Happiness interview with Ben Casnocha.

From time to time, I post short interviews with interesting people about their insights on happiness. During my study of happiness, I’ve noticed that I often learn more from one person’s highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies. I’m much more likely to be convinced to try a piece of advice urged by a specific person who tells me that it worked for him or her, than by any other kind of argument.

This interview is with blogger, author, and entrepreneur-since-age-12 Ben Casnocha. I have an especially fond feeling for Ben, because he was one of the first people I met in real life after meeting him in blogland – I was flabbergasted when he actually turned up as real person, looking just like the photo on his site.

What’s astonishing to me is that Ben is only twenty years old, and a full-time college student, and yet he seems to be everywhere and doing everything. For example, he has started two companies, wrote a terrific book, My Start-Up Life: What a (Very) Young CEO Learned on His Journey Through Silicon Valley, and speaks and consults. He has a very popular blog, Ben Casnocha, and a large readership for his newsletter.

If you read his stuff, you know that he does a lot of thinking about happiness.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Ben: Stimulating, soulful, laughter-filled conversation.

Gretchen: Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Ben: Dwelling on a negative thought that seems to just cycle through my head. Wish I had better mind control so I could say to myself: "Accept thoughts on X, deny thoughts on Y." The passage of time, I've found, is the only reliable way a negative thought flushes out of my system.

Gretchen: Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve find very helpful?
Ben: I collect tons of quotes and mantras. One I read yesterday I liked: "The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable." - Martin Buber. Not sure it's my ultimate mantra, but it's a good one. I spend most of my cycles trying to figure out why things work they way they do, and I need to remind myself that some things just *can't* be rationally, logically explained.

Gretchen: If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
Ben: Treadmill and push-ups. Talking to family and long-term friends. And trying to cheer other people up (in the process, I cheer up myself).

Gretchen: Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy -- if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
Ben: I'm more even keeled. I think I have a high set point. But, the past few months I've felt more funks than usual, and while it has been difficult I think hitting lower moments makes you appreciate the highs more. How am I dealing with it? Confronting the unhappiness directly and moving swiftly to eliminate what I see as the causes -- the events, people, things, etc -- from my life. And trying to be at peace with the fact that life is cyclical and some days / months / years will be better than others.

Gretchen: Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Ben: I think about it / work on it. If you don't actively think about it, you outsource what it means to others, like the media, and they tend to promote a materialistic conception of the word. So I do think it's possible to pursue happiness without ever really knowing what it means, or without ever thinking you'll actually *arrive*.

Of course, one of the main ways I think about happiness is by reading the blog The Happiness Project. Have you heard of it? Some great stuff there. :)

*
This probably relates to the happiness of very few people other than myself, but I was happy to see John Tierney's Tips From the Potlatch, Where Giving Knows No Slump. Many, many years ago, on my lunch hour, I saw a diorama display on potlatch in the National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C. -- and for years after, I was obsessed by the question, "Why do people destroy their own possessions?" (It is rare and beautiful to be obsessed by a question that way.) I wrote a paper about it in law school, I wrote a bad novel about it, and finally I got a chance to write a short book about it, Profane Waste, with my friend, photographer Dana Hoey. I will never tire of the mystery of potlatch.

*
New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog's feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner of my blog.

Comments

[Jay]

Great interview. I really related to having those negative thoughts that swish around our heads without any resistance. Ben mentioned time being the big factor in eliminating these thought; I would like to add that the time will be less substantial if you acknowledge the thought and then push it to the side, or replace it with a happy thought! Thanks Gretchen

[TasterSpoon]

I'd never heard of potlatch before and find it fascinating - thanks for the link! The destruction of valuables merely to show off horrifies me, but I sympathize strongly with the pleasure of giving.

My family agreed that there would be no presents exchanged this year, just donations to each person's favorite charities - but I'm finding the urge to put a ribbon on something anyway difficult to resist. I'm bringing local fruits and nuts and bottles of wine instead and will enjoy spreading around some California love.

And I'm thinking about the idea in Tierney's article about giving gifts to one's enemies. They say you are more inclined to like someone when YOU do THEM a favor - I think this might be a very fruitful idea.

[AndreaC]

>I’m much more likely to be convinced to
>try a piece of advice urged by a specific
>person who tells me that it worked for him
>or her, than by any other kind of argument.

That's not just you! Check out the book Don't Believe Everything You Think by Thomas Kida -- that's a universal feature of humans and his #1 critical thinking mistake that almost everyone makes.

This podcast provides a nice overview:
http://www.pointofinquiry.org/thomas_kida_dont_believe_everything_you_think/

[Pandora]

I completely relate to exercising your way out of a negative mood - as well as talking to friends about what's bothering you. Even if you don't get the best advice - it's still helpful to discuss it.

[Steffan Antonas]

A little thought on the concept of "working on happiness". I've always considered "working on being happy" as a constant push to balance 3 things simultaneously - (1) My health, (2) my sense of purpose, and (3) the quality and depth of my relationships. If you think about it, everything in your life fits into one of those basic categories, and if any of them are out of whack, happiness (or self esteem, rather) wanes. They are the holy trinity of happiness and optimizing that balance for yourself is the key. If you think about happiness this way, it's always easy to tell what you need to work on when you're UNhappy - you just look to the trinity and ask, where am I out of balance?