What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

23 posts categorized "February 2009"

Your Happiness Project: Find Your "Comfort Food" Activity.

Mac_cheeseI’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

We’re all familiar with the idea of “comfort food” – the food that you turn to when you’re feeling sad or stressed, to make yourself feel better. Maybe it’s mac and cheese made the way your mother used to make it, or maybe it’s a cupcake from your favorite bakery.

I realized that I have a “comfort food” type activity: reading children’s books. I love children’s literature, so I often read children’s books (now that I’ve embraced my love for kidlit) whatever my mood.

But when I’m feeling overwhelmed, worried, or upset, I find myself turning to children’s books for comfort. These are books that I’ve re-read innumerable times, and that I love, and that have that special quality of atmosphere that children’s books have.

My favorite comfort-activity authors are Louia May Alcott, C. S. Lewis, Frances Hodgson Burnett, Madeleine L’Engle, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Edward Eager, Elizabeth Enright, and Noel Streatfield. Oh, and E. L. Konigsberg, L. Frank Baum, Judy Blume, Robert O’Brien, Betty MacDonald, and Susan Cooper. And of course J. K. Rowling.

Just thinking about these names gives me a delicious feeling of pleasure and reassurance.

For years, I read children’s books as my comfort activity without quite grasping that I was self-medicating through literature. Now, though, instead of unconsciously wandering over to my kidlit bookshelves in times of stress, I reach for these books, knowing that they’ll make me feel better. Realizing I have a tool at the ready is itself soothing.

My husband cooks for his comfort activity – often, bread. A friend of mine told me he plays with his dog, another friend watches episodes of The Sopranos, and another friend cleans out the fridge.

Remember, to find real comfort in an activity, it can’t be something that makes you feel anxious or guilty, later. That kind of treat doesn't work in the long run. Don’t go shopping or eat ice cream if the good feeling is going to turn bad.

Do you have a "comfort food" activity?

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Happiness: Putting the Flashlight on the Second Shelf of My Coat Closet.

Arrow-TargetSomething that always cheers me up – when I can muster the energy to do it – is to tidy up. I find it relaxing to put things away, and the resulting order calms my mind. Chucking junk mail, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, arranging everything to fit in the medicine cabinet…these kinds of activities never fail me. When I'm feeling blue, to take action to make an improvement, no matter how insignificant that improvement may be, is a tonic.

Over the past few years, I’ve thought a lot about the happiness power of clutter-clearing, and I discovered something surprising. Although I would have thought it would be easier to put things away in general areas — the coat closet, any kitchen drawer — it’s actually much more satisfying to return item to a highly specific location.

One of life’s small pleasures is to return something to its proper and precise place; putting the flashlight on the second shelf in the coat closet gives me the archer’s satisfaction of hitting a mark. Have you ever seen those peg boards where people have outlined their tools or their kitchen implements, to show where each thing belongs? (I think Julia Child had one.) That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Now I strive to have an exact place for everything in my whole apartment (except toys – I just throw Polly Pockets and stuffed animals into whatever box, drawer, or shelf is closest, or else I would never have time to do anything else). Obviously, this system makes it easier to find the things I need, which boosts my happiness, but it also boosts my happiness to have that deep sense of placement.

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A friend set me a link to the blog Inchmark, where Brooke Reynolds has a great idea: every time one of her children says something funny, she writes it on a piece of paper and puts it in a jar. When she's feeling blue, she reaches into the jar to pull out a quotation. I write those funny things in my one-sentence journal, but putting them in a jar is much more colorful and accessible.

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Friendship: Seven Tips for Making New Friends.

FriendscoffeeEvery Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: seven tips for making new friends.

Ancient philosophers and scientists agree: strong social ties are the KEY to happiness. You need close, long-term relationships; you need to be able to confide in others; you need to belong; you need to get and give support. Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter you’re far more likely to describe yourself as “very happy.”

Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.

“Okay, okay,” you’re thinking, “I get it -- but it’s not that easy to make new friends.” Here are some strategies to try, if you’re eager to make friends but are finding it tough:

1. Show up. Just as Woody Allen said that “Eighty percent of success is showing up,” a big part of friendship is showing up. Whenever you have the chance to see other people, take it. Go to the party. Stop by someone’s desk. Make the effort.

