Quiz: Are You a Moderator or an Abstainer?

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Quiz: Are You a Moderator or an Abstainer?

Often, we know we’d have more long-term happiness if we gave up something that gives us a rush of satisfaction in the short-term. That morning doughnut, that impulse purchase, staying up too late watching TV.

A piece of advice I often see is, “Be moderate. Don’t have ice cream every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you’ll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.”

I’ve come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the “moderators.” They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.

For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation – and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson: “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.” Like Dr. Johnson, I’m an “abstainer.”

I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately. When I admitted to myself that I was eating my favorite frozen “fake food” treat, Tasti D-Lite, two and even three times a day, I gave it up cold turkey. That was far easier for me to do than to eat Tasti D-Lite twice a week. If I try to be moderate, I exhaust myself debating, “Today, tomorrow?" "Does this time ‘count?’” etc. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control.

There’s no right way or wrong way – it’s just a matter of knowing which strategy works better for you. If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of time justifying why they should go ahead and indulge.

People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, “It’s not healthy to take such a severe approach” or “It would be better to learn how to manage yourself” or “Can’t you let yourself have a little fun?” On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, “You can’t keep cheating and expect to make progress” or “Why don’t you just go cold turkey?” But different approaches work for different people. (Exception: with an actual addiction, like alcohol or cigarettes, people generally accept that abstaining is the only solution.)

You’re a moderator if you…
-- find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure – and strengthens your resolve
-- get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something

You’re an abstainer if you…
-- have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
-- aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits

Now, sometimes instead of trying to give something up, we’re trying to push ourselves to embrace something. Go to the gym, eat vegetables, work on a disagreeable project.

Perhaps this is the flip side of being an abstainer, but I’ve found that if I’m trying to make myself do something, I do better if I do that thing every day. When people ask me advice about keeping a blog, one of my recommendations is, “Post every day, or six days a week.” Weirdly, it’s easier to write a blog every day than it is to write it three or four times a week. I don’t know how moderators feel about this. Moderators – what do you think? Is it easier to go for a half-hour walk every day, or four times a week, for you?

*
Mike Vardy of the blog Effing the Dog was nice enough to do an interview with me. I don't think I kept up my end of the comedy, but it was fun to do.

*
Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[Heather]

I think you are exactly right; it is important to figure out which type you are.

[Amanda - ExtraHourdinaryParenting]

Wow! I had never thought of it like this. I realized reading this post that I am a moderator, but THOUGHT I was an abstainer. How interesting.

Also, I think we all vary in how we deal with different struggles. I know that with eating I have to be a moderator, but with other (non-food) habits, I can abstain without problem. Perhaps we all deal with levels of addicts differently?

What interesting food for thought!

[Lynn C]

Weirdly enough, I'm a mix of the two. Some thing I have to cut off cold-turkey (like cigarettes) but other things I have to ease into...

(Right now I'm trying to cut down my soda habits, so I don't keep it in the house, but I am not going to get WATER when I'm out to lunch...)

I started my exercise program by walking 3 times a week for a mile, and now I'm at the gym for 90 minutes, plus 3 times a week I do strength training...

[Heather]

Absolutely an abstainer! And I think you are right about the reverse mechanism for us - when I'm trying to improve my behavior, if I allow myself any leeway, then I'm right back where I started. Very annoying, really. :-)

[Ella]

I'm a moderator to the core. I work out three to four times a week; I just don't have time to go every day, and if I tried to go every day I'd probably quit altogether. I have a very small portion of ice cream every single night. I drink one glass of wine with dinner every day. And I'm like this with my children - they are allowed to watch tv, but not too much. They can have dessert, but not too much. (Except for sleep. I am incredibly strict with them about bedtime, because if I'm not, they become lunatics.) I find myself saying "all things in moderation" a lot.

One of the things I really like about this blog is discovering terms for things I'd already noticed. I am a classic satisficer - and I'd never heard that word before.

[Geri]

I totally fail when try to be moderate. I've resolved countless times to exercise three times a week. On exercising day, I lie in bed talking myself out of it. Exercising every day is fine though. I don't have the opportunity to renegotiate the deal with myself. In giving up added salt though I am finding it easier to be moderate - I only add salt to roast eggs, tomatoes and roast chicken. Very little room for negotiation there!

