The Secret to Happiness, According to Justice O'Connor

Years ago, when I was a lawyer, I clerked for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor – which was one of those rare, amazing, once-in-a-lifetime work experiences. There are many reasons that I don’t regret law school and my years as a lawyer before becoming a writer, and the chance to work for Justice O’Connor is one of them.

The other day, I was on the phone with the Justice. We were talking about her terrific new site, Our Courts, which teaches children about civics, and she’d also visited my website.

“I can tell you what I believe is the secret to a happy life,” she said.

“What’s that, Justice?” I asked. (Sidenote: when you speak directly to a Justice, you address him or her as “Justice” – e.g., “Justice, the cert petitions are here.” This, I always thought, must act as a frequent reminder to them about the value they are supposed to embody!) “What’s your secret?”

“Work worth doing,” she answered firmly.

“What about relationships?” I asked. From what I can tell, looking at modern science and ancient philosophy, if you had to pick a single factor as the one most likely to lead to a happy life, having strong relationships would be a strong candidate. Of course, most people form a lot of strong relationships at work.

“No,” she said. “Work worth doing, that’s all you really need.”

“Can I quote you?” I asked.

“Yes, yes,” she said.

Work worth doing. What do you think? Is that the one thing you need for a happy life?

*
Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Comments

[Molly]

Ooh ooh I had to respond to this one. I think this is really interesting, and who am I to disagree with Justice O'Connor? But what I was thinking was I think you can tell this advice came from a woman. I think we've traditionally always had the relationships--that was what we were supposed to be devoting our lives to--but what we as women haven't always had, was a way to feel like our work was meaningful to the larger world. I think if you feel your work is meaningful, whether that be raising kids or serving on the Supreme Court, you can be happy. Another thought--relationships are a kind of "work," right? (Esp. traditionally for women). So maybe as long as they are "work worth doing," you'll be happy.

[Susan Alexander]

I have to agree as well. When you're engage in work worth doing, work that is an expression of you and all that you are passionate about - the "ego" you is not there! You are so engaged in what you are doing - you are fully present which squeezes out space for the self-doubt, criticism, need to be right, etc. Yep - the secret to happiness is being connected to what's important to you and acting upon it!

[Positively Present]

I certainly agree with Justice O'Connor. Work worth doing makes all the different in the world. I think that it's not the ONE thing, but it's the one thing that leads to happiness in other aspects of life. If you're happy with the work you're doing, you're likely to be a happier person. If you are happier, you are likely to have happier relationships. While these things aren't for sure, I think it's pretty safe to say that having worthwhile work is a pretty surefire way to be happy in life. When you are happy with what you do, you're happy with who you are and you're not relying on other things or people for your happiness. Great advice, Justice! :)

[Di]

Thank you, I agree. I have mireaculously recovered from what I thought was depression simply by starting a job as an Orphans and Vulnerable Children coordinator and I have a loving husband, interesting friends, vibrant health and passionate interest in hobbies etc

[Trish Ryan]

I don't think it's the only thing--but I'd put it only ever so slightly under key relationships. I think we need both meaningful work and people to "do" life with. (or at least I need both to be me!)

[Meghan]

I agree in a way--Much like the first comment here by Molly, I was thinking that relationships could be the "work worth doing." In a sense, she could be saying, "happiness is when you feel your life is worth while" which could be anything--work as in job, work as in hobby, work as in relatinoships. If you feel worth in your life, you will be happy.

[David]

My first thought after reading this post is, "Good relationships are work worth doing". "Work worth doing" seems to me a brilliant summary.

[Tim]

Gretchen:

Great post! Thank you for sharing this. The more I think about this and experience my own life, the more it sounds true. I've really struggled trying to find the right professional life for me - and this has affected my personal life. Now, that I am "in transition" again, I feel like I have some important career decisions to make - rather than jumping in and looking for a job in the same industry.

[Ella]

I have always admired Justice O'Connor because of her apparent ability to balance many different things - by all accounts, in addition to being a brilliant jurist, she is a wonderful wife and mother; throughout her life in Arizona she was apparently a great legislator, was tremendously involved in her community -- and hosted many great parties. It's hard to reconcile the fullness of her life with the idea that all you need is work worth doing - unless you believe, as others have indicated, that said "work" includes many things other than purely professional pursuits.

[Alex @ Happiness in this World]

What "work worth doing" means to me is that happiness comes from VALUE CREATION, in whatever realm that interests you. Certainly that may mean in the realm of relationships, but it doesn't have to. The sense of adding to the world, of doing something meaningful to YOU seems to me a central source of indestructible happiness.