Also, the mere exposure effect describes the fact that repeated exposure makes you like someone better – and makes that person like you better, too. You’re much more likely to become friends with someone if you see him or her often. I’ve seen this happen over and over in my life. I’ve become close to unlikely people, just because circumstances put us in constant contact.

2. Join a group. Being part of a natural group, where you have common interests and are brought together automatically, is the easiest way to make friends: starting a new job, taking a class, having a baby, joining a congregation, or moving to a new neighborhood are great opportunities to join a group. If those situations aren’t an option, try to find a different group to join. Get a dog, for example. Or pursue a hobby more seriously. An added advantage to making friends through a group is that you can strengthen your friendships to several people at once -- very helpful if you don't have a lot of free time.

3. Form a group. If you can’t find an existing group to join, start a group based around something that interests you. My children's literature reading groups – (yes, now I’ve helped start TWO of these groups -- the first one became so large that we had to close it to new members) are among the top joys of my life. Studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship, and also brings about a 2% increase in life satisfaction, but I’m confident that my kidlit groups have given me a lift in life satisfaction much higher than two percent. Movies, wine, cheese, pets, marathon-training, a language, a worthy cause…I know people in all these sorts of groups.

4. Say nice things about other people. It’s a kind way to behave; also, studies show that because of the psychological phenomenon of spontaneous trait transference, people unintentionally transfer to you the traits you ascribe to other people. So if you tell Jean that Pat is arrogant, unconsciously Jean associates that quality with you. On the other hand, if you say that Pat is hilarious, you’ll be linked to that quality.

5. Set a target. This strategy sounds very calculating, but it has really worked for me. When I enter a situation where I meet a new set of people, I set myself the goal of making three new friends. This seems artificial, but somehow, this shift makes me behave differently, it makes me more open to people, it prompts me to make the effort to say more than a perfunctory hello.

6. Make an effort to smile. Big surprise, studies show that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you’re perceived to be. In fact, people who can’t smile due to facial paralysis have trouble with relationships.

7. Make friends with friends-of-friends. “Triadic closure” is the term for the fact that people tend to befriend the friends of their friends. So friends-of-friends is an excellent place to start if you’re trying to expand your circle.

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Happiness Interview with Penelope Trunk: "Happiness is Sort of a Trick."

Penelopetrunk2Penelope Trunk is one of the most interesting and provocative writers about career happiness – and happiness in general. (I think it’s almost impossible to untangle these two issues, but Penelope might disagree with me on that.) She wrote a terrific book, Brazen Careerist; she writes a very popular blog also called Brazen Careerist; and she’s the CEO of BrazenCareerist.com, an online community and consulting firm.

The thing about Penelope is that, yes, she is BRAZEN. She's unusually honest about her experiences and her views (for example, she wrote a lot about her experiences with marriage counseling), and unlike many highly opinionated people, she packs her writing with solid information and backs up her perspective. I always get a lot out of reading her material – I don’t always agree, but I’m always fascinated.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Penelope: There is nothing simple that I can rely on to make me happier. Yoga always makes me happy, but getting myself to do it is difficult even though I'm always happy I did it. Kissing someone I have a crush on always makes me happy, but finding the crush and orchestrating the kiss is tricky.

I want to tell you that expressing gratitude always makes me happier. I know that research says this is true. But I think we could debate forever how much increase in happiness is so small it's not even worth talking about. I'm not sure. But a kiss with a crush is always worth talking about.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?
My happiness levels in life don't particularly change depending on where I am in life. I have sort of a setpoint. I veer from it in the same way I veer from my regular weight the day after Thanksgiving -- I always go back to that setpoint.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Eating bread is what I’m working on right now. I've been off gluten enough to know that it makes a difference in my anxiety levels. I am calmer with no gluten. But bread is so yummy, and also it's the food I turn to if I want to do emotional eating. Over the course of a day I am happier if I don't eat bread, but over the course of a minute -- when the bread is in front of me -- it's hard to make the right decisions.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you've find very helpful?
I tell myself that happiness is not about making good choices or having success, it's about being resilient when we mess up.