[Juli]

I am amazed to realize that I am an abstainer. It's something that's become more and more apparent to me since starting my own happiness project this year. And, similar to what Gretchen mentions at the end of this post regarding doing certain things more often - with the things I don't like but have to do: I have to do those things everyday. If I try scheduling based on moderation I let those tasks go far too long (like laundry once a week or only running the dishwasher when it's full). Instead, I have to do a little bit everyday (which usually means running a small load of dishes and laundry each night) and then it's easier for me to stay on top of things.

[Peter Mc]

That's an interesting insight. Thanks.

I think it's all about who / what is in charge of our actions.

If a desire is easy to control, moderation is the right response. Abstinence is an imposition.

If a desire is out of control then, in effect, the desire controls us. Abstinence liberates.

Personally, I struggle to moderate my eating. If I had a bowl of sweets on my desk, I would be all but compelled to keep eating until the bowl was empty. Hunger has nothing to do with it. I guess my brain is wired for "opportunistic eating". The trouble is, I can't abstain from eating.

[ChasingSanity.com]

Everything is fine in moderation - so long as you can handle the moderation - some people can't, and for those folks, abstinence rules the day.

[Madame Meow]

I don't think it's possible to be one type altogether, honestly. While it's easy to rationalize sometimes and to deny sometimes, there are choices that are not clear-cut.

[GretchenRubin]

It's great to hear other people's experiences about this. For a long time, I was really hard on myself for not being able to be moderate. "Moderation is pleasant to the wise," etc. It just seems like a healthier, saner approach. But not for me! As always, the secret is to know yourself. Why is this so hard?

[Nora]

I am definitely an abstainer. Once I tell myself I cant have something and actually stop its fine. but if I say once a week, Ill binge or sneak whatever it was.

[Kristin]

I try to be a moderator, but like you, it doesn't really work for me. I'll limit myself to eating out only once a week -- except when does the week start? Is it a week from the day I eat out or does it start on Sunday? Or Monday? I change the rules every week just so I can eat out more. I'm much better off when I just say "No, I won't eat out at all." I'm much more likely to stick to it!

I like that you often give advice that isn't in terms of "this works for everyone." People are different! I really appreciate that you acknowledge that.

[Jennifer]

I'm a moderator all the way -- and have had to work hard to understand the abstainers in my life.

I'm not so sure that the daily practice idea is really a moderator versus abstainer trait though. Isn't it just easier to remember to do something if you do it every day, under the same circumstances? Every day I have lunch, have my (moderated) one square of a chocolate bar, and then go for my 4 mile walk...

[microwave]

As suggested in a couple of comments, most of us are probably mixed types even if one of the tendencies prevails. But this by no means makes this post less relevant, on the contrary. It shows some nuances we mostly overlook in our terrible habit of generalizing. Both in viewing other people's actions (we don't allow them to be moderators/abstainers depending on our current attitude) and ours. And this specifically applies to mixed types - do we allow ourselves and others to be moderators or abstainers depending on what works better for us/them in a particular area or we go for easier path as usual (always! ;-)).

[Yes, But Still...]

This is a really interesting discussion!

I get the sense that whether one is a moderator or abstainer depends exclusively on the domain in which one is trying to control their temptations.

[Sara in Austin]

I think it has something to do with how you follow rules... or maybe something to do with how you keep track and/or reward yourself. I'm a moderator -- abstinence scares me -- and I do OK within strong systems -- excercise programs that keep track of how many times you've excercised (a goal per month helps) or eating systems where you have a daily goal and write everything down.

Interesting observation, thank you.

[derby]

I am totally a moderator: it drives my husband (an abstainer) insane that I can eat 10 M&Ms, leave the rest and feel perfectly satisfied. However I am experimenting with the development of new habits by doing them every day for 21 days, and I think the daily-ness is key. You develop a momentum that carries you on. Maybe my moderation shows up in that I allow myself to do a very tiny step on those days that I am exhausted or overwhelmed, anything to keep moving forward, but once you skip a day, it takes that much more energy to face it again the next....

[Ben]

Wow, I am definitely an abstainer. This puts a lot of stuff in perspective, especially when dealing with moderators. THANK YOU!