[Angela]

I did not get the impression that Justice O'Connor was including relationships as a form of work worth doing based on the conversation Gretchen described. That being said, I think "work worth doing" likely is the thing that makes Justice O'Connor happy, and there's nothing wrong with that--it works for her. I also think that different people will have their own answer to that same question, and that which is key to happiness for one person may not be key for another. This question and Justice O'Connor's response reminded me of the scene from City Slickers where Jack Palance's character and Billy Crystal's character have that same discussion...and I believe that both characters had an answer different from Justice O'Connor's. ;-) On a completely unrelated note, I definitely miss having Justice O'Connor's voice on the Supreme Court!

[Ary]

As Theodore Roosevelt once said: "Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."

[Meg Renicker]

Wonderful posting. What Di said about work being the key to coming out of what she believed to be depression is so true. You cannot be depressed if you are able to be present, and enjoy what you are doing.

Meg

[sillygirl]

I would rather say "finding worth in my work" because 1- it's up to me to find worth and 2- up to me to find the right work: both are in my hands. I think we often overlook the finding-worth part.

[Kate]

I agree. Work worth doing comes with opportunities to "love and be loved" which, in my opinion, are the basis for the meaning of life. Well said, Justice!

[Christopher]

It depends on your definition of "worth" though, doesn't it? :)

[Andrea]

When I read her quote, a small part within me resisted first but at the same time it felt right. Taking a closer look at my own life, it makes sense to me. I become happy by doing the things that make me happy - vocation.

[Meream]

Wow, this hits home, big time. Work that changes lives and makes this world a better place is definitely one of the keys to happiness. Sometimes, we all forget and focus on making money and all other things.

[chris]

If you have "work worth doing" it may help you to overcome problems in the relationship field. But what if you are stuck in a dead end job?
Isn't each job "work worth doing" if it makes you keep a roof over your head and food on the table of you and your loved ones? Even more so if you enjoy a good relationship.

[DiscoveredJoys]

Mmm. Chewed the idea over, realised that everyone is different, but in the end the idea of 'work worth doing' resonates with me.

'Work worth doing' is matching your personal values and commitment against society (everyone you know and the Generalised Other too). It is, as they say, all about you.

A good relationship, while very important, is about you and another - and therefore is not entirely under your control. It probably cannot reflect all your key values because some won't fit in the relationship.

I guess you can only work out how well your life turned out towards the end of it (some of the Greek philosophers thought so). Imagine asking yourself "which gave me my greatest feeling of achievement (or contentment, or happiness), my relationships or my work?" The answer may throw some light on your personal values.

[Janet]

Right on, Justice O'Connor!

Justice O'Connor's viewpoint is one that was shaped before our "all-me-all-the-time" society was established. She grew up in a day where people had vocations - religious or otherwise. Giving up a family life for a life of service was not denigrated and not considered weird or unhealthy.

It's not for everyone, of course, but for some people it is the perfect life.

[Melita]

Hey Gretchen,

I think forming a strong relationship with people you love, is a form of "work worth doing". Especially since a strong relationship does not come from a place of vacuum, it is the result of all the good work and effort you put into it. I don't see why work worth doing, and strong relationship is two different thing. You can make it one and the same thing.

[Mama Bee]

I couldn't agree more with Justice O'Connor. Great work is consistently stimulating, keeps you learning new things, and makes you a part of team efforts. All of these are positively correlated with happiness.

[Catherine Cantieri, Sorted]

Just wanted to voice my agreement with most other posters. Justice O'Connor spoke at a gathering of my MBA program, and she was awesome. A couple of people in the audience asked some rather vapid questions, and she gave them this perfect look of, "Seriously? Do you really want to ask that?" What an honor to have worked with her!

[Charlie]

Interesting post Gretchen. Thanks for sharing such wise words from Justice O'Connor. Unfortunately there are many that really don't have a choice to pursue the kind of work worth doing they're most passionate about. What I would add to her wisdom is your attitude performing the work. How many among us have seen the janitor, cashier or toll collector that was smiling and seemingly happy and trying to enjoy their work and their attitude was great? Regardless the profession, every time I encounter a smiling worker doing a job that may not be particularly gratifying but happy nonetheless, it reminds me to keep a positive attitude in everything I do. Work worth doing is great but I think it starts with your attitude first as I think it's key to happiness.

[Cody Dream-Life-Coaching]

I think I agree with her, although relationships are important. a life without purpose really is no life at all.

[Stephanie]

Absolutely!

