Your Happiness Project: Find Your "Comfort Food" Activity.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

We’re all familiar with the idea of “comfort food” – the food that you turn to when you’re feeling sad or stressed, to make yourself feel better. Maybe it’s mac and cheese made the way your mother used to make it, or maybe it’s a cupcake from your favorite bakery.

I realized that I have a “comfort food” type activity: reading children’s books. I love children’s literature, so I often read children’s books (now that I’ve embraced my love for kidlit) whatever my mood.

But when I’m feeling overwhelmed, worried, or upset, I find myself turning to children’s books for comfort. These are books that I’ve re-read innumerable times, and that I love, and that have that special quality of atmosphere that children’s books have.

My favorite comfort-activity authors are Louia May Alcott, C. S. Lewis, Frances Hodgson Burnett, Madeleine L’Engle, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Edward Eager, Elizabeth Enright, and Noel Streatfield. Oh, and E. L. Konigsberg, L. Frank Baum, Judy Blume, Robert O’Brien, Betty MacDonald, and Susan Cooper. And of course J. K. Rowling.

Just thinking about these names gives me a delicious feeling of pleasure and reassurance.

For years, I read children’s books as my comfort activity without quite grasping that I was self-medicating through literature. Now, though, instead of unconsciously wandering over to my kidlit bookshelves in times of stress, I reach for these books, knowing that they’ll make me feel better. Realizing I have a tool at the ready is itself soothing.

My husband cooks for his comfort activity – often, bread. A friend of mine told me he plays with his dog, another friend watches episodes of The Sopranos, and another friend cleans out the fridge.

Remember, to find real comfort in an activity, it can’t be something that makes you feel anxious or guilty, later. That kind of treat doesn't work in the long run. Don’t go shopping or eat ice cream if the good feeling is going to turn bad.

Do you have a "comfort food" activity?

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Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[Kristin]

Mm, mac and cheese. That and cinnamon rolls are my favorite comfort foods. (The fact that I'm allergic to wheat means I don't have them often, but sometimes the reaction I get is entirely worth the treat.)

Activity-wise -- I have a few authors whose books definitely count as "comfort food" for me. Mercedes Lackey's Arrows trilogy, Jennifer Roberson's Tiger and Del series, Elizabeth Moon's Deed of Paksennarion. I've read all of them a multitude of times, but not so much that I've gotten tired of them. They're like old friends.

Other comfort food activities: listening to music, watching certain TV shows (currently Burn Notice and Psych are high on my list).

[Nicole C.]

I would say mine is listening to empowering songs about being an individual, or reading something semi-educational, because I really love learning. Also talking to a family member's nice, but if you need comfort from your family I do something I'm good at, like learning.

[Suzanne Shaffer]

My comfort activity is watching
"The West Wing" episodes. I was watching one today actually as I was reading this blog. I have often wondered why it helps me so much to watch these old television shows. But today, after reading this blog, I realized that every episode either solves a problem, fights a wrong, gives hope, or deals with a relationship issue. It's every frustration in life nicely wrapped in a solution and at the end of each one of them I always smile.

I think I'll dig out my copy of "Little Men" by Louisa May Alcott which reminds me of my childhood and simpler times!

[Helen]

Mercedes Lackey is comfort food for me, too! And Dick Francis.

[Ashley]

Have to agree with you about Louisa May Alcott and Madeleine L'Engle, Gretchen! My copy of A Wrinkle in Time is so worn I'm going to have to get a new one soon.

Children's literature and young adult literature are some of my "comfort food" items, too. I also turn to baking, journaling, and creative writing when times are tough.

[Tracy]

Hi Gretchen,
Weirdly, I like to fold towels. There is something about warm, fresh laundry, combined with taking something in a heap and making it into a neat pile. Sometimes pairing socks will work for me, too. Many people appreciate this little quirk about me!

[Roving Lemon]

Gretchen, I'm with you on children's literature, both regularly and as comfort reading. My other favorite comfort reading is cookbooks--all the joy of comfort food, with none of the hard work or calories.

[Lauren]

I am also a kidlit reader -- may I recommend Rick Riordan's Olympian series?

In addition to kidlit I can always turn to Pride and Prejudice in times of stress. Nearly all of the book or film versions can do the trick. I'm not picky.

Thank you Ms. Austin!

[Tootie]

I like watching sitcoms (Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc). And sometimes calling a friend or family member helps, too.

