Check Out My Happiness Manifesto -- Brand New.
For a long time, I’ve been meaning to write a Happiness Manifesto – a short statement that sums up what I think are the most important principles about happiness.
I love other manifestos I’ve seen. One of my favorites is Bob Sutton’s “Fifteen Things I Believe,” on his fantastic Work Matters blog:
1. Sometimes the best management is no management at all -- first do no harm!
2. Indifference is as important as passion.
3. In organizational life, you can have influence over others or you can have freedom from others, but you can't have both at the same time.
4. Saying smart things and giving smart answers are important. Learning to listen to others and to ask smart questions is more important.
5. Learn how to fight as if you are right and listen as if you are wrong: It helps you develop strong opinions that are weakly held.
6. You get what you expect from people. This is especially true when it comes to selfish behavior; unvarnished self-interest is a learned social norm, not an unwavering feature of human behavior.
7. Getting a little power can turn you into an insensitive self-centered jerk.
8. Avoid pompous jerks whenever possible. They not only can make you feel bad about yourself, chances are that you will eventually start acting like them.
9. The best test of a person's character is how he or she treats those with less power.
10. The best single question for testing an organization’s character is: What happens when people make mistakes?
11. The best people and organizations have the attitude of wisdom: The courage to act on what they know right now and the humility to change course when they find better evidence.
12. The quest for management magic and breakthrough ideas is overrated; being a master of the obvious is underrated.
13. Err on the side of optimism and positive energy in all things.
14. It is good to ask yourself, do I have enough? Do you really need more money, power, prestige, or stuff?
15. Jim Maloney is right: Work is an overrated activity.
Another interesting variation on a manifesto is on Madame X’s My Open Wallet. On this blog, where an anonymous New Yorker “tells the world how much she saves, earns, and spends,” she lists “My Rules” in the right-hand column. Here are the first four of her nineteen rules:
Rule 1. Credit card use
-Use a credit card for every expense you can possibly charge.
-Use a card that gives you frequent flyer miles or some other benefit that you'll actually take advantage of.
-Only charge as much as you can pay off in full every month-- don't carry a balance.
Rule 2. Online access
-Use online access for all your banking, investment and credit card accounts
Rule 3. Found money
-If you find money on the street, don't be ashamed to pick it up!
Rule 4. Shopping
-Don’t!
Another intriguing manifesto is the Manifesto of Style over at Carrie and Danielle. (Danielle is now blogging at White Hot Truth.)
1. Communicate who you are in all you do.
2. Style is multidimensional.
3. Style matters.
4. Authenticity is energizing, economical, and efficient.
5. Accentuate the positive.
6. People are like snowflakes—uniquely beautiful because of the details.
7. Pay attention to what attracts you.
8. Working from the outside in can create deep transformation.
9. Feel free to change.
10. True style is not dependent on wealth, and wealth does not necessarily create taste.
11. Cheap is expensive in the long run.
12. Use your best every day.
13. Choose from your heart, and your life will fill up with things you love.
14. Beauty transforms.
15. It’s always a good time to be yourself.
16. Only love is free—everything else costs.
17. Creativity + restraint = beauty.
18.Contrast makes things interesting.
19. Living is sensual.
20. Make more choices—moment to moment, day to day.
One reason I love manifestos is that it’s fun to decide where I disagree (for example, in the Style Manifesto, I disagree with #1!) or where I see an idea of my own, expressed differently (this manifesto’s #12 is related to my own Seventh Commandment, Spend Out, and its #7 is related to one of my Secrets of Adulthood, “You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.)
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been working on my own manifesto. I don’t think I have it quite right, but it’s getting there. What important ideas have I left out? Could anything be phrased more felicitously? I welcome any suggestions. Also, I’d love to read other manifestos. Please post links to any good ones.
Here is my Happiness Manifesto:
• To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, and an atmosphere of growth.
• One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
• The days are long, but the years are short.
• You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
• Your body matters.
• Happiness is other people.
• Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
• “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” -- G. K. Chesterton
• What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.
• Best is good, better is best.
• Outer order contributes to inner calm.
• Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
• You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.
• You manage what you measure.
• “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” -- Robert Louis Stevenson
*Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.
I thought your "Secrets of Adulthood," and your "Twelve Commandments," were your manifestos. What is the difference between those two and a Happiness Manifesto?
Your statement that I can choose what I do, but I cannot choose what I like to do, is liberating and refreshing. So often I hear people say, just apply positive thinking and make the choice to like XYZ. That leaves me 1. not liking XYZ and to make it worse 2. feeling guilty for not being able to "positive think" myself into liking XYZ. Your perspective is thought provoking in a very helpful way. Thank you!!
Posted by: Emily | February 09, 2009 at 08:59 PM
You may want to read a great book The Economics of Happiness by Mark Aneilski
Posted by: Ken Chapman | February 09, 2009 at 09:49 PM
These notes mean a lot to me now that I live in Germany where I am always the one with less power because I don't speak the language. I've learned a lot about other people and more importantly, about myself. I think I'd switch one to say "inner calm equals outer order" in my case outside the home.
You've really left me thinking (as usual!) Thank you for that.
