Happiness Myth No. 7: Doing “Random Acts of Kindness” Brings Happiness.

As I’ve studied happiness over the past few years, I’ve learned many things that surprised me. Each day for two weeks, I’m debunking one “happiness myth” that I believed before I started my happiness project. Yesterday I wrote about Myth No. 6: Money Can't Buy Happiness.

Happiness Myth No. 7: Doing "Random Acts of Kindness" Brings Happiness.

Half wrong. It is true that studies show that if you commit a random act of kindness, you'll feel happier. What’s considered a “random act of kindness”? Giving a flower to a stranger, paying the toll for the car behind you, or putting coins in someone’s meter are typical examples.

Doing something thoughtful for someone else is a surefire way to make yourself happier. Do good, feel good.

However, probably the reason you feel happier is that you’re imagining that you’re making someone else happy (that’s the Second Splendid Truth, Part A) – and that’s not as true as you might think. A study shows that many people reacted to receiving a random act of kindness with –- suspicion! (See also Larsen and Prizmic's "Regulation of Emotional Well-Being" in The Science of Subjective Well-Being.)

This certainly rings true for me. If someone randomly does something kind for me, I’m on guard. It’s not that I have a profound distrust for mankind, it’s just that I’m uneasy if I don’t understand why someone behaves in an unusual way. It’s not the kindness of the act that’s the problem; it’s the randomness.

We don’t expect people to act randomly. A person might feel suspicious when you hand him a flower, for example, because he might think you’re trying to invoke the very strong psychological phenomenon of “reciprocation”: when someone gives you something or does something for you, you feel you must reciprocate. That’s why members of the Hare Krishna Society gave flowers to passers-by in airports. That’s why charities send those complimentary address labels when they ask you for money. (For a fascinating discussion of reciprocation, read the brilliant book by Robert Cialdini, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.)

It’s always nice to be nice, of course. It’s not bad to practice random acts of kindness. But if you want to build your happiness based on the happiness you bring to other people – the noblest ways of boosting happiness – it’s more productive to be targeted. Help a co-worker even when you’re rushing to meet a deadline yourself. Go out of your way to help an overwhelmed parent juggling toddlers and grocery bags. Putting money in someone’s meter is just such an unexpected action that there’s a good chance that it won’t be understood correctly.

Maybe some people are attracted to acting randomly because it allows them to be more secretive about their good deeds; some people believe that the fact that you get “credit” for a worthy act somehow minimizes its worth, and along the same lines, some people argue that you can never act with true altruism, because performing good acts brings the pleasure of happiness. My view: all the better!

The fact is, the sight of someone performing a generous or kind act always makes me feel happy. Especially if it’s me! The spectacle of virtue inspires the feeling of elevation — one of the most delicate pleasures that the world offers. As Simone Weil observed, “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” That’s true no matter who is performing that real good.

So perform acts of kindness. Randomly, but even better, not randomly.

How about you? What has been your experience with random acts of kindness -- whether on the receiving or the giving end?

* I always like checking out the many fascinating writers on the Psychology Today blogs.

* I'm on Twitter.

Comments

[Lynn C]

There's something decidedly depressing about the idea that people regard kindness from strangers with suspicion.

One of my best friends gets downright HOSTILE if someone holds a door open for her, or offers to carry something for her; as if she's viewing the act as an insult. Obviously, she thinks they think that she's incapable of holding the door open herself. That she's a weak, pathetic woman and they have to HELP her carry her groceries in...

I'm not even sure how true it is. I mean, if you get blood in the hospital, you don't know who gave it to you. Someone like me just sat in a chair one day and bled into a bag for 20 minutes and you're never going to know that I did it, or why I did it. But I don't see many people turning down transfusions...

I don't know how kind paying someone's meter is, but I do know that the woman who ran short of quarters at the laundrymat the other day was grateful that I spotted her an extra dollar so she could finish drying her husband's work shirts.

[Sheila]

Most criticism of the 'random acts of kindness' notion point out that this world needs is deliberate and calculated acts of kindness more than merely random ones.

Me, I'd like to see more Senseless Acts of Beauty.

[Kristin]

I really like the distinction you made -- perform acts of kindness, but maybe not so randomly.

If a stranger tried to hand me a flower, I might accept or I might be annoyed. Either way, that flower has no meaning for me -- it might be pretty, and depending on my mood it may make me smile, but I'll end up throwing it out or forgetting about it, most likely. However, if a friend randomly brought me a flower, that would make my day (possibly my week) because it meant he/she was thinking of me, specifically, and wanted to make me, specifically, smile.

