Your Happiness Project: Enjoy the fun of failure.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I’m very competitive, and also insecure, and I hate, hate, hate the feeling of failure -- but I know that failure is a necessary part of creativity, of risk-taking, of aiming high. If I’m not failing, I’m not trying hard enough.

So one of my happiness-project resolutions is to “Enjoy the fun of failure.” I really think that repeating this idea over and over has helped me to be more light-hearted about taking risks.

According to the First Splendid Truth, to be happy, we should think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. Happiness research confirms that people get a big boost from learning new skills and from novel experiences, which provide that atmosphere of growth. The downside is that these activities also expose you to failure, which is unpleasant -- but if you try to avoid failure, you may avoid challenging yourself in ways that would provide an atmosphere of growth.

Take my monthly newsletter (see below). I realized that I’d developed a vague dread of sending it out. Applying the Eighth of my Twelve Commandments, “Identify the problem,” I asked myself: “Why am I dreading sending out my newsletter? It should be fun, this is the kind of thing I enjoy doing!”

I identified the problem: I did enjoy doing the newsletter, but each time I sent it out, a few people unsubscribed, and that made me feel bad. Which is ridiculous. Thousands and thousands of people subscribe, of course a few people are going to unsubscribe! “Enjoy the fun of failure,” I reminded myself. If I allow myself to become too upset by a few unsubscribers, then I might quit doing the newsletter. Having some failure is the price of accomplishing anything.

So allow yourself to enjoy the fun of failure.

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I love reading Ben Casnocha's blog -- especially because Ben was one of the first people I met in real life after meeting him in blogland. I was so astonished when he actually turned up as a physical person. As a sidenote, he is the single best networker I have ever met, and without any of the jerky qualities that heavy networkers, alas, often have.

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As I mentioned above, I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

I promise to try not to feel bad if you "unsubscribe" later.

Comments

[Adam Steer, Momentum Wellness]

I used to get all worked up about opt-outs from my newsletter too. Then I read an article by Seth Godin about catering to your "true fans." After that, I was able to re-frame the opt-outs as separating the wheat from the chaff and shedding those people on the list who weren't ever likely to truly join the community anyway.

Cheers,
Adam

[Paua]

Another angle: you never know why people opt out--they may have reasons that have nothing to do with the quality of your creation.

I unsubscribed to your newsletter this month! And the reason is that it pretty much covers the same ground as your blog, which I read faithfully every day. The extra thing in my inbox just felt like clutter.

So it was, in fact, my loyalty that caused me to unsub, not my aversion to your newsletter. Hope that gives you a slightly different perspective!

[laura novak]

great post... I also send newsletters and have had a hard time not holding personal resentment against those unsubscribers! Too funny. It's feels so personal, even though it's not.

Meanwhile, I am checking my employee's email while she is on her honeymoon right now and I keep unsubscribing to everything not business related she gets emailed. So it could technically just be the mean boss!

[HeatherSmedley]

Love your blog Gretchen! I too read it everyday. Not to worry about the unsubscribers...after all you can't please everybody and there are those that it is better NOT to please. Just keep your eyes on the positive of all those subscribers and keep on "finding the fun".

[Katybeth]

Isnt it mostly about the process anyway? You can only fail in the result--which is often the least important part of whatever was trying to be accomplish.

Thank you!

[robin]

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
-Samuel Beckett

I think I too unsubscribed at one point, to subscribe to the RSS feed instead. Take heart!

[trace]

I have contemplated unsubscribing as well. As with others, only because I follow your blog religiously.

I would suggest (as if you asked for help) that you put some fresh content in each newsletter. You could write a bit on how your postings and experiences of the month contributed to your experiment.

I have unsubscribed to your email feed to use Google feed, which has helped with the clutter. Take heart in the fact that you may not be loosing as many readers as you think. They may just be "identifying the problem" of too much clutter.

I love reading your blog. . As I am starting up my own little blog, I am constantly surprised at the ideas I am basing on your work. I recently saw your article and picture in REAL SIMPLE, and I pointed you out to my husband. "I know her!" Well, not really, but I feel deeply connected to your project. Thank you.

[Paige]

I have to re-interate what "trace" said...I originally found you in Real Simple and I follow your blog every day. When I see your photo, I'm like... OH that's Gretchen and she is a NY writer!

You are FAR from a failure. Pointing out how we can learn from them is a great thing. You are great and I love the Happiness Project!

[Lisa]

I just wanted to chime in on what has already been said - I was thinking about unsubscribing only because I read each one of your posts hot off the press; while the newsletter is great for some people, it is redundant for me. I love your blog! Cheers and sunshine to you for your honest and fabulous insights to happines!!

[Gretchen Rubin]

Wow! Talk about re-framing! I will never look sadly at my unsucribers again, now I will imagine them as possible ardent fans.

Thanks so much for your kind words. And also for all the reminders of why it is, indeed, FUN to fail.

[jane]

I don't really understand the point of an email newsletter in the age of RSS feeds. To me, it would make more sense to post a best-of entry once a month with a summary and set of links. I was confused with all your links to subscribe to a newsletter because it seems like an arcane concept. That said, I'm a loyal reader and enjoy your thoughts and I understand that not everyone uses the web the way I do (obviously). :)

[Lance]

I am very interested in the achievement of happiness. I have read many book and done research on the pursuit of happiness. I believe what you are referring to in regards to your mother's newsletter is Flow. Flow is the ability to participate in activity that is perfect for you in regards to difficulty and ease. If you can find this flow in a newsletter or sports etc you will find happiness follows.

[Wendy]

Hi gretchen, me too I read via google and feel no need to subscribe to a newsletter. That doesn't mean I'm not interested!

and @ laura novak - I'm so glad I'm not your employee. I'm not sure where you are located (it sounds like a socialistic way of working) Being Dutch this sounds to me like an absolute no-no. You could tell her to unsubscribe, not actively do it.
Anyways, while you're unsubscribing, just keep in mind that people get their biggest inspiration and best breakthrough ideas by combining completely unrelated subjects into something new - you might be killing your business here. Though of course I don't know what she was subscribed to :)

[gorgeousophie]

Just to say the same as Paua (?!) comment 2 Gretchen...I adore your blog, read it every day and get withdrawal symptoms when you are away ;o) But I did expect the Newsletter to be very different from the blog - any chance you could do that?!Thank you!

[Richard Fenton]

Any interest in being interviewed for a documentary on failure and rejection?