What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Your Happiness Project: Read the instruction manual.

InstructionmanualI’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I was cruising around on one of my very favorite blogs, the fabulous Unclutterer, and I saw a terrific post that caught my eye, Five Classic Clutter-Busting Strategies. It was the admonition to read the instruction manual that really resonated with me. As often happens when I stumble across an important idea, I only realized its brilliance later, but as I've reflected on the advice to “Read the instruction manual,” I've realized that it’s extremely important, both literally and figuratively.

I’m often frustrated by devices, and I have to go to great efforts not to let my irritation infect my mood. But when I read that post, I realized that a big part of the problem is that I never take the time to read the manual! We recently had to replace our dishwasher, and I feel frustrated by its obscure buttons—but why haven’t I taken the time to read the directions? From now on, when I get a new gizmo of any kind, I’m going to push myself to read the instructions carefully. Why should I expect to operate something without learning anything about it?

But “reading the instruction manual” is also good advice on a metaphorical level. One of my happiness-project resolutions is to “Ask for help,” and I’m always struck by the fact that 1) I find this surprisingly difficult to do and 2) whenever I do ask for help, it’s hugely beneficial. Turns out that getting instructions makes things easier!

Another way to “read the instruction manual” is to give ourselves the time we need to prepare and set up. After all, the reason we skip reading instructions is that we want to jump in and start doing something immediately, without taking the time to prepare. How many of us have been aggravated by the amount of time we have to spend planning a child’s birthday party, packing for a trip, or setting up a presentation? It’s easy to stint on the “unessential” beginning stages of a task. “Read the instruction manual” is a reminder not to begrudge the time and energy spent on preparation.

Have you had any experiences – good or bad – with "reading the instruction manual"? It’s a mystery to me why I’m so reluctant to do this, but I certainly resist.

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There’s a terrific new blog on Razoo.com, which is a site devoted to helping people plan, track, and implement their charitable giving. I was particularly interested in the recent post, Six Tips for Raising a Charitable Child, which has a lot of specific, helpful suggestions.

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I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.


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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

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