Quiz: Do you make other people happy?

Every Wednesday is Tip Day -- or Quiz Day.
This Wednesday: Quiz -- Do you make other people happy?

As put forth by the Second Splendid Truth:
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy;

One of the best ways to make other people is to be happy yourself.

Everyone accepts the Second Splendid Truth, Part A; the Second Splendid Truth, Part B often isn’t as clear to people. But to focus on Part A here – how do you know if you’re making other people happy? What are some signs?

Are the following statements true for you:

• Do people seem to feel comfortable confiding in you?
• Do people follow your recommendations?
• Are you a source of material comfort or security for someone else?
• Do people whom you’ve introduced often go on to have a continuing relationship?
• Do people seem to drift toward you? Join a conversation that you’re having, sit down next to you at a meeting?
• Are you providing opportunities for other people – job leads, blind dates, contacts in a new city?
• Do people whom you hardly remember go out of their way to greet you warmly? Say, an intern who worked in your office three years ago, or a former student?
• Do people seem to want to connect with you -- by making plans or by emailing, calling, or texting?
• Do people seem energized by you? Do they smile and laugh in your presence?

Notice some items that are not on the list:

• Do people remember your birthday?
• Do people give you presents (say, for Mothers’ Day, or in recognition of an important milestone)?
• Do people express appreciation and gratitude for your efforts?

Even if you’re making people happy, they don’t always respond by making these gestures. (Which can be annoying.)

A while back, I posted a quiz, Are you the person whom everyone else finds difficult? It was a lot easier to think of signs that you make people unhappy than you make people happy – perhaps because of the negativity bias.

What am I missing? I feel like I've overlooked some obvious indicators. What are some other good signs that you make people happy?

* Many thoughtful readers have sent me the link to a fascinating article from The Atlantic, What Makes Us Happy? It's a great piece, plus I know the writer, Joshua Wolf Shenk, a little bit, which made it even more fun to read it.

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Comments

[Positively Present]

These are great questions to think about. I'm happy to say that I answered yes to a lot of them -- but not all of them. Interestingly, I could think of quite a few people who would have answered yes to all of them (including the ones you mentioned that weren't on the list). I really agree with your second splendid truth. It is SO true and I've really seen it clearly in my own life. Great post and thanks for the link the to happiness article -- very interesting!

[Solomon]

I certainly make people laugh. Happiness is subjective, though, so I can't say for sure. people do (for some bizarre reason) enjoy spending time around me though. :)

Also, I have difficulty commenting on here. I'm using a Firefox addon that disables javascript. Which API do you use for the comments?

[Writer Dad]

I'm wearing a big giant smile. I scored a 100 on the first list. YAY!

[jn cody]

Wednesday is Epiphany day (at least this Wednesday is!) For me, this quiz crystallizes how Part B (be happy yourself) is the *only* measure of success in Part A (make others happy). There are people in my life for whom these statements are true and people for whom they're not. But, this says more about where they are in their own happiness and openness to life's experiences than it says about my ability to make some one happy. Sharing or spreading the happiness I already have seems like the only valid way to inspire happiness in someone else – it's contagious, like a yawn. And if I don't feel like I have any happiness to share, it comes back to "Act the way you want to feel."

[Kristin]

That list made me laugh (in a good way) -- I honestly don't know if I can answer most of the questions! Some aren't entirely relevant, as I rarely am the one to introduce people or to make recommendations, but others are just hard to pin down. What really made me laugh, though, was the surprise of my answers to some of the questions -- like do people join into my conversations or sit down near me, or do people I barely know/knew go out of their way to greet me warmly. My answers are yes; not always, but sometimes. However, I always attribute those things to the other person being warm and friendly, rather than their behavior being a reflection on me. I suspect, after reading this, that it's a mix of both. I like that thought!

The other day I was approached by a woman at work who I knew by sight, but had never spoken to -- we work on the same floor and pass each other in the hall fairly often, but that's about it. So imagine my surprise when, after a brief exchange of friendly hellos in the ladies' room, she turns to me and tells me how wonderful it is that I'm gaining in self-confidence. She had noticed that in the past I had a tendency to look away or to look down as I walked, but in the last week or two she had seen me with my head up, smiling, making eye-contact, etc. This woman I really didn't know was honestly and openly happy about the fact that I was happier and more confident! If that doesn't prove your point, I don't know what does!

[Sarah]

I think another indicator might be that others seek you out, either coworkers or friends, because they know you are someone who can help or provide answers without judgement. Perhaps another is that time passes quickly when you are around because everyone is having so much fun :)

[Meghan]

I really love this. I feel like for the most part I fall into this category. But even people who fit this to a tee fall into slumps now and then. Because I'm normally the happy, enjoyable person, I feel a pressure to snap out of it when I'm not feeling my friendliest. Especially when I'm with those who I am close to (boyfriend, roomates) because it feels like without my energy, there is NO energy in the interactions. I try to "act like I want to feel" as much as I can, but sometimes just can't get myself there. Any quick pick-up tips or ways to deal with myself being in a funk?

[Vi]

You have a great list of questions to think about. Yet, I wonder if there is a slight skew towards extroverted tendencies on that list. As an introvert, I'm not outwardly cheerful, bubbly, and social. So my answer to many on that list is no. Does that mean introverts are not as happy and/or not a source of happiness for others? I don't think so. I think that our social circles are just smaller. What do you think?

