Do you worry about your weight? My latest resolution: “Eat very right.”

I made a new resolution, just for the month of September: “Eat very right.” I’ve already made other resolutions related to eating, but this month, I’m pushing it further.

I gave up fake food a while back, which was a major step forward, but my eating habits still have a lot of room for improving the healthfulness of my diet.

Also, although I REFUSE to go on a proper diet, I’d love to lose a few pounds. I’m about three pounds over where I’d like to be – not my “ideal” weight, which is probably unrealistically low -- but the weight at which I stop fussing much about my weight.

In his book What You Can Change & What You Can't, Martin Seligman observes: “All thin-ideal cultures…have roughly twice as much depression in women as men. (Women diet twice as much as men...) [In] cultures without the thin ideal…the amount of depression in women and men…is the same. This suggests that around the world, the thin ideal and dieting…cause[s] women to be more depressed than men.”

He points out that two root causes of depression are failure and helplessness – and dieting makes you feel both. Plus, almost no diet works for long. Most weight comes back.

For me, it’s definitely true that, right or wrong, my weight has a big influence on how happy I feel. When I feel unhappy about my weight, it really weighs me down. Whether or not this should be true, it is true.

So…there are two solutions. The first is to change my attitude. If I accept my body as it is, I won’t fret about it. I’ve tried to adopt a modified version of this, by trying to feel more grateful for being healthy, pain-free, and pretty darn close to my ideal weight. I should be happy about my body, not unhappy.

The other solution is to lose weight so that I’m at the point where my weight doesn’t bother me. I’m extremely fortunate that I’m pretty close to that point. I would just have to lose a few pounds to get it off my mind.

I’m trying the multi-prong attack: revel in my body as it is; eat more healthfully; and also try to lose a few pounds.

My rules for the month:

1. No Tasti D-Lite. This is the biggest sacrifice and most dramatic change. Tasti D-Lite is a kind of frozen yogurt that I LOOOOVE. It’s allegedly low-calorie, but it’s probably not. Also (this is embarrassing) I usually get a cone of Tasti D-Lite twice a day, and having three in one day isn’t at all unheard of. This is really my one big indulgence. I almost never eat dessert, or drink alcohol, or eat red meat, or eat cheese...but for September, I'm giving up Tasti D-Lite, as well.

2. No bread unless it’s part of a meal. So I can have bread as part of a tuna sandwich, but I shouldn’t just take a slice of bread out of the package and eat it (which I do often) or eat bread from a restaurant bread basket.

3. No bites of candy, cookies, cake, etc.

4. No worrying about portions—I can eat as much as I want of fruits, vegetables, and healthy protein.

5. Keep a food journal. This has been one of my resolutions before, but I just wasn’t able to make myself remember to do it. This month, I’m going to try again. Studies show that dieters who keep meticulous food journals do a much better job of losing weight.

One concern I have: what if I follow all these rules – which, although I’m not on a “diet,” definitely have me feeling aware of what I’m eating and giving up things I’d like to eat – but I don’t lose any weight? I’d have eaten more healthfully, which is good – but I do want the benefit of the weight loss. So am I wrong to follow #4? Is it a waste of self-control to monitor my eating like this, without getting the pay-off of weight loss?

Really, though, I should think about following these rules for the rest of my life, so I don’t want to get caught up in the madness of “dieting.” I’m much thinner now than I was many years ago, and the way I lost that weight was by making big changes in my eating habits, keeping them over the long term, and losing the weight imperceptibly slowly. This is not an easy way to lose weight, but it’s probably the best way if you want to keep your weight off.

Now, some people are probably thinking, "Wow, Gretchen is waaaaaay too obsessed with her weight." I am preoccupied with my weight, that's true. Some people have told me that I should spend more energy trying not to let it bother me, and less energy on trying to keep my weight down. But the fact is -- I'm happier when I'm at a lower weight, and it takes some concentration to stay there. So what's the right approach? What do you think?

