“I am not much given to playing ‘If I had’ of ‘If I hadn’t,’ much preferring to stay with ‘It would have happened anyway.’ But that last is usually a lie, and I am not one to kid myself. I am sorry I went to Paris, because when I returned I was full of myself and starved for more of me. Or am I sorry? I do not know. I am mixed up. But I do know that there have been many years when I wished I could have walked into that little group at the airport, never to emerge again. I see them – the husband who looked like Montgomery Clift in his Harrods’ raincoat, the nurse in her white uniform, the little girl dancing in her hair ribbons, and the baby bulwarked in her diapers – and they haunt me, still there, still waiting at Kennedy.”
-- Mary Cantwell, Manhattan, When I Was Young
* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.
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Posted by: Positively Present | July 19, 2009 at 07:53 PM
Ironically, I just bought Cantwell's memoir this weekend - based on the recommendation of a friend since I'm moving back to NYC. Great quote to pull from it!
Posted by: Laura Cococcia - TJCC | July 20, 2009 at 07:31 AM
I read that book at your recommendation and enjoyed it immensely - but that portion of it made me very sad! (Also read both of Sally Koslow's books at your recommendation - enjoyed them both.)
Posted by: Ella | July 20, 2009 at 08:59 AM
(Read Cantwell's book some time ago, so my memory may be hazy, but...) I recall it as the memoir of a woman whose "pursuit" (if you will) of, recognition of, even allowance for happiness was - at that time in her life, anyway - mighty tough going. A reminder that, for many of us, one's own happiness-project efforts are often pitched against powerful undertows.
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Posted by: Tacoma Washington | July 22, 2009 at 09:23 AM
It was my great good fortune to work with Mary Cantwell at Mademoiselle Magazine--my first job out of college. Mary top-edited my writing, not always kindly, making notes such as "draperies, not drapes!" Her writing has long been an inspiration.
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