I think 'work worth doing'--as so many others have pointed out--encompasses quite a lot. Whatever you do, if you view it as some flavor of work it gives you an environment to really grow and achieve in that you wouldn't have in mere 'leisure'. Furthermore, if it's 'worth doing' it's also 'worth doing' right, which opens all kinds of avenues for us as experiencing (and thinking!) humans...

[Laurie PK, See Jane Soar]

The secret to happiness is different for every person -- and at different times in their lives!

For me, it's writing and blogging -- and I'm lucky because that's my work. For my husband, it's gardening, building fences and sheds, landscaping...but he does that at home, as his hobby. He doesn't count it as work (unless I ask him to do chores inside - then he has so much WORK to do outside! ;-) ).

Other people say their kids are the secret to their happiness, and others travel, cook, paint, climb mountains, train for the Olympics....

So though I personally agree with SDO, I think the source of happiness is different for everyone....at different times of their lives (work may be it in your 20s, and family in your 30s -- or vice verse).

Thanks for the food for thought!

[Melanie]

What a great post (and you're so lucky to get to interview the Justice! As a side note, I find humor in the fact that one addresses a Justice in the same way one addresses a Chef, ie, "Chef, can I get you the chives" etc. You always call a Chef, Chef). I agree with her opinion. Dissatisfaction with work can really erode relationships of all kinds (especially marriage, I find), whereas work that feels meaningful in some way, and there are many, can often serve to alleviate the stress or disappointment of a bad relationship.

[Ellen]

I partly disagree. Sure, when you're a judge, you've probably got a great fulfilling career. To be a professional, the first part of your life needs to go pretty well, so you can get those qualifications. What about those of us whose life didn't go well and who didn't get those qualifications? We still need to do jobs, and those jobs aren't necessarily wonderful. My own job isn't. My job is useful to society (as is a waitress job for instance, or a janitorial job) but it doesn't make me happy. Having a paycheck is good though.

I'm going to look for happiness elsewhere than in my work. Those are the cards I was dealt.

[LeanRainMakingMachine]

It is not surprising that an incredibly driven, overachieving extraordinary success would suggest that "work" is the path to happiness.
I have seen many men chase that path and thereby damage permanently their fatherless children and abandoned spouses. While the fasmily and relationships died an ignominious death, career flourished--selfishly, I might add.

If the Justice's insight does not include work on relationships and family, I cannot share its spirit.

[Kristi]

I think being happy with work you find meaningful would allow a lot of other things to fall into place.

[Erin]

My first thought upon reading this was "that's easy for her to say..." considering serving on the Supreme Court has got to be one of the most influential and fulfilling jobs in the world. However after reading the replies of people considering work having to do with other things, I can agree with the Justice's statement. As posted by Charlie earlier, not everyone has the opportunity to do what we'd all consider "work worth doing" and as such, I completely agree, attitude is everything. If you consider ANYthing you're doing technically "work" and you're present in the process, it is all worthwhile, isn't it? The stuff of life isn't just about the accomplishments, there's all the details along the way -- it's all work. If you don't find it worthwhile, it's a waste. However, I still stop to think, is this interpretation (as many others have had) what the Justice was referring to?

[Joana Johnson]

She is absolutely right.

[Ilina S]

I'd like to agree, but in my experience this is not the full picture.

See, I am one of those people that... I feel like I have been doing "work worth doing", but that's all I've been doing... and I wouldn't say that that in itself has made me all that happy.

These days I think the secret is to have the experience of "Work worth doing AND relationships worth nurturing AND character worth building"...

I believe it's about maintaining the balance between who you become, how you love and what you give... At least that's my current theory and direction :-) Will let you know how it works when I get better at it :-)

[Tracy Talbot]

Gretchen, I think you're on the right track with the 12 Commandments approach. It's not just one thing that creates happiness. Things I've learned from you already are: 1) Happiness is a CHOICE. We can all change our professions if we really want to...there is always a way...if it were easy everyone would do it, right? 2) Change the everyday patterns in your life that bring unhappiness, big or small, whatever they may be.
3) A recent quote on your blog: "There can be no joy in living without joy in work." St. Thomas Aquinas (so I too agree with Justice O'Connor)
4) Fake it 'til you make it. (Just the simple act of acting like I'm happy really does make me happier by days end.)