[Carrie]

One of my favorite books to re-read is "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It helps me to know that someone so similarly neurotic can work to find peace and (maybe!) happiness.

I also enjoy organizing things.

[EscapeVelocity]

Favorite books, adult or children's, are good. Arthur Ransome's Swallows and Amazons series is a current favorite. I also like listening to music, particularly Bach or Rodrigo. And snuggling cats.

[Ashely]

I love to watch The Office. I love spending time with my Office family and laughing helps make me feel better. The episode, The Dundies is the best in particular where it shows even though you may get beaten down, you can still have fun and support others and love and it'll be alright in the end.

[Leslie]

Oh my gosh!! I thought I was the only one with the secret stash of books from my childhood that I revisit when unhappy! My favorites are by Ursula K. LeGuin, Madeline L'Engle, and E.L. Konigsburg. Gone With the Wind and Room With a View come out when I'm *really* in need of a fix. I can recite passages from memory, but still find comfort in reading them on the page.

The worst part about having a baby was putting my books away in crates in the garage, to make space for the crib. Awful! My husband thinks I'm nuts for treasuring all these old, disintegrating paperbacks, and has even offered to buy me some of my special favorites in acid-free hardcover. It's just not the same, though.

[Kim]

Making soup! Especially the chopping part. There's something meditating and satisfying about taking one big thing and chopping it into many uniform things.

[Quatrefoil]

I also read children's books when I'm upset or tired or sick. All of the authors I knew on your list are also on my list of favourites, so now I'm going to track down the authors I hadn't heard of. I'd also add Eileen Bell and Alison Uttley.

[Daphne]

Gretchen, I love this post! Thought it was about food until I saw your list of authors. I read fiction when I'm stressed. Lately I've veered towards mystery or thriller types. Last book was John Grisham, and before that Stephen King. I'll even read Harry Potter!

Thanks for sharing this Gretchen. Nice to know a little more about you, and that we have a teeny weeny bit in common.

[The Healthy Librarian]

No doubt about it for me:

Cooking brings me comfort. And cooking comfort food that I can share is even better.

Here are two comfort food recipes that are winners. What I call Healthy Vegetarian Comfort Food.

http://www.happyhealthylonglife.com/happy_healthy_long_life/2008/10/obamas-pre-election-healthy-vegetarian-comfort-food---kenyan-vegetable-peanut-soup-kansan-mac-n-cheese.html

[Melissa]

I too turn to cooking when I am upset or down. To me cooking is creative and I get to use all my senses and requires all my concentration. Its a great distraction and then at the end you get to eat and share something delicious. My friend Chris will say to my husband "do something stupid to make her made so she'll bake". (in jest or course- sort of)

[Allan]

If you're British (especially if you're older than 40) then there is only one children's writer - Enid Blyton. For more than three decades (but especially the 40s, 50s, and 60s) she was THE children's writer. I must have read all her major books. What a magical writer. I'm an American citizen now, but I feel sorry for Americans of my age who didn't grow up with the "Famous Five" or the "Secret Seven, or the Mystery or Adventure series... Magical!

I must go back and read them again. From 7-12 I read Enid Blyton and I played soccer. As much as I loved playing soccer (football) I think Enid shaped my life more.

My nieces still read her books. J.K. is great, but even she must bow before Enid...

[Christopher]

I agree - if it wasn't for my two little daughters, what would I do? Reading books like you mentioned, coloring for hours, playing Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, fingerpainting, playing with play-doh...all those are so enjoyable.

[Catherine Cantieri, Sorted]

Excellent post! My comfort activity is high on the geek scale: I'll watch an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on DVD while working a jigsaw puzzle.

For reading, I say you can't beat a good, thoughtful murder mystery. I try to read at least 15 minutes of one every night before going to bed. It helps me "come down" from a long day in front of a computer screen.

[Vi]

My "comfort food" activity is to go to Dunkin Donuts. It's a safe haven place for me. When I was a child, my family would go there for breakfast on the weekends. Thus, I've a very strong positive association with that place. When I go there, I automatically feel safe and relaxed.

[expat princess]

Reading, in general. I am not much of a re-reader. My readers just sent in their answers to the question: what was your favorite book before you could read? Excellent answers and a great start to a kidlit library!

[FupDuckTV]

Comfort Activity: Blogging (I never would have guessed), Volleyball, Drinking, Running

[Ptraci]

Tapestry - fantasy lit. - cricket on the radio - Bach, Bach, more Bach.

