Happiness requires that I stick to this new resolution, from now on...but I'm not very happy about it.

Well, I’ve delayed as long as I could, and I’ve pretended that it wasn’t necessary, but this morning I faced the fact: I must start getting out of bed at 6:15 am instead of 6:30 am. Ouch. That’s a big, big difference.

This morning, we had a cranky morning – an unpleasant combination of dawdling and rushing -- and that kind of morning has become all too common. If everything goes perfectly, we can ALMOST get to the Big Girl’s school by the time I want to get her there. But the fact is, the morning never goes perfectly.

Two things combined to force me to recognize that I wasn’t getting up early enough. First, this morning I behaved particularly badly. I nagged, I snapped, I “talked in a mean voice.” And behaving badly just makes me more crabby, and then I act worse, and so on.

Also, a few days ago the Big Girl told me, “You know how some people arrive at school when everyone else is already sitting at their seats? That’s what I do.” My heart sank. I’m a big believer in the importance of having time to get yourself organized before school or work, so I did NOT like hearing that.

One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.” I’d been telling myself that we ran late every once in a while, but in fact, we were almost always a little late.

For years, when I just dropped the Big Girl off at school, we always ran early. Somehow, this year, I’ve been thinking that we were still early arrivers, when in fact, the need to get the Little Girl ready for school, too, has meant that we’ve been running late.

Samuel Johnson, still interesting after all these years, made a related observation:

One sophism by which men persuade themselves that they have those virtues which they really want, is formed by the substitution of single acts for habits. A miser who once relieved a friend from the danger of a prison, suffers his imagination to dwell for ever upon his own heroick generosity…so vices are extenuated by the inversion of that fallacy…Those faults which we cannot conceal from our own notice, are considered, however frequent, not as habitual corruptions, or settled practices, but as casual failures, and single lapses.

There’s a very simple solution: get up earlier. If I can get myself organized earlier, which includes time to fix my own breakfast and check my email, I can get my daughters organized earlier. Also, the Big Man usually goes to work very early, so if we’re getting ready earlier, he’ll be able to help more.

But boy, it’s going to be hard to lose those last fifteen minutes of sleep. And it also means that, because I think it’s so important to be well-rested, I’m going to have to go to sleep fifteen minutes earlier, which means just that much less time in that precious interval between my children’s bedtime and my bedtime.

Nevertheless, I have to switch to 6:15. Having a peaceful, cheery morning is just too important to happiness (here are some other tips).

Have you found any good strategies for keeping your morning serene?

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My friend, Allison Gilbert, is an Emmy award-winning journalist and author of Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents. She needs your help with research she’s doing for her next book, Parentless Parents: How the Deaths of Our Mothers and Fathers Impact the Way We Parent Our Own Children (Hyperion).

Parentless parents face challenges other parents don't. They can't to turn to their own parents for advice and guidance and they struggle to keep the memory of their parents alive for their children. As part of her research, Allison is conducting an online survey. If you’re a parent who has lost your own parents, please click below and take the survey. You can also just send it to people you know, who they can pass the link on to people they know, and so on and so on...Think of it as a Breck commercial for the survey set.

Allison is trying to get 1,000+ respondents and she needs our help!

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Comments

[Ella]

We have a similar morning. Our older one's school bus picks her up at 7:30, and we have to get the younger one ready for preschool in the same time period. 6:15 has done the trick, painful as it is.

I thought of your work a lot over the holiday weekend. I am pleased to report that I attempted to control only my own behavior in my interactions with my parents and siblings, that I stifled my impulse to criticize others, and that I went to bed angry with the Mr. last night instead of venting my feelings of annoyance - which, sure enough, had disappeared completely by this morning. So please know that you contributed substantially to the happiness of my extended family this Thanksgiving!

[Debi]

I feel your pain. I'm getting up at 5:30 and trying to work my way down to 5, but it's hard for me to get to bed early enough because it means I lose time I get to spend with hubby.

One thing we did that really helped our five-year-old pull her weight in the morning is did up a checklist for her to follow each money. I put little clip art pictures next to each thing for her to do and laminated the list so we could reuse it each morning. It really helps to keep her from getting too distracted and helps defray power struggles.

[Neats]

Having kids always complicates the process of getting out the door in the mornings.

We have it down pat after MUCH practice! Kids are creatures of routine. Here are the things that help us:

* Lay out clothes the night before, for adults and kids :-) This includes jewellery, hair ties, socks, underwear ect - put them all in the same location (special boxes for the kids work great)
* Have bags packed the night before, with notes, money, and everything that is needed the next day
* Have lunch bags made and in the fridge for kids and adults - then grab them all at once in the morning
* Always have the car full with gas - there is nothing worse than having to get gas in the morning
* Have breakfast on the table the night before - we only have cereal and toast in our house.

Prepping the night before saves you A LOT of time in the morning!

[Your Old Friend Nancy]

Is the checking of email absolutely entirely essential before the school run? I think its unpredictable nature (and resultant to-do list urgency) might add a layer of chaos you'd be better equipped to handle after returning home. And then maybe you can stick to 6:30!

[Bridget]

I really like to have some quiet time in the morning. We homeschool, so I try to have had my 2 cups of tea, breakfast and a check of my email (and also be out of my pjs!):) before getting my son out of bed Although, sometimes on the mornings when he wakes up early on his own, it's hard for me to be cheery. I do love seeing that sweet face, but I also crave that moring time to get focused.

