How a Monk's "Vow of Stability" Applies in Ordinary Life.

A few years ago, I read Thomas Merton’s famous memoir, The Seven Storey Mountain (it was this book that led me to read The Story of a Soul, which got me started on my obsessive interest with St. Thérèse of Lisieux), about his conversion to Catholicism and his decision to enter a Cistercian monastery.

I’ve been reading more Merton lately. In The Sign of Jonas, I learned to my surprise that Cistercian monks make five vows at the time of their profession. I knew about the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but it turns out they also make vows of stability and conversion of manners.

I was intrigued with the vow of stability. This vow means that a monk stays put. Unless he’s sent somewhere else by his superiors, or gets a dispensation from Rome, a monk must remain in the monastery of his profession.

Merton explains: “By making a vow of stability the monk renounces the vain hope of wandering off to find a ‘perfect monastery.’ This implies a deep act of faith: the recognition that it does not much matter where we are or whom we live with…Stability becomes difficult for a man whose monastic ideal contains some note, some element of the extraordinary. All monastaries are more or less ordinary…Its ordinariness is one of its greatest blessings.”

When I first read this, it reminded me of – what else, marriage. Marriage is a vow of stability, made with the conviction that by committing yourself to one person, you’re better able to achieve happiness than by searching continually for the “perfect” person, and that the ordinariness that descends on it after the early exhilaration and novelty wear off is, in fact, one of its most prized aspects.

But the the vow of stability also reminds me of my favorite lines from Samuel Johnson. Quoting a Spanish proverb, Dr. Johnson proclaims, “He who would bring home the wealth of the Indies must carry the wealth of the Indies with him.” I puzzle over the meaning of this mysterious line all the time, but in this context, it suggests that the perfect monastery isn’t a place you can join, but an attitude of mind you must develop.

There’s a lesson here for happiness. It’s often tempting to think that we’d be happy if only external circumstances would change. Sometimes it’s true that some external change would make a huge difference to our happiness (some people argue that this is never true, that external conditions should never matter, but I think that’s unrealistic for most people) – but sometimes we need to embrace a vow of stability and make our happiness in the situation in which we find ourselves, instead of searching restlessly for perfect circumstances.

The vow of stability was difficult for Merton, because at least in the early days, he was tempted by the idea of joining the Carthusians – an order that has been described as a “community of hermits” where monks spend most of their time alone. As a Cistercian, he spent more time with his community than he wanted. I wonder why he didn’t join the Carthusians in the first place – does anyone know?

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Comments

[Michelle]

This post resonates with me. We've moved several times in the past 12 years, and I swear, the more time you move, the easier it gets to find flaws with each home and town and wish for the next place where "we can really settle down." I have to remind myself that there is no perfect place on earth. The phrase "Bloom where you're planted" reminds me to settle my mind and my "roots" right where I am. The marriage bit is so true as well. But that's another discussion :)

[Kaye]

Your blog came to me at a time when I needed it badly. I have been battling these past few days with little daily irritations which I thought were part of the "six-year itch". In addition to these, I have a few pressing deadlines... I find these are fool-proof ways of killing my happiness.
With your thoughts on the vow of stability, I begin to think of the bigger picture. Thank you for reminding me to embrace my "monastery life".

[kathy]

"Sometimes we need to embrace a vow of stability and make our happiness in the situation in which we find ourselves, instead of searching restlessly for perfect circumstances."

This is contentment. Some days I'm just perfect in my current circumstances and other days...
Well let's just say that I'm still a recovering perfectionist and leave it at that.

[Christopher]

While I agree with you here, don't you think there is also something to be said for spontaneity and impulsiveness to keep life fresh and yourself...happy?

[Amelia]

The connection between the vow of stability and marriage definitely rings true with me at the moment. I have been engaged for 2 and 1/2 years and have recently gone through a time where I have doubted whether or not I am happy in our relationship. This past weekend we got away from the hustle and bustle and spent some time with family in the bush and I realised that I am very happy with our relationship, but that our current circumstances are very trying, and that is one of the factors affecting my happiness in our relationship. The Zen/Buddhist concept of impermanence echoes in my mind and I realised that our circumstances will change and I now feel content that my love for him will not - marriage vows are indeed a vow of stability :)

[Yes, But Still...]

Interesting post!

This concept reminded me of some topics touched upon in Dan Gilbert's TED talk on happiness----specifically, the notion of a "psychological immune system" that protects our happiness even when we don't get what we want.

[Chris]

Normally when I see something interesting in google reader I'll tag it (eg, "infographic" or "money" or "relationship") so I can find it again. Usually one or two tags will suffice to categorize a post, but this one touches so many aspects of my life and mind I needed eight different tags. I have a feeling this post will continue to offer me advice and insight for years to come. You've posed, and answered (or at least illuminated), some very nagging fundamental questions.

[GretchenRubin]

I'm so glad this post resonated with other people.

To Christopher's point, about spontaneity and impulsiveness -- you're exactly right. Novelty and challenge are very important to happiness, and people who do new things and go new places are happier than people who don't.

So it's the trick of finding the balance (isn't that the answer to everything? sigh).

I have trouble with spontaneity, myself, and have all kinds of ridiculous resolutions like "Force myself to wander" and "Schedule play."

[Tanya]

I think this may be one of the best posts I've read anywhere. Incredible insight into something that can honestly and truly create lasting happiness in life.

[FupDuckTV]

I agree with your points about Marriage being simular to a vow of stability. I also like Christopher's point about spontaneity and implusiveness. It is all about the balance; yin and yang.

My question: Is a vow of stability a good thing in your job/career or is a healthy amount of wanderlust a good thing?