[Keetha]

The last couple of months, for reasons I can't quite determine, have been full of anxiety and stress - I feel like I'm running on empty.

I have just re-read "Meet the Austins," a childhood favorite. (I did a post this morning about books I read this month, including that one.) I have my copy from when I was growing up - it's battered, stained, and dog-eared -- I love it. :-) I completely get what you mean about "comfort reading."

So glad I've found this website.

[Suddenly Susan]

I love this post. It made me to smile to read someone writing about folding towels. Nice!

I like to do rubber stamping for a comfort activity. When I'm a little blue or just not feeling happy about things, I sit at a table and get out all my stamping stuff (I have about 6 shoe boxes full of craft stuff) and just create. I try to keep an open mind about what I'm creating and it always seems to erase whatever is going on in my head. I sometimes can spend 4 to 6 hours just stamping and cutting and writing. I don't do that very often but it is so therapeutic when I do.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their ideas!

[Caroline]

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes! (Jumps up and down with glee.) Soooo pleased to find other kidlit lovers here - I thought I might be a minority of one. I don't think I'd ever realised that this was a comfort activity until you mentioned it, but of course it makes perfect sense.

To Allan, above, my Mum gave away ALL my Famous Five books - a whole set of redcloth hardbacks - when I left home, and I don't think I ever really forgave her for that!

I loved this post Gretchen and many of your favourite authors are mine, too. Time to go and dig out 'The Secret Garden' or perhaps 'A Little Princess', and snuggle up with the cat.

[Kathryn]

Reading Susie Homemaker magazines (Family Circle, Women's Day, that kind of stuff) while soaking in a hot bath. I think that's about as inactive as you can get on the activity scale without actually being asleep, though.

[pjscraps]

What a great topic, as are so many of your posts.

Several things could be described as my "comfort food." I've always referred to them as "therapy;" others call them hobbies. I love making quilts and collecting fabric, taking photography and manipulating the images, digital scrapbooking, making music, watching specific tv shows, and reading mystery/suspense novels.

At any given time, one of these hobbies is just what I need to calm and center myself. At the moment, it's reading.

If I become particulary cranky, my family will send my to my sewing room. But now that I know the therapeutic benefits, I'll
remind myself to enjoy one of my hobbies. They are less expensive than a therapist, and quite often, have a tangible result to share.

[Juli]

Comfort activity - Writing, reading, blogging and definitely hugging my husband and/or daughters. And, that last one is the best, feels great, changes nothing but changes everything and, of course, no calories. :)

[Juli]

My comfort activities are reading, writing, blogging, and hugging my husband and kids. Oh, and practicing gratitude - that one helps a lot when I get into a funky mood.

[the communicatrix]

Ha! I've written about this at length. Figures we're on the same page, here; literally, in one case: I love the Frances books by Lillian and Russell Hoban.

My real comfort activity is watching certain movies. I've seen "Play Misty for Me" upwards of 500x, easily. It gets the heaviest rotation, but "Jackie Brown," "Mildred Pierce," "All About Eve," "The Best of Everything" and a handful of others are in there, too.

Fine post!

[Michelle]

I like to pull out one of the 8 seasons of Gilmore Girls I have on DVD - either that or watch some 80's cartoons from when I was a kid or watch The Last Unicorn!

[ShaunMac]

I listen to Steely Dan. But recently this has helped as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NjwcsHbcDE

Thanks

[Theresa]

You must try Anne of Green Gables by L.M.Montgomery and Random Harvest by James Hilton. Such comfort!

[Theresa]

You must try Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery and Random Harvest by James Hilton. Such comfort!

[George Black]

Favorite "comfort food" activity? Why, comfort food, of course. I guess that's why you're thin and I'm...well...not.

Kidlit sounds like a good alternative. I should try it...as soon as I finish this bowl of mac & cheese.

[Rober McCarty]

Your Happiness Project is a wonderful idea...in my experience, an insight by Louise Hay opened a door...happiness, for most people, begins with self-forgiveness.

I am sending you an email in order to arrange sending you comfort food -- complimentary copies of our Planet Of The Dogs series of childrens books.

Ever onward,
Robert McCarty

[Yes, But Still...]

Cleaning or organizing tends to do it for me. I'm kind of lucky in this regard...

[Judith]

I love to go back and read "The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew" by Margaret Sidney. Read to me as a child, it was as comforting to me then as it is now.

