Your Happiness Project: Give yourself a mental vacation, or, how to find a comfort food for your mind.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

Ever since the subprime mortgage mess began, and with the current financial crisis, many people—like me—have felt distracted and upset by the gyrations in the economy.

For some people, the anxiety is intense and relentless. If you’ve lost your job, or your job is at risk, or you’re entering the job market; if you’re planning to retire soon and your savings have taken a big hit; if you need to sell your house in a tough residential market – well, in those situations, you might find it hard to think about anything other than financial woes.

But try to give yourself a break from your worries, at least occasionally. By doing so, you’ll re-charge your battery, find it easier to stay calm and cheerful, find it easier to take action to remedy your situation -- and you’ll sleep better. But this is easier said than done.

We all suffer from “negativity bias,” that is, we react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good. Research shows one consequence of negativity bias is that when people’s thoughts wander, they tend to begin to brood. Anxious or angry thoughts capture our attention more effectively than happier thoughts.

So look for ways to pull your mind away from your worries onto positive topics. One great way is to watch a movie – preferably something funny! -- or watch a favorite TV show. Don’t muddy the experience by trying to multi-task; you’re not going to get the benefit of taking a break from your own thoughts if you’re watching Trading Places while you pay bills or fold laundy. Give yourself a proper vacation: sit down and enjoy what you're doing.

My favorite activity is reading, and when I really need “comfort food” for my mind, I read Victorian novels or children’s literature. I always re-read, too; when I’m upset, I want the comfort of knowing that I’ll love the book and that I won’t be upset by some unexpected plot twist.

I do find that some activities that are usually happiness-inducing don’t work very well when I’m preoccupied with bad thoughts. Listening to music, for example, is an extremely effective way to boost mood, but I find it too easy to start thinking about my worries when I’m listening – others might not have this problem. Similarly, although going for a walk usually cheers me up, it also gives me an excellent opportunity to brood if I’m inclined that way.

Cooking, cleaning, playing with your kids, playing video games, playing basketball – different people find different solutions. If you can find an activity that gives you exercise, gets you outside, or brings you in contact with other people, that’s especially effective.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, schedule a breather for yourself. By cheering yourself up, you’ll make yourself feel better, and you’ll also equip yourself to deal more effectively with tough situations.

Have you found a good way to give yourself a mental vacation -- or an activity that acts as a comfort food for your mind?

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I'm very interested in the issue of organ donation, and I got tears in my eyes when I read an article in yesterday's New York Post. There was a terrible fire here in New York City, and in one family, a mother, a father, and three sisters died, and a ten-year-old boy was being kept alive only on life support. A family member said, "He was our only hope. We just hope they can harvest his organs so that his organs can save somebody else's life." With so much loss, this family was still able to think about others. To sign up for the organ donor registry yourself, go here.

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Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[Shanel Yang]

Journaling is my favorite mental comfort food. But, if I don't have enough time to fully immerse myself in that, soaking a hot bath works wonders! : ) Love the funny movies tip, too! I made a list of my favorites in a post called "Laughter Is Great Medicine: 100 Funny Movies" at http://shanelyang.com/2008/05/16/laughter-is-great-medicine-100-funny-movies/

[Mark W.]

The “negativity bias” paragraph above brought to mind the focus on bad news we receive through the major media outlets. It would be nice if happy thoughts could somehow be more riveting than anxious or angry thoughts!

[EscapeVelocity]

I'm glad it's not just me. I have a hard time not brooding when I go for a walk or a run or do yardwork or housework. I suppose that's why I get so caught up in surfing the Web--it's enough mental activity that it really is distracting.

[Yield to Pedestrian]

Ok, Gretchen. My post today is for you: "Optimism is the New Black"

http://yieldtopedestrian.com/YieldToPedestrian/?p=493

I'm off to watch my comfort food: My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Happy Friday!
Amanda

[adora]

I actually think that it is okay to feel a bit sad. It is in our genes, to prevent us from making future mistakes. We should not feel obligated to cheer up immediately.