*
I was very pleased to be included in this terrific list of top Personal Development blogs. And I was also pleased to see many of my blogland pals there with me, each with an excellent blog: Jonathan Fields, Zen Habits, Life Clever, Life Hacker, Pick the Brain, Dumb Little Man, Alex Shalman, and several others.

But alas for human nature! Seeing myself on the list made me happy, then I became preoccupied with the question – how do I move myself higher on the list? If you could spare a few minutes to email folks who might be interested in The Happiness Project, to send them the link, I’d appreciate it very much.

*
I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

Comments

[MizFit]

it is ALL so personal huh?

Id not dare tell anyone what they are doing is wrong if it works for them.

Im a rebel.

the journaling the NO TREATS? that would all send this nonobsessive woman in to a tailspin of obsession :)

its all finding what works for US huh?

Miz.

[Nancy]

After losing 60+ pounds on Weight Watchers and struggling mightily to keep most of them off over the last seven years, I've finally stopped counting points, sizing up portions, and measuring foods. I simply stop eating when I am no longer hungry -- not when I've finished my teeny portion, not when it's my usual time to have a snack. I usually leave about a quarter of my meal on my plate now and skip the late-night treats entirely. I also try to eat only "real" food, not processed food.

[Glen Allsopp]

Thanks a lot for this Gretchen. Your Alexa ranking is a lot better now then when i added the site so i'm sure it will move up the rankings in the next few days!

[Chutters]

Research published here in the UK from the University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests taking pictures of everything you eat may help more than a food diary. A bit too obsessive for me thou :)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/health/2674514/Photographing-meals-could-help-weight-loss.html

[Just_Kelly]

No sweets at all? I think you are going to drive yourself batty! Why not, "no more than 3-4 times a week?". Moderation > restriction every time.

[Michelle L.]

Okay I must leave a comment. I was introduced to this blog via Adam Gilbert who is an absolute God send.

I am 36 yrs old, got engaged 13 months ago and am getting married in 2 months. I think I have been trying to lose 10 pounds for my wedding from the minute my fiance proposed to me. Weight loss is much harder for me since turning 30 and I haven't been able to gain control over my diet and exercise--always trying any fad diet I can find only to lose 3 pounds one week and gain it back the very next...

I have the most supportive fiance in the whole world however it helps to have an objective party to hold me accountable for my diet and excersise plan especially during this very busy time...

From day one Adam showed loyalty to my goal-making me feel that I am his number one client and it is his job to guide me to look great and feel confident on my wedding day...I've learned in a short time that daily accountability with 'my daily feedback' is key.

Adam talks back to the negative voice in my head telling me that it's ok to eat something unhealthy just one day or skip the gym and go tomorrow. Adam is so dedicated to my goal that I actually feel guilty not eating healthy or skipping the gym...

I feel as though he's turned into the positive conscience that I've been needing to get me on track and for the first time realize that I control my destiny when it comes to fitness and weight loss. Planning a wedding can be stressful and worrying about a wedding dress not fitting certainly adds to the stress.

Adam has helped me gain control during this time and I feel that my stress has turned to positive energy and excitement for my wedding day.

I was losing hope and he has made me realize that I can do it!

I highly recommend his program at MyBodyTutor.com to anyone and everyone who has a problem with staying consistent with their health and fitness goals...his program is truly amazing!

-Michelle L.

[May]

I think your rules sound a lot like a diet. One question to ask yourself: in the past, have you made a lot of weight-control plans like this one? I know I have: perfectly reasonably sounding bullet-point plans, much like the one you've presented. I've made dozens of them.

And that alone has taught me that setting mental rules with regard to eating does not work. At all. I think there's something inherently dodgy about setting a mental rule. If you're actually trying to trick yourself into doing something that you kind of don't want to do (like giving up sweets), chances are, it's not going to work. If it's a trick, your brain will notice and rebel. The brain is a powerful thing: ultimately, you will do what you really want to do and be who you really want to be. And you might be a person who really wants to eat sweets.