I also picked up some adult coloring books at Barnes & Noble which I really enjoy. Right now I am working on flowers, butterflies, and Egyptian art. They are a bit intricate to color, but the concentration effort helps me to relax and put everything else on mental hold. (I also have fun with ordinary children's coloring books too!)

Judith

[Nicola]

Wow. So many like-minded souls! I, too, am a childhood book afficiando - Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, both of which I've read an embarrassingly 25+ times - as well as other old favourites - some Dick Francis, some novels written in the 1940s, some of the books already named. (Although I'll be scouring this list for new kidlit books I've not yet read, to get out from the library.) I, too, love The West Wing, for the same reasons stated above and also because it gives me hope that pluralistic societies will win out. I, too, love to make soup when I'm low or down or blue or poorly. I also watch chick flicks/sentimental films - everything from You've Got Mail, to It's a good life, to Open Range. And finally, I surf the online archives of Architectural Digest, looking at all the beautiful homes and imagining beautiful lives lived in them (total non sequitur, I know, as one can be miserable in a mansion and contented in a caravan).

[Gretchen Rubin]

Ah, just reading about these activities has given me a lovely feeling of comfort. It's interesting to see the pattern of activities that people find soothing.

And children's literature -- who knew so many people loved it so much, as adults! Don't hide your battered Tolkien or apologize for the Harry Potter books! I found some great suggestions here, off to order some.

About Blyton in particular: I discovered her very recently -- it's astonishing that so few people in the US know about her, given her popularity in UK -- when so many other British writers are so well-known here, like Nesbit, Tolkien, CS Lewis, Frances Hodgson Burnett, etc.

So interesting.

[Janet]

Re-reading Gladys Taber books about Stillmeadow, her home in Connecticut and her shore home in Cape Cod. The books are about the natural world, food and family and are the first things I think of when I need comfort.

I have just about every book she wrote and after 9/11, I re-read every one of them. They were all I could handle.

[Mel]

If I am stressed or in need of "comfort," the last thing I am able to do is focus or concentrate enough to read a book...though I've never tried children's literature for this sake, and now I must!

In the meantime, I love to curl up with my cats, a bowl of popcorn, and a sitcom like "Friends," "The Office," "Gilmore Girls," or "How I Met Your Mother." I also blog or visit this blog! Other things that help me are praying and listening to classical or jazz music...preferably while soaking in a hot bath!

[Margaret]

Oh, E.B. White, of course.

Also, if you haven't read Tony Earley's JIM THE BOY, you're missing a real treat. He has said in interviews that the only thing that brought him back from a debilitating depression as young man was rereading his favorite children's authors-- primarily E. B. White and Laura Ingalls Wilder-- and his novels share that simple, profound language.

[Debra]

Reading the Happiness Project, of course :-)
Also, baking, baking, baking. Today's comfort food - banana bread. It's not so much the eating as the making.

[Ella]

I reread the novels of Laurie Colwin when I'm stressed about something - have now read all of them many times. If you haven't read her books yet, I highly recommend them. I also find it comforting to read cookbooks.

[Bonnie]

Leslie, you mentioned Madeline L'Engle, whom I adore. Her memoirs are one of my comfort reads. She writes about marriage, death, religion and family life in her country house. The books, though not fanciful like her "children's" books (which I also love to re-read) are just as magical to me.

But my main comfort activity is reading vintage beauty books. Like Gretchen, it took me a while to even note that it was a habit. Longer to note it was a habit that might have some value.

[Michael Schmidt]

There are many different definitions for happiness, but I value the definition provided by the International Institute of Management (IIM) proposing the socioeconomic development to be responsible for the national state of happiness. Moreover, IIM proposes to call the concept Gross National Wellness (GNW) or second generation Gross National Happiness (GNH). The metric measures socioeconomic development by tracking seven development areas including the nation's mental and emotional health. For closer information on the subject go to

http://www.iim-edu.org/grossnationalhappiness/index.htm

[Sandy Garrison]

This post made my little librarian's heart smile! And I feel totally validated in finding comfort in children's books. Some others you might enjoy include the Eloise series, the Toot and Puddle series, the Olivia series, as well as "The Principles of Uncertainty," not technically a kid's book, but the author, Maira Kalman, is a children's book illustrator.

[Cathy]

My Comfort Food Activity is going all around the house refilling or replacing things: the salt & pepper shakers, flour & sugar cannisters, shampoo & conditioner bottles, a new bar of soap in the shower, fresh tube of tootpaste on the bathroom counter. It sounds nuts I know but I feel so much satisfaction afterwards.

