Want to Feel Happier? A Menu of Resolutions.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

A reader sent me the link to Jonathan Haidt's article, It’s More Fun to Work on Strengths Than Weaknesses (But It May Not Be Better For You), from May 2002. I was particularly interested to read it because I very much liked Haidt’s book, The Happiness Hypothesis.

The purpose of the article was to examine whether people benefited more from working on their strengths or working on their weaknesses, drawing upon the Values in Action Classification of 24 strengths/virtues, but what interested me most was the article’s Appendix. It provides a big menu of suggested activities for people to consider as they work on their strengths or weaknesses.

If you’re trying to think of resolutions for boosting your own happiness, this list is a great place to get ideas. (The list is aimed at college students living in Charlottesville, but it's easily adapted to other situations.)

What I like about this list is its specificity. Making resolutions like “Have more joy” or “Live more deeply” are abstract, and so it’s harder to act on them. Resolutions are more effective when they direct you to a very concrete action.

1. Curiosity and Interest in the World
a. Ask question in class
b. Discover new places
c. Explore the stacks in the library; browse widely, or pick an interesting looking book each day, and spend 20 minutes skimming it.
d. Eat something new that you never otherwise would have tried
e. Go to a meeting or hear a speaker

2. Love of Learning
a. Discover one new place in C’ville every day
b. Read a newspaper other than the Cav Daily
c. Go to a professor’s office hours without a question
d. Ask a question in class
e. Go to an online search engine like Ask Jeeves-ask a question and explore sites you never otherwise would have discovered
f. Every day, read a chapter of a book that is not an assigned class text
g. Read a book about something you’ve always found intriguing but never found the time to learn more about

3. Judgment, Critical Thinking and Open-Mindedness
a. Go to a multi-cultural group or event.
b. Play devil’s advocate and discuss an issue from the side opposite to your personal views
c. Take a hall/suitemate out to lunch who is different from you in some way.
d. Go to a different church or religious event
e. Every day, pick something you believe strongly, and think about how you might be wrong.

4. Creativity, ingenuity and originality
a. Keep a journal, work on a picture or poem
b. Submit a piece to a literary magazine or newspaper
c. Decorate a notebook or your room
d. Pick one object in your room and devise another use for it rather than its intended use
e. Find a new word every day (perhaps at dictionary.com) and use it creatively every day.
f. Change your profile on IM daily

5. Social Intelligence
a. Meet one new person each day by approaching them
b. Go into a social situation in which you would normally feel uncomfortable and try to fit in
c. Whenever you talk with someone, try to figure out what his or her motives and concerns are.
d. Encounter someone by themselves and by being friendly, include them in your group

6. Perspective (Wisdom)
a. Get a quote a day online
b. Give advice to an upset friend
c. Think of the wisest person you know. Try to live each day as that person would live.
d. Look up prominent people in history and learn their views on important issues of their day and/or find a significant quotation that they said.

7. Valor
a. Talk in class (if you don’t normally)
b. Go against peer pressure or social norms
c. Stand up for someone even if you disagree with him/her.
d. Ask someone out or to dance
e. Introduce yourself to a stranger next to you in class
f. Speak up for an unpopular idea (if you believe in it)

8. Industry diligence and Perseverance
a. Finish work ahead of time
b. Notice your thoughts about stopping a task, and ignore them. Focus on the task at hand.
c. In class, resist daydreaming and distractions.
d. Plan ahead- use a calendar for assignments and tests.
e. Set a high goal (e.g., for exercise, or studying) and stick to it.
f. When you wake up in the morning, make a list of things that you want to get done that day that could be put off until the next day. Make sure to get them done that day.

9. Honesty, Authenticity and Genuineness
a. Refrain from telling small, white lies, to friends (including insincere compliments). If you do tell one, admit it and apologize right away.
b. Monitor yourself and make a list of every time you tell a lie, even if it is a small one. Try to make your daily list shorter every day.
c. At the end of each day, identify something you did that was attempting to impress people, or put on a show. Resolve not to do it again.

