beneficial then just something you are doing for everyone else's sake.

http://yinvsyang.com/

Anxiety and worry are insidious. Doing right is its own reward. It never fails.

I agree, if you do the right thing you are less likely to be anxious and worried. Being nice and respectful to others is always the way to go. Love the qoute!

You are the best at finding good quotations...PLEASE make a tag for quotations, so that I can go through your blog and read your quotations. Thanks!

I love hearing that others love quotations as much as I do! Great suggestion about the tagging. I wish I'd thought of that sooner. I'll be sure to start now.

I've been following your blog for a long time. Your Happiness Project has been very inspirational, in fact it's been a catalyst for change in my own life.

But there has been a little niggling thought at the back of my mind when I read your posts of late - and this post has finally prompted me to verbalise it.

I tend to worry, worry, worry whenever I do something wrong. I also idealise this worry, thinking it makes me a 'better' person, that it distinguishes me from those who have been 'hardened by long habits of iniquity'.

But in a very real way, this approach can be incredibly destructive. Example: I focus endlessly on self-improvement, using my 'failures' as 'lessons', as opportunities to improve 'next time'. In short, I never give myself a break. And it's exhausting.

Slowly, however, I am learning to forgive myself for tripping up. For being insensitive, or uncharitable, or for snapping at my family (yes, this is a big failing of mine too).

I say to myself, for example: 'It's ok, I am irritable sometimes'. Then I let it go. In this way I still recognise that I've done wrong, but I no longer let these occasional mistakes define me.

You have made so many incredible changes in your life. I just hope you give yourself a break from the striving sometimes. It's not about making excuses, it's about forgiveness. Ironically, I find this is the only thing that really does help me do better ‘next time’.

That said - I adore this quote. He really hit the nail on the head. Please, keep them (and your wonderful words) coming.

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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