What Started Me Thinking

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

A Psychological Term I Love (and Am Guilty of): "Unconscious Overclaiming."

IcebergOne of the fun things about law school—and you thought there wasn’t anything fun about law school!—was the new vocabulary we all picked up. A new word lets you have a new idea.


I remember that after I learned the concept of “acting in reliance,” suddenly, I saw people acting in reliance all over the place. (For example, when my friend John signed a lease for a two-bedroom apartment because Michael promised to room with him, he’d acted in reliance, and so when Michael wanted to move in with his girlfriend instead, John was entitled to hold him to his word.)


I’ve picked up a useful term from psychology: “unconscious overclaiming.” It’s certainly something I’m guilty of.


“Uunconscious overclaiming” is the phenomenon in which we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other people’s. In one study, for example, when students in a work group each estimated their contribution to the team, the total was 139 percent.


This makes sense, because we’re far more aware of what we do than what other people do. I complain about the time I spend paying bills, but I overlook the time my husband spends dealing with our car. Also, we tend to concentrate our efforts in the areas that we think are important, so we think our contributions are the more valuable. You might think that getting the weekly reports finished on time is very important, while your co-worker emphasizes prepping for a presentation.


It’s easy to see how overclaiming can lead you to an inflated sense of your contribution, and from there, to resentment. Now that I’ve learned about unconscious overclaiming, when I find myself thinking, “I’m the only one around here who bothers to…” or “Why do I always have to be the one who…?” I try to remind myself of all the tasks I don’t do.


Unconscious overclaiming is related to the “Lake Wobegon fallacy,” which describes the fact that we all fancy ourselves above average. (It’s named for Garrison Keillor’s imaginary town of Lake Wobegon, where “all the children are above average.”) Studies show that most people think they’re above average in fairness, luck, popularity, investing ability, and many other traits. In one survey, 80% of respondents put themselves in the top 30% of all drivers.


I love the mere word “overclaiming.” It’s perfect for what it describes.


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A thoughtful reader send me the link to a great post, What I've Learned: Julia Child. I have my True Rules series; this is a list of True Rules from Julia Child.


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Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.


Comments

This is really perfect for American Idol's season premiere night...

True - just like most people think they are middle class!

Great post as usual :)

I think most people are guilty of unconscious overclaiming. When Al Gore invented the internet, he never imagined that anyone would check up on that patent submission.

I think the most egregious example of people falling into the Lake Wobegon effect (better than average effect) is internet dating sites. "Average" sure doesn't mean the same thing as it used to. Also, dating site's definition of the word "Athletic" means able to walk to the fridge and back without getting winded.

Great phrase. What else did you pick up in law school?

Excellent food for thought! I've been thinking that I do a lot more than my mate around the house (cooking, cleaning, etc.) but I often overlook many of the little things that he does for me.

Unconscious overclaiming, an excellent term and one that has me thinking about how it works around me. No need to look in the mirror though, I am above average after all. I fear that this term is going to stick in my head for awhile and if I deal with it honestly perhaps a bit more happiness will seep into life.

Thank you for the compelling post.

Steve Williams
Scooter in the Sticks

Oh, I'm so guilty of this, especially when it comes to household stuff. But when I remember to take off the ego-glasses and look at the world without them filtering everything I see how everything is relative.

Of course I then overclaim my ability to see other perspectives and expect everyone else willing/able to do the same.

Yes, it's a common phenomenon. The direct link with happiness seems to be missing though in this post. Even though the "above average effect" is a bias, it seems to be one that helps people to feel good (happy) by believing they're better off than most others.

Forgot to add to my previous note. The suggestion, thus, may be that we should not try to get rid of the bias. The above average effect may be good for us. Indeed, people who are not susceptible to the bias are often depressed.

"A new word lets you have a new idea." That is great! I love it! It just goes to show how important language is.

When I first started reading this post, I felt a little sad. I have an inferiority complex and I started thinking, "Geez, I'm not even as good as the crappy image I have of myself?" I appreciate the household chores example as it helped me put the post in perspective. And I came up with a term for the opposite problem: "conscious underclaiming." :)

The idea of over-claiming is interesting. I can see that we all do it. The question is though, is this a negative trait that should be watched? I'm going to have to think about this for a bit. Thanks for the post and the interesting blog.

- Dave

Oh. My. Goodness. There's a name for what I have!?! "Unconscious Overclaiming" may indeed be the perfect title for my memoir (if I ever get around to writing one-- you know, I have so much more to do than anyone else!). Well, as Shakespeare would say, "What fools [we] mortals be!" Thanks for this insight... and new terminology. I don't know yet how exactly it will help me, but I am positive that it will.

This post covers a great concept. I especially liked the mention of the survey in which 80% of respondents put themselves in the top 30% of all drivers. It should be included in the driver's education and safety classes.

Wouter makes a good point. I remember reading a long time ago of a study showing that pessimists have a much firmer grasp of objective reality than do optimists...but that optimists are happier.

And the post reminds me of another study on the flipside of overclaiming - that people who refuse to accept blame live longer than people who own up to their mistakes.

I love referencing studies I would never be able to find if I had to actually cite them!

thank you for this article, and the reminder to be humble.
blessings and continued inspiration,
CG

Great point about -- where's the link to happiness?

Probably on one level, we are made happier by having a slightly distorted sense of our contribution. Also, maybe the distortion isn't really a "distortion," but rather, a reflection of the fact that people have different values and therefore put different weight on different actions.

The happiness tie for me, which I should have made more explicit, is that I tend to over-congratulate myself and feel resentful for not feeling properly appreciated or backed up. Reminding myself that someone else could take a different view of how my contribution stacks up next to other people's is a good corrective. It reminds me to be grateful for what other people are doing and not so self-centered.

Great post, Gretchen.

It reminded me of an article I just read about rewarding employees: this kid came up with a million-dollar idea, and his boss discusses whether, and how, to reward him for it. In the process he gets into how people weigh their own value against that of others, the psychology of intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, and the like. It's short and to the point, but chock-full of interesting concepts. I bet you'll enjoy it.

http://www.inc.com/magazine/20090101/how-hard-could-it-be-thanks-or-no-thanks.html

This sounds like the George Bush address tonight.

Interesting word,

It might possibly be useful to once in a while check with 'peers at work' what they do and how you 'compare',

'On the other hand...,'

Reminds of a time a collegue showed to me how high my conversion rates compared with those of my collegues, while he was assuming that I was very interested and focussed on getting high conversions.

Strangely enough I honestly wasn't even thinking about conversion rates at all, I was just focussing on having a little fun and joy during my sales talks!

Luckely having as a Happy 'side-effect'
the biggest contribution...!!!

Talking about contributions, anybody reading this that likes to contribute comments to my "Happy Blogspots...???"

You can find the 'Main' Blogspot at:
http://hpshappy.blogspot.com

All the Best,
To your Happy Inspiration,
HP

Great post! Food for thought (guilty, as charged)...

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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is a best-selling writer whose new book, The Happiness Project, is an account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. On this blog, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.


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