Happiness Myth No. 4: You’ll Be Happier If You Insist on “The Best.”

As I’ve studied happiness over the past few years, I’ve learned many things that surprised me. Each day for two weeks, I’m debunking one “happiness myth” that I believed before I started my happiness project. Yesterday I wrote about Happiness Myth No. 3: Venting anger relieves it.

Happiness Myth No. 4: You’ll Be Happier If You Insist on “The Best.”

Maybe not. As Barry Schwartz explains in his fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice, there are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their criteria are met; when they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision; even if they see a bicycle that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option.

Studies suggest that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. They find the research process exhausting, yet can’t let themselves settle for anything but the best.

As a shopper, my mother is a good example of a “happy limited maximizer.” In some categories, she’s a maximizer, and she loves the very process of investigating every possibility. When my daughters were flower-girls in my sister’s wedding, my mother would have loved nothing more than to examine every possible dress, just for the fun of it. In other categories, however, she’s a satisficer.

I’m a satisficer, and I often felt guilty about not doing more research before making decisions. In law school, one friend interviewed with fifty law firms before she decided where she wanted to go as a summer associate; I think I interviewed with six. We ended up at the same firm. Once I learned to call myself a “satisficer,” I felt more satisfied with my approach to decision-making; instead of feeling lazy and unconscientious, I could call myself prudent.

It’s one of the Secrets of Adulthood: Most decisions don’t require extensive research. In some situations, the happier course is to know when good enough is good enough, and not to worry about making the perfect choice.

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Comments

[MJ]

This explains why I was always miserable shopping with my mother (and can't do it now) - she is an Ultra Maximizer and genuinely enjoys looking at every design of faucet and handle set, every outfit, every coat, every pattern of wallpaper made....I am an Ultra Satisficer and decide what I need (not want, need) before I leave for the shops - and I buy the first one that meets the criteria and get out as fast as possible. Together we were constantly unhappy because no one got what she needed (she could have stayed in a shop or mall until it closed, I started crossing my arms, pacing and getting a headache after 5 minutes (10 max)). You really do have to "be yourself" to be happy.

[Vi]

Great post!

I think the main problem with people are are "maximizers" is that they are typically consumed with the thought: what if I make the wrong decision. That is they are driven by avoidance of a wrong choice rather than driven by wanting to find a good choice.

Also, as a side note, I don't like the terminology maximizer and satisficer. The issue is that the searching is also a real cost (time, energy, and psychological). So if you incorporate that cost, then in fact, I think it is the satisficers that are truly maximizing by taking into account the search cost (continual searching isn't worthwhile), while maximizers are erroneously not taking that search cost into account.

[kazari]

I think about it this way: Some people agonise over the decision BEFORE they buys something, other people agonise over it afterwards.

I'm going to send this article to my husband. He's just bought a refurbished mac book pro, after weeks (months?) of looking for the best option.

[Kristin]

I am definitely a satisficer. It can be a struggle at work -- I find myself frequently being the one to ask, "Do we really need to do this? Is it worth the effort? Isn't what we have sufficient?" They're reasonable questions, and I think it's good to make sure that we're not wasting our time, effort, and money, but at the same time I feel like it might seem to others as though I'm lazy and don't want to do the work.

[Heather]

This is really interesting! I am definitely a satisficer, my fiance is a maximizer. We're currently planning our honeymoon in Europe. Looking for hotels he goes through and reads every review, checks multiple sites and tries to find the best possible hotel. On the other hand, I take the top 5 rated hotels in our price range and chose the one with the most "stars" in the reviews. I hate the process of searching for the best deal or the perfect item. However, I'm very rarely disappointed in my final choice, probably because I never realized what the alternatives were.

[Christopher]

I'm definitely a maximizer and I'm at least glad I'm self aware enough to realize it.

[Jason C.]

It seems to me that you can substitute the term "perfectionist" with "maximizer". I have been a perfectionist all my life. I now realize that it is most often a waste of time to find something that is "perfect" after finding "good enough".

It is still a challenge for me because I often find myself obsessing over decisions. At least I'm aware of the issue now. Breaking lifelong habits is always difficult.

[Shanel Yang]

Go satisficers! I'm yet another one!