I find it helpful to face the problem head on. Identify what is beyond control and what can be controlled. Make a list. Have a plan.

This article might help:
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-happiness/200809/how-to-remain-happy-when-the-financial-world-crumbles

[Buffy]

I enjoyed this post and the quote from Jane Austen below. I have just done a post myself on how we can be cheerful and one of the things I thought of was characters in books as good examples of cheerfulness. I quoted something from A Christmas Carol about Mr Fezziwig.

I hadn't heard that about the negativity bias. I thought maybe it was just me, so it's quite reassuring to know this is a human failing. It is so important to exercise self-control over our thoughts, but it's also one of the hardest things in the world.

I have also read that the constant feed of negative news from around the world has made us all feel unduly threatened and worried.

[sema]

thanks to you for reminding me to take a mental vacation to getover my dull mood. i'm off for my evening walk to boost my mood.i am also an artist and i have created 'motivart' with quotes printed on my paintings to motivate myself and others .

[Helen Palmer]

Hi Gretchen
Been meaning to comment on your blog for ages - I think it's fab, keep up the good work :-)

Here's a link you might enjoy
http://www.trainingzone.co.uk/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=189725&d=1

Helen aka nice_cup_of_tea
http://nice-cup-of-tea.livejournal.com/

[Silviu]

I liked the comment about multi-tasking. I noticed this myself. Most of the time when I watch TV I also browse the net. It is as if my brain gets into a blender. After an hour I remember just superficial impressions and definitely I do not have the feeling of "flow", doing something that I enjoy. So after work no multi-tasking for me thank you very much. This improved my ability to be in the moment. Work is a different story though. We are supposed to be good at work related multi-tasking, aren't we?

[jenny]

great post - thanks for the reminder to get my mind off my brooding. When I"m in a really -ve mood, I can be sitting in a group of people (eg church!) and still be brooding. pah!

Will check our you readers' links, too.

I wondered Gretchen, have you written or considered comparing yourself with others? I find this is a poison that kills what joy I've been able to grow in my mental garden. Whether it's people I know, people I used to know, or complete strangers. I can really bring myself down. A lot of the time I don't even want what they have - I want my version of it, or I don't even know what I want. I just feel bad that "they" seem to know what they want and have gone out and got it. Any thoughts?

[Molly Brown]

I meditate. Pure and simple. Twice a day, usually for at least 45 minutes each time. This provides me the space NOT to react, or at least to be aware that I am reacting (or about to react). Someone somewhere once said, we can't control life, only our reactions to it. The less we react, the happier we are, the less we suffer. The big question is, do you really want to be happy?

[R. M. Koske]

When I'm just generally down, my mental vacations are much like yours - light TV (teen-romances like you find on the Disney channel and fantasy movies are some of my favorites) and re-reading old favorites. Knitting helps, too.

I did accidentally stumble on something that really helps when I'm actively upset, though it takes a bit of time to get the necessary elements in place. I recite poetry from memory. I started making an effort to memorize poems about ten years ago. I've only got a handful memorized, and some of them have holes where I've let my recollection slip, but nothing stops racing, frantic bad thoughts like reciting a poem or two. I suspect it is the "reciting from memory" that makes it work, not the poetry, and it really needs to be something with a bit of length to it - The Walrus and The Carpenter by Lewis Carroll or Soliloquy of a Spanish Cloister by Robert Browning are about the right size.

[Paige]

I just had to comment today. I am an organ donor and I feel very good about this. In NY State they now print "organ donor" on your license with a small red heart.

My mind comfort food is my Real Simple or Oprah magazine and a hot cup of tea. :)

Love the happiness project! I have initiated some of your ideas/activites in a course I teach for college students. You are great!

[MJ]

Walking used to be my stressed-out rumination time, so I hear you there, but you can fight that by using the Zen trick of counting breaths (and going back to #1 every time you get off track) or otherwise keeping the mind in line. Or maybe we just need to get stuff out, rather suddenly some months ago I stopped ruminating completely and now the walks are peaceful. Could have been the counting, or restarting a meditation practice. So the peaceful walk time can be saved and brought back.