I hope to have twelve or more lessons by the time I've read your new book! :)

[Karl Staib - Work Happy Now]

Now that's my type of lady. I'm going to use that quote on my blog. Of course I'll link back here. :)

[Amanda]

Well, being a janitor IS work worth doing, if it's the right job for you. Some people are suited for it and some are not. Everyone may not have a choice (and that is debatable) about their JOB but Justice O'Connor did not say that the secret was having the right job- she said "work worth doing." We make a mistake when we think work and a job are the same thing. However I can tell you, there are people who are suited to jobs as toll collectors and janitors- and they are happy in those jobs. But being in a job you are not suited for is a special kind of hell, and you can't "Make" yourself happy about it by improving your attitude. My advice would be if you have no choice about your job, but do not have that feeling that it is worth doing, you must find something worth doing in your free time- no excuses, you will make time for what matters. This could be vollunteering or it could be becoming an amazing cook for your family. "Work that matters" is different for everyone. Finding the perfect lasagna recipe might be fulfilling for some and total boredom for another. The point is, you have to find YOUR thing and dedicate yourself to it. Getting paid or having a job title is beside the point. Happy janitors are either suited to their jobs or they have something else in their life that they work hard at that gives their life meaning and purpose. I think another way of stating what the Justice said is- A happy life is a life with purpose.

[Louise]

Perhaps one of the reasons so many people dislike/are unhappy in their work is that it is not "worth doing." In our consumer-driven culture, a huge number of jobs create the "stuff" that so many people buy mindlessly and then put into storage or throw into the landfill.

Perhaps one of the results of the economic crisis will be a shift away from that meaningless work and eventually an increase in happiness?

I don't know, but this post made me think about the relationship between work, spending, happiness and culture. Thank you, Justice.

[Derek]

Gretchen, I think you recently mentioned that if there's one thing that the positive psych researchers agree on, it's that THE KEY to happiness is relationships.

However, I'm pretty sure I read a short piece by Sonja Lyubomirsky where she noted that the data recently have shown that work satisfaction was far more predictive of happiness than relatinships. She was greatly surprised by the finding, but she said it was THE clear winner.

[jules stanton]

To be happy, satisfied and contented in everything that you do is to always have a positive outlook in life.

-regain self-confidence thru vaginoplasty...

[kare Anderson]

My picture o her, after reading Nine is that being nice -and others acting nice- and having fun -and finding a way for the justices to find common ground - all people/relationship-based traits - were also vital traits with Justice - along with her growing awareness of the value of looking at the legal structure of other countres)

[Joy]

I think I'd have to agree. I think "work" encompasses everything, including relationships. Work gives you a personal sense of accomplishment as well as pride. This is something an individual can have for him/herself. When what she does is personally satisfying and of "worth", the other things flow. Watch someone doing work not worth doing, and the effect seeps through to the other aspects of life.

[Kelsey]

Between the ages of 11-13, Justice O'Connor was my idol. I wrote numerous school essays about her and announced to my entire family that I wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice when I grew up. On the other hand, I also remember wanting to be "the first female shortstop for the San Francisco Giants." Aww, the endless possbilities of youth!

"Work worth doing" doesn't have to mean paid employment, right? The work of being a mom, wife, sister, etc. are all important to me in my life. That work is worth doing. Maybe the brillance of that phrase is that it applies to whatever we're striving for or working at, in any given moment.

[Christine]

I've spent a bit more time with this issue on the back burner, Gretchen, and it seems to me that the work - relationships dichotomy (like many dichotomies) is a somewhat false construction, and that trying to place one before the other a chicken-egg kind of pursuit.
For me,"work" does not mean "career" or "profession" or "job" so much as "how we spend our time when we are producing or creating or serv(ic)ing something or someone"; paid or unpaid. The "What" of it and the "How" of it, as well as the "Who" of ourselves that we bring to it.
But our relationships are an integral part of "work" in this larger sense, not something that stands alone. Relationships and work are inextricably intertwined, to the extent, I believe, that often it would be hard to separate out the one from the other. Obvious example, raising a child: is it useful or even possible to distinguish the work from the relationship(s)?
Be well.

[Audrey]

I have to say, this hits home for me, but not in a good way. I grew up and went to college with a fairly narrow idea of what "work worth doing" (for me) was. Eventually I figured out that trying to do this work was, overall, decreasing my happiness.

So I'm doing some "okay" work right now, and I'm trying to focus on how the work does matter - but it's really hard to shake the feeling that I'm "supposed" to be doing what I was educated for that "mattered".

[Lula]

Well, based on Justice O'Connor's personal experience, who am I to argue? If readers don't know the back story of Justice O'Connor's love story, it's definitely one of courage...

And as Dr. Angelou said...courage is the greatest of all virtues...