10. Zest, Enthusiasm, and Energy
a. Go out of your way to become more involved in an organization you are already a part of
b. Take up a greater interest in one of your classes, i.e. volunteer for a class activity
c. Do something because you want to, not because you are told.
d. Get a good night’s sleep and eat a good breakfast, to give yourself more energy during the day.
e. Do something physically vigorous in the morning (e.g., jog, push-ups)

11. Kindness and generosity
a. Leave a huge tip for a small check.
b. Do a random act of kindness every day (a simple, small favor). Make it anonymous if possible.
c. Be a listening ear to a friend. Ask them how their day was and actually listen to the answer before telling them about your own day.
d. Send an e-card to a different friend each day.
e. Pay the whole tab when you are out with friends.

12. Capacity to Love and be Loved
a. Tell boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling/parent that you love them
b. Send a loved one a card or e-card to say that you were thinking about him/her.
c. Give loved ones a big hug and a kiss
d. Write a nice note where someone you love will find it sometime during the day. Do this in a new place, or for a new person, every day.

13. Citizenship and Teamwork
a. Volunteer at Madison House
b. Take on added responsibility within an organization you are already a part of
c. Pick up litter that you see on the ground
d. Clean your suite, hall, or lounge (anywhere communal)
e. Organize a hall/suite dinner
f. Do your share in a group work/as a facilitator

14. Fairness, Equity and Justice
a. Allow someone to speak their peace while keeping an open mind by not passing judgment
b. Stay impartial in an argument between friends despite your beliefs (be the mediator)
c. Notice when you treat someone based on a stereotype or pre-conception; resolve not to do it again.

15. Leadership
a. Organize something special for your friends or suitemates one evening.
b. Organize a study group

16. Modesty
a. Don’t talk about yourself at all for a full day.
b. Dress and act modestly, so as not to attract attention to yourself.
c. Find a way in which someone you know is better than you. Compliment him or her for it.

17. Self-Control and Self-Regulation
a. Set aside 2 hours (or other designated amount of time) and ACTUALLY study in a quiet place.
b. Work out four days a week (if you don’t already)
c. Clean or organize your room. Every day, make sure that you pick up whatever mess you made during the day.
d. Leave something unfinished on your plate that you usually regret eating afterwards.
e. When something upsets you, attempt to block it out of your mind and instead focus on the good things in your life.
f. Make a resolution to not gossip. When you feel the urge to talk about someone behind his or her back, remember your resolution and stop yourself before you talk.
g. In the evenings, make an agenda for the following day. Stick to that agenda.
h. When you get overly emotional about something, calm down and calmly consider all of the issues again.

18. Caution, Prudence and Discretion
a. During a conversation, think twice before saying anything. Weigh the probable effect of your words on others.
b. Think about the motto “Better safe than sorry” at least three times a day. Try to incorporate its meaning into your life.
c. Before you decide to do something important, reflect on it for a moment and consider if you want to live with its consequences 1 hour, 1 day, or 1 year later.

19. Forgiveness and Mercy
a. Think of someone that you found it very hard to forgive. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Then consider, if you had been the one to do the offensive act, would you have expected to be forgiven?
b. Keep a journal, and every night, describe someone who made you mad, or against whom you have a grudge. After writing about the grudge, describe why you are resistant to forgiving them. Then look at the situation from that person’s point of view, and forgive the person.
c. Make contact with someone who has made you mad in the past. Let them know that you forgive them, or just be kind to them in your conversation.
d. When someone does something that you do not understand, try to fathom his or her intentions in the actions.

20. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
a. Go to a museum (e.g., the Bailey) and pick out a piece of artwork or a display that has aesthetic value and touches you because of its beauty.
b. Write down your thoughts about a piece of art, or something beautiful you see around grounds.
c. Take a walk with a friend and comment on something pretty that you see
d. Attend a concert and enjoy the sound for its musical value. Or pick out the most moving music you know of, and listen to it appreciatively on headphones every night. Or ask a friend to recommend the most beautiful music he or she knows.
e. Keep a journal, and every night, record something you saw during the day that struck you as extremely beautiful, or skillful.
f. Find something that makes you happy, in aesthetics or value, a physical activity or an object, and let it inspire you throughout the day.
g. Visit the Fine Arts Library and browse through the art books.