[Vickie Leonard]

Reading Saki (H H Munro)always makes me laugh. My only kidlit comfort is Wind in the Willows.
This site is so wonderful

[Karen H, Phillips]

Comfort beverages--Southern sweet tea, hot cocoa

Comfort foods--mashed potatoes, candied yams, meat loaf, collard or turnip greens, cookies-almost any type!

Comfort reads--the Bible, Pride and Prejudice, Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book, Tuesdays with Morrie, or my latest find at the big used bookstore

Comfort activities--lunch with our whole family on Sundays, walking on the pedestrian bridge across the river, coffee with writing friends at Starbucks, writing anything--blog, journal, poetry, fiction, nonfiction

[Amelia]

I too am big on cooking and cleaning/tidying, but if I am majorly stressed out, activity can make me more and more wound up. I don't read much but when stressed or upset I turn to "One Day One Lifetime" by the grandmaster of my karate style, Kaicho Tadashi Nakamura, it always soothes me.
Thanks for taking a "activity" view on comfort food, I really like the concept Gretchen :)

[Alexandre]

Really liking the "self-medicating through literature" concept. Self-medication is tricky when it's done through herbs or pills, but there isn't much of a dosage problem with literature. A psychological therapist would likely agree.
Though I used to be a literary geek, I haven't been reading much fiction, in the past several years. In a way, I do feel guilty when I read books, which negates the "comfort food" effect. Sounds awkward, I know, but I've learnt to know myself, regardless of how strange it sounds.
When I was on the way back to happiness, last summer, I had a very useful "comfort food" activity: browsing LOLcats.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
They just worked. They didn't really "save my life" but they were exactly "what the doctor ordered" when I was still feeling blue.
I "got my happiness back" in late September, after a hiatus of twelve years. I still read LOLcats on occasion, but they don't have the same effect on me because I don't need the same effect.

"Realizing I have a tool at the ready is itself soothing."
Precisely!
The same effect can occur through many other things. In fact, just knowing that you can reach out to someone in times of need has a similar effect, IMHO. EAPs are remarkably efficient, for this. Not that they're geared toward emergencies, but the very thought that you have access to a non-judgemental mental health professional who can understand how you feel is extremely valuable, especially after you establish rapport with one such specialist.

Going back to the "self-medication" issue... The length of time during which you use these tools to get better seems to be problematic while you're going through a rough period but, in retrospect, it's remarkable how inconsequential it is. Meaning: when you're enjoying kidlit or your husband is baking,. it may seem as if the "treatment" should be over as quickly as possible and there might be a time-related guilt/remorse setting in at some point. But after you've taken care of yourself properly and got your happiness back, reflecting upon the time it took (in terms of hours) shows how time-efficient it is when compared to the time spent feeling unhappy. It's the (apparent) paradox of slow: when you take your time, you save a lot of time.

[Pat Tomberlin]

My "comfort food" activity is making doll clothes. Nobody has to be happy with the result except me. The dolls don't complain. And I get to "play dolls" like I did as a child.

[Tracy Talbot]

Any creative activity will bring me comfort.

[Oanh]

Given that you love children's authors, you must read (if you have not already) Dianna Wynne Jones and Rumer Godden, both excellent UK children's authors.

My "comfort food activity" is going for walks in a park or the countryside (preferably countryside).

Thanks for popping by!

[Annette]

Dancing! Mainly Ballroom/Latin and Argentine Tango.

And baking (which I have seen in this list several times).

[Melissa]

My "comfort food" activity is reading your blog! It's wonderful - thank you for all the wonderful, insightful posts, Gretchen!

I also LOVE taking my dog to the dog park and watching him explore and play with other dogs. It makes him so happy, and that makes me happy. :)

[Lexi]

Mine is taking long walks while listening to music, on shuffle, via my mp3 player. I do this during lunch time at work and I come back in a much better mood and instantly feel more productive.

[cakemix]

crochet!
i find it soo meditative.
guess that's why i've been doing it so much.

xxx

[Amanda Leigh]

My comfort activity is coloring with crayons (not markers or colored pencils). Also, I enjoy reading and listening to music while cleaning or redecorating.

[Loida]

Comfort Food Activities: Journaling, reading, watching movies, watching TV, walking, talking with friends, and listening to music.
Only when I have finished all my homework.
Only certain kinds of music, not love songs, not angry songs.
Talking with friends only works if the conversation flows.

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