Your Happiness Project: Throw away other people’s trash.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

The subject of self-esteem is a topic that has generated a fair amount of controversy over the last few decades, but one thing seems clear: you don’t get healthy self-esteem from constantly telling yourself how great you are, or even from other people telling you how great you are. You get healthy self-esteem from behaving in ways that you find estimable.

In other words, the best way to feel better about yourself is to do something worthy of your own respect: keep a difficult resolution, meet a challenge, solve a problem, learn a skill, cross something unpleasant off your to-do list. And one of the best ways to feel better about yourself is to help someone else -- do good, feel good.

I had a friend who went through a period of tremendous rejection: she was fired from her job, she didn’t get into the graduate program to which she’d applied, and her boyfriend broke up with her. Everything worked out fine in the end, and I asked her how she got through such a tough time. She said, “I was practically addicted to doing good deeds for other people. It was the only way I could make myself feel like I wasn’t a total loser.”

I recently performed a very small action that gave me a big boost: throwing away other people’s trash. I’ve always been careful to throw away my own litter, but it never occurred to me to do anything about random litter lying around.

The other day, though, I was in the subway, where an empty Snapple bottle was rolling around to the great annoyance of everyone in the car. The bottle rolled back and forth, back and forth, and I thought, “Someone should pick that up.” Then I thought – “Someone like me! Why shouldn’t I be the one to pick it up?” So I did.

I was astonished by the surge of good feeling I got, quite disproportionate to such a minor action. I also thought I could feel a palpable wave of approval from the other people on the subway – which I was probably projecting, but which also shows the effect that my tiny good deed had on me.

Since then, I’ve looked for chances to throw away other people’s trash. In a coffee shop, I threw away the coffee cup someone left on a table. I threw away a plastic cup that was rolling down the sidewalk. Etc.

So try it yourself; throw away someone else’s trash. "Do good, feel good" is a happiness truism that really is true. Act like a considerate citizen of the world, and you’ll boost your self-esteem.

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Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[LarryG]

Another great post and interesting connection to Law of the Garbage Truck found at
(http://www.sfpnn.com/PNNs/Special2008/ps091908.htm)
over on the Positive News.

Thanks Gretchen

[Dave Z]

Nice reminder how to use #8, #3, #10 and #6.

[Debi]

I like to do this in restrooms: When the counter has water pooled up to the edge, I get some paper towels to wipe it down. I hate getting that water on my clothes and it makes me feel good to clean that up before I wash my hands to prevent others from the same irritation.

[Vaughn]

Nice work you're doing, Gretchen. Your post today reminds me of "The Work" of Byron Katie. She says something very similar to your approach to the Snapple bottle. The war is in our own brains. Take a look at her site: http://www.thework.com/index.asp I'm sure it could provide some good things for you to reflect on and share with us.

[Gwen]

I'm so happy to see you address this topic because it drives me crazy when people talk about children and teenagers with low self-esteem and seem to think that the way to fix it is to tell them how great they are and to tell them that they should feel good about themselves even if they don't do anything. I have always believed that self-esteem is something to be earned by doing your best at something, even when (maybe especially when) it is difficult.
Well, the lure of this particular soap box is strong for me and I could easily go on and on, but I'll get off it now... ;)
Just wanted to say "Hurrah! Yes! You go, girl!" ;)

[Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.]

It's amazing how simple acts like this can give us such a burst of feel-good.

I, too, find myself picking up trash or drying the bathroom counter. The bonus is that these are win-win acts.

[Vintage Mommy]

There was recently a post on unclutterer.com about a couple who boxed up the things they needed to get rid of but couldn't bring themselves to throw away. They gave the boxes to their friends to deal with! I guess the friends were then responsible for throwing away someone else's trash . . .not quite the same I know!

[thatcoolbroad]

Good post and great point! Us Cool-Broads-in-training are always looking for ways to improve our self-esteem, because people with high self-esteem are inevitably more generous and thus...more cool.