[The Healthy Librarian]

As always Gretchen you nailed it again.

I just finished posting about my need to be a moderator & an abstainer in: Happy First Year Blog Anniversary - What's Working - What's Not - My Year of Change

When it came to changing my diet I do better psychologically when I don't feel penned in:

"Although I've just naturally moved toward a diet that's probably 80% plant-based (now it's maybe 93%) I don't do well with super-strict diet rules and restrictions. I need flexibility! Food is so wrapped up in friendship, family and fun and I don't want to miss out on any of that."

But when it comes to the "sugary stuff"--I had to go "cold turkey". One little bite of the cake or cookies & I'd be back to square one.

So--my conclusion: For some things we need to be moderators, and for others only abstaining will do.

If you'd like to read more about my year of change (it's not all about food!), here's the link:

http://www.happyhealthylonglife.com/happy_healthy_long_life/2009/01/blog-anniversary.html

[Alice Bachini-Smith]

I've noticed that many people are moderators on some things and abstainers on others. I have to abstain or risk going overboard on what I call "uppers" (coffee, sugar, etc) but "downers" (alcohol, sleeping pills, large amounts of food) are easy for me to moderate and never a problem.

People with "addictive" personalities may find abstaining more effective than moderating, but most people tend to be addictive or uncontrolled in the group that their personality type is most vulnerable to.

Speaking purely from amateur observation here of course!

[Naitasia Hensey]

For me it depends on the item. For example, with food (especially bad food that I love oh so much) I have to abstain, but other things like frivolous spending I do better if I use the moderation technique. As for trying to get into something I am working on the gym thing now so I'll keep you posted. Going every day is daunting so I fair better if I try every other day.

[Christopher]

I'm definitely a moderator...and easier to do a little bit every day!

[Zarah]

Wow - that is freakishly accurate. I am definitely an abstainer... I never thought about it like that before!

[Kate]

Abstainer, absolutely!
When vendors and co-workers started bringing in cupcakes to work a couple of times a week, I had to stop. Completely. Now it's easy because I have a reputation as an abstainer.
Great post, Gretchen. You articulate a concept that deep-down I knew, but never put into words. Of course, an abstainer like me would like her concepts neatly bucketed.(Are you an "A" or an "M"? )

[Annabel]

Maybe some people have certain habits (like eating chocolate, for example) because they simply get genuine pleasure out of them and can easily limit themselves to one square a day, whereas others eat chocolate to alleviate boredom or escape certain feelings and thus are more prone to slipping into eating too much of it and are better off avoiding it altogether. I find this to be the case for me as far as whether I'm an abstainer or moderator in a given situation.

[Mike Stankavich]

What an interesting insight! Although I see the point of the commentators that suggest that many people will have both Abstainer and Moderator tendencies, I suspect that one or the other will dominate in most cases.

I clearly see myself as having strong Abstainer tendencies. I recently decided to cut back alcohol to only nights I wasn't supposed to exercise and weekends, and limit to one drink per day. That just didn't work, so I decided to try abstaining. That has worked like a charm for the last three weeks.

I've been falling off the wagon on exercise so I'm going to run with the tip to exercise every day. I was wondering if that would work better, so I'll take your social proof that I may be on to something and give it a shot.

Thanks for the insightful article!

[Jennifer Lee]

I am just discovering your blog and really appreciate all the work you put into it. I am a complete abstainer, but always thought I needed to work on becoming a moderator. I have gotten the comments about needing to let go a little bit and always thought they were right. Thanks for validating both sides of the fence.

[Kevin]

I've known people that put X's on a calendar to mark continuous days doing a task (not smoking, going to the gym). It becomes much easier to just keep the streak of X's alive than to stop and start a task.

[Sheryl]

What an insightful post an interesting comments.

I'm definitely a moderator when it comes to restricting things. Making small modifications is a very effective approach for me. I can tell myself, not today, another day, and put it out of my mind, but if I have to give up something something up I will obsess over it.

But when it comes to doing things, I'm much better off doing them everyday, or 6 days a week. Exercise, certain household chores, etc.

This helps me understand myself and others so much better!

