What Started Me Thinking

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Happiness quotation from Carl Jung.

Jung“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” --Carl Jung

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Comments

Gretchen:
The Jung comment is, I think, apt. My own observation is that we are most irritated by the personality traits in others which are major in our own lives. We get irritated with them because, truth be told, we're irritated with ourselves. Paying attention to what irritates us about others can tell us a lot about our own faults and knowing our faults is an important first step toward making changes in our lives.

Mark

That Jung quote makes me CRAZY because I know it's absolutely true!

Hmm... this looks like a True Rule to me!

I do like the Jung comment, but not because I think others are a mirror to our own selves. I'm in the process of withdrawing from a relationship with a passive aggressive person. I like to be direct (I find it makes life less confusing) and I've learned a lot in the two years I've been involved with this person. Their refusal to resolve things directly and cleanly has driven me crazy. I'm not passive aggressive so this quote can't be limited to seeing ourselves in someone else's irritating habits or conduct. What I've learned from this irritating person is that I need things to be upfront, I need a friend who means what they say and I need genuine closure when something has been resolved. I understand myself better when I look at what irritates me, but that irritation isn't always a mirror. Sometimes it's a map and sometimes it's a dictionary.

I totally agree with Rose's comment. Jung's statement means more than seeing ourselves mirrored in others, but that an understanding of what irritates us can be evaluated as to whether it is a true issue to us or not. It can also show areas where we need to improve patience and tolerance, when we are too easily irritated.

I can't say that it's always true, but I've also found that the tings we say to another that they do that they shouldn't...are what we do. I say "we" not just because I write funny; I first noticed that on more than one occasion a close co-worker or friend, if we had a frank airing of grievances would "grieve" at me my exact grievance of them. This made me aware of it and gradually I realized that the things I wanted to tell my husband that he was doing that he should stop...were things that I was doing. It's not always true, but frequently enough that I've found it's a very accessible way to get true insight into my own, uh, foibles.

I never understood this quote.

For example, there's a student in my class who recently dyed his hair and eyebrows black. I've noticed that he's checking his hair out on any reflective surfaces, such as blank computer screens, blank tv screens, the clear plastic cover of his cell phone, and the clear plastic sleeve in his binder where he could place his student id card (but leave it out so that he has a reflective surface). I notice how he does this every school day of the week.

And, with this quote, I'm left thinking how in the world does my irritation of this student doing this so very often reflect me.

The irritation arises from us. There is a seed of it there. It is definitely something to observe, something thats foundation was laid early on in our lives. The irritation doesn't come from outside of us..it comes from within us. It is in a sense growing in us, and when triggered, if one hasn't given oneself space to be with it, will react to it. It definitely teaches us about our ego.

So true. "What we react to in others, we create in ourselves." Earhart Tolle

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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is a best-selling writer whose new book, The Happiness Project, is an account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. On this blog, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.


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