How to Make Friends and Have Fun.

One of my happiness-project resolutions is Join or start a group. I can’t begin to measure how much happiness I’ve received from starting my two children’s literature reading groups (yes, now I belong to two of these groups, because the first one got so big we stopped accepting new people). If you’re trying to find more happiness in life, being part of a group helps you make new friends, deepen existing friendships, and have fun – all factors that will make you happier. Also, it can be a source of an atmosphere of growth in your life, also key for happiness.

If you want to start a group, a common passion is a great organizing principle: French movies, gardening, learning Italian, training for a marathon, etc. But what if you don’t have a specific passion that lends itself to a group activity? What’s another way to form a group?

A reader, Jeff, wrote me with a great idea. He’s starting a club, The Magnificent Secret Science Club, all about conversation – with the idea that people are increasingly connecting through technology, but they still need and want a way to meet face-to-face.

Jeff has organized people to meet regularly in a bar for conversation. At each meeting, he’ll open with three questions for discussion, and then everyone can talk to each other.

This group meets in Minneapolis, so how do I know about it? Because he asked me for some discussion questions about happiness.

I tried to think of questions that would generate real debate and self-disclosure (self-disclosure is a great way to build trust and friendship). I suggested:

1. What’s the relationship between money and happiness?
2. What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
3. Is it selfish to work on being happier?
4. Is there a quotation, a book, or a scene from a movie that you’ve found particularly compelling?
5. If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
6. Have you noticed people with habits that regularly detract from their happiness? Or boost their happiness?

In fact...it strikes me that a great organizing principle for a group would be HAPPINESS! Everyone has strong views and experiences to share. If people got together to talk about their happiness projects, they could swap ideas, build enthusiasm, and hold themselves accountable – and have fun with friends at the same time. How great would it be to see happiness meet-ups popping up across the country? Boy, if people want to start happiness-project groups, I'd create some kind of kit to help them get the ball rolling. If you think you’d be interested in starting something like that, drop me a note at gretchenrubin [at] gmail [dot com]. (Sorry to write in that weird way -- trying to thwart spammers.)

I know some of you are wincing at this idea -- yes, I know you're scoffing! Oh well, it's not for everyone. Have you formed a group? What organizing principle did you use?

* I always enjoy checking out The Art of Non-Conformity. Great stuff there – and very original presentation.

Comments

[Average Jane]

Social media makes it that much easier to follow this advice. Between my (overlapping) groups of local bloggers and local Twitter users, I've found a huge number of wonderful people to hang out with. The groups each have at least one monthly meetup and I find myself doing other social activities with individuals from both categories in between.

[ML]

Hi Gretchen,

Have you heard of www.meetup.com ?
It's a Web site where people can form groups based on similar interests. Everything from knitting to literature to political affiliations. Within a given area of interest, a person can join a group near them, or if a group does not yet exist, they can start one!

-ML

[Norlinda]

Thanks for recommending the Art of Non-Conformity site. That's good stuff.

[Nadia - Happy Lotus]

Hi Gretchen,

I have found between my blog, other blogs and Twitter, I have met a great group of people. We discuss all kinds of topics. It has really been a wonderful experience. It is amazing to be able to talk to people from all over the world and see their points of views. I have a whole bunch of new friends due to blogging and tweeting. :)

[Evil Dad]

Cool, thanks for pointing this out! I do live in Minneapolis, so I'm going to try to check it out.

[Christopher]

Through work, I've developed a few groups of people via Twitter and Facebook and it's been great. We talk almost every day (which helps break up my day...working alone on the computer) and at every conference we organize little "tweetups."

[Martin]

Hi Gretchen,

Ditto on ML's earlier comment. Meetup.com provides a forum for exactly the kind of group involvement you described, both for participating in or organizing any kind of group under the sun.

I belong to several, from meditation to dealing with anxiety to camping to one where we all go out to dinners and speak only German to keep up with our language skills (very entertaining for our waiters!) I have seen some vaguely happiness-related, but nothing specifically like your H.P. As you may have heard, "Nature abores a vacuum".

