What Started Me Thinking

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Why It's Important to "Identify the Problem" (It's Harder than It Sounds).

BlindsMy Eighth Commandment is “Identify the problem.” This sounds like such an obvious thing to do – if you have a problem, of course you know what it is, right? – that it’s hard for me to explain why that commandment is so important.

Fact is, I’ve found that often I’ll suffer some mild annoyance or inconvenience for years, because I just don’t take the time to think about the nature of the problem and how it might be solved. I think this is a mindfulness problem -- not paying enough attention to what is actually happening in the present moment.

Yesterday afternoon, I experienced a perfect example. When I’m writing my book or my blog, I try to work outside my home office, at a library or a coffee shop, where it's easier to concentrate. Recently, for a variety of reasons, I’ve been doing more on-line tasks, so I’ve been spending a lot of time at my own desk.

I’d noticed over the past few weeks that my eyes and even my face felt funny – strained and tired. I just kept telling myself that it was nothing, no big deal.

Then yesterday, I told myself, “Identify the problem! Problem: my eyes and facial muscles are tired.”

Having acknowledged the problem for the first time, I asked myself, “Why do I have this problem?”

I answered: “My eyes are strained because there’s too much light coming in from the window behind my computer monitors. I have a shade, and it’s down, but it’s letting too much light through.”

“Aha!” I thought proudly. “I’ve identified the problem! Too much light. So how will I solve this?” Well, I thought, I could buy a big piece of poster-board and prop it against the window, or I could hang a sheet over the window. Then I noticed – I have a blind on my window, as well as an inner shade! I’ve never used it, and I’d completely forgotten that it was there. This whole time, all I needed to do was to lower the blind.

Problem solved. I feel like an idiot, but my eyes feel a lot better.

* Through Twitter, I just discovered the blog by Gwen Bell and am having a lot of fun cruising through it. Lots of great material there.

* If you haven't seen it yet, you might enjoy my one-minute movie, The Years Are Short.

Comments

Some people identify problems. Other people view such things as temporary setbacks on the road to creating solutions. Still other people remain quiet while they silently build on what they think they already know.

I find I have to stay mindful of whether the problem I'm trying to address is a symptom or the cause. It's not easy as the symptom is more readily identified whereas the cause can sometimes remain hidden.

When I hear people tell about identifying problems it reminds me of a few brilliant technical people that knew a lot about how computers work.

They might even have known to much! Because after having spend a lot of time 'Analysing the Problems' it appeared to be a Mystery what was wrong, and they where somewhat puzzeled and almost prepared to take action to created a few entirely new problems!

Than came his wife and she asked a simple
question:

'Is it plugged in?'

It wasn't!, mystery solved!

I don't think that in general it is wise to 'Analyse Problems', because than your attention is on problems, I do think that it can be useful to focus attention on a desired outcomes.

All the Best,
To your Happy Inspiration,
HP

Gretchen,
You may want to see an Eye Doctor. Eye strain, soreness and fatigue may be a sign of a greater problem. Eyes are very delicate and you need to take care of them. "Identify the Problem" but get confirmation from an expert source. Your eyes and facial muscles being tired might just be a symptom of a greater problem.

If your car's engine is making noise, you see a mechanic. If your Air Conditioner isn't cooling your house, you call an HVAC expert. If you are in trouble with the law, you hire a lawyer. If your eyes hurt, you see an Eye Doctor.

Hi Gretchen I've been keeping up with your blog for a few months but haven't ever commented before. After reading this post I felt compelled to share with you, my experience of 'identifying the problem'.

I'm a recovering addict and a member of a twelve step fellowship. I've had to truly understand the nature of the disease of addiction I suffer from in order for me to accept the spiritual programme required to recover and live a full and happy life - which of course starts with abstinance. I have had to accept that my 'problem' means I can never take 'the first'so as not to set of the allergy which means i will crave another and another... something which I'm accept happily today.

In my spiritual growth I find your blog a true inspiration and I want to thank you and wish you all the best for the release of your book.

This commandment is your *best*.

I've been following your blog for a while now, and this is the #1 piece of advice you give. I enjoyed reading it in a personal story.

Identify The Problem also works wonderfully with people, especially inlaws or other different/difficult relatives. I try to keep it in mind in those situations.

It is also a great parenting tool! Often there is so much chaos around you that it is hard to figure out why things are all going wrong.

Thanks for the great advice!!!

I think it is crucial "to identify the problem" and I wouldn't agree that it suggests too much concentration on problems rather than on desired outcomes. To me this advice is not about looking for problems but about being brave enough to know yourself, to know what is happening now (different way of expressing "be present"). Making one sligthly bigger effort now and avoiding energy loss coming from constant pushing things aside and giving them wrong names.
It may probably also help avoiding unnecessary experts :-)

Beautiful movie! I just sent it to my 2 daughters who also have daughters.

Thanks for your wonderful work. I look forward to your posts.

This commandment has changed the way I look at life, truly. It has made me more active in my life, and ultimately, happier. Thank you!!!!

Funny! I secretly want one of those green accountant eyeshades for the same purpose.

Love the 1-minute movie :)

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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is a best-selling writer whose new book, The Happiness Project, is an account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. On this blog, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.


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