[Juli]

Uncanny. This post could have been written by the fly on the wall in my house this very morning. It's been on my mind for a bit of time that part of the problem is I am getting out of bed at the last possible minute and it's time, for the sake of everyone's sanity, that I push the alarm back a few minutes. Thanks for the gentle nudge in the right direction. :)

[Amanda]

This is a painful subject! I'm working towards consistently getting up at 5:15 so that I can have time to work out and still get to work early so that I have precious early morning organizational time...it makes a lot of sense right now but I don't think I'll ever like it at 5:15!

[Gillian]

I totally agree with Neats. Those cues are crucial for a peaceful morning.

[Nancy]

Oh, this is such a tough one. I struggle with this too. I am *not* a morning person, but it really helps to have that extra time, if I can just get. myself. out. of. bed. No words of wisdom to offer--just a lot of sympathy!

[Jecca]

What they all said. I follow the FlyLady system (my mom's system before that, actually!) of setting everything out the night before -- everything, down to earrings, socks, underwear, with bag packed and by the door.

Something else to check, although it doesn't sound like it's a problem for you, is what time you actually get out of bed. I spent a lot of years whining/bragging about getting up 5 a.m., when I was really hitting snooze until 5:40. If I'd just gotten up when the alarm went off, I would have solved my time crunch.

How close are the girls' schools? I found that I was much more likely to be late when I had a four-mile commute than when I had a 35-mile commute, traffic notwithstanding. With the shorter commute, I had no wiggle room, and so if I tarried a minute or two, I could be doomed. Plus, I sabotaged myself by thinking, "Oh, it's so close! It only takes a couple of minutes to get there!" With the long commute, I left myself much more of a time cushion.

This morning, unfortunately, I was waylaid by tights that somehow got ruined in the wash (despite all my protective measures), a dress that had a spot on it despite being freshly dry-cleaned, and irritation from anxiety nightmares prior to waking. The good side: I realized in time that I could choose to not write off the morning, so while I wasn't chipper, I was less gloomy than I might have been in the past.

(I want to let you know that "Every day more than once in a while" is one of my favorite takeaways from your site. It really resonated with me when I first read it and has been helpful in keeping me on track in many ways, including the mundane -- but crucial -- habit of flossing.)

[LifeMadeGreat]

Hi

W"hat you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while"

This is quite a reminder! Thank you!

Juliet

[Alex Fayle]

I think you'll find once you have made a habit of the early morning, you'll enjoy it much more.

I used to hate dishes, now when I'm in a low mood and keeping a happiness log, I put washing dishes as one of the things that make me happy during the day, all because I turned it from a chore into a habit.

[Sara]

* Lay out EVERYTHING the night before.
* Pre-set the breakfast table the night before.
* Dim the lights, bright light in the morning seem to increase stress.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I've tried the setting-out of clothes the night before, but we fell out of the habit -- I'm going to try reinstating that. Thanksfully, at least for this year, I don't have to pack a lunch! What a treat, that's a chore that I didn't enjoy.

So many other good suggestions, which I'm going to try. This morning I got up at 6:15, and indeed the whole morning was easier.

I'm intrigued by the idea of dim lights. What a great suggestion! It's absolutely true that facing the glare of the lights is one of the unpleasant features of the morning. Giving up email would save a lot of time and stress, very true, but I am just too fidgety until I check my email to wait until the girls are at school.

I'm very gratified to hear that my Secret of Adulthood "What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while" resonates with other people. It was one of my big epiphanies!

[FupDuckTV]

If your kids are in school, instill a sense of responsibility on to them. They can make their own lunches, they can dress themselves, and they can make sure they are at the bus stop on-time. If they don’t like being late, they should take effort to make sure they aren’t late. Responsibility! Consequences for their actions! Perhaps you are doing too much for them. Also, why isn’t the Big Man helping out more in the mornings? Perhaps you can further along your happiness project by not coddling to your children…

[adora]

I couldn't agree more with "What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while". It is more important to make daily small changes than once-in-a-while big changes.

Are you using an alarm clock with a snooze button? I always find this invention more of a problem than solution. It offer a false sense of comfort at our weakest hours. If your alarm can't alert you again, you'd be used to getting up at once.

[Emily]

I am in the same boat, Gretchen. I should get up at 6:00 to be in my office at 7:30. I *do* get up between 6:20 and 6:45. It's tremendously awful and I have no idea what to do about it. The "Go to bed earlier" suggestion, which I do (I am almost always i bed by 10:00), bears no fruit for me.

[jenny]

i sympathise with the loss of sleep/loss of relaxation time at night, but one thing struck me in the description of your morning: do you really need to check your emails in the morning, before you leave the house to take your children to school?

[brooklynchick]

I don't have kids yet, but I feel your pain. Somehow I can never seem to leave on time. For me, having a checklist on the door is key!

Also, I have a "dawn" alarm clock (I think from Brookstone or Sharper Image) that gets light slowly for the half hour before I have to get up. I find that *how* I wake up makes almost as much difference to my morning than *what time.*

Lastly, giving up evening tv has made it much easier for BF and me to get to bed early.

[KH]

I think it's key to have a "take care of me" mindset - I learned this while my husband was deployed and I was unable, for the first time ever, to be codependent.

I started discovering which activities/habits had a lasting benefit over the course of the day. Having a morning was a big one.

My normal routine is to sleep in too late, rush through my "routine" (if you'd call it that), then leave the house late every day. When I got up earlier, I would work out to a video for at least 15 minutes, have some time to just breathe and relax, and get ready and out the door without being in a tizzy!

Since this month's FlyLady habit is to PAMPER YOURSELF (which doesn't come naturally to most of us I'm sure!), I figure this would be a great way to do it, so thanks for the extra motivation, Gretchen!