Even something as simple as holding the door open for someone can brighten my day.

xoxo
tcb

[NancyJ]

I work 3.5 hours a day in an elementary school lunchroom monitoring FIVE lunch waves. I was feeling grumbly after one day and my husband said "are you ever happy where you work?" and that got me thinking.
So the next day I went to work and every child I talked to, I did it with a smile on my face - whether I was conversing or reprimanding. I felt a shift in my relationship with them and left in a happy mood.
Everyday is not sunshine and sparkles but it's up to me to start it off that way.

[Chris]

Hi Gretchen,

Thanks for posting this great story! My name is Chris, and I work with David J. Pollay, the author of The Law of the Garbage Truck™ - Beware of Garbage Trucks™! I just wanted to stop by and let you know that you can read the original story on David’s blog davidjpollay.typepad.com I know he’d love to have you stop by!

Also check out the video of people in New York City taking the No Garbage Trucks!™ Pledge: bewareofgarbagetrucks.com. It’s pretty cool.

Thanks again!

Chris

chris@bewareofgarbagetrucks.com

[Jessica]

My husband does this! I noticed it on our very first dates. We'd be walking down the street to get to a restaurant or wherever, and he'd pick up any litter and throw it away. I was very impressed.

[Tim]

Thankyou for this post. It has taken me a long time to realize that I am gifted with ability to enjoy helping other people. This makes me sound saintly but in practice I do not let that part of me out to play nearly enough.

Like most of the things that are really inherent to me this source of joy only really becomes visible when finally act on it.

Thankyou Gretchen. Another palpable hit.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Tim -- I know EXACTLY what you mean. There is a fascinating term for what you're describing about yourself: the "service heart." I wrote about it last year.

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2007/07/the-happiness-o.html

See if this rings true for you.

[Heather]

Hi Gretchen,

I really enjoy reading your blog.

Yesterday I was out shopping and there were only a few spaces left in the parking lot. I parked in front of a space that was occupied by a shopping cart. I was naturally annoyed thinking that now that space was taken up, and why can't people return their carts to the proper place? Then I thought of your story and decided to return the cart myself. It did make me feel good as I rolled it into the store, even though I didn't need a cart.

Thanks!

Heather

[Glen Allsopp]

I'm looking forward to seeing how your happiness project is going overall (and especially your book)!

I'm trying to make happiness something that comes from within rather than something through experiences and environment.

[EscapeVelocity]

When I lived in an apartment, I used to go pick up trash in a nearby creek. Now that I live in a house, I only pick up trash from my own yard, and my feelings run more along the lines of "doesn't anybody in this neighborhood know how to raise their kids right--why do I have to live with such pigs?" than anything elevating.

[Mark Huegerich]

I enjoyed reading this article over the weekend! Today, I stumbled upon a quote that seems to go well:

"I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody."
- Lily Tomlin

Thanks for sharing your blog with the world. I'm sure it helps more people than you realize!

[Brit]

I was so delighted to see this post! This is one of my personal, occasional projects -- picking up trash. It started when I picked up a plastic bag blowing across the street as I was crossing it. It struck me as sloppy and ugly to see that thing skittering around, and I just snatched it up. I have in the past hesitated to pick up trash, fearing that onlookers might think I was weird. But I'm trying to change the message to myself, and say instead, "I hope the idea is contagious..."

[cupcake]

I always do this, especially when I am walking. It drives people who are with me crazy because they are afraid I am going to get germs or get something from touching something dirty. I figure it is good karma. It drives me nuts when people don't throw things away not to mention when there is a trash can right next to where their litter his. I never thought of this as a feel good kind of thing though; I'd always thought of it as an environmental do-gooder task. Thanks for the perspective change.

[maxy]

I always change the roll of toilet paper if it is empty in public toilets. Usually there's another one just sitting around that no one bothered to put on the holder. It always makes me feel like I'm doing something good for the world!

[Melissa]

Bravo! Another fantastic blog. I wish more people would practice this.

I've been picking up other people's trash (and straightening things out...and wiping down countertops in public restrooms and other random places...) for as long as I can remember! Besides being raised as an environmentally-conscious Girl Scout in a paradise where local ads targeted litter bugs (in Hawai'i), my mom always used to say, "Try to leave any place better than you found it." I guess that really stuck with me.

I'm also just really anal about neatness and cleanliness, so I can't help myself. :O)