Do something nice: Six tips for good deeds that take less than five minutes.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Six tips for good deeds that take less than five minutes.

“Do good, feel good” is one of the great truths of happiness -- but you may be thinking, “Sure, good deeds would make me happy, but I barely have time to get through the essentials of my day. I don’t have time to do any good deeds!”

Wrong. Here are some ways that you can help other people—and make yourself feel great, at the same time—in under five minutes.

1. Be friendly. I've decided that there are five degrees of social interactions with strangers: hostile, rude, neutral, polite, and friendly. I find it very difficult to be downright friendly to strangers, but I always find myself energized and cheered by a friendly interaction. It only takes an extra minute to exchange a few pleasant words, but it makes a real difference.

2. Say “yes.” If you can, and if you should, say “yes.”

3. Say “no.” My sister, who is a TV-writer in Hollywood, once told me, “'Yes' comes right away; ‘no’ never comes.” Meaning, for example, that when she’s pitched an idea, if she doesn’t hear “yes” right away, it means they don’t like the idea. I’ve found this precept to be widely true. In many circumstances, we find it hard to say "no" — partly because it will hurt someone’s feelings, partly because it closes a possibility that could otherwise remain open. But waiting to hear "no" saps people’s energy by keeping them hoping for an answer they aren’t going to get. If someone is waiting for your “No,” put them out of their misery.

4. Sign up on the national organ-donor registry. This takes no time at all, and the consequences could be HUGE! Tell your family that you signed up, too. Remember, the one minute that someone takes, right now, to sign up on the registry might save YOUR life six months from now. And vice versa.

5. Lead them not into temptation. It can feel generous, friendly, and fun-loving to urge people to take another piece of cake, to drink another glass of wine, or to make an extra purchase, or to urge them to give themselves a break by skipping the gym, skipping class, or quitting smoking next week instead of today. But when you see people truly trying to resist temptation, encourage them to stick to their resolutions. The Big Man and I always encourage each other to go to the gym. It can feel a little Spartan, but in the end, we’re both much cheerier when we’ve exercised.

6. Do someone else’s chore. Don’t you sometimes wish that someone would do one of your little jobs? If nothing else, to show an awareness of the fact that you faithfully do it, day after day? Emptying the diaper pail or starting the office coffee-pot, even though it’s not “your” job, helps people feel appreciated and cared for. One of my Twelve Commandments is to “Spend out,” which reminds me not to keep score, not to focus so much on everything coming out even – like chores.

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If you're interested in personal finance and entrepreneurship, check out Ramit Sethi's blog, I Will Teach You To Be Rich. Lots of interesting material there, delivered with a real flair.

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Comments

[Leslie Turek]

"Be friendly" can be surprisingly effective. One example: I was going through the intake step at a hospital, where they collect your insurance info, contact info, etc. I noticed a photo of a cat on the worker's desk and made some sort of pleasant comment about the cat. The woman paused and looked very touched, and told me that I was the nicest person she had dealt with all day. It made me think - what a terrible job she must have, dealing with stressed and fearful people all day. Injecting just a little bit of a human touch in our interaction made all the difference for her.

[Fit Bottomed Girl]

That last one really resonated with me...I've been trying really hard not to tally my chores and what I around the house versus my husbands' responsibilities..

Spend Out. It just may be my new motto.

[Shanel Yang]

All great tips! How about share a joke? Here are "100 Best Lawyer Jokes" at http://shanelyang.com/2008/06/11/100-best-lawyer-jokes/

[Ash]

7. Genuinely smile at people.

It's sort of like being friendly, only it's slightly better. You're not requiring a conversation, and you're not even soliciting one at this point. It seems like so many people avoid eye contact because they're too busy, or don't want to hold a conversation.

However, an unsolicited smile that requires nothing more than a smile or return nod can do wonders for someone's day.

Watch out, it's contagious!

[kare Anderson]

And since we now know that happiness can add 10 years to one's life, being nice can be seen as a double blessing towards longevity

http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/09/happiness-could-add-10-years-to-your.php

[Joanne]

These are nice tips, and so easy to do, really. A little effort goes a longer way than you'd think, doesn't it?

[adora]

Leave positive feedback,comments or praise. Like in your post "A story that made me very happy -- I couldn't stop smiling."

My friend who works as a bank clerk for over 10 years often feel frustrated that people only complain, but rarely praise for job well done. You can easily brighten someone's day by telling them how much you appreciate their service.

Those suggestion/comment cards are for praise as well!

[Alli]

4. You can donate some organs while still alive. My aunt who works for Carolina Donor Services, a featured face on the NC site, donated a kidney. The guy she donated it to immediately saw results and is doing wonderful! Talk about creating happiness.

[tiffany]

This is a great list. It's fantastic to think that there are small, quick things you can do to be happier.

I was especially struck by #5. I think that most people feel good by letting someone slide, making an exception, but as you point out, it's not often in the person's best interest.