Sometimes mental rules do help, but for me these successes have been rare (in comparison to the total number of mental rules I have tried to create) and they usually concern things like, "Always put your keys in the same place," which is emotionally neutral, or "never get in the middle of a family argument" after the consequences of such have been made immediately and painfully clear. Quitting sweets is not emotionally neutral, and the consequences of eating or avoiding sweets is not immediate or painful. So it is likely not the kind of rule that tends to "stick."

So I say, if you've made similar lists of rules for weight control before, and if they haven't worked in the long run, then you need to try a different approach. If you haven't done this before, give a go, and good luck! But if it doesn't end up working very well, and if you find that losing three pounds doesn't actually fix anything, then it could be that your brain won't be "tricked" into a diet.

[adora]

After losing 45lbs and gaining 20lbs back, I have only 2 rules - eat real food, not too much. (and exercise of course!)

Eat what you want but in smaller portions. Learn to focus on your food while you eat. If you take every bite mindfully, you're less likely to overeat.

Another helpful tip is to only eat 80% full, or as the Japanese saying "Hara-hachi-bu". It takes a while for the brain to realized you're full, so stop at 80% is about right.

To keep food journal simple, you may try taking pictures of everything you eat with your cellphone. (I'd like to see that!)

[Molly]

I think keeping a food journal is helpful-if you can remember. I've gone this route and knowing that I'll be documenting everything I eat actually stops me from eating that pint of ice cream or package of oreos; because really ...........that's embarrassing!

[Jen]

You can't feel bad about your weight, AND feel bad about feeling bad about your weight. That is too many levels.

You've got to have something to replace all the Tasti D-Lite, bread, and bites of sweets. Here's my only weight loss tip (with which I lost 20 pounds in the last 2 years): drink sweet (not sweetened) tea or eat a small palmful of nuts when you want a snack. It gives your hands and mind something to focus on, and gives you a little break from the day - just like snacking on frozen yogurt or bread. (I like the ridiculous flavors of Celestial Seasonings, like Bengal Spice,or Almond Sunset, for this purpose.)

[LarryG]

I like your post.
Follows the 80-20 rule...
80% focus on what you are doing
20% on outcome.

While outcome lurks - I think pep talks and positive activity are to be given preeminence over the number on a scale.

You are after all going for happiness. How often do you really need to "weigh in" to be happy? :)

[Britt]

Complicated rules are my downfall. I tried a 3-treats-a-week rule, and it was too much bookkeeping. I either had to keep track on paper (and then always have the notepad with me) or rely on my memory (Ha!). It was too easy to screw up, and then I'd beat myself up and give up on the rule.

I've also done severe diets, which I can follow because they're easy (no ice cream, EVER) but they are not sustainable. I can do it for about three months, and then my willpower crashes.

I had some luck with "allowed" days, like I can have sweets on Monday, Wednesday or Friday, but then I found that I was feeling deprived, because they always have cookies at work on Tuesday or because Thursday was when they always have pie at the cafeteria, so I never got to have any. And the weekend was torture!

My husband helped me work out the rule I currently follow: I can eat sweets if the day of the month is a multiple of three. If I'm tempted on Sept 7 or 8, I can tell myself, "No, I can't have these cookies today. But I'll be able to have some ice cream on the ninth!" And there's no book-keeping. If I am offered sweets or have a craving, I just look at the date on my watch for a simple yes or no answer.

Sometimes, a multiple-of-three day even goes by without any temptation!

If I find that I'm still eating too many sweets, I will be able to adjust the rule to multiples of four or (yikes!) five, but so far my weight is holding steady.

[Audrey]

I think the Tasti D-Lite and bread resolutions are the ones that will make the biggest difference. In each of these cases, it sounds like you've looked at your diet and said "what's wrong here?" You've identified two specific problem foods to get under control.

I think the next step is to identify why those are problem foods. Why are you stopping to get two cones of ice cream per day? Are you hungry at that time of day? Do you drive by the store and it is a temptation? Why do you eat bread as a snack instead of something healthier? Once you find out what's going wrong behind the bad eating choices, you can really start to solve the problem.