I think the problem with the random/untargeted acts is when they involve money or tangible things. We equate things and money with bartering or buying. Paying someone else's tab might make that person uncomfortable; holding the door for them probably won't.

[sprite]

I absolutely love both being the giver and the recipient of random acts of kindness. I can only control my end of things. If those at the receiving end choose to receive my gifts in ways not intended, I figure that's their problem and not mine.

That said, I would hardly inflict kindnesses on people I knew would not enjoy them (in the same way I wouldn't throw a surprise party for someone who I knew hated surprises).

[Rich]

Just a week or so ago in Phoenix, someone at a fast food drive through paid for the order of the vehicle behind in line. Believe it or not, this continued throughout the day. It made the evening news. Not only did the original driver achieve some degree of happiness, but also the employees of the restaurant, the following customers, the news crew, and those who saw the broadcast as I did.

This would seem to demonstrate that some modicum of happiness, however fleeting, can indeed be achieved through random acts of kindness. In addition, it can also multiply far beyond the original intent.

[Jay Schryer]

I wouldn't let the fear of someone taking your actions the wrong way dissuade you from random acts of kindness. As long as you act out of love and compassion, then you have the right of it. If the recipient reacts out of fear or suspicion, then that is their problem, really. If possible, you can try to assure them that your acts are well-intentioned, but don't let their fears control you. It's bad enough that their fears are controlling them! Loving kindness is the only cure for fear-based thinking, and the world needs more of it, even if it is random!

[tinyhands]

You cannot control someone else's reaction to your actions. You can merely influence them. It is true that there is a high likelihood of someone returning your act of hostility with aggression, but "high likelihood" is not 100% chance. Similarly, there is not a perfect correlation between someone reacting negatively when you do something positive for them. Those who believe in Karma believe that it allows you to recapture the positive intention of your good deed, even if it is not received as positive by the recipient. You can only control your own deeds and your own reactions, therefore, do good. Always. Even if you don't know the recipient. Even if the recipient doesn't appreciate it. If someone does something good for you, acknowledge and appreciate it. If someone attempts to do you harm, appreciate the opportunity to refrain from returning the harm.

Also, you posit (albeit through the 3rd-party device "some people argue") that there is no altruism if you feel good about it. This is not the definition of altruism. You may still feel good about yourself for performing altruistic deeds. You may not, however, perform good deeds SOLELY for the purpose of feeling good about yourself.

[Alex @ Happiness in this World]

Great post with thought-provoking comments. I question the real value of random acts of kindness, not because they're untargetted per se but because untargetted acts of kindness typically happen between strangers who by definition don't know the details of one another's lives. Not to diminish the value of opening a door for a stranger or handing them a flower, but how much influence on a person's life-condition do such acts really have beyond the hour or day on which they happen? If we focused more on non-random acts of kindness with people we actually know--calling to see how our sick friend is, spending 30-60 minutes of our time in supporting someone going through an emotionally difficult time, helping someone who's just lost their job with their resume--I think the bang for the buck might be greater, both for those we help and for ourselves. Certainly, these kinds of gifts require more energy, time, and investment, but I suspect the value they provide the recipients are greater than the value provided by the kinds of kind acts most people are willing to provide strangers.

[RecollectedStephanie]

Gretchen, I just wanted you to know how much I'm enjoying this Myth debunking set of posts! They really are great!

And -clang!- of course randomness is generally upsetting to people and not happy-making. I don't know why that hadn't occurred to me before! I feel like I've been staring blankly into a cupboard and then you sauntered by and handed me the thing I was looking for.

[Fred Bloggs]

I'm reminded that once or twice I've given away spare shopping bags to strangers, and the recipients have responded with true pleasure. That's a 'random' act - random that I had a spare bag, random that I saw the want, random that they were so pleased by so very small a thing.

But I'm not at all sure that there'd be REAL loving-kindness in giving away shopping bags to people truly at random; and therefore whether they needed/wanted them or not. In fact, I think it'd be a breach of good manners. Real courtesy, or loving-kindness, addresses the real needs and wants of specific people; pre-meditated, rather than responsive, randomness is necessarily addressed to a stereotype, and therefore a little dehumanising. By my book, that's rude.

In any event, there are enough specific needs to be met in a day, without instead focusing on artificial ones.