[Nser]

I'm arabian, my english is not good, so I can't read this subject, but I wanna thank your for the flash, I love it :) , and keep working on your project, I hope your new book ( which will done ) translated to arabic in future :)

thanks alot, Nser ^_^

[Tracey]

I think I must be an abstainer...sigh. The problem is I don't WANT to abstain from things (especially things like sweets) so instead I just over indulge. I think I just need to cut out categories. I cut out soda and while I used to have it 3 times a day now I don't even think about having it even though I pour it for my husband. I think I need to cut out cookies entirely, because I will eat 3, 4, 5, 6, ALL OF THEM at a sitting. Ice cream is okay because I rarely want more than half a cup at a time...

This was a great post. It helps me to think about why, if I skip ONE day at the gym I won't go back for weeks.

[Heather]

I'm an abstainer, but I've learned one way in which I can practice moderation. If I buy a bag of candy at the store, for instance, I will eat the whole thing all at once, or in a very short amount of time. So to curb this, I try to buy my candy from the bulk candy--I scoop a small amount into my bag (it's not hard for me to moderate until I've started eating; buying small is no problem) and I eat all of it, but it's not very much.

[DJ]

Hi Gretchen,
Just wanted to say that I had an epiphany while reading your post today. I've heard the moderation advice presented regularly, but when I try it, it always feels like I'm trying to find that golden mean, the magical middle ground, and it takes a lot of my time and my energy because I dwell on it.
Back in 2002, when I got my new place, I chose not to get cable. As I lived in a valley, that meant no tv. Period. Given that up was so much easier than trying not to go back for a third cookie after dinner. I never would have thought that there was a category for being an abstainer. This gives me all kinds of new things to think and write about. Thanks!

[Andy]

I came to this same realization myself a couple years ago. Abstinence almost always is easier than moderation. However, as with many pursuits, I'm not sure the easy way out is necessarily the best way.

I think abstinence is often fear based -- "I can't have one oreo or I'll have them all." Where as moderation is based on mastery -- "I can limit myself to 2 oreos because that is the amount I know is right for me."

Yes, in the short term moderation may lead to more failures, but I don't know if you can really conquer your demons without getting in there and dancing with them.

If you told me: "I was alone and pennyless because I used to have a doughnut problem. But now I've learned to live on one or two doughnuts a week and I'm back on my feet." I would think, there's a guy who used to have a doughnut problem.

If you told me: "I was alone and pennyless because I used to have a doughnut problem. But now I don't because I refuse to walk by bakeries and I turn off the tv when Dunkin Donut commercials come on and I pray to god to help keep me away from doughnuts." I would think, uh-oh, sound's like this guy's got a doughnut problem.

[Happiness Is Better]

I guess I am in the moderator category. I have plenty of friends that fall into the "A" category though. I hadn't really thought of putting people into two categories.
Thanks for the great post!

[Kathy Dowis]

Funny...I had just finished eating three bags of 100 calorie chocolate covered pretzles when I sat down to read your blog. To thine own self be true!

[Liz]

Yee-gads woman. Those cookies you've used for a graphic are taunting me. I'm mostly a dessert abstainer, out of sight out of mind, but every time I hit your blog to see if there's a new entry I start craving those cookies!!! Time for an RSS feed methinks.

[Liara Covert]

Some people also come to believe they think too much. It is possible to evolve to trust your judgment, to stop juding some behavior as purely good or bad. To learn to listen to yourself is another facit of happiness.

[Monica J.]

Wow! This is right on for me. I'm definitely an abstainer, and I see now that my husband and many of my friends are moderators. What a relief to realize I'm not wrong, just different! I have the same struggles with food (not abstaining ignites a never-ending negotiation in my head, and an inevitable expansion in my waistline!) and exercise (if I don't have a set schedule, usually daily, I invent reasons not to go all the time until I'm not going at all!). Thanks for sharing.

[Lauren C.]

Thank you! I was just thinking about this yesterday regarding overeating (for most trouble foods I am an abstainer). And I felt it was an odd thing that we advise alcoholics and drug abusers to abstain, but we advise overeaters to moderate their trouble foods. I think any weight program that doesn't exclude foods should offer both approaches so that participants will realize that they have an active choice: that one approach may be better for them than another...instead of feeling like a failure because they cannot moderate intake of a certain food.