Maybe you have the will power to "Just say no" to Tasti D-lite for a month without any other changes. But what about next month? I think it would be better to say "I'm hungry on the way to work, so I will pack a snack everyday." Is ice cream going to be as tempting when you are already munching on something delicious? Is bread going to be as tempting if you have something else easily available? Or could you just buy healthier bread and enjoy a favorite snack guilt free?

Trying to will-power your way to weight loss is a surefire way to ultimately fail, in my opinion. Maybe not this month, but next month or the month after. As you said yourself, what works in the long term is making changes you know you can stick to. And that means going beyond eliminating problem foods to addressing the reasons they are problems in the first place!

[kate]

I am doing the no "S" diet. It is basically a lifestyle change for the better. The rules are simple. No snacks, no sweets, no seconds except on "S" days. Days that start with the letter "S" and special days.So a birthday or holiday. You can read more about it at www.nosdiet.com. I feel like I finally found a way to eat that is simple and healthful. I plan my meals better and feel like I am in control of my eating without using a complex system.
Thanks for your great blog.

[EscapeVelocity]

Exercise makes you feel better *and* helps you lose weight. I also found some of the stuff in Body For Life helpful, although it's a bit of a cult.

[Gretchen Rubin]

These are great comments and suggestions.

I absolutely agree with the commenter who said that it's important to control hunger. I OFTEN get very hungry and am puzzled by why so many adults don't seem to need to eat at any particular time. I do think that one reason I eat so much Tasti D-Lite is that it's easy, right there whenever I need a bite - plus it's a treat. Packing almonds or a banana is important.

also, about moderation. I find moderation MUCH harder than cutting something out altogether. As Samuel Johnson said, "Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult." When I try to be moderate, I spend too much energy thinking, "Today, tomorrow? Now, later? One, two?" If I have a hard and fast rule, it's easier for me.

But I agree, apart from this hard-core month of September, I'm not going to beat myself up for the random Tootsie Roll or bite of cupcake. I just think that the Boot Camp approach will help kick-start me into better habits. It's so, so easy to slide into bad ones!

[Briana]

I fall into a similar category as you as far as being very close to my ideal weight (about 5-7 over right now) and at a previous point in my life was overly obsessed with my weight.

In my experience, its best not to set "rules" about one's eating, as that can lead to feeling deprived, and for me at least, leaves me feeling neurotic about the whole thing, sometimes leaving me breaking the rules in rebellion and gaining more weight. But more importantly, it makes me feel bad about myself. Both for administering what feels like a punishment in the first place, and then doubly bad for breaking the rules I set.

When I take a more relaxed viewpoint about food, and set broader guidelines, everything seems to be in alignment with my body and soul.

I have a sticker on my fridge that reads "Eat Well, Feel Well". That pretty much says it all.

What does eating well mean for me? I have recently come to the conclusion that it does not have to do with strictly fat content, sugar content, calorie content etc. For me, eating well means minimizing the amount of processing in my food. If I cannot envision how a food was brought from the farm to my plate in simple terms, it probably isn't very healthy for me.
A lot of these ideas came from this book, which I have not yet read, but intend to:
"In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto" by Michael Pollan.
He says : "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

Good luck on your journey!

[Sheryl]

I'm a foodie. I like junk food, and I also like eating when I'm not hungry-- as part of being social or for entertainment. There are several strikes against me right there. But those things make me happy, so I wasn't willing to give them up. What I did to lose weight was to calculate how many calories I needed to maintain my ideal weight, and then I tried to stick to that number as closely as possible, without worrying about what or when I was eating. It worked!

[Jenny]

I think it's fine to think about your own weight, what I find tedious is how obsessed you are with other people's weight. I've been reading the happiness project for a little less than a year, and it's really off-putting.

