Happiness interview with Marci Alboher.

From time to time, I post short interviews with interesting people about their insights on happiness. During my research, I’ve noticed that I often learn more from one person’s highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies.

Today’s interview is with Marci Alboher. Marci has brilliant insight into how to navigate the world of careers to achieve both the most success, and also the most happiness. I know Marci, and she is truly someone who practices everything she preaches. A mutual friend of ours told me, “If Marci suggests that you do anything for your career, DO IT. She’s never wrong.” And in fact, she has given me many pieces of useful advice, all of which I've followed slavishly, to my great benefit.

She writes about work in her excellent New York Times blog, Shifting Careers, all about the changing nature of work. Her book, One Person, Multiple Careers, is a fascinating look at “slash” careers and how people manage to move from one career to another -- something that is happening more and more frequently.

Marci has done a lot of thinking about happiness, especially about the relationship between work and happiness.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Marci: Talking a long walk in the early morning hours.

Gretchen: What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?
Marci: That people really do have a natural happiness setpoint, and that I am one of the lucky ones in that I generally wake up each day able to see the light, even in life's darker moments.

Gretchen: Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Marci: Eating or drinking things that don't agree with me -- like coffee and red wine.

Gretchen: Is there a happiness quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
Marci: I don't really remember quotes and call upon them when I need them, but the quote I chose for my high school yearbook -- from the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young anti-war song, "Wooden Ships," still works for me:
“If you smile at me, I will understand, because that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language."

Gretchen: If you're feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
Marci: I wake up very early, go outside, and take a long walk. This works wherever I happen to be, but it's especially effective when I'm near the water. When I'm at home in New York, I walk near the Hudson River every morning, and when I'm near a beach, nothing beats a barefoot walk on the sand. Music also has the ability to transform my mood, so listening to something upbeat during my walk can instantly clear my head and take me somewhere else.

Gretchen: Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
Marci: As you've written about so many times, I believe that negative memories tend to have a tendency to linger -- so it's important to do the work of celebrating and memorializing the positive moments. When I see people recognizing achievements and milestones they want to remember, it reminds me to do the same. Taking and sharing photographs seems to be one of the easiest way to do this. I don't have especially vivid memories of my early childhood years -- but I do remember any event where there are photos documenting it or where there is an often-told story around it.

Here's where technology can help us. My brother lives in Florida and he has a son that I don't see nearly as often as I'd like to. Each day, my brother takes a photo of my nephew, usually doing something silly like covering his arms in little pieces of cheese. I open the photos on my iphone wherever I am and they instantly lift my mood.

Gretchen: Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Marci: I do. I read a lot about positive psychology. I track what makes me feel good and what doesn't and try to do more of the former and less of the latter. I have done a lot of therapy to better understand myself. And of course, I read your blog every day (really). [Ah, thanks, Marci!]
One thing I have increasingly started to notice is that I'm very much affected by the people around me. So I have become fairly vigilant about avoiding spending time with people who are relentlessly negative.

Gretchen: Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn't – or vice versa?
Marci: One thing that repeatedly surprises me is that achieving a professional goal or completing a project gives me a happiness boost, but the emotional uptick tends to be short-lived. On the other hand, the daily details and rhythms of life -- like being in a strong relationship, getting regular exercise, being near my dog, keeping the fridge stocked with good ingredients so that I can cook healthy/tasty meals, doing a favor for someone -- really provide me with a deep sense of happiness. It's just like what you say, Gretchen, about how the things you do every day matter more than the things you do once in a while.

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Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[Shanel Yang]

Love the imagery of walking along the beach barefoot early in the morning! I can almost feel the sand under my feet, cold, hard and wet. Thank you for a lovely visual! : )

[Lydia]

Very enlightening. I believe tracking what makes you feel good and doing more of that sounds so simple & is very important. I am trying constantly to bring in more feel good activites & more feel good people into my life. This was very helpful!

[The Healthy Librarian]

Best take away advice from Marcie (who BTW has the BEST HAIRCUT!:

Keep track of what makes you feel good & what doesn't. Do more of the former & less of the latter.