[Meg Renicker]

I'm also a moderator/satisficer. As soon as I try to do any absolute thing I just can't get it going. Most people make lists and work from them. Me, I do things and then write down what I did so that I can still manage to see what is and isn't getting done. Every so often I eat dessert first, that's fun. I'd love to eat fish & chips every night but Friday is the single night that I stop to pick them up. The idea of having to give anything up completely just paralizes me with fear. I too was raised with 'moderation in everything' and it always worked for me.

Oops gotta go, getting off track here, its another (M) quirk I have.

Meg

[Chad]

Another great out of the box post.

[Eva Robertson]

Isn't it often the case that we desire what we are not? So, a person who needs to abstain completely in order to achieve control envies the relative stability of the moderate person, and the moderate person yearns for the single-minded temperament of the abstainer that would permit them to achieve the exceptional.

How one resolves this tension depends on how one defines happiness. Resisting one's nature implies a necessarily moral component in the pursuit of happiness; fostering the existing tendencies of one's nature implies a hedonistic ideal of happiness.

[Eva Robertson]

And what if you have the second trait of the moderator (panic at the thought of deprivation), and the first trait of the abstainer (trouble stopping once started)? That would be me :). How well does that bode for happiness, health, or disciplined behavior? Not very well, I suspect.

It's the behavior of the bulimic -- the best and the worst time of my life . . . .

[allie]

abstainer here. i cannot moderate. not at this time. later on in life i may become a moderator. i am a healthy southern lady with a wonderful appetite. you know, come to think of it, food is my number one weakness. i have to say this, i need help from God Almighty. i cannot do it alone. i do have control over what i eat. my control is limited due to my cravings/desires. food addiction. i will lean on the Lord to help me out with that.
God bless each and every one of you today.
allie

[Julie]

I am a combination... some things I can be moderate in - and I like having the indulgence - and some things I have to cut out entirely. I guess I'm a moderate moderator???

[Lori Gilmore]

I always say "everything in moderation" and I really think I am a moderator. I can eat a few m&m's at work while the other employees complain about how hard it is not to eat the whole bag. I walk and exercise the days that I know I feel like it, have the time, etc.
When I try to do anything absolute, like a diet, or lose certain poundage, I seem to fail. Even smoking, I can smoke a cigarette once in a while (even though I know that is bad for me) but "thinking" about quiting just makes me want to smoke more. Thinking about cutting out food, makes me want to eat more -
on the other hand, I think my husband may be more of an abstainer because he can't seem to put down the candy or the popcorn at the movie. Interesting topic, not only personally but in my marriage.

[Rick Aster]

Usually I am a "moderator," but I decided I shouldn't go to restaurants so much this year and I stopped completely because that was simpler, and that would seem to make me an "abstainer."

It seems for some things it's more important to keep things simple, while for other things it's more important to stay flexible.

[Julia]

WOW - Thanks for posting this, Gretchen! I'm going to stop talking myself out of an approach that really does work better for me!

I'm an abstainer through and through, but I've felt vaguely guilty about it in the past. I tend to downplay the changes I'm making - not because they're bad for me, but because, in my experience, people tend to regard abstinence as being somewhat self-righteous or judgmentally goody-goody. I don't care when other people go to the gym - I have to go every day or I can't be bothered to go at all!

A tip for some fellow abstainers who do well with 'daily' plans: allow yourself ONE day off, but NEVER two in a row. No matter how rotten you feel, "just show up" (literally or metaphorically) when the second day rolls around. If you're going to the gym, just walk slowly on the treadmill for a while. If you're trying to write daily, sit down in your usual spot and give yourself a time limit. It seriously helps - both to get you going if you just needed a shove AND to keep you from falling off of the wagon.

Gretchen, I love this post. I'll be thrilled if you incorporate this personality distinction into any of your other 'advice' pieces. (Of course, since you're also an abstainer, what works for you may often be suited to me anyway! I'll reread some things with that in mind.)

[Julie]

I call it "toggle switch" vs "dimmer switch" to explain why I have been an abstainer all my life - people seem to get that. Funny thing, though - I recently switched to dimmer and am finding it's working for me. Of course, I switched with everything all at once so maybe I am still a toggle after all.