21. Gratitude
a. Keep a journal, and each night, make a list of three things that you are thankful for in life
b. Every day, thank someone for something that you might otherwise take for granted (e.g., thanking the janitor who cleans your hallways).
c. Keep a record of the number of times you use the words “thank you” in a day. Over the course of the first week, try to double the number of times that you say the words.
d. Call a parent/sibling/friend each day and thank him/her (e.g., for helping you to become who you are, or for always being there for you.)
e. Send someone a “thank you” e-greeting.
f. Leave a note on your roommate/apartment mate suitemate/hall mate that thanks them for something about them that you appreciate.

22. Hope, Optimism, and Future-Mindedness
a. Keep a journal, and every night, record a decision you made that day that will impact your life in the long run
b. When you are in a bad situation, turn it around to see the optimistic side of it. You can almost always find some good in a situation, regardless of how awful it seems at the time.
c. Make a list of bad decisions you have made. Forgive yourself and move on in life realizing that you cannot go backwards, only focus on the present and future.
d. Notice your negative thoughts. Counter them with positive thoughts.
e. Reaffirm yourself that you can and will succeed at whatever you put your mind to.

23. Spirituality and Sense of Purpose, and Faith
a. For five minutes a day, relax and think about the purpose of life, and where you fit in.
b. For five minutes a day, think about the things you can do to improve the world or your community.
c. Read a religious or spiritual book, or go to a religious service every day
d. Explore different religions. You can do this by going to a library, looking on the Internet, or asking your friends about their religions.
e. Spend a few minutes a day in meditation or prayer.
f. Invest in a book of affirmations or optimistic quotes. Read a few every day.

24. Humor and Playfulness
a. Every day, make someone smile or laugh.
b. Learn a joke and tell it to your friends.
c. Watch a funny movie or TV show.
d. Read the comics
e. Learn a magic trick and perform it for your friends

Once you choose your resolutions, just make sure you remember to stick to them. That's even trickier than choosing the right resolutions.

*
If you’re interested in starting a happiness-project group, where you meet with other people to work on your own happiness projects, email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Happiness-Project Group” in the subject line. I'm preparing a starter kit for anyone who is thinking about starting a group.

Comments

[Alex @ Happiness in this World]

Thanks, Gretchen. I really liked this list but was especially struck by 6c: "Think of the wisest person you know. Try to live each day as that person would live." I think there's great value in seeking out a mentor who's behavior and wisdom make them a worthy role model. There's certainly no shortage to pick from if you don't limit your choices to people you know personally or who are still alive (look at all the great role models in history). Even though we tend to put mentors up on pedestals, this might have a beneficial effect: in asking ourselves what they would do in situations we find ourselves in, we may find ourselves aspiring to the greatness we perceive (rightly or wrongly) in them.

[crafty fanny]

These are really great suggestions! They ALL sound wonderful -- how do you just choose one? Or even a few?

I also really like the idea of focusing on one's strengths rather than weaknesses. I think that even a small shift could produce really positive results!

[The Healthy Librarian]

I've printed this list off & plan to use it.
The idea of specificity is what gives it added value.

It's a beauty. Thanks for posting it.

And may I add a paragraph that supports its premise & promise:

"Rather than dismissing ourselves as unchangeable creatures of habit, we can instead direct our own change by consciously developing new habits. In fact, the more new things we try - the more we step outside our comfort zone -- the more inherently creative we become, both in the workplace and in our personal lives." Janet Rae-Dupree in "Can You Become a Creature of New Habits?"

[Alicia]

My company makes a big effort to be a strengths-based organization. Every employee reads the Buckingham/Clifton book "Now Discover Your Strengths" and takes the test to identify what their strengths are. It was kind of an "ah-ha!" moment for me when I realized that I had been beating myself up because I was trying to improve my weakness and not doing very well at it. When I finally identified my strengths and began to nurture them as well as appreciate myself for having those particular strengths, my happiness quotent went way up.

