“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” --Carl Jung
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Gretchen:
The Jung comment is, I think, apt. My own observation is that we are most irritated by the personality traits in others which are major in our own lives. We get irritated with them because, truth be told, we're irritated with ourselves. Paying attention to what irritates us about others can tell us a lot about our own faults and knowing our faults is an important first step toward making changes in our lives.
Mark
Posted by: Mark Daniels | December 06, 2008 at 11:54 PM
That Jung quote makes me CRAZY because I know it's absolutely true!
Posted by: Debi | December 07, 2008 at 12:13 AM
Hmm... this looks like a True Rule to me!
Posted by: Mark W. | December 07, 2008 at 07:55 AM
I do like the Jung comment, but not because I think others are a mirror to our own selves. I'm in the process of withdrawing from a relationship with a passive aggressive person. I like to be direct (I find it makes life less confusing) and I've learned a lot in the two years I've been involved with this person. Their refusal to resolve things directly and cleanly has driven me crazy. I'm not passive aggressive so this quote can't be limited to seeing ourselves in someone else's irritating habits or conduct. What I've learned from this irritating person is that I need things to be upfront, I need a friend who means what they say and I need genuine closure when something has been resolved. I understand myself better when I look at what irritates me, but that irritation isn't always a mirror. Sometimes it's a map and sometimes it's a dictionary.
Posted by: rose | December 07, 2008 at 09:00 AM
I totally agree with Rose's comment. Jung's statement means more than seeing ourselves mirrored in others, but that an understanding of what irritates us can be evaluated as to whether it is a true issue to us or not. It can also show areas where we need to improve patience and tolerance, when we are too easily irritated.
Posted by: amy | December 07, 2008 at 11:19 AM
I can't say that it's always true, but I've also found that the tings we say to another that they do that they shouldn't...are what we do. I say "we" not just because I write funny; I first noticed that on more than one occasion a close co-worker or friend, if we had a frank airing of grievances would "grieve" at me my exact grievance of them. This made me aware of it and gradually I realized that the things I wanted to tell my husband that he was doing that he should stop...were things that I was doing. It's not always true, but frequently enough that I've found it's a very accessible way to get true insight into my own, uh, foibles.
Posted by: paprikapink | December 07, 2008 at 12:51 PM
I never understood this quote.
For example, there's a student in my class who recently dyed his hair and eyebrows black. I've noticed that he's checking his hair out on any reflective surfaces, such as blank computer screens, blank tv screens, the clear plastic cover of his cell phone, and the clear plastic sleeve in his binder where he could place his student id card (but leave it out so that he has a reflective surface). I notice how he does this every school day of the week.
And, with this quote, I'm left thinking how in the world does my irritation of this student doing this so very often reflect me.
Posted by: Jon | December 07, 2008 at 08:45 PM
The irritation arises from us. There is a seed of it there. It is definitely something to observe, something thats foundation was laid early on in our lives. The irritation doesn't come from outside of us..it comes from within us. It is in a sense growing in us, and when triggered, if one hasn't given oneself space to be with it, will react to it. It definitely teaches us about our ego.
Posted by: molly | December 08, 2008 at 12:20 PM
So true. "What we react to in others, we create in ourselves." Earhart Tolle
Posted by: Fitness Surfer | December 08, 2008 at 05:21 PM