[MCS]

To be honest, this post makes me really, really sad. These particular rules and bullet points are the antithesis to your 12 commandments. You can't focus on "being yourself" if you don't ask your body: How do you want to be fed today? I hope you find peace with your body. As someone who is in recovery from anorexia, this post reminds me of a me I was a long time ago. I hope I am wrong with that analogy.

[Dr. Jay]

Gretchen - Sounds like you are on the right path. Excess body fat is simply a stress response within the body. Eating the wrong types of foods will create this stress response. I don't want to overload you with info here, but the biggest things to remember: it is not necessarily the amount of calories that you consume, it is the quality of those calories that make the biggest difference. Real food is a must!! Read labels, if you don't recognize an ingredient, don't eat it. Also, most people have a strong stress response (inflammation) to soy, dairy, refined sugar, gluten (protein in wheat products), caffeine & alcohol. Drink plenty of water and make sure you are getting at least 2 - 4 grams of omega-3 fatty acids a day (the good fats - olive oil, fish, flaxseed, avocado, raw nuts, etc.). I'd be happy to give you more specifics - Let me know & keep up the great work!!

[Ann M.]

In terms of keeping a food journal, I really recommend The Daily Plate (www.thedailyplate.com). I had two methods I used to enter food into it, I'd either hand write it in a small memo notebook I kept with me, or if I had time at home I'd enter it right into the website. The website is fairly quick once you have used it for a few days. I also liked it because it provides an automatic calorie calculator and has some nifty graph.

I don't use it a lot now, but I used it for about 2 months and it really helped me to eat healthier. I found that I was actually eating more often and felt fuller, but was eating a much more appropriate amount of calories each day.

[Dube]

Hmm... I'll have to consider making resolutions for each month. That seems much more "doable" than a year-long resolution. And potentially fun!

I recently got back to the size I want to be, but I've had to guard against "emotional eating." Like today, when I got some disturbing news, my first thought was to stop being healthy & "treat myself" with junk food. Luckily, I remembered that ends up making me feel worse, and I stayed with healthier foods. :-) (But discipline isn't always fun!)

Btw, I really enjoy your blog (although I've never commented before), and gave you a little "award" on my blog. :-)

[pea]

Last year, I had a serious illness. I lost 15 lbs. in three months. I had no appetite, which was very bizarre and something that I had never before experienced. People said I looked like I was dying. Oddly, when I did eat, I wanted only healthy food. I had zero interest in junk food. Feeling better and the return of my appetite coincided. I will never again think that skinniness is anything but a sign of ill health.

I have a relative who is getting married, for the first time, at age 53. Her husband-to-be is a good cook, and she has gained weight and gone up one size. She has never been happier.

I understand the desire to be slim. But, truly, as long as you are within normal bounds, there are things so so so much more important.

Maybe it's all relative. If you have the luxury of worrying about your weight, lucky you.

[Tina]

Here is how I have lost 10kg (22lb) within 5 months last year and have held my weight easily:
1. 3 meals per day, breakfast and lunch must not be skipped, dinner optional.
2. No (animal) protein for breakfast. Carbohydrates and plant protein like soy milk or margarine are allowed.
3. Anything for lunch, including dessert.
4. No carbohydrates for dinner, that includes vegetables rich in carbohydrates (e.g. starch), like potatoes, peas or carrots.
5. At least 4, better 5 hours between meals.
6. No calories inbetween.
7. Drinking 2L (half a gallon) of water per day or more.
8. A minimum of 8 hours sleep per night.

Note that I have been holding my weight, although I have not adhered to most of the rules for over half a year.
The most dramatic change I have held on to ever since, was adding breakfast to my diet.
Also during the diet I ate more chocolate than ever before because it was my lunch treat.
Basically, there was nothing I could not eat, I just couldn't eat anything anytime. So when I was craving bread in the evening, I knew I could have it in the morning and that's what truly helped.
You can sacrifice a favorite treat for a couple of hours, that's easy. But if you can withstand a craving for weeks or months, you're out of this world - only few can do that. Good luck. :D