If you're feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
I eat bread. And then I have the problem above. If I am really unhappy I go to bed. Severe unhappiness generally goes away with time.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I see a lot of bullshit around me. So I am sort of cynical about the discussion of happiness. I am not sure that I think the discussion of "Am I happy?" is productive. I think life is extremely difficult, for everyone, and that in order to get through life we have tricks for ourselves to continue the journey and happiness is sort of a trick. I don't think there is a lot of happiness in life, there is a lot of hopefulness and interest in how things unfold, and there are spurts of happiness. Sometimes I think that happiness is maybe not the most important part of a well-lived life. But I'm not sure.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy - if so, why?
Always the same. I have earned $300,000/year in NYC and I have earned $45,000 a year. And there was no change. I have been married and divorced, and there was no change. I have had lots of friends and very few friends, and no change. I am generally upbeat and optimistic, and I am an optimizer. And nearly of those things ever change.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Yes. By reading the research and watching how it applies to my life. Right now I am consumed with the idea that one of the biggest impacts you can have on happiness levels is going from no sex to having regular sex with a regular partner. Working on that one. Forget daily gratitudes. Those don't impact happiness nearly as much.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn't - or vice versa?
I thought money would make me happy. It didn't. I still think money would make me happy. There is cognitive dissonance and I think it might be part of our DNA. Here's an irony: That in order to spend days implementing the happiness research, you'd do best to have someone else supporting you financially, so you can focus on happiness. I get stuck on thinking like this. I'm not sure how right it is, I just know that people -- most people -- are stuck on the money issue, even if they won't admit it.

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Interesting Insight on Happiness.

Gwynethpaltrow4Yesterday’s New York Times had an article from Bob Morris, Martha, Oprah…Gwyneth? about Gwyneth Paltrow’s emergence as a lifestyle guru.

I’m not interested in cooking, so I paid no attention to Gwyneth Paltrow’s new PBS show with super-chef Mario Batali, “Spain…on the Road Again,” but I had checked out her website Goop, to see if it had any useful happiness-project information. (I was mystified by the name; the article explained that GOOP are her initials.)

Goop has attracted a fair bit of mockery, and when asked about that criticism in an interview, Gwyneth Paltrow observed, “People get a hit of energy when they are negative about something.”

I was quite struck by the truth of this statement. I’d never thought about it that way before. Yes, she’s right, people do get a hit of energy when they’re negative about something.

Many of my happiness-project resolutions focus on trying to nudge me to being more positive and less critical: “Give positive reviews,” “Don’t talk about my aggravations,” “Leave things unsaid,” “No gossip,” Cut people slack, “Be easy to please,” “Have a heart to be contented,” etc.

It turns out that it’s surprisingly difficult to be positive and enthusiastic -- it’s tiring. And being critical does supply a jolt of energy. I don’t know why, and it’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

In the end, though, being overly critical doesn’t boost happiness much. Self-image is shaped in large degree by our actions, and somewhere each one of us has a little Jiminy Cricket doing an evaluation: “Spiteful, destructive, unenthuasiastic, querulous…” Plus, the more negative we are toward others, the more negative they are toward us. Have you noticed that people who are very gossipy and critical are often quite paranoid? There's a reason for that.

Paltrow’s observation -- that being negative gives an energy hit – underscores a KEY point. When I’m tired, I’m far more likely to do things that drag on my happiness. I eat junk food, I speak too sharply to my family, I skip exercising, I don’t make the effort to help other people – neither strangers nor friends. And I’m more likely to be automatically negative.

I’ve becoming increasingly convinced about the importance of energy to happiness. When I started my happiness project, my first set of resolutions was aimed at boosting energy (“Get more sleep,” “Exercise better,” etc. – eventually I also largely quit drinking), because I figured I’m better able to keep my resolutions when I have more energy. I don’t need to write a snarky response to someone’s snarky comment on my blog, or criticize someone’s parenting decisions, or point out my husband’s shortcomings to him, or pointlessly trash a book or movie, to get that nasty hit of energy.

*Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Happiness Quotation from Robert Browning.

Robert_browning“Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what’s a heaven for?”
-- Robert Browning

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Your Happiness Project: Track Your Progress.

PileofdraftsI’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

One strategy that I find hugely helpful in many aspects of my life is to track my progress. Having some concrete proof of advancement gives me the gold stars I crave, and the accountability of charting my progress – or lack thereof – keeps me diligent.

One key way I track my progress is through my Resolutions Chart. The boxes below each resolution show me where I’m making progress and where I need to work harder.