[Lightfoot]

Being with like-minded people is a great way to feel more at home with yourself. I joined a group and it's nice to be surrounded by people's positive energy.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I've heard a lot about meetup.com, of course, but never check it out. Something to do this weekend! I love the fact that it's so much easier for people to find others who share their passions and to figure out how to get together.

[Suddenly Susan]

"I know some of you are wincing at this idea -- yes, I know you're scoffing! Oh well, it's not for everyone."

In the short time I've been reading your site, it's my observation that you've got people here who are genuinely seeking new ideas & ways to happiness -- so my personal opinion (for what it's worth) is that you don't need to worry about anyone scoffing.

I think you've got a great idea and I think just the name "Happiness Project" is so intriguing. A starter kit -- what an AWESOME idea!!

[Bouleau]

Hello Gretchen,

I have had the same idea when I did finish to read the excellent book "Happier: learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment"from Tal Ben-Shahar.
I have not found such things like it on my side of the world: France.
Anyway I would be happy to join a US group if you have any recommendations.

Thanks, Olivier

[Positively Present]

Gretchen,

I think happiness groups are an EXCELLENT idea and I would love to organize one in the Washington DC area.

I also think it would be interesting to organize some sort of group online, something that could unite all happiness projects. Do you (or anyone else) have any thoughts/ideas about this?

Check out my personal happiness project at: http://positivelypresent.typepad.com/positively_present/.

[Suzyn]

Dear Gretchen,

A fabulous reason to get together is a knitting circle! Everyone's got something to do with their hands, something to show off, something to ask about, and before you know it, your baring the depths of your soul, or at least enjoying a great laugh. My book about knitting circles is coming out soon! http://www.amazon.com/Knit-Together-Patterns-Inspiration-Knitting/dp/0760330735/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238180371&sr=1-1

It's so hard for me to get myself out the door to my local knitting circle, but when I do, I'm usually buoyed for the rest of the week. I'm looking forward to starting a new circle once I move (DC 'burb) - maybe it could be a knitting/happiness group!

Suzyn

[PNWGal]

Gretchen, I saw this and thought of you. I love this woman's letterpress work and noticed she had a blog on Children's Lit.
http://childlitbookclub.blogspot.com/

[siouxzqueue]

Gretchen: You have a wonderful message, and a gift for writing clearly and succinctly--so forgive me for saying it, but statements like "Trying to be strategic, I asked to come [to Yale] in January after my book comes out, but they don't do book talks," make you sound arrogant at best, boorish at worst. So too does "I visited the Slate offices and imbibed the heady Slate-y atmosphere." With all due respect, you need not impress us, the readers, with your well-connectedness. What matters most is when you speak from your heart--not in a calculating way, but in a genuine way, because we share your thoughts with you. Like slate, that will last.

[Ruthie Sobel]

I would love to share the Birthday Angels Birthday Party Project which gives birthday parties to disadvantaged children.
We produce Party Kits with beautiful games, decorations,music and prizes and give them out FOR FREE to volunteers who want to give a disadvantaged child a birthday party with his or her friends.
Our biggest donors are KIDS who do all kinds of great fundraisers for it. It only costs $36 for one party.
The best part is that you get a Thank You card from the lucky child after the party so you know how good you made the child feel. And that feels good.We are looking for more Angels to join the "Circle of Giving" and give more needy children what every child deserves; to celebrate his or her birthday.

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[Mary007]

Thank you for writing on this topic. I followed your recommendation and today I joined a couple of groups thru meetup.com. I hope to soon participate in their meetings and hopefully meet some new people to add to my network of friends and get rid of the loneliness that I feel. I like your idea of starting a "Happiness" group...let me if you need some help.

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I have had the same idea when I did finish to read the excellent book "Happier: learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment"from Tal Ben-Shahar.

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Gretchen: You have a wonderful message, and a gift for writing clearly and succinctly--so forgive me for saying it, but statements like "Trying to be strategic, I asked to come [to Yale] in January after my book comes out, but they don't do book talks," make you sound arrogant at best, boorish at worst. So too does "I visited the Slate offices and imbibed the heady Slate-y atmosphere."