[Peter Braswell]

This is a really great article and serves as a reminder! I'm struggling with much these days, especially in the context of work and career. Whereas it's tempting to "find something else" we really need to examine our motives. Many times we find that instead of a "perfect job" we arrive at a new job only to discover the same problems in a different context. Great ideas here!

[Jacqueline Reitnauer]

This portion of your post makes me feel validated:

"Sometimes it’s true that some external change would make a huge difference to our happiness (some people argue that this is never true, that external conditions should never matter, but I think that’s unrealistic for most people)"

I am always very frustrated at people who say that you can be happy in any situation. Well that's pure bull to me! For me, I need a certain amount of time away from my cramped, dark, dusty cubicle in order to maintain my mental stability.

Still, I do realize there are many ways that one can be happy in the situation one is in, and I have implemented many coping skills in order to push myself toward that goal.

[RoyCo]

what a timely post for these most uncertain times! got some great ideas to "preach" about happiness a.k.a. Good News to the faithful immersed in and bombarded with the ill effects of global recession. how can worship be a time of respite and a source of strength/happiness to maintain stability in these most unstable times?

[Brooke]

My vow of stability is "Bloom Where You Are Planted."

[TasterSpoon]

This was a really important post (and set of comments) for me - as is your interview above with Mr. Zen habits, where he notes that focusing on the past and future is a source of unhappiness.

I know perpetual dissatisfaction and wanderlust is the main thorn in my general happiness and it's something I'm thinking about a lot.

It's been a major source of my reluctance to get engaged and, like Amelia up there, a cause of my recurring cold feet. I am with a man who's just wonderful, yet I find myself looking to the past and the unknown future and wondering whether someone else might be more wonderful. When I focus on the present I am content; it's fear that in the future I'll change my mind that upsets me.

I want to become one of these "satisficers" Gretchen talks about. I wonder whether that attitude works for "big" decisions as well as small...and whether it can be learned.

[Stephanie]

The more I live the more I realize that my own vow of stability is more about keeping my body in a place so that my mind can go further.

I hate habits, and sameness--it's dull and boring to me--which is really unfortunate because I also happen to know that it is this very stability that my mind and psyche (and body!) absolutely require in order to function at their best and have any hope of transcending that...

It's pretty crazy, really.

Thanks for a truly excellent article!

[Maria Helm]

The Vow of Stability strikes me as having another benefit. If the monks could simply go to any monastery, you might end up with a few monasteries with all the best people, and other monasteries languishing. By requiring people to stay where they start, you encourage them to improve their surroundings, and to develop their own charity/talents/service instead of simply joining someone else's.

[Doris]

While reading the first couple of paragraphs my first thought went to marriage, too! :-) Oh, the many angles we could use to look at this... What do we expect from a marriage? Should we stay even if we suffer because it might get better? When did "til death do us part" lose its meaning? When is it ok to give up hope? If we throw in the towel, we'll never know if it might have worked out with some more patience...
Generally speaking, is preference for stability a sign for fear of change? (Compare Hofstede's cultural examinations.) Where's the balance between staying the same and being open to new things? Don't a person's senses get dulled if they are subjected to the same stimuli every day, i.e. you won't even miss change anymore? After all, we do get used to everything eventually.
I'm tempted to state that I couldn't take vows of any sort. I imagine I'd end up feeling pressured and forced, which would sap the happiness right out of me. I need at least the illusion that I'm able to make choices.
Guess everyone has to decide what they're most comfortable living without, or put another way, what they appreciate most in their lives.
Interesting question, thank you! :-)

[the communicatrix]

For you, marriage; for me, Dorothy Gale and the message she learned via her travels to Oz. Happiness is right here, in your own back yard. Or not. But it is definitely not there, in that yard, or that other one, three yards over.

[wilma]

Where ever you go .... there you are.

[Liara Covert]

The vow of sability can be especially useful when you attune to your inner self. The desire to move may really mean escape, restlessness or some kind of ignorance that people are unaware of about themselves. The vow of stability discussed here is a like a promise to commit to getting-to-know oneself on new levels. A person must be willing to explore thoughts and behavior in honest self-reflection. Focus is condusive to staying put.

[Hannah Aitchison]

Of late, I've been particularly motivated to appreciating and caring for my home, right down to rearranging furniture, painting walls, re-hanging artwork and just loving it as if I'd just moved in. Yet somehow this desire to appreciate my cosy, stable environment has also made me feel as though I have a safe haven from which to explore new ideas for my work. I'm a self-employed artist and in the recent past this has led to a lot of travel, particularly in the past couple of years, which has only made me appreciate the idea of domestic stability all the more! Was it Proust that said, "Be regular and ordinary in your life, so that you may be violent and dangerous in your work"? My work certainly doesn't qualify as dangerous by any stretch, but having a lovely sanctuary from which to work has made me feel safer about taking some risks with my creative life. Kind of a weird dichotomy, that, but I'm appreciating my lovely, old, drafty Chicago apartment more every day, even after 8 years. And my work is really taking off...maybe it's a way of striking that balance?

[stew carson]

Let nothing trouble you, let nothing frighten you.
All things are passing; God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who possesses God lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

[Blisschick]

Merton and Therese -- if they were all we read...sigh.

I think often of the concept of Monk and this idea of stability in particular.

The lack of stability has created so much destruction on a personal, communal, and planetary level.

Almost 8 years ago, my partner and I intentionally got rid of our car, and the stability that has created in our lives will be worth a book!

We know our neighbors and our neighborhood better. We care more for this little yard. We have deeper and more meaningful creative lives.

Everything is different because we dare stand still in a world spinning too fast.