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  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« Do you worry about your weight? My latest resolution: “Eat very right.” | Main | Exercise and happiness: A new study surprised me. »

Comments

I do the bottomless cereal bowl trick too. This month I've decided to cut cereal out of my diet completely. It's only been 10 days and it's hard. I almost slipped the other day. I poured the cereal in the bowl and then poured it back in the box. Don't worry, I hadn't added the milk yet.

What kind of exercise are you adding to your daily routine? Diet is only about 30% of wieghtloss and toning. 30 mins of exercise 4 times a week to maintain your weight. 60 mins of exercise 5 times a week to loss weight.

Our trick is not to have any unhealthy food at home. We just don't buy it.

And when I'm serious about eating healthy I try to eat warm food, it gives me a "comfortable" feeling and I eat less. So I'd boil some vegetables like broccoli and eat it hot, with olive oil. Olive oil, by the way, has a lot more calories than butter, but better press. That's why sometimes I replace it with some butter without feeling guilty.

Great tips! Especially important part about "fake foods." And although all-natural granola bars and Clif bars are great, a lot of times you'd still get more nutrition--and fewer cals--from a piece of fruit and a small handful of nuts.

I was disappointed to read so much about dieting in this and in the previous post. For that, I could have easily picked up Shape or some other frivolous woman's magazine. Obsessing over what I should or should not eat has never made me happy or happier.

I particularly find disturbing a quote in your previous article, "I’m about three pounds over where I’d like to be – not my “ideal” weight, which is probably unrealistically low." Why obsess so much in an effort to lose 3 lousy pounds? I'm 30 pounds over my "ideal" weight (according to the professionals) and yet I'm the healthiest and in the best physical shape I've ever been. And I'm happy not obsessing about every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.

About the cereal -- I have a friend who lost 15 pounds when he gave up cereal. If you love the stuff, it's so easy to eat massive quantities without realizing it.

Good idea about warming food. Another tip I read someplace is to eat food that cues a "meal" rather than a "snack" because it's more psychologically satisfying. e.g., eat half a sandwich instead of a bowl of pretzels.

Also -- about exercise -- I'm curious about the connection between exercise and weight loss. Seems to me, from what I've read, that while exercise helps keep your weight stable and maintain weight loss, it doesn't help you lose weight unless you train VERY hard. That rings true to my experience.

I do weight-training twice a week, yoga once a week, go to the gym for cardio once or twice a week, and do a fair amount of walking (I love NYC). But I see exercise more as an aid to mood, relaxation, sleep -- I don't have any hopes for weight loss. Gina Kolata's book (what's the title) was interesting on the topic of exercise.

Were we separated at birth? You adore all the 'foods' I do. Cereal breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yummy frozen yogurt - it is good for you, right?? Candy - oh blessed candy. Yes, I am working on my eating habits as well. I like the idea of giving it up for a month.

Great article, these tips are great. Everyone has an opinion and I am certainly no different. I would like to add a few overlooked aspects of dieting.

The real point of dieting is not about dieting. We all have reasons we diet and it is not about what we look like or how healthy we are. When looked into a little deeper, we could find that both health and looks are psychological. (Health = fear of death, looks = equal fear of not having others approval) We can manipulate our diets, starve ourselves of food, exercise until we shave that last "three pounds" and will still possess the same emotional issues that were the cause of bodily issues.

Deprivation of self (including diets and the comforts to the mind they provide) will never give positive the necessary positive reinforcement our brain needs to be healthy. There is no struggle with a person that is happy internally, only the drive to live whole.

While I realize there are as few as 2% of people that actually live this way, this is not a reason to continue to live with the product of a dysfunctional (weight issues) and not search for the answer internally.


Site for mind, body and soul!

http://progressyourlife.com

Great article, these tips are great. Everyone has an opinion and I am certainly no different. I would like to add a few overlooked aspects of dieting.