[Debbie M]

Here are some more:

Let someone in front of you while driving. People are so shocked you can sometimes make them happy the rest of their trip. And it takes between 0 and 5 seconds.

In fact, paying enough attention to be able to notice being in someone's way and then getting out of their way (say, at the grocery store) is always appreciated.

Pick up a piece of trash you were about to step over.

Hold the door open for someone.

I work at a large university and can often find confused-looking people that I can help find something.

Find a silly way to thank someone for going above and beyond the call of duty. At my workplace, we used get "treasure bucks" to give out which could later be spent on trinkets. Those days are gone, so now I like to go online and find an appropriate certificate to print out such as "genius award" for someone who helped me solve a problem and certificates of merit for superior achievement when someone has just gotten through a crazy busy cycle. If you are more normal, you could write a thank-you note. Just keep some in your desk. This can work for friends and family members, too.

In fact, any kind of handwritten note is so rare these days that delivering even a short one can make people happy.

[Amna]

Gretchen, thanks for posting the link to "I Will Teach You To Be Rich." I went over and saw loads of great stuff - most importantly, that everyone open and fund a 401(K)/Roth IRA. I'm finally starting a Roth, after years of putting it off. Thanks!

[angela]

Being nice to someone you know or you don't know makes me very happy.
Doing a favor for somebody is not only good for the person but it's better for oneself.

[Debbie James]

Great tips! The world would be a better place to live if everyone just did 1 nice thing every day. How about sending a heart felt card to a friend or someone you love? http://www.GreetingCardsMadeSimple.com

[How to Party with an Infant]

Saying 'Yes' to invitations is one I try to practice. It allows you to experience more, and even if the experience is uncomfortable or boring, the company awful, as a writer I always think, "well, I can write about this later..."

[Reza Hossein Borr]

Principles of highly successful people
Reza Hossein Borr

The people who succeed follow some principles all the time. These principles shine like lights wherever they go and whatever they do. There is no deviation. There is no shortcut. There is the strait way. The principles set the direction whenever they want to go to their destination. Observing these principles keep them focused on the mission and prevents unnecessary interruptions. Interruptions are bound to happen in the life of everybody but those who are principled enough can always come back to where they were before they were interrupted.

The most of principles of highly successful people are usually common among most of successful people. They may have different understanding of them but they all follow a variety of them.

1. All of them usually have a mission, a purpose, and an objective or what it is called in NLP well-formed outcomes. The purpose has been drawn from within their makeup and has sufficient energy source to motivate the person towards achieving it. I have never seen any successful person who did not have a very clear purpose. The purpose will be best defined if it goes thru the process of NLP well-formed goals and well-formed outcomes.

2. All of the successful people have the skills of achieving their mission and purpose or if they do not have the skills, they bring the people who have the skills. This is very important as anybody who has a mission or an objective must realise if he has the skills for accomplishing the task or not. They must make sure that. That is what makes the difference between success and failure. Knowing that you want it but whether you can do it or not, is the vital and fatal factor. Those who know that they do not have the skills of doing it usually bring the people who know how to do it.

3. All of successful people have the right mindset for that mission or objective. All of us know whether something is right for us to do or whether it can fit into your psychology of aspirations. The common people say that you can do it if you are made for it. Your mindset and your attitude are two factors that you have to know.

4. All of successful people are optimistic and they know that the sense of optimism will keep them going on for a long time. The pessimists usually give up very quickly or do not start at all. The sense of optimism enlightens your heart and organises your emotions to bring different resources for successful implementation.

5. All successful people do not give up at all or they know when to give up if they realise that is something that they cannot do. This is very important thing to realise when to give up and when to continue. I usually have an exercise in my seminars to find opportunities. I would say that I have put something somewhere in a room. I ask the students to go and find it with one glance. If they couldn't do it first time I give them more chances. I have realised that those who usually do not succeed are those who look for something where it is not there. I tell them that if you look for something where it is not there, you can look for it all your life and cannot find it. And I teach them to go where things are located. There is no big fish in small pounds. If you want to grow into a very big fish you have to go into a very big ocean.

6. All successful people have a sense of integrity. They know that they would lose whatever they have earned if they engage into fraud, illegal and illegitimate practices. We have seen a lot of people who have originally succeeded and then brought down in disgrace by the illegitimate practices.

7. All of successful people believe that they can do it. Belief in yourself is your guarantee towards different obstacles that you can face you in your life when you want to achieve something great. There are a lot of people who tell you can't do it and if you do not have sufficient self-belief you would abandoned your mission when you face challenges and difficulties.