[arizona auto insurance]

I strive to make others happy, as much as that is possible. Sometimes work stress or having too many projects at one time has me dragging. But I carry a smile most days and am almost always friendly with a compliment when possible.

[hly]

Here are what I can think of:

Are you invited for an occasion every year,for example,a reunion party.

Do your friends always call you out?

When you're not attending an event, is there someone immediately noticing this?

[Karen]

Great post! I am interested in exploring the idea of how much we sometimes strive to make others happy while we sometimes forget to be happy ourselves. I find that when I am truly happy myself it is a snap to help others be happy too.

-Karen
Learn the secret to attract what you want in your life from the makers of the movie "The Secret". http://www.thesgrprogram.com/?m=4a0b0c2165587

[Dalon]

thanks for keeping me thinking ... you keep me asking myself questions which helps me to make better decisions and then ask more questions ... LOVELY :-)

[Rosa]

I honestly answered "no"/"don't know" to all of your questions. Perhaps as an introvert I'm not that fun for others to hang around.

Gretchen, this is not the first time I read you state that everyone accepts your Splendid Truth, part A. I don't. For years I've been struggling with some unhealthy tendencies I have of feeling responsible for the happiness of others. I really want to get rid of these feelings. Perhaps I don't undestand what you mean by your Second Splendid Truth at all. I can be kind, gentle and caring towards others but I honestly cannot "make" then happy, their happiness is something beyond my control. I really don' want this responsability of making others happy, why should I? This is not a rhetorical question, if someone could answer me it would be great, it's something that really bothers me. Thank you!

[Meream]

I'd like to think I do...But I'm too aloof, I think.

[Era]

Making others happy does bring great joy. You can maximize the joy by developing the mind set of not expecting any thanks in return. When you don't get it - no prob. If someone does say thanks - you just got a bonus. Thanks for the post.

[Era]

@ Meream, Don't think of it as making someone happy. Just think of it as doing something nice for someone else. You are right, the happiness part of it is up to them.

Here's a post that is related to the topic.
http://erasundar.wordpress.com/2009/03/15/the-pursuit-of-happiness/

[kid]

Rosa, thanks for your comment. Maybe it is just about the style, maybe about my oversenitivity but indeed such lists seem to evoke to many "musts". Another thing is - introverts are in the minority so there will always be a problem with them :) when it comes to some kinds of generalized statements.

[Baba Yaga]

Put these two quizzes together, and I conclude that when I make people anything, I make them happy - but that mostly I don't make them anything. That's altogether too close to the truth!

An addition or two, however:
do others find you restful?
do people enthuse about the books/music/etc. you recommend?
do you enjoy finding just the right gift for someone, even if you hate it?
do your friends tell you when they're too tired to talk?
do you find people lapsing comfortably into silence while in your company?

and more speculatively:
are you able to appreciate the likeable side of most people? I couldn't swear that this adds up to making people happy, but I think it probably does.

and one especially for those of us who are difficult despite ourselves:
do you have one or two people who accept you complete with your foibles? I think that's a pretty good sign that one's getting things right, as well as wrong.

@Rosa, you're correct, taking or accepting responsibility for others' happiness can lead to great misery for all concerned!

Perhaps Gretchen's 'splendid truth' would more precisely be phrased in terms of giving others the opportunity to be happy. Some won't take the opportunity! Some won't take it from you. Those you have every right to avoid; and you may as well, for trying to make them happy will only make you wretched.

But when one gives an opportunity for happiness and someone takes it - that generally does add up to one's own greater happiness, I think. Those who are willing to be pleased don't require that one make self-sacrificial efforts - small things are enough.

[Terin]

I think how often you hear "thank you" often correlates with how happy you make others. Being grateful is a big indicator in regard to happiness :)

[L.]

Each person is responsible for his or her own happiness, however, in truly caring about and for others, we can share our own happiness no matter how much or how little we think we have to offer.

Sharing our happiness is contagious and those around us can't help but be intrigued by just what makes happy people tick. They then may decide to attempt to be happier themselves by looking into the mind sets and/or the components that actually inspire happiness.

Happiness is like a huge ripple in a pond.....it just keeps going, and going, much like the Energizer Bunny. :)

[Beth]

does being called "sunshine" by the people under me at work, or "the sun of the house" by a sister-in-law count? or being told by a new acquaintance how lucky that we met?

[Alex Fayle]

In my professional world, the answer is yes to all the questions as it is with the people who are close to me.

Where I don't make people happy and therefore where I'm not nappy is in the superficial personal relationships. I'm not good at idle chitchat. I get shy when in groups of new people so I'm actually rarely noticed, or if I am it's as the quiet guy smiling in the corner of the group. ;)

[Rosa]

Thanks Baba Yaga for your insight, very kind of you to address my concerns.

[Jared]

Great stuff. Now I know why most people aren't happy. :)
*Jared

[Buffy]

I think if someone makes you feel happy you soon crave their company. You seek to make contact with them and spend time in their presence. So the simple question to ask is Do people like spending time with you?

[JC]

phew. this is a hard question to face. I've long been the husband that everyone puts up with at social events because my wife is simply so popular. I didn't realize I was such a drip until my wife began telling me to go take a long ride instead of going to parties with her. But I can at least laugh at my ineptness. I answered no to all but one.

[Google]

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