The real point of dieting is not about dieting. We all have reasons we diet and it is not about what we look like or how healthy we are. When looked into a little deeper, we could find that both health and looks are psychological. (Health = fear of death, looks = equal fear of not having others approval) We can manipulate our diets, starve ourselves of food, exercise until we shave that last "three pounds" and will still possess the same emotional issues that were the cause of bodily issues.

Deprivation of self (including diets and the comforts to the mind they provide) will never give positive the necessary positive reinforcement our brain needs to be healthy. There is no struggle with a person that is happy internally, only the drive to live whole.

While I realize there are as few as 2% of people that actually live this way, this is not a reason to continue to live with the product of a dysfunctional (weight issues) and not search for the answer internally.


This sounds very much like the No "S" diet

There are just three rules and one exception:

* No Snacks
* No Sweets
* No Seconds

Except (sometimes) on days that start with "S"

http://www.nosdiet.com/

check it out

Great Tips, My biggest help has been staying away from bread and sweets until I am backed into a corner. Then I devourer it with great joy. Lost 40 pounds so far and was able to maintain it by working out and staying off regular soda and sweet drinks. Thanks

-doozieUp
http://doozieUp.com

It's not obsessive to worry about three pounds. I weigh six more pounds than my "ideal," and while wanting to lose that (eventually) may sound vain or frivolous since I am currently at a healthy enough weight, six pounds can mean a lot. Six less pounds when you have arthritis means many more pounds less of stress on your knees. Even three less pounds can be good for all kinds of reasons. There is a strong correlation between one's ideal weight and good health (and I don't agree that health always equals fear of death), so three pounds is a worthy goal, however vain it may seem. Anyway, here's my dietary tip: Type 2 diabetes runs in my family, and I had gestational diabetes, so I eat and exercise pretty much as if I already have diabetes. That's my way of dealing with genes. Controlling blood sugar and weight also helps with risks for dementia. So...not all thin people want to be thin to be like models in magazines, and we're not all anorexic. We just want to be healthy as we age (gracefully). Here's a cookbook that I like: "Decadent Desserts for Diabetics." Why not eat right before you have to (or else)?

Sorry. I hate this kind of thing. Just ends up making me feel deprived of any FUN foods. Read "Intuitive Eating" by Tribole and Resch and get rid of diets forever. I did and I couldn't be HAPPIER.

I know everyone's different when it comes to how they manage their diet and their weight. I commented on yesterday's post that forgetting all of it and just practicing moderation and staying active is the best approach. Well, it's the best approach for me anyway.

I'm commenting today to give one last piece of advice - throw away your scale! Focus instead on how you feel and learn to listen to your body. I know I can always tell when I'm a few pounds over my "ideal" or natural weight, and I don't need a scale to tell me that. When I owned a scale, I tended to obsess about the number. Especially as women, our weight fluctuates throughout the month and during the different seasons as well. Lose the number and focus on how you feel.

Hmmm. Sounds a lot like a diet!

I don't do diets, personally. With a history of anorexia, I tend to go a little "overboard."

What works for me is the mantra, "I LOVE my beautiful body."

Even if I have a few extra pounds on it one month to the next, it is the only body I've got, and I might as well appreciate it. It works perfectly 90% of the time, and the other 10% it's usually my behaviors or thoughts that make it work less perfectly.

One thing necessary for the mantra to work: you have to really know and understand what's right for you. First off, the fake foods thing is important to peek at. Processed and bleached foods just aren't good! Whole foods, on the other hand, are wonderful!

Moderation, moderation, moderation. If you love your beautiful body, you would treat it as though you were body-sitting for your best friend. You would make sure you gave your best friend's body the right amount of sleep, sunshine, and movement. You'd want to give it the fuels that make it feel best.

When you spend so much time focusing on what's right, it leaves little room for what's not right.

The thing for me is, though, that if I focus on No This or No That, it makes me want them more. So instead, I focus on what's right, which is moderation.