Katie
Posted by: Katie | February 09, 2009 at 10:31 PM
Thank you, Gretchen. I was concerned when I checked my RSS feed only to discover that you had not yet posted tonight, (9pm EST)
But this was worth waiting for!
Posted by: Kaja | February 09, 2009 at 10:48 PM
I really enjoy the idea of a 'Happiness Manifesto'--I think I'll get to work on my own right now.
Thanks again, Gretchen!
Posted by: Yes, But Still... | February 09, 2009 at 11:12 PM
Great post. 2009 is the year I have begun to "really" practice goal setting and I see a personal manifesto as an important part of this process and am now working on writing mine down.
Posted by: Jeffrey Hurley | February 09, 2009 at 11:28 PM
Gretchen, thank you for posting these. I think I may take your manifesto as inspiration to write one of my own! Would you mind if I linked it here in the comments when I'm done?
Posted by: Chris Anthony | February 10, 2009 at 01:07 AM
I absolutely loved Madame X's rule 4!!! That's brilliant. Now, if only I could get my wife . . . . .
Posted by: How To Practise | February 10, 2009 at 05:23 AM
Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
This reminds me, in your studies, did you read the book of this title, How to Want What You Have by Timothy Miller. Best I ever read, until you came along.
Posted by: EGK | February 10, 2009 at 07:47 AM
This is great! It makes me wonder - 1) how to 'operationalize' my manifesto once I write it?, 2) do I have one holistic all-inclusive manifesto, or several? 3) how often to evolve it? I started messing with 43Things to help me get serious about this... but I like your site and advice and observations much better!
Posted by: Jim Holbrook | February 10, 2009 at 09:05 AM
Use a CREDIT CARD?? That is the worst adivce/recommendation I've EVER Heard. Can you please be more responsible than that? YOU might have enough dicipline, but most dont. After i saw that choked.
the average CC user spends 20% more than using cash. Any rewards that CC' companies offer are loss leaders. One, F-up, one mistake or one changed rule simply cancels out ANYTHING that you may have gained. I just read that some companies are instituding a $10/mo fee for those with low rates or those who save and hoard points.. Check your bill and beware...
Credit card... how irresponsible.
Posted by: AJS | February 10, 2009 at 09:12 AM
I agree with your Happiness Manifesto. It was joyful reading.
Posted by: Neveen | February 10, 2009 at 09:26 AM
Wow, Gretchen. I love this post with all the links and manifestos from other blogs. I most agree with your "Outer order leads to inner calm." Love the way you put it so succinctly!
Posted by: Daphne | February 10, 2009 at 10:09 AM
Indifference is as important as passion. I've never thought about that, but you may be right. It's the whole choosing-your-battles thing. I can relate to your blog. I started a blog this year on living a rich life:
http://cmccain.wordpress.com
Posted by: Cindy McCain | February 10, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Why do you disagree with Style Manifesto #1? I agree with that a lot but then again, I'm big on individuality.
Posted by: Ashely | February 10, 2009 at 11:11 AM
Great blog! You mentioned looking for other manifestos - here's one I worked on with my mother shortly before her death: http://rum-blin.blogspot.com/2009/01/lillians-laws-for-living-life.html
Posted by: eryka | February 10, 2009 at 12:34 PM
hey hey...it's Danielle, here. Author of said Manifesto of Style. {thanks for the shout out, Gretchen.}
Re: #1 "Communicate who you are in all you do." Yeah - tell me why you're not down with that one, Gretchen. I'm so curious. Here's my thinking with that: authenticity has so much to do with consistency. Being yourself in every way possible - from your writing style to your wardrobe to how you worship - builds momentum, freedom in your life...happiness.
And whether I'm at home in my Uggs, or on stage in heels, I'm still finding a way to be the real me.
So whatchya thinkin', Rubin? Let us inside your head.
With Love,
D
www.whitehottruth.com
Posted by: Danielle LaPorte | February 10, 2009 at 01:19 PM
What I particularly like about this post is the fact that you include so many manifestos from different people. The point being, everyone has a different happiness manifesto, and that is a good thing.
Posted by: Vi | February 10, 2009 at 01:52 PM
Gretchen, I have only recently discovered your blog but the more I read it, the more impressed I am. I think that it takes a great bravery to declare happiness as a right for oneself and I am reminded of that bravery every time I read your writing. It is helping me to insist on happiness in my own life and giving my happiness its share of importance. Thank you.
www.deedledeedee.com
Posted by: Deedledeedee | February 10, 2009 at 02:30 PM
Thanks for the great reading suggestions -- I'm writing down those titles!
About Style Statement #1 -- I'm sure it can be interpreted in a way that I would support, but it did make me think of this: I'm not very interested in clothes, household decoration, etc. It was a huge relief to me to realize that I DON'T have to feel like these are important expressions of myself. I express myself all day long, in my own way, and so I don't have to feel like I've put my personal stamp on my environment. Good enough is good enough for me. Maybe that's my form of authenticity -- but if I tell myself that I'm expressing myself authentically with yoga pants and running shoes 6 days out of 7, I feel like a loser. Can't I do better? But when I say, hey, clothes aren't my medium, I communicate myself in other ways, then I relax.
