What I learned on my summer vacation -- lesson #1

I’m back at home and back at my laptop, now, after a week’s vacation in Denmark with my family. Along with another family, who also has two young daughters (their son was away at camp), we went to visit some Danish friends and their kids.

One daring move on my part was to leave my laptop behind, which I’ve never done before. I take my laptop everywhere; it is the foundation of my work and my play, and – I discovered when I decided to leave it behind – it is my “comfort object,” like a baby’s special blankey. I felt a little lost without it.

But although at times my fingers started itching to type, I think it did make my vacation better to be without my computer.

If I’d had my laptop, I would have constantly been thinking about whether I could pull away from our current activities to log in a little keyboard time. It would have made it harder to be “in the moment” (a phrase I dislike, but for which I can’t think of a good substitute). We wanted our family vacation to be a lot of intense family togetherness, and working on a laptop would have been a distraction. As it was, I did find myself trying to find to sneak away to read Isak Dinesen’s Out of Africa (I’d forgotten that she was Danish until I started reading on the airplane) or G. K. Chesterton’s Autobiography. But it’s easier to jump in and out of reading than it is to jump in and out of writing.

I also think it refreshed my mind to turn off my own personal word processing capacity. A huge part of my day, every day, is spent on writing and taking notes – which is extremely lucky for me, because these are the things I like to do most of all. Nevertheless, it was good to have a break.

I can’t tell if it spurred my creativity, but it definitely boosted my enjoyment of these familiar activities. There’s nothing like deprivation to sharpen pleasure.

Also, just on the mundane physical level, it was a relief not to have to worry about taking care of my laptop. I drag it around with me everywhere, and in my usual life, I don’t worry about it much, but given the rigors of traveling, I’m sure I would have spent a lot of time fussing about whether it was in the rain, being crushed, getting lost, or whatever. It was more relaxing not to have that concern.

Before I left, I wondered if I’d be eager to take a lot of happiness notes in Denmark, because it is the country that scores #1 in world happiness rankings.

However, I didn’t make a single astute observation to account for why Denmark ranks so high. It’s a lovely country, and we had a terrific time, and everyone we met was extremely nice – but I didn’t notice any factors beyond what other commentators have pointed out.

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I had a lot of fun cruising around the excellent blog, Peculiar Beauty. It's not the kind of thing that will interest everyone, but I loved the wry yet enthusiastic tone, and actually found myself laughing out loud at times.

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Comments

[LarryG]

I ran across your blog just as you took off for vacation.
It went on my feed list immediately.
I really enjoy your ideas.
I did a "de-clutter" of my bathroom vanity and it brought some happiness to see the countertop!!! ;)

As for a sub for "in the moment" simply "present" works for me. Technology does take us away.
I noticed a family having a bite of breakfast together at the bagel shop and dad had his blackberry out gazing at it, that with two fine young boys (about 4 and 6) and his wife there. Gadgets do take up space in our lives and loved ones shouldn't have to compete. I think you did well leaving the laptop at home :)

I am looking forward to enjoying your posts and raising my HQ (Happiness Quotient) !!!

[Rick Cummings]

I practice two words when on vacation and anytime I spend with my kids, "Be Present", it always keeps me "in the moment' as you say. Hope it works for you.

[Michael Sporer]

Gretchen;
It is a good idea to sometimes get out of your comfort zone. I'm sure you felt empty for a while without the ol' laptop, but it passes. I'm in the process of getting out of my comfort zone on several issues. Scary but satisfying!
Hope you enjoyed Denmark.
Mike

[sharyn]

Welcome Back!

My "in the moment" substitute is "here and now".

[Jim]

I've gone through the same dilemma on two recent occasions and both times I shut down the laptop and was glad I did... once when my wife was away and I was on Mr. Mom duty for a weekend, more recently during a family vacation to Vermont. I found that shutting myself off completely from the idea that I might post something really enriched the time and kept me from being present, but absent. Gave my "readers" (all 10 of them) fair notice both times, through these posts:

http://www.ithinkthisworldisperfect.com/2008/07/green-08.html

http://www.ithinkthisworldisperfect.com/2008/04/mr-mom.html

[Jeff]

I am glad you had a good vacation. I am a little confused by this post though. It is titled what I learned on my vacation - lesson #1. Then you just talked about your vacation. There is no sentence that seems to state what this lesson #1 actually is.

Is the lesson, "don't take your laptop on vacation"? Is the lesson "Spend quality time away from your work and with your family"? Is the lesson "We can get to treat our computers and communities as crutches"? If any of those are the lesson then that is good. You kind of talk around each of these points but I really don't see any clear statement about lesson #1.

I would love to know what your lesson #1 is from this experience as well as subsequent lessons you will be writing about in the future.

[Fit Bottomed Girls]

I'm about to go on vacation and was just debating with my husband as to whether or not my laptop should come with us. He's been saying, no, but I've been unsure. I think this just gave me the nudge I needed. I know overtraining is bad when working out, might be for writing, too! ;)

[Tim]

Perhaps I am projecting, but I get the sense that leaving your laptop was a wrench and you suffered from "withdrawal" in Denmark. Perhaps like "inaction" in meditation you need to practice joyful "unwriting"... ;-)

[VV]

Thats very interesting to read. :)

[Lily]

I guess one has to live in a place to understand it, being a tourist only gives you a hint of what it's like. Take Italy, for example, lots of foreigners think it must be the happiest place to live because they experienced the nice weather, the food, the luxurious shops in Via della Spiga, Milan or the beauty of the South. You only see the good side, not the commuting in dirty trains everyday, the precariousness of jobs, the rudeness/arrogance towards foreigners, etc etc

[Gretchen Rubin]

In a nutshell, my lesson #1 is "From time to time, it's a good idea to take a bit of time away from my laptop."