I’ve found other ways to keep track of progress, too. As I’ve worked on the draft of my Happiness Project book (self-promotion alert: it comes out in January), I kept a pile of all the print-outs I’ve made. I work almost exclusively on the computer, but every once in a while I have to read it in a hard copy -- somehow, words look so different printed on a page. Keeping a stack of my evolving manuscript was a way to remind myself visually of how far I’ve come since I started.

As the photo here shows, the pile was also fairly unattractive, so after taking this picture I rewarded myself for completing the copy-edited version by tossing the entire stack. Now, in a reversal, the absence of the pile is a different sign of progress.

Keeping track of progress can help deter you from doing things you don’t want to do – for example, snacking mindlessly. In Brian Wansink’s fascinating book Mindless Eating, he describes an experiment where students were served free chicken wings while they watched the Super Bowl. When the tables were bussed so that people had a clean table in front of them and no evidence to remind them of how much they’d eaten, they ate 28% more chicken wings than the people did when the leftover bones were left piled in front of them. A friend applied this strategy herself. She is a big candy fan, and for a week, after she ate candy, she saved the wrapper in her purse. At the end of the week, she was horrified by the number of wrappers she’d accumulated, and she was inspired to cut back on her candy consumption.

Another way to keep track of progress is to keep a one-sentence journal. The thought of keeping a real journal – the kind written in beautiful script in a parchment journal – is daunting, but keeping a journal of one daily sentence is manageable. My one-sentence journal is just general family news, but other people use them to track progress in a specific area: the launch of a new business, brainstorming ideas for a project, tracking training for a marathon.

Have you found any good ways to track your progress? –and does it help you achieve your goals and keep your resolutions?

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I love reading the Communicatrix blog. It's full of insight and useful information, and it's funny.

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Nine Tips for Dealing with a Happiness Emergency--in the Next Hour.

EmergencyEvery Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Nine tips for dealing with a happiness emergency.

I posted originally posted this tips list on on the fabulous Zen Habits, but I wanted to put it here, as well.

What do you do if you're feeling blue because of the financial crisis? Or if you're just having an extremely lousy day? Here are nine strategies that can boost your mood right now in a happiness emergency. In the next thirty minutes, check off as many of the following items as possible. Each one will lift your spririts, as will the mere fact that you’ve tackled and achieved some concrete goals; by doing so, you boost your feelings of self-efficacy, which can boost happiness.

1. Boost your energy: stand up and pace while you talk on the phone or, even better, take a brisk ten-minute walk outside. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up, and the activity and sunlight are good for your focus, your mood, and the retention of information. Plus, because of emotional contagion, if you act energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too.

2. Reach out to friends: make a lunch date or send an email to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Having warm, close bonds with other people is the KEY to happiness, so take the time to stay in touch. Somewhat surprisingly, socializing boosts the moods not only of extroverts, but also of introverts.

3. Rid yourself of a nagging task: answer a difficult email, do an errand you’ve been putting off, or call to make that dentist’s appointment. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of energy and relief.

4. Create a calmer environment: clear some physical and mental space around yourself by sorting papers, pitching junk, cleaning a closet, stowing supplies, sending out quick email responses, filing, or even just making your piles neater. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Try to get in the habit of using the one-minute rule — i.e., never postpone any task that can be completed in less than one minute. And always make your bed in the morning! For most people, outer order contributes to inner peace.

5. Lay the groundwork for some future fun: order a book you’ve been wanting to read (important: not something you think you should read) or plan an excursion to a museum, hiking trail, sporting event, gardening store, movie theater—whatever sounds like fun. Studies show that having fun on a regular basis is a pillar of happiness, and anticipation is an important part of that pleasure. Try to involve friends or family, as well; research shows that people enjoy almost all activities more when they’re with other people than when they’re alone.

6. Do a good deed: make an email introduction of two people who could help each other, or set up a blind date, or shoot someone a piece of useful information or gratifying praise. Do good, feel good — this really works. Also, although we often believe that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. When you act in a friendly way, you’ll strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people. Along the same lines...

7. Act happy: put a smile on your face right now. Research shows that even a fake smile has a positive influence on your emotions — turns out that just going through the motion of happiness brightens your mood. In the same way, a recent experiment suggested that people who use Botox might be less prone to anger, because they can't make angry faces. If you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.