About the credit cards -- I know, it's surprising advice. But don't discount Madame X's point of view until you read her very careful, limited rationale. Remember, she is writing her rules for HERSELF.
Posted by: Gretchen Rubin | February 10, 2009 at 05:35 PM
I recently tried some of the different online banking and found the free quicken online to be my favorite but for more detailed budgeting Microsoft money is my favorite set the the advance setting so you can split your categories like if one purchase included a gift and groceries.
Posted by: Fitness Surfer | February 10, 2009 at 06:18 PM
Thanks for another thought provoking and uplifting post, Gretchen! I want to compliment you on your website generally. It's such a positive and fun place to go first thing in the morning, before the daily grind starts. It really starts the day off well. Thanks, and I look forward to the publication of your book!
Posted by: Allison Byrd | February 10, 2009 at 09:33 PM
Love it! I want to print these out, study them and come up with my own manifesto...thanks for the starting points!
Posted by: Christopher | February 10, 2009 at 10:35 PM
I find your thoughts on happiness very interesting. I wonder if you would consider watching a video by Dr. Ramesh Richard called "Beyond Happiness" and letting me know what you think, or possibly even writing a review. You're an excellent author, and I would be interested to hear your thoughts. His video can be seen at www.rameshrichard.com. His blog is http://rameshrichardblog.blogspot.com/
On behalf of Dr. Ramesh Richard,
April
Posted by: April | February 12, 2009 at 12:30 PM
Gretchen
Once again, you have got the wheels turning and the squirrels running around upstairs between my 2 ears.
Good job.
No wonder you have over 21 thousand readers.
Congrats by the way on that feat!
Tim from Smile-Therapy.com
Posted by: Timothy Smith | February 16, 2009 at 05:37 PM
I really agree with #9. Unfortunately I've seen this played out in the waiter/waitress scenario and most unfortunately between parent/grandparent/other caregiver and child, including statements such as, "Because I'm bigger than you." This disgusts me! Again, little respect for others which is huge, huge, huge, in my book - across the board, class, age, ethnicity . . .
Posted by: Laura L. Rice | March 02, 2009 at 11:20 PM
*I believe that it is important to treat every person with respect, even when your beliefs are different than theirs. (very hard work!)
*I believe you are what you eat.
*I believe that there is no such thing as coincidences. Coincidences are angels nudging you in the right direction.
*I believe that from every situation in life (good and bad), you learn something important about yourself.
* I believe our souls chose our path in life before we were born. We then spend our life trying to remember that path and achieve what we came here to do.
*There is nothing that feels better than giving and receiving unconditional love from your children.
*If you are sad or down, find someone who needs a little help. Nothing makes sadness go away faster than helping someone else.
*Always make yourself your #1 priority. If you are neglecting yourself, no one in your life will benefit. Set aside at least 20 minutes a day just for yourself, to read, to take a bath, to chat with a friend..
*If you are upset or insulted by a remark someone made to you or the way they acted to you, always clarify what their intentions were. Tell them how their comment or action made you feel. You will be surprised how many times what you thought they meant was not what they intended. And even if it was, you have cleared the air and can move on.
*A lot more is accomplished by a smile and a gentle request than by yelling.
*Learn how to delegate and not micromanage.
*Smile as much as you can.
*If you have nothing nice to say, it is best to say nothing.
*Try not to gossip.
*When you do a favor for someone, make sure they know it was no big deal and how happy you were to do it. (even if it was a pain)
*Be hospitable.
*Treat your parents, in-laws and relatives the way you want your kids to treat you. Your kids learn by example.
*Always leave a big tip. You will have brightened someone's day.
*Give charity and give generously.
*Don't wait for people to ask you for help, offer it to them.
*If it is a choice between cleaning and giving your child attention they need, leave the cleaning for another time.
*This one is odd, but write yourself an obituary. This will help you put down in words the things you want to accomplish in your life and highlight for you the things that are important and make your dreams clearer.
*Always let people know how much you love and appreciate or respect them. You never know what will happen tomorrow and if you will miss your chance to tell them.
*Learn how to forgive.
*Ask your parents and grandparents about their childhood. You never know what you will learn and it may help you to view them in a different light.
*Even if you are not enjoying your job, while you are working at it, always give it your all and go to work with a positive attitude.
*A positive attitude will attract people with a positive attitude to you, a negative attitude will attract people with a negative attitude to you. (Do you really need negative people in your life?)
*Every single person in this world is unique and every single person is capable of change.
* Don't forget to go to bed with thoughts of gratitude and to wake up with thoughts of gratitude.
Posted by: Susie | March 03, 2009 at 02:50 AM
Love the movie, especially now that my sons are men!
Posted by: Caren Rich | March 10, 2009 at 04:01 PM
Hi Gretchen,
From a long time silent observer (who has been off line for some time, and is just catching up with your blog), what happened to "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good"? that is one of my favorites I've taken from you, and it's more graceful than 'best is good, better is best'. Wish you all the best!
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Hi. I think I'd switch one to say "inner calm equals outer order" in my case outside the home.
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