I couldn't give it up for too long, or too often, but it enhanced the quality of my experience to be without it during this trip. That said, I'm definitely taking my laptop with me to Kansas City when we go visit my parents next week.

[Pete]

Great to have you back. I got tired of looking at the other pic for a week :).

I think we all need a proper break from our personal monotony to be refreshed and revitalized. It definitely works better than no rest!

http://yinvsyang.com/

[Angela]

It makes sense to me that you didn't gather any intuition during your short stay on why the Danes are the happiest. I suspect that happiness in Demnark is a culmination of subtle every day things that all lend to a balanced way of life.

I am remembering an interview I saw on TV a few months ago where the U.S. reporter spoke with either a Danish or a Swedish man and asked him why he thought he is happier than people in places like the U.S. or Japan. The interviewee said something along the lines of in the U.S. or Japan, people are very concerned about being the best or being number one. At home and at work and at play there is an undercurrent of pressure to be the best, work the hardest, achieve the most. Over here, we're not number one--and we're happy to be number 85 or 135." This seems to make sense intuitively because individuals putting too much pressure on themselves can certainly impact their own happiness as well as the happiness of those around them. Do others think there might be something to this concept?

[Mark W.]

I also have just begun to read your blog and enjoy your posts. No laptop on your vacation must have been difficult. Did you allow yourself pen and paper?

[Tim]

On whether you can tell what makes Danes happy... I do not know either, though I live in the Netherlands, which has a pretty good happiness score. What I can share is my experience of working in the US for a number of months, from a European perspective.

I was struck, as many are, by the dynamism and energy of the people I met, but also by a sort of pervasive low-level anxiety that many of them seemed to suffer from. Many of the professionals I met seemed uncertain of their future, their ability to earn enough money to support their lifestyles and even of their identity: I particularly noticed that an action or attribute of a person could be more or less "American", whereas nothing a Dutch person could do/wear/say would ever be described as "un-Dutch". That would be senseless.

I think that fear is a great antagonist of happiness and I met many slightly fearful people in the US.

[Leah Graves]

Some of my favorite trips have been without my laptop. The house I'm renting in mid-September for a trip to Nantucket will have wifi. I'm just going to take my phone (has personal e-mail only and not work e-mail). Your story got me thinking...my last vacation two weeks ago did have me checking work e-mail. This time around I'm not making the same mistake!

[Madame Meow]

Welcome back from vacation! Maybe the Danes are so happy because they are so tall? Just being silly-- glad you had a nice time :o)

[Kathleen Keys]

Gee, I reckon a week wasn't a long enough holiday if the only thing you can report back is your lack of a lap top. Denmark is one of those places I'd love to go and I hope you can enlighten us with some of your experiences. Peace be with you.

[Alex Fayle]

Gretchen:

Good for you for surviving the week without your laptop and (I assume) without sneaking away to an Internet cafe.

I'm someone who disconnects easily (everyone in my life knows about AlexWorld). It takes a lot to stay connected, but disappearing into AlexWorld is how I recharge, so don't feel bad about the reading time - think of it as recharging your batteries.

Cheers
Alex

[Paula]

Gretchen

I just wanted to say welcome back...I have missed your blog over the last week but I think your family and friends are more important than the rest of us, and your children are only little for a short while! Well done on 'letting it go'....

Paula

[KP]

It's great to have you back, Gretchen. I truly enjoy this blog and look forward to the book!

As an American of Indian descent who is married to a Scandinavian, I'm increasingly aware of the relationship between societal happiness and social equity + concepts of hierarchy in different societies.

As the Dutch commenter noted, in places like the Netherlands, Finland, and Denmark the emphasis seems to be on being an individual, whereas in less happy places (like the U.S. and India) there's so much pressure to compete and be #1.

This is one of the many reasons for which my husband and I are considering a move to Amsterdam or Copenhagen. That and, oh yeah, universal health care. Not having to deal with the fine print of the American health care system would certainly make me much happier!

[suz]

Welcome back. I'm having trouble imagining being able to be without my computer for a week... I definitely know what you mean by comfort object. Well done for going without for so long!

[Sherri]

I just went through the same thing. During the last two weeks of July I finally went on my dream vacation to Italy- even better, I got married there. For this amazing journey, I left my laptop at home, never looked for an internet cafe, and neither my husband nor I had working phones. We were blissfully disconnected. While others on our trip were searching for the nearest internet cafe; we worked in extra adventure time instead and regaled them with our stories over dinner. I used to spend 10+ hours online each day (I work on the internet). Ever since my return, I spend maybe 30 minutes online outside of work. I wrote about my experience here: http://sherrileigh.wordpress.com/2008/08/13/disconnecting-changed-the-way-i-reconnect-for-now/

Gretchen, I've been reading your blog for nearly a year, and I love it! Keep up the good work.

[Key]

Welcome back! Nice to hear that you had a new experience. :) I have a friend. She is a lawyer. A couple of years ago she and her husband suddenly abandoned their cell phones. Yes, they live without cell phones. Crazy? Lazy? Old fashioned? I think they are happy people. They found their peace and mental equilibrium. It is very important nowadays just stop for a minute and enjoy the moment of life.