Interestingly, I am less of a "satisficer" when it comes to my own work, though. For example, if I'm researching a blog topic, I'll keep looking for more data even after I probably have all I need -- just in case. But, shopping ... I definitely don't want to waste a single minute more once I've found whatever is good enough! : )

[Joshua RIchey]

As with most things, extremes on either side of the spectrum can be detrimental. In this case, I'm not sure which is worse: obsession or negligence.

[Bart]

So true.
I believe Schwartz said in a presentation about this subject, that maximizers usually end up with a higher salary/'better' career, but are indeed less happy than non-maximizers.

[Cath Hallsworth]

My husband is definitely a maximizer and I am a satisficer. I can't stand shopping with him, but let him go off and spend hours looking for his "toys". I don't necessarily make snap decisions, but I don't get too stressed out when making a decision. I have always believed that "time in money" and if I spend too much time making a decision, I am either losing money or "time" that I could be using to enjoy other aspects of life.

[Gretchen Rubin]

For me, just understanding the different approaches has made life easier. Now that I know that my mother is a maximizer, and I'm a satisficer, I can appreciate her process and not worry that I'm falling short. I just have a different approach.

[Dimitar Nikolov]

It's all about having realistic expectations and believing in yourself.

Here's an example:
John wants to lose 5 kilos for one month. However, he knows that he can't change his eating habits that fast and that he doesn't have enough time to do exercise. He hasn't set a realistic expectation and he doesn't believe that he'll come up to it. So he fails to achieve his goal and blunders into depression.

Satisfaction is an important element of happiness. The only way to feel satisfied of yourself is to be realistic.

[FupDuckTV]

I am a self proclaimed satisficer. Many people close to me are maximizers. I often feel bad for them, but ultimately they have to be who they are too. There is no point in trying to change them.

Good post Gretchen. This is the first of the four happiness myths that I have agreed with your assessment on.

[EscapeVelocity]

I'm a perfectionist, and it does cause problems in making decisions and actually getting stuff done. I need to get some work done on my house and I've been putting it off as long as I could, because there are too many decisions involved and too many contradictory criteria (price/quality, always). I find I need to limit my options--I looked at maybe five houses when I bought mine, two cars, three boats when I bought my first boat and one for the second, and I've been happy with all of those choices.

[Kelly]

I am, without a doubt, a maximizer. I agonize over every decision, even small ones, and once a choice is made, I inevitably doubt the wisdom of it, feeling regret and left with the feeling that I made the wrong choice. It's practically debilitating.

Unfortunately, I come by it naturally. My parents think and think and think about decision before making them and it's only been in the last few years that I've realized that I get the habit from them.

It's very tough to break. I haven't yet, despite knowing that it drives me (and my husband) crazy.

[Random Guy]

But it seems that Gretchen is also a maximizer in some cases. Note that this blog leads off, "the year I spent test-driving every principle, tip, theory, and scientific study I could find" on happiness!

[Renee]

I am a maximizer at heart and I truly enjoy the process of researching something as it also maximizes my anticipation of either a purchase or experience.

What I've also learned though is that after I've made my decision/choice/purchase is to then NEVER look back! If I keep looking and then find something "better" I just feel terrible and for no reason since it's unlikely I can undo my decision without some associated cost. I have no regrets because I concentrate from that point on enjoying my decision.

[Laura Lee Bloor]

Great myth to debunk. Maximizers will definitely be disappointed if they take this approach in trying to find a mate!

Your post reminds me of a post I wrote about how more choices actually make us less happy. "Happiness Is Fewer Choices."
http://tenaciousme3.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/happiness-is-fewer-choices/

[adora]

Most people around me are Maximizers. It is very troublesome when they spend 20 minutes picking food at restaurants and complain that they should have gotten something else.

[ramsy]

True, I am a maximizer - by character....but it's only in the last year or so that I have realized that my search for a mate would be less stressful if I became what you called a "satisficer" wow!

This is my year to try this new approach.;..and it's going pretty well actually...I am learning to challenge the ways I think...

[Life Coach]

Most decisions don’t require extensive research

True, the more advanced we are with age the more life experience we can draw upon to make informed decisions.

[Fred Bloggs]

An obvious happiness-reducing aspect of 'maximising' is the idea of "the best". "My best" is something different.