[Allison]

I find sad the idea that because some people are suspicious of an act of kindness, I should avoid engaging in random acts of kindness myself. There are times when I've rushed to the parking meter fearful of the ticket that might be attached to my car. Had someone added an extra quarter or two to my meter time I would have been profoundly grateful.

We cannot always predict when our kindness will be needed. Unpredicted opportunities to be kind - holding a door open, adding a quarter to a meter, digging a car out of a driveway - are just as wonderful as premeditated kindnesses.

Do both.

[Worldharmony]

When I was 150 lbs overweight, my life was mainly solitary and sad. There were few "random acts of kindness" directed at me. Few smiles, few doors held open, few helping hands.

Then I lost the weight, and life changed for me because suddenly I was "worthy" of random acts of kindness. As I reached size 18, 16, and finally size 10, I was treated radically different by the people in the neighborhood I'd lived in for 10 years. People opened doors for me - even when my arms weren't full. They moved their bags so that I could share a bench with them. They smiled at me or made friendly comments.

Someone said that real acts of kindness target the "real needs and wants of specific people." Would you have known what my needs and wants were had you passed me on the street back then?

Someone else said "how much influence on a person's life-condition do such acts really have beyond the hour or day on which they happen?" Oh, what I would have given for people to have treated me kindly while I was overweight and lonely.

Those of you who think random acts of kindness are worthless have no idea the positive impact you can have on a stranger.

[EscapeVelocity]

Opportunities to be kind are sometimes random. I once dropped my train ticket on the platform while boarding a train in Berlin, and a young man picked it up, followed me onto the train, and managed to attract my attention and hand it to me. I'm sure I was too startled to thank him properly, but I'll always be grateful.

[Cory]

I totally get what your saying. I find this to be especially true in a workplace atmosphere where there can be competition (however subtle it may be) amongst peers. People get suspicious that you have an ulterior motive.

Once people get to know you though, it doesn't appear random anymore. They realize it's just you being you.

[Juli]

I believe in doing a bit of both. I think of putting away the extra grocery carts that others have left in the parking lot is a random act of kindness - after all a store employee has to go out and collect them at some point throughout the day. I hope (and believe it's probably true) that the store employee wouldn't be suspicious of finding all the store carts in the designated area... Granted, I don't usually put away all the carts I see in a parking lot, but still, I do my best to grab the ones I see when I'm not in a rush...

Anyway, all that said, for me, it's a balance of both random and deliberate (or, obvious?) acts of kindness that make me happy.

[Emily]

While traveling in Southern Italy, I was offered a ride from a friendly acquaintance after buying a train ticket. I gladly accepted, but what do with the ticket? Not wanting it to go to waste, I tried give it to a group of German tourists waiting to buy tickets to the same destination. People were very guarded and refused to accept it. I ended up leaving it on a bench hoping someone would find it.

I've always felt that accepting a gift graciously, or even ability to ask for help or a favor, are gifts in their own right. During these more difficult financial times it is especially valuable for people to practice both giving and receiving.

[WAK]

Looks like some people need to change their attitude toward random acts of kindness.

Skeptial? Change your attitude and accept it for what it is. Boom. No longer skeptical.

When one puts much too much logic into what is pure, one just loses the intent.

Kinda funny. This blog is supposed to bring forth happiness; however, I'm feeling rather irritated that people would even question a random act of kindess.

[Stacey]

Emily's story reminded me of being in Venice - my husband and I were standing in a long line to get into the Doge's Palace. I suggested we get gelatto while we waited and as soon as I got back with them the line started moving very quickly. Since no food was allowed inside I thought to give the cones to two women who were standing in the square. I quickly explained to them why I wanted to give them the (as yet untasted) gelatto and they seemed perfectly delighted to take them. I have a lovely memory of entering the palace and looking back and seeing the women eating the gelatto, laughing and waving to me.

I will continue to enjoy practicing random and targeted acts of kindness. :)

[Kate Adams]

Years ago, my youth group in high school spent the summer being "random," performing so-called "random" acts of kindness. We did things like cart vanloads of teenagers to a park on a sunny Saturday afternoon, running in and picking up all the trash we could find as quickly as possible, and leaving as fast as we could while people looked around in amazement. When fall hit, we loaded up those same vans with kids, rakes, and yard bags, pounced on the yard of an older church member, raked all the leaves as fast as we could, and left before they saw us. It usually didn't work and we ended up with cookies and lemonade for our efforts.