[skinny coach]

It is rare that people discuss abstinence when it comes to food. I personally, realized I had to eliminate sugar and flour completely before I was able to lose my weight.
So many people buy the line that moderation is necessary, and it just is not.
thank you

[Lexi]

Great post.

I'm definitely an abstainer -- it fits with the realization that I'm an extreme person. If I try and moderate, it almost always leads to me landing entirely in the overindulgence zone. For example, if I start snacking at work, I'll find myself snacking that way for weeks. If I decide "no snacks at work," I totally stick with it.

Same goes for exercise. I'm either gung-ho into it, making it an active part of my routine, or I'm not going to the gym once in 3 months.

Part of happiness, I've grown to learn, is accepting core things about ourselves and working with them. Rather than trying to make myself a moderator and failing miserably at it time and time again, it's better for me to accept I'm an abstainer and work with that.

Moderators don't really understand abstainers, the same way extroverts don't really under introverts, and vice versa. If I had a dime for everyime I was asked "why can't you just take a handful of chips from the bag and then close it?" I'd be one rich lady.

[Stephanie]

What I found interesting about this post is how it helped me make sense of relationships with other people: it is not just helpful to realise that I am probably a moderator, but also that some people close to me are abstainers, and I need to take this into account when I talk to them!
Thank you Gretchen for a great blog.

[Brittany]

Lovely post. I feel like, for some things, I can be a moderator and for others I am an abstainer. I love the picture of cookies you added there. Reminds me that I am absolutely a moderator when it comes to sweets.

[Adrienne Dellwo]

I'm an abstainer, for sure! Thanks for adding this term/concept to my vocabulary. I think it has something to do with an addictive personality -- if I do something, I OVER do it. Abstaining is like being addicted to NOT doing something, and that works for me.

[Topaz]

This is brilliant and since I read it a week ago, it has helped me tremendously to accept who I am hardwired to be (an abstainer). All my life, I have felt shamed by moderators but not any more. In the future, I will stick to what works well for me and I'll try not to let it bother me when some moderators are smug about their ability to be moderate.

[Liesel]

I wonder how much of an abstainer/ moderator you are correlates to how much you need routine? I tend to like to have a very solid routine, but then to change that routine frequently. I get into little grooves for a week, a month, a year. Each of these routines I perform with an abstainers zeal, but then the moderator in me steps in at some point, says 'Ok, time for a change to balance things out' and i am on to a different, complimentary routine.

Example: i will be a runner (20 miles per week) for a month or two, and then a yogi (maybe run 4 miles in addition to yoga) for a month... OR I will have a week where i drink two glasses of wine every night, then I week where it never occurs to me to drink anything but water...

[marie]

I'm def an abstainer. I went for a year with no alcohol, and it was easy, but when I give myself a two-nights per week rule, or something similar, then I always fail.

[Tracy Aiello]

Ahhhh, finally someone that agrees it's easier give it ALL up! I'm more often thought of as crazy for my abstaining ways, but I never could figure out moderation. Unfortunately that sometimes means excess enters in, sigh.

[Amy]

Great discussion. I too think that I may be a little of both, maybe more of a moderator. It is possible for me to have something just once a month, even sometimes once a year and no more. But a lot of it also depends on how it affects me and makes me feel. I'm pretty in tune with my body, and there's a minimum amount of exercise, stretching, fruits/veggies/fiber that I need to have to feel good, and a maximum amount of sugar, alcohol, tv, exposure to smoke, etc. that I can tolerate. Part of that may also be that I have an autoimmune disease and that forces me to take care of myself. I do well with it this way though. There are others I know who have this disease and they really struggle, and I think part of their struggle is that they haven't been able to make the same lifestyle changes that I have. Anyway, there's my two cents worth.

[Laurie]

I'm an abstainer, simply because I know if I indulge a little bit I'll be right back where I was at square one. I don't keep junk food or sweets in my home for that reason. I used to be a total soda addict, and 3 years ago I gave them up cold turkey, because I knew if I allowed myself to have one every once in a while I would go right back to overindulging. I don't even really miss them anymore. Now I'm going through the same thing with my beloved lattes...and I really miss them! I am often accused of being uptight or too rigid, but hey, it's what works for me. I can better control my weight and spending this way.