What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Mindfulness Exercise: Look Down Third Avenue, Avoid Getting Hit by Cars.

AvenuenyA concept that comes up all the time in the study of happiness is mindfulness. I’m not a very mindful person (are you? here’s a quiz), and I’m always looking for ways to cultivate greater mindfulness. Except meditation — I just cannot get myself to try meditation. I know, I know, I should.

But even though meditation holds no attraction for me, I’ve found other ways to cultivate mindfulness. For one thing, I’ve been trying to make myself more aware of the very small pleasures scattered through my days. Instead of absentmindedly noticing the smell of hyacinths, for instance, I want to take a moment properly to appreciate it.

I identified a small but real pleasure yesterday. I noticed how much I love to look up and down the long avenues in my neighborhood. I love seeing the buildings rising up on both sides, the long lines of red, green, and white lights, the patterns of people and signs. Now, reveling in this pleasure is slightly dangerous, because it means I’m standing in the middle of the street – so it’s a fleeting pleasure that can last only as long as a red light. But having registered this pleasure, I’m going to try to enjoy it every time I cross an avenue.

Keying into these tiny pleasures gives you a lift even on a happy day. And being in the habit of noticing them can also act as a buffer when you’re feeling blue or angry. One concrete cause of unhappiness is rumination. Studies show that by dwelling on irritating feelings and episodes, you amplify their power in your mind. Taking a moment to distract yourself from bad feelings can help alleviate them.

Samuel Johnson observed, “It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.” The pleasure of looking south down Third Avenue is little, but it’s real.

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.


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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

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