That summer taught us to find ways to be kind to others--it was a great experience. I'm not going to stop doing things like that when I have the chance.

Thanks for the post, Gretchen!

[Brittany]

It's also good to remember that it's possible to be too selfless and altruistic. All my life I've gone the extremes. I used to unknowingly put everyone else before myself, I would always be there to give advice and help someone out- even if my advice did them no good or even if they didn't take the initiative to solve their own problems.

Being too selfless has mentally drained me, and it has become harder to focus on my self. Just a reminder to focus on making yourself at least equal in priority to everyone else!

Helping people is amazing and does give you a good feeling as long as you remember to help yourself as well. :)

[Monika Fischer]

Hello! I heard your interview on NPR today and I have to say I am fascinated and delighted by your work! I recently had a realization about my own happiness, in that I realized I am so much happier than I was a few months ago due to a few changes in my life that I didn't necessarily make to be happier. I was working a job that I originally took for the challenge and the great people working there. The job was a challenge and a test of my flexibility and ability to think and act on my feet, which I loved. I also played mediator/counselor to intervene in coworker drama and ensure everyone was in a good mood and everything went smoothly, which is something I've always felt I had a particular talent for that brings me joy. I left this job because I was having to work 50-60 hours a week and I decided to return to school (to challenge and expand my intellect). I found a new job, with a much smaller company where I had regular hours (a luxury I've never enjoyed!), wonderful local food, and a great social atmosphere. I quickly realized I was going to work to relax and the depth to which I suddenly loved my life. I realized how horrible my previous job was for me, that despite the fact I loved the challenge, it was too much of a challenge that I could never conquer(as is wasn't my place to conquer it), and it was wearing me down. Despite the things I loved about it, there were many things I also hated, but they were mainly trivial things that I easily wrote off or tried not to think about them too much. However the very fact that I did feel hate for things as seemingly silly the brand of milk or trash bags my boss ordered was much more significant in my overall happiness than I ever imagined. Now there are few things I can say that I hate in my life, not matter how trivial. Although I've always loved the social/personal/mental challenge of living with things or people that I hate or dislike, I've realized that I can avoid these things in my life and as a result I am so much more happy and generally feel like a healthier, better person. This is getting obscenely long, and I thank you if you've actually read to the end of this, I assume a lot of people are contacting you, but keep it up! I can't wait for you book!

[Yes, But Still...]

I'm pleasant happy when I go around and engage in random acts of kindness.

If it works for you too, go ahead and do it!

[Helen]

Gretchen, I think it's important to make a distinction between acting with random kindness towards strangers as opposed to acting with random kindness in a established and known group.

For instance, a random gift of homemade lemon curd made a co-worker of mine happy the other day (I'm not imagining it - she told me!), but attempting to gift the same to a random person on the street would probably alarm them considerably.

[Gretchen Rubin]

As these commments point out, the key seems to be in the perceived "randomness" of the action.

People sometimes seem to use the word "random" when they mean "spontaneous" or "directed at strangers" or "small and daily."

I myself don't find it sad that people are on guard when they don't understand the reasons for people's actions. Perhaps it's too bad that they aren't more appreciative of a well-intentioned gesture, but to me, that doesn't signal a dark side of human nature. They're puzzled, so they're cautious. A gesture that is spontaneous, directed at a stranger, and small and daily, can inspire great happiness if that person understands what is going on!

Fascinating.

[May]

I don't think it's true that "Random acts of kindness will not make you happy" -- I think the point here is simply that acting outside of social norms or otherwise doing something a bit unusual might be met with expressions of suspicion. And this is nothing new; being "weird" among strangers is often seen as a threat; we tend to feel safe among strangers only when they act as we expect them to.

But causing a bit of suspicion can't be wholly bad, not if the suspicion can be diffused (by explaining the act of kindness or by demonstrating harmlessness). Challenging expectation is refreshing.

[Angela]

Gretchen, I am really enjoying this series, and I've been reading your blog faithfully for more than a year now. I genuinely value what you do, and it has made a positive difference in my life. Thank you for your blog, which has been a lovely random act of kindness which you have given to this particular stranger.

[Fred Bloggs]

Worldharmony - yes, the small, ordinary courtesies matter. Everyone needs to be treated like a human being, to be invited. That seems to be what you're talking about. I don't think it clashes with what I meant about specificness, or even that that need is invisible. (Sometimes I've wished it were - it's humiliating to be visibly outside.)