After a crazy summer away from my usual routine--it became crystal clear what I need to keep me happy.

After 40 Days of Wandering I Learned a Few Things.

http://www.happyhealthylonglife.com/happy_healthy_long_life/2008/09/after-40-days-of-wandering-ive-learned-a-few-things.html

[linda alboher]

here is a completely unbiased opinion coming from marci's mom-(Me)..
Being around marci brings a burst of sunshine into the atmosphere.She is a unique, rare individual who enriches everyone around her...a wonderful friend, mentor, advisor and daughter!

[Angela]

Linda, I got a burst of happiness out of reading your post--it exudes a mother's love, and such love impacts those who get a chance to witness its expression. It looks like Marci may have learned a thing or two about sunshine from you. I guess one of the things that brings me happiness is to surround myself with it, from all positive sources possible!

[Clay]

I love these interviews, thank you Gretchen.

Do you notice one thing in common?

Almost all of the respondents say that they are generally people who don't often feel blue. I can't help but imagine that this may lend weight to the genetic set-point of happiness theory.

Its something I've also noticed within the realm of self help - many just seem to be people who have a natural bent towards achievement or happiness.

What then, of the hard-won happinesses? Of those who have struggled (many artists come to mind) and have finally found ways to achieve peace where there formerly was suffering?

I would be fascinated to read a happiness interview with someone who had overcome depression, or a volatile past.

But I do love these interviews, even if I secretly envy the interviewees ;-)

Clay

[Angela]

Clay, your comment was a fascinating one. I do a lot of work with youth in the foster care system, and they often ask that same question--it's ostensibly easy to be happy when no adversity is seemingly present, but how can one be happy when life has handed you a bowl of rotten apples?

I am a basically happy person who endured some hardship along the way. As a child I lived in an abusive, impoverished home with addict parents and dealt with homelessness on more than one occasion. I left this environment for good in my teens, and spent the next decade of my life with a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas and anger seething inside of me. I was angry at and jealous of everyone who had a loving family, who didn't have to work 3 jobs in college to survive, and had people in their lives who cared about their well being. I wished that I had a home to go home to, and a mom who would cook me a meal or two during final exam week. I was so alone and unhappy, and I blamed all of this on my parents. It took me so long to truly understand in my gut that happiness has almost nothing to do with my circumstances and everything to do with my interpretation of my circumstances.

A final thought--I think that people whose outsides gleam with the glow of an adversity-free life are merely figments of our own mistaken thinking; there is no such thing as an adversity-free life. The magic happens when you get past the glow and see how these seemingly carefree people learned how to be happy despite severe obstacles.

[Tom Troughton]

Very nice interview! Sometimes the simple things mentioned in the interview are often overlooked. On the blog BeClearToday we talk alot about techniques to clear the emotional obstacles and blocks to being happy.

What I really liked about the interview with Marci is that it spoke of many useful ways to fill in the time in a positive way. The same time that many people use to spend thinking about the "road blocks" that were keeping themselves from success.

I loved the interview!
TomT - http://www.BeClearToday.com

[sahmman]

So nice and inspiring both interviews; excatly the way I think.Very much similiarity in people like us who reasearch, focus, and really work in the direction of the desired wish.Or according to Mr Arrudha 'focused on my plane is landed."But people like us are hardly 10% in this cruel world.Another one with Marcy also impressed me; as she says "people affect her".yes right totally, as they effect me.And some what I am too a people person as when in bad blues always find ph.no. to call '"type of me " freind or a person , though hardly have one or two.But still miss Clay in her comment as reader has discribe very emotional feelings as really by this as i used to can bring this person close to me to see the world for me through her eyes as she has a great vision to possitive life.Very nice ideas and nature of you Ms Grubin Grechen; THANKS FOR THIS.When I talk like this as from my child hood my family used to say me as I am a philosopher , now these all look to them useless and think that myself is responsible for my unsuccessful life.But I still think my life is meaningful, successful, thoughtful, creative and awarable as the way I have raised my honours kids to give them honour as loved them always in my ugly poverty .But I am still happy as if I woild not see an autumn , how would I enjoy spring breez?