People are different and therefore, their beliefs and principles are different too. The important point is that you can discover your own principles and use them as leverages for accomplishing tasks. Your principles will make you stand firm on the ground in spite of fatal hurricanes and flood.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

[Alexandre]

@Ash: "7. Genuinely smile at people."
Excellent point!
It's actually a bit tricky to pull off because smiles can be interpreted differently by diverse people, based on their moods. For instance, some of those with a specific idea about intelligence might assume that the smiler is naïve or stupid. Not that it's a huge problem (I prefer being considered naïve than rude) but it greatly diminishes the effect of the smile. More problematic is the fact that many cynics assume that a smile hides an illegitimate purpose. This can put the smiler in a tough position. There are also matters of gender relations and impression of smugness.
The most effective smiles, I find, are those which aren't directed at a specific person at a specific time. I have better luck "spreading the smile" when I'm smiling on my own (e.g. because of something I listen to while walking down the street) than when I smile at a given person.

What's funny (and which might be related to my current orientation toward serenity) is that I get the impression that there's a move toward happiness, in the general population. At least in Europe and in North America. Elements of support for this idea include comments about the financial crisis forcing people to focus on positive thoughts and actions. But it's also based on the notion that working on your own happiness is a necessary step for those who wish to help people. It's a self-sustaining system since making others happy is a very efficient way to remain serene.

As a kind of aside, there are some online games, now, which focus on "random acts of kindess." My current favourites are PMOG and Akoha. Some of the "good deeds" take a bit more effort than others, but the reward system works the same way.

[sensiblefinance]

It takes so little time and effort just to be nice to a stranger, yet so many of us can't even muster a smile! Here's my top tip - next time you see someone struggling . . . just offer your help.

[Beth Johnson]

Hi Gretchen,

I thought you and your readers might enjoy this site we just put together for Aveda: AvedaThanksMan.com.

Every man deserves thanks for something. You can send your gratitude with a free e-card for all sorts of things—from acts of chivalry to putting the toilet seat down.

Some of things I thanked my man for:
Understanding the importance of mannies and petties.
Believing global warming isn’t make-believe.
Knowing “ready in 15 minutes” really means 30.

Thanks for your consideration,

Beth

[Zada Connaway]

It is important to remember to thank those who provide services as well as other strangers. A smile and a 'thank you' go a long way to help them keep smiling at others.

Not long ago, I was in a line at a market check stand where two young women, 6 unruly children in tow, and one baby in the cart, were trying to get checked through the lane. Their carts were bulging with almost more than they could hold.

They were having difficulty with the impossible task of trying to run herd on the five who were running wildly about and at the same time figure out the forms of payment.

They had dshs coupon cards, travelers' checks and debit cards and cash for the overage. The poor clerk was becoming frantic, but maintained a professional attitude, helping with courtesy and a patience I am sure she did not feel.

When she got to my goods, she apologized for my having to wait. I simply smiled and told her it was okay, I was not in a big rush, and that I thought she had handled the situation admirably. "Just keep smiling" I told her.

The effect on her was obvious. She then visibly relaxed and our transaction went smoothly. I thanked her, and she wished me a good day.

As I left the check stand her supervisor came over to me and thanked me for being so nice to the clerk. "We need to hear things like that from the customers" she said, and I realized my act of kindness had benefited two people immediately, and possibly made an impact on who knows how many customers behind me.

It also benefited me, as I felt good for the rest of the day about having had a little patience and having my comment appreciated.

[Gretchen Rubin]

What a lovely story -- it makes me happy just to read it. By acting in a friendly, understanding way, you were able to transform a moment entirely. Plus, it sounds like you gave a deserving clerk a moment to look good in front of her supervisor and to earn some well-deserved approbation -- imagine if you'd been curt, and she'd snapped at you, and then been scolded for it.

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[HappinessnLove]

Beautiful story Zada!!!!
You acted beautifully....I agree with Gretchen.....it is a "Happy" story....

You comment was appreciated....and so your story .... keep it up....

I have done what you did a couple of times....and the smile on the other person's face is enough to make your day.

[Usman]

Honestly, this post should made popular in the subcontinent because people here don't really consider these things that they should make effort on!! Great post!!

[Melissa De La Cruz]

I really enjoyed reading your site. I was "helping" my 14 year old with a small homework project given by his teacher to "Do a Good Deed". He told me he lent a friend of his his phone to make a phone call after school before jumping on the bus home. My response was laughter "dont you think a good deed should be a little more significant, somthing you go out of your way to do for someone" I replied. Your article proved me wrong and him right! I learned a good deed is just that...the time and effort it takes is insignificant. Its the ACT that counts. Thank you

[Liam]

Think about it , if we all gave more of ourselves to other people we would in turn receive more in the way of satisfaction and happiness by our actions. It takes more effort to give than to receive and giving is available to us all the time. We can always give freely at any time,we dont always receive(love etc)when we need it.Its great to receive love etc.but we have to wait for it.Be proactive and you will gain far more. Be kind to begin with. Have fun with this.

[Andrew]

Interesting post. I definitely agree with being friendly, it's a challenge for me but worth it.

Andrew