One of the troubles I have with the intention of randomness is that it's readily subject to that kind of (unconscious) bias - it's easier to be randomly kind to someone who draws one, than to the smelly drunk who probably needs too much to be easily coped with, or the person who might be just a little too lonely for comfort.

As Gretchen says, a lot of this is about the associations of words.

[FupDuckTV]

I love to do random things for people just to catch them off their guard. Suspicion is a powerful tool.

[amy]

8 years ago our house caught fire and I was 8 months pregnant. We also had 3 young children at the time. We lived in a hotel suite for 3 months while they repaired our house. At the hotel, I received a gift card for baby items since we had lost all of that. The card was not signed and the amount was a lot. I thought it was the sweetest gesture someone had ever done for me but is has bugged me to this day to not know who it came from. I asked everyone I knew and no one knew who it came from. I wish I could thank that person for something so nice in a very stressful time. So even though random acts are very sweet, it would also give me pleasure if I could of thanked that person too.

[Catherine Cantieri, Sorted]

I am loving this series. This post in particular, and the comments that follow it, are really getting me to think. Kudos!

[Ellie]

This upsets me. You've said it before, and I'm sure you'll say it again.

I have become quite efficient at performing my RAoKs in a way that makes it quite clear nothing is expected of the other person. You say "Happy Thursday" as you had them a flower or you just press something into their hand and walk off.

Then there's time. People often do feel suspicious at first, but I'd lay a substantial amount of money on the fact that it goes quite fast when they realize nothing is expected of them, then all they are left with is the warm glow of a kind act from an unknown stranger. Believe me, it's true, I've had people come after me to tell me as much.

If some people still feel suspicious, even when it's clear nothing is expected of them then I believe it's because it is such a rare occurrence. The only way to break down that suspicion is to do it more - not less!

Please stop trying to prevent people making the world a better place like this. RAoKs are not a happiness myth - the research doesn't take into account the whole picture!

Finally, why can't we do RAoKs as well as targeted acts. It doesn't have to be one or the other, we can (and do) do both!

[Erich]

There is a great story by Arthur Rosenfeld in The Huffington Post of March 12, 2009, called Pay It Backwards: An Act of Coffee Kindness. He writes:

"The key point, of course, is that I had performed a random act of consciousness rather than a random act of kindness. I'd nearly lost my cool, had retrieved it, and done something good for myself and someone else in the process.

In a sense, you can think of this as self-centered, but in a good way. Keeping your cool, maintaining your wuji is just like putting your own oxygen mask on in a damaged airplane before helping those around you. If you pass out, you can't help anyone. If you lose your temper, you are of no good to the world. Cool, calm and collected you are ready and willing to participate in the world."

Read it here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arthur-rosenfeld/pay-it-backwards-an-act-o_b_151793.html

[Tom]

I completely understand that a random act of kindness can make someone suspicious, but as others have mentioned, often times, the opportunity to do an act of kindness is a random event, like the woman who described the incident in which she'd dropped her train ticket on the platform in Germany, which some random person saw and took the trouble to pick it up and return it to her. Such things can startle the intended recipient, but I think that doing such things not only makes me happy, but also makes the recipient happy, especially once the person realizes that it was truly an act of altruism, not intended to provoke any reciprocation. In my estimation, it not only increases your own happiness for having done a good deed and the other person's happiness for having been relived of a problem, but also for improving each perception of people in general, increasing their expectation of happy encounters in the future, which increases current levels of happiness.

[Lexi]

I think doing random acts of kindness can make people feel good about themselves. Especially if they're not doing it for the other person's reaction, so much as for the sheer joy they derive from the act.

For example, if I see a homeless man and decide to buy him a sandwich, I can hand it to him and feel happy because I did something out of the box to help another. If when I walk away, he spits it out and curses that I got him turkey instead of ham, it wouldn't matter to me, because it's all in the gesture.

I feel happy when I feel I'm trying, in any small way, to make the world better.

If the reason for doing anything is to please or satisfy another to where they're showing yee-haw gratitude, it will mostly lead to disappointment. So better to do something nice just for the sake of it, not for the desired accolades.

[diane]

I helped a guy in a check out line because he was paying for his sodas with lots of change but came up short. I paid the rest of it and he thanked me. However, as my husband and I drove off, he said he overheard the guy in the parking lot bragging to his buddies about breaking into a vending machine and stealing the coins. So, I ended up helping some jerk punk. My good feeling quickly dissolved into feeling like a total sap. Makes me even less motivated to do "good deeds."