[john coyle]

But, the thing is, SOME decisions are worth "maximizing" and most others are not. The way I think about it is one of my own principles: Informed Decision Making: the data and analysis used to guide a decision should be directly proportional to the impact of the outcome: the more significant or long lasting the decision, the more time and effort should be performed to insure that the correct decision is being made. However, most smaller decisions are a part of a pattern – a repeat of an earlier, similar situation. The trick is leveraging past performance (both hits and misses) to hasten future decisions.

[Jul]

Can't wait to send this to my husband. We butt heads often on decisions because I'm a satisficer and he's a maximizer. Maybe he'll go along with my way more often after seeing it's a path to happiness. :)

[Mark]

Gretchen,
when I first read about maximizers and satisficers a few years ago, it started to change my life. I am a (mostly) reformed maximizer.
In the article that I had read, the fact that maximizers have hidden costs to decisions was the key point for me: gathering extra information is *not* cost free - it costs time and energy. And - as a maximizer, I could look back at old decisions and really see that gathering more information was not helpful past a certain point. Hence, it is actually irrational to be a maximizer - it does not lead to better decisions.
I have really implemented this and, yes, it made me happier.

[Linda]

Maximizer = Commitment-Phobe?

[jlitvlnvla]

I'm glad I was always a maximizer and stayed single. All the divorces I see non stop these days and all the personal problems that come with relationships, it would have been nice to have a family, but the price is just to high these days unless I found the perfect person: macrobiotic and vegan, only listens to classical music, and jewish. Maybe as the years went by i could have made a few exceptions but I couldn't see a happy life with anyone that didn't fit those categories. Glad to still be single rather than working on a 4th or 5th divorce like some people I know, and owing child support, unable to drive a car, unable own anything, unable to have a bank account. That seems to be what happens after divorces. Glad to be single. I still can have friends. Well a few that at least share some of my tastes.

[jlitvlnvla]

Happiness can be easier to find when one gets omega 3 and omega 6 in greater quantities in their diet. I found this when I started eating more hemp seeds in my diet. If I have bad days I eat greater quantities of hemp seeds( or flax seeds) and I find my positive emotions rise back to normal, or even better, much easier.
I read that if everyone ate enough foods with omega 3 and omega 6 in it , well psychiatrists might go out of business!

[Suzyn]

I used to maximize dutifully (e.g., reading every single item on a restaurant menu and carefully considering my 2-3 top choices, etc.) until I realized something revolutionary (to me, at least!): the difference between the best option and the second-best option is often not worth the effort, anxiety, and time it takes to figure out which is which. So I consciously worked to become a satisficer (though I didn't know the word at the time). I would glance over a menu 'til I found the first thing that looked good, then make myself close the menu, put it down, and focus on my table-mate. A MUCH more pleasant way to spend the first few minutes of a meal!

Your title reminded me of a story - a friend, after many decades of running his own successful business, decided he deserved "the best" dress shirts. He went to a shirtmaker, and selected the most expensive fabric they had. So he ended up with a dozen, custom-made oxford-cloth shirts - not really dress shirts at all!

[Maya]

This is one of the best articles I've ever read, and I have two Masters degrees.

[george]

I feel like I have joined late. I just got the newsletter. What an interesting thread however. I can't help but believe that some times in life it is better to be a satisficer and other times a maximizer. I spend hours researching the best 'toys' to buy and then usually end up purchasing the original gut feeling I had at the beginning.
When it comes to choosing a spouse or partner, should one be happy with 75-80% of what they are looking for in a person, or should they maximize and keep searching for the 100%. Seems like all the research in the world, in this instance, could leave you lonely and unhappy, while the satisficer could find the 'good enough' mate and spend years wondering what if....? Just a thought

[Julia]

This idea definitely resonates with me. I've grown out of some of my maximizer tendencies, but not all of them. I can definitely see how, in many situations, it would make me happier to try to 'turn off' my maximizer tendencies.

In some situations, though, maximizing actually DOES bring me great happiness and satisfaction. Personally, I think I need to embrace that in order to "Be Julia"! I guess I just need to work on being self-aware enough to tell the difference. :)

[Soyer]

john coyle obviously seems type a maximizer personality. who sits around all day analyzing decisions based on "directly proportional to the impact of the outcome?" I make fun of this ironic posts because I use to be like this, overanalyzing something to no end and making the analysis more important than what I was trying to decide on! I wonder if maximizers are typical of Type A, overachieving, perfectionist personalities? Can we create a psychological template?

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