8. Count your blessings. Take ten minutes to think about all the things in your life that are going right, about all the things that other people do to help you, about all the things that you’re thankful for. In the tumult of everyday life, it’s very easy to focus on the negative and to lose sight of what really matters.

9. Perform an action that reflects your values. Do you think organ donation is a good idea? Sign up online to be one yourself; it takes less than a minute. Worried about climate change? Refill your water bottle from the tap instead of buying a couple of bottles throughout the day. The First Splendid Truth holds that to work on happiness, we should think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. Living up to your values will help you “feel right.”

Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal. To the contrary. Studies show that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. So in working to boost your own happiness, you’re benefiting others as well.

Feel happier yet? Have you found any other effective strategies to give yourself a quick jolt of emergency happiness?

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Mindfulness Exercise: Look Down Third Avenue, Avoid Getting Hit by Cars.

AvenuenyA concept that comes up all the time in the study of happiness is mindfulness. I’m not a very mindful person (are you? here’s a quiz), and I’m always looking for ways to cultivate greater mindfulness. Except meditation — I just cannot get myself to try meditation. I know, I know, I should.

But even though meditation holds no attraction for me, I’ve found other ways to cultivate mindfulness. For one thing, I’ve been trying to make myself more aware of the very small pleasures scattered through my days. Instead of absentmindedly noticing the smell of hyacinths, for instance, I want to take a moment properly to appreciate it.

I identified a small but real pleasure yesterday. I noticed how much I love to look up and down the long avenues in my neighborhood. I love seeing the buildings rising up on both sides, the long lines of red, green, and white lights, the patterns of people and signs. Now, reveling in this pleasure is slightly dangerous, because it means I’m standing in the middle of the street – so it’s a fleeting pleasure that can last only as long as a red light. But having registered this pleasure, I’m going to try to enjoy it every time I cross an avenue.

Keying into these tiny pleasures gives you a lift even on a happy day. And being in the habit of noticing them can also act as a buffer when you’re feeling blue or angry. One concrete cause of unhappiness is rumination. Studies show that by dwelling on irritating feelings and episodes, you amplify their power in your mind. Taking a moment to distract yourself from bad feelings can help alleviate them.

Samuel Johnson observed, “It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.” The pleasure of looking south down Third Avenue is little, but it’s real.

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Why I Now Own a Set of Four Heart-Shaped Placemats.

ValentineplateThree of my favorite happiness-project resolutions are Take time for projects, Be a treasure house of happy memories, and “Appreciate the seasons and this time of life.”

A great way to combine all three of these resolutions is to observe family traditions, and as one new tradition (oxymoron?), I’ve started planning holiday breakfasts. I copied this idea from a friend, after I saw how she’d set her table for her Valentine’s Day breakfast last year, and I’ve been doing it for holidays ever since.

For birthdays, I have a special cupcake plate, a special candle, and a big banner. For Halloween, I have special plates, special pumpkin candles, those window-gel decorations that stick on windows and mirrors, and I dyed the peanut-butter black (my daughters eat peanut-butter on toast for breakfast). Etc.

This weekend marked my first Valentine’s breakfast. I put out special placemats, heart-shaped plates, cut the toast into heart shapes and dyed the peanut-butter red, put heart decorations on the window, scattered a few Sweethearts candies around the table, and gave each girl a pack of Valentine’s-Day-themed stickers. As the photo shows (yes, that is an actual photo of what I did), I didn’t do anything fancy.

Now, like most traditions, this was a bit of a pain. I had to make sure I had some decorations (next year, I’ll just re-use what I bought this year). I had to wait until the girls went to sleep to set the table – at a time when I felt like collapsing myself. I had to pre-mix the peanut-butter the night before.

But the preparations weren’t very onerous, and it was a lot of fun the next morning. One of the nice things about kids is that it doesn’t take much for them to feel like something is “special,” so even a simple tradition is very gratifying.

If I didn’t have kids, I’d try to find some other way to celebrate the holidays. These kinds of traditions mark the passage of time in a pleasant way and add a note of festivity to everyday life.

Also, the major holidays can become a lot of work. It’s nice to celebrate in a very manageable way.


* On the subject of Sweethearts candy, Reader’s Digest compiled a list of the last ten year’s worth of sayings. Who knew they ever changed?

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

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