[Steve Newton]

Happiness comes from committing oneself to acts of mercy and kindness for the soul purpose of honoring someone else. For, example, there is the commitment one has for the work of Habitat for Humanity. He get no pay, yet works every Saturday morning on a house for his new friend (future homeowner). When he gets up at 6:30 on Saturday morning the last thing he wants to do is to volunteer, but he does, and by 9:00 he is as happy as a lark working with a team, that is with a team with the goal of doing something about poverty housing. And of course his motivation, at least in this case is to honor Jesus Christ who teaches us to love and care for others.

[Acacia]

I don't believe the research says anything about the acts of kindness needing to be random. Lyubomirksy's work is about "acts of kindness," not "random acts of kindness." I often enjoy your columns, but in this case I think you are beating up a straw man.

[Jeff]

What an interesting blog. I am a giver and try often as I can to do Random Acts of Kindess (RAK). It's just who I am. It is interesting to see how some view this and react to it. My RAK's have always been welcomed but I can see how someone may take it another way. That is sad. But in the world we now live in you have to be careful to not be completely naive to what is going on around you.

Wouldn't it be nice to just accept it and move on, or better yet start that chain of good RAK's throughout the day? Kind of a pay it forward thing? My intentions are always to brighten someone's day. I hope my RAK's are never percieved or received as threatening or insulting.

Sometimes nice is nice and we need to stop exhale and be thankful that nice people do exist in our world and are tryin to make a difference.

[moos]

Some random notes on random kindness:

Last week, on my way to take daffodils from my yard to my invalid sister, I stopped for gas, and on impulse, gave one of the flowers to the station attendant. Much to my surprise, she seemed embarrassed!

When I hold a door open for strangers, which I do often, I get a wide range of responses depending on the gender, age, and how well the recipient is dressed, and possibly mood. Young people are the most happy. Men often seem offended. Older, well-dressed women are silent and never make eye contact.

When I offer something (money or food) to a homeless person they are always very grateful.

All very interesting.

[Peter]

Shortly after (or at the tail end of, I forgot which) the Cultural Revolution in China, NYT correspondent Fox Butterfield (Alive in the Bitter Sea) was introduced to famed Chinese hospitality shortly after arriving in Beijing. A gentleman invited him to dinner. And then again and again.

Since the presence of Americans was something of a novelty in those days, Butterfield was duly flattered, especially considering the difficulty of obtaining food in a Maoist-directed economy.

After a while, the generous host started making requests out of a fair sense of reciprocity. As an American, Butterfield had access to stores reserved for foreigners. Stores that had better quality peanut oil, rice, etc. in higher quantities than available for the hoi polloi. Could Butterfield kindly obtain certain supplies for him?

Belatedly, Butterfield understood the rules of the game. But in fact, gift giving and doing favors was a well known method of placing "business partners" in obligation to oneself in Roman times. And I believe, in many traditional cultures.

The generous host knew what he was doing: investing.

By the way, since I have posted a comment on your blog, would you kindly place one on mine? Just kidding, but you get the point. In some ways, business doesn't change.

[Jon P]

My, Gretchen, this site is deep. I mean that in two ways.

I prefer deliberate acts of kindness to random acts for this simple reason: When you are deliberate about it, people know that you place a value on their happiness and well-being. Deliberate acts are a two-way street, and sometimes they lead to deeper connections than you imagined possible.

Years after I've done small and long forgotten acts of kindness, I've had people tell me how much it meant to them and that they've never forgotten about it. It's a rewarding feeling to be told that you affected someone's life for the better in that way.

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[Maria]

I think if very nice when someone does something nice for me. I am always randomly and plesantly surprised. It gives me hope and makes me want to do nice things for others.

[Roxanne]

Logically, I fail to see how you have, as you say, de-bunked this myth. The reason random acts of kindness make people feel good, and therefore happy, does not diminish that happiness. Why would it? A person who feels happy feels happy. The end.

I have never heard of anyone being upset because they did not get the parking ticket they expected to get on returning to their cars.

This raised an interesting question. Then, do we taper our happiness feelings to other's responses of our actions? Doesn't that then make me responsible for someone else's happiness?

Not a chance, sister. Not a chance.

I disagree with you on this post.

[us drugstore]

Hi. I think doing random acts of kindness can make people feel good about themselves.