[Hardesty]

What a great post! I too loved Haidt's book and have been a doing a review of it for my readers. Like you, I'm going to have to keep a copy of this list at my desk, and email it to my friends and family as well.

[Yes, But Still...]

Wow! Thank you so much for this detailed list!

[tismoi]

fantastic list! this is just what I needed today.

[Christopher]

Very comprehensive. I was distracted by the Ask Jeeves reference though - is that still around?!?

[Nicole]

Wow. What a list. Thanks for posting this! It gives me some great (if overwhelming) ideas!

[Eric]

I love the list, but there's something about it that strikes me: when I think about working to improve my life, I often think in terms of how I have to discipline myself, or what I have to sacrifice. For example, I've managed to pretty much cut TV out of my life, and overall I think it has been great. Yet here we see that even watching TV can be considered fulfilling and worthwhile. To me, this says that with balance and the right mindset, there's no such thing as wasted time.

[Positively Present]

What a great list filled with so many wonderful suggestions about how one could live a happier, more positive life. I agree with Eric's comment - balance is key. There can be good and positivity in almost anything (even TV!) but we have to look for it and be conscious of our choices.

[Fionnuala]

Super post, Gretchen, and a fantastically helpful list. As soon as I can reanimate the printer, it's going on paper for further perusal and doodling! But I echo Live*Happy - how to whittle it down?

[Audi Byrne]

In other words, just be a perfect person. I don't know if this list would be an effective paradigm for being happy. Especially, with 16-18, what about being yourself, spontaneity and letting go of trying to control everything? I especially disagree with making a plan the night before and sticking with it. While you may intend to stick with your plan, I think happiness requires being more flexible.

[MJ]

As I'm in a line of work stereotyped (or perhaps correctly pegged) as "risk averse" I totally disagree with 18b's direction to repeat and live by "better safe than sorry." That sounds like a recipe for small dreams, low horizons, and boredom.

There are great items on this list, and oddly conflicting ones. How do I argue against my beliefs, devil's advocate style, while also thinking twice during all conversations before I open my outh so that I never say anything that could spark disagreement, etc.?

And the evening-before agenda also seems awfully life-limiting. When did being rigid and risk averse equal being happy?

Sorry to be critical, as usual, but I believe that clarity and challenging questionable ideas (and "rules") is better for happiness than blind acceptance.

[Fionnuala]

MJ and Audi, I think Gretchen makes it clear in the post that you're not meant to attempt the whole list in one go, or even if that would be appropriate for one person at one time - different suggestions work for different people at different times. Certainly I know that I don't need to be told "better safe than sorry" - so that's not something I need to consciously work on; I'd instead go for a spontaneity-inducing option, such as discovering new places or reading books about something I know nothing about.

[Helena]

What a great list. I have to agree with you on making and effort.....and lists. Too many procrastinate often on the day to day things as it is. I personally make lists for everything and it keeps me on track whether it's for chores, errands, or for better everyday living....hence that's where the happiness comes in.

I already have a few of these suggestions on my everyday focus but there are a few that I most certainly could work on. Thanks for the insight :)

[David Cain]

What a delicious menu! I'll take a 9a to go, please.

[kae]

great post! *kae*

www.kaelovinlife.wordpress.com

[Banner Printing]

well-thought-off.
cool ideas.
knowing yourself by recognizing your weaknesses and strengths could really bring you happiness.

[Sheryl]

Your site never fails to raise my spirits! I love lists and this one is great to consider. Thanks!

[Amy]

Judgment, Critical Thinking and Open-Mindedness
a. Go to a multi-cultural group or event.
b. Play devil’s advocate and discuss an issue from the side opposite to your personal views
c. Take a hall/suitemate out to lunch who is different from you in some way.
d. Go to a different church or religious event

May I suggest an 'e'? Consider a world without god.

I mean, they did include critical thinking in the header...

[rolex yachtmaster]

they enjoy going to the theater, because going to the theater is a fun thing to do. Nope! Not true. There are so many “fun” things that I don’t enjoy one bit, like skiing, drinking wine, going to concerts, eating pasta, shopping. And I love to do many things that other people dread doing – cleaning out closets, for example. http://www.watchgy.com/