About those three pounds:

If every time one gained 3 pounds, they cut back for a a week or two, then they would never reach the the much harder and less healthy point of having to face losing dozens of pounds.

And I like scales. Sometimes if I am considering over indulging, I remember the pleasure I get from seeing the scale where I like it to be. When I go by my clothes or just how I feel I am likely to kid myself that the pants shrunk or that I'm just in a bad mood.

Im very sad to read this blog post. This blog is about happiness and seeking your happiness, not about beating yourself up over eating more than one bowl of cereal.

Which of your commandments are you breaking to do this?
1. Be Gretchen. Gretchen is you, and attempting to deny yourself things to be *more* you seems counter productive.

2. Let it go. Your previous post said it was three pounds. Let it go.

6. Enjoy the process. Are you enjoying the process of worrying about a small amount of weight? Or the "small" things that you have set out to write about?

9. Lighten up. Stop worrying, learn to love your body and what it does for you, and who the heck cares about a few extra pounds?

12. There is only love. Love. Love your body, and you will not care about what the scale says.

There are a few things I don't get about your approach here.

Labeling your as yet untested & unproved diet plan as "tips" is kind of weird. Have they worked for you yet? Stranger still is your title for the plan in general: Eat Very Right. What does that even mean? Obviously, eating very right is a relative thing, which is why there are so many different books and plans for healthy eating.

It might be more helpful to come up with a strategy for people in general to employ in figuring out what Healthy Eating means to them (and how they can achieve it).

Personally, I think the only way a person can "eat very right" is through moderation. You've said you agree that moderation is ideal. You've also said that you find moderation too difficult -- which I sympathize with -- so you're going to diet/pseudo-diet instead. I think you're cheating yourself out of real happiness here. Who knows, maybe the tough road to learning moderation-in-all-things is the true key to happiness.

Is this "bootcamp" plan your idea of eating very right? It seems a bit random and very unsustainable, so maybe you'd agree that it isn't. You said that you want to clean up your eating habits so you're going to try the bootcamp plan for a month. But this isn't really going to clean up your eating habits, is it? Or do you hope that some of the tactics you're employing this month will stay with you in the months to follow, and therefore dieting for a month will improve your eating habits in general? It doesn't seem likely that a temporary plan would actually fix anything long-term, but I guess that remains to be seen.

For me, the phrase "eat very right" sounds like the perfectionistic black-and-white kind of thinking that helps people control their own behaviour when they want to align with a certain mode of thinking. You want to eat a bit less, and less impulsively, so you make a plan and say that it represents the Very Right Way of Eating. Thinking about it in those terms, you create Right and Wrong foods where they don't really exist (there is nothing intrinsically wrong with bread). This helps you avoid foods you think you should avoid, but weren't avoiding before, even if they made you feel a bit guilty.

Saying that there is a Right Way and a Wrong Way turns the guilt up a notch or two, and helps you stop and re-examine your behaviour. However, it will only truly work if you deeply believe that your plan is The Very Right Way (and that having a treat is therefore truly Wrong).

Chances are, you don't think that. Why? Because, for most people, the act of a single indulgence (ie., eating a frozen yogurt) is morally neutral and inconsequential. Honestly, what are the practical consequences of that one indulgence? Minuscule to none. What is the moral failure in one indulgence? None.

Which is why we tend to view a history or a speculative future of excess as being a moral failure (as being Wrong): because we're considering the impact of *too much* indulgence. But we can't dredge up that kind of feeling about separate instances of indulgence (especially when you're about to indulge in it). Nor should we: I think this is evidence of moderation's proper place as the ideal goal.

If you've eaten three yogurts a day, you might think it's "too much", but when you're going for that third yogurt, you also think "there's nothing wrong with having this now, it won't hurt." And both views have a claim to validity.

So moderation is difficult. But you might find that arbitrarily labeling a single indulgence as absolutely Wrong doesn't work either.

(You can experiment with this. Pick something you actually believe is wrong---like, for example, lying. Now focus on avoiding lying at all times. If you believe it's wrong, you should do well. But what about white lies, the morally ambiguous ones? Try avoiding them too, and listen to your inner dialogue. Are you telling yourself they're not really wrong? And what do you authentically believe about it? How successful are you at avoiding white lies when you think they're not really so wrong?)

Anyway, having worked this out, I suppose my first step towards moderation would be identifying what I truly think is over-indulgence, and setting a reasonable limit which, if I felt tempted to exceed, I would honestly consider to be a moral failure (keeping in mind that the 'moral failure' of over-indulgence is seemingly small and hard to pin down, akin to watching too much television or being too unproductive). Then, when tempted, I could remind myself of what I truly believe is over-indulging, and my heart & soul should respond very positively to that. It might be hard to figure out where the over-indulgence limit lies, but if you keep experimenting you're bound to work it out.

You really, really, have to be honest with yourself here. Don't trick yourself, be Gretchen. Do what you honestly think is right, and you'll do well.

If you just want to cut calories and lose 3 pounds no matter what, then be real about it. Don't pretend it's about good eating or learning to be satisfied with yourself, or "being Gretchen." And be prepared to yo-yo diet.

Yeah, it is better to quit cold turkey then to face temptation frequently. Besides, Tasti D-Lite isn't real food.

My problem is that sometimes I'm too tired to "Cook Right". It is rather troublesome to wash leafy vegetables (e.g. watercress), so I end up just microwaving a burrito for dinner. (Has anyone invented veggie-washer machine yet?)

My solution is to wash all the produce the day I bought them, and store them in neat boxes in the fridge. It's gotten a lot easier to "eat right" after I made this little change.

Keeping the food journal has buoyed my between meal resolve to stop snacks.
After supper is a big killer for me.
Lately I am moving my meal time a bit later to help with evening snacks.
Also - having a plan is the best. I always over do it when I don't plan ahead. Oh yeah, let's eat a bag of popcorn and watch that movie. :) then pow, I wind up eating most of it -
I love this list thanks GR

To some of the posters above- things are what they are and nothing more. The lady wants to lose 3 pounds, because she wants to lose three pounds. Getting happiness from being thin and having a hot bod is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes me happy and makes me more social.

I hear ya Gretchen, with the moderation vs abstinence. If i have one piece of chocolate, i will most likely have...say 20 more. Moderation is not really something I can do with sweets or chips. So here are some tips from me.

1) No taking candy/sweets from the candy bowls ever
2) Snack a lot and remain at all times satiated (yogurt, fruit, fat free pudding, cereal)
3) sugar free and skim with everything that is available (the calorie savings are amazing)
4) Get your heart going EVERY DAY for at least 20 minutes (jump rope, lightly jog etc.). I am much less likely to fall off the wagon if I have exercised.
5) Never buy junk food but....if it is offered, take it. That is my big thing...if someone offers me something, or there's a free sample, or its someone's b-day at work. I MUST TAKE THE FREE FOOD. So I never buy myself my own treats...but if there is an offer, i take it (i think this is the 3rd world in me!). It doesnt happen as often as you'd think...especially when you eliminate all treats from your life.
6) tons of water
7) plans- if i know i have to be somewhere or am going out (esp when you have to dress up) i am more prone to eat right and exercise.

I follow a raw food diet, and I have found the #1 thing that made it easy for me to give up junk food was learning exactly what it did to my body.
I used to eat 4-5 chocolate bars a DAY. I NEVER thought I could give up sugar completely - the most I ever did before was 4 weeks and then of course I treated myself to chocolate. It never stuck.
I have not had refined sugar since January now, except minute amounts on a couple of occasions that I've eaten something cooked like curry or ketchup with yam fries. Cutting out the sugar has been the most important thing I've done for my health and well being.
Being vegan and raw I've lost 22 lbs this year and I have not exercized either, though I have more energy and am generally more active.

So yeah...learning what it does to you really helps.

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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