Nine Tips for Having a Good Bad Day.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Nine tips for having a good bad day.

A few days ago, I was extremely upset. It’s too complicated to explain the whole situation, but an encounter left me feeling anxious, agitated, under attack, and sad. I did what I could to resolve the situation, but I still felt terrible.

When I have a day like this, I try to make it a Good Bad Day. I take the steps that tend to make me feel better or, if they don’t make me feel better, at least give me the kind of day on which I can look back with satisfaction.

To have a Good Bad Day, I made sure to:

1. Exercise. For me, exercise is a key element to managing my moods. It calms me and energizes me at the same time. Its rituals are comforting. It’s productive but not intellectually or socially demanding. Also, exercise is so obviously a key to good health that if I manage to exercise, I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile in my day, no matter what else happens.

2. Do something nice for someone else. The first part of the Second Splendid Truth is “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy” (also known as the “Do good, feel good” provision). I sent out some emails that I knew would be useful for other people. Doesn’t sound like much, but it took a lot out of me.

3. Stop ruminating. My inclination was to go over and over the details of the upsetting episode and to conduct imaginary arguments. Instead, I tried to keep my resolution to Find an area of refuge. Studies show that dwelling on negative thoughts amplifies their power in your mind. In fact, some researchers suggest that a reason that more women suffer depression than men is that women are more likely to “overthink,” while men are better at distracting themselves from negative thoughts.

4. Connect with someone important to me. I called my sister.

5. Tackle a nagging task. Crossing things off a to-do list is energizing and cheering. I took the time to clear my desk – not just physically removing piles of papers, but also doing the tasks that the papers represented. Copying research notes from various sources, making a dentist’s appointment, and making progress on my blog re-design gave me a feeling of control and accomplishment.

6. Do something silly and lighthearted with my children. I videotaped my four-year-old as she danced and sang in her mermaid costume with her new mermaid doll, and we had a family bubble-blowing extravaganza. And throughout all these steps, I tried to…

7. Act the way I want to feel. Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. I get worked up very easily, but I tried to act cheerful instead of allowing myself to get agitated, wring my hands, etc. My mother often reminds me, “Stay calm,” and I need that advice frequently.

8. Ask for help. I said to my husband, "I really need to talk to you. I'm really upset, I want to tell you what happened today and talk to you about it, okay?" Being a sympathetic listener isn't my husband's strongest point, and truth be told, he wasn't very comforting -- but I think that by explaining that I needed him to try to do his best to help, I did help him do the best he could.

But nothing really worked. I still felt lousy. So I made sure to…

8. Go to sleep early. It’s true, everything does look better in the morning. Also, the longer I work on my happiness project, the more importance I give to sleep. Getting enough sleep just makes a tremendous difference to happiness.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt better. The situation still upsets me, but not as much as it did. When I have a bad day, it helps to have a good bad day.

Have you found any strategies for making a bad day better? What works for you?

* This post from Pamela Slim on Escape From Cubicle Nation really got me thinking: "Scrappy content can juice up your brand". Once again, I'm reminded of the wisdom of Voltaire's admonishment, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." Plus I loved spotting the brilliant Communicatrix there, too.

* Check out the Happiness Project Toolbox. It's fun, it's addictive, it's free, and it will boost your happiness.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

Great post, Gretchen! I'm going to save this one.

[TJ]

Great post. For me, I always do #1 (exercise) first, if possible. I can sweat away any bad feelings.

And, like you, going to sleep early always works for me. And when I wake up, I take a deep breath, give thanks for a new day, and get going.

[Alex Lickerman @ Happiness in this World]

Gretchen,
I have nothing to add to this excellent post. Well, maybe one thing, but it's implicit in what you wrote about sleep: distance from an upsetting episode reduces its emotional hold. In fact, I'd bet in as little time as a year (or maybe a few years) you won't even remember exactly what happened (unless, of course, it has implications that will continue to be felt into the future). Really useful tips today, thanks.

[Angela]

Love the concept of a "good bad day." Great post. Thanks for reminding us all to always make the best of it – and ideas for doing so!

[Bernadette Noll]

Love this list. I'm going to share it on FB.

[Beth]

When I am ruminating, something I can easily fall into, I write it out in my journal. Then my mind doesn't bug me about it anymore. Or if it tries, I remind it that I already wrote about it and I don't have to think about it anymore.

[Mel]

This was just what I needed to read right this moment!!! I'm off to follow the list and looking forward to feeling better about my day!

[Elizabeth Finney]

Wow, this was really helpful. I think I do many of these things but it's really great to see them all written out in a neat organized list! Thank you for doing it! And I hope that you feel better.

[Kris]

Thanks for the list, Gretchen!

You nailed it on the head with exercise being #1. I also like to try and do that exercise outside (e.g., go for a hike, ride my bike, run by the beach). Being outside clears my head and makes me feel alive, much more than walking on the treadmill or moving up and down on my eliptical.

[Positively Present]

Are you reading my mind, Gretchen? :) I SO needed this post today. I'm having a pretty stressful day at work and I keep getting irritated and annoyed at everything. It was perfect timing for me to open up this list of tips. Thank you!

[Mike Desjardins]

This is great advice Gretchen. I'll add one thing to your list: write one page of all the things in your life you feel grateful for or appreciate. It's amazing how that puts even the worst day into perspective.

[Michelle]

I know that for me, a nap is the best way to get over a bad mood. And now that I'm in a new apartment with a pool, a quick swim will be my next go-to cure. I like Mike's idea as well. And the last two days were crabby days (worst bus ride experience ever), but this morning I woke up, and all was well.

[Michelle Wells Grant]

I've also recently had an upsetting episode and I also tend to have those imaginary arguments, or "mirror rants," as I call them; rehearsing the scathing, well deserved remarks I'm dying to deliver to my offender. Of course it's only a waste of time and gets me more worked up into a froth! Thank you for reminding me to find my area of refuge!

[Gretchen Rubin]

It makes me feel better just to know that other people have the same experiences -- and some more good things to try for a good bad day.

[Amanda Pingel]

Thanks for the tips! I also find it difficult to keep my temper on a regular basis (7 days in a row now!), and I find that one stupid customer can ruin the entire day.
I wrote down these tips and put them in my day planner so that when the next one happens to me, I can have concrete steps to work on instead of just saying to myself, "Oh, just cheer up!"

[Showa]

As usual reading the tips reiterate stuff to myself. I was about goof up on my running. I have resolved to run. I have been putting off a personal task which will be completed today.
Thanks.

[Alex Fayle]

That pretty much described beginning to end my day yesterday. I especially like the go to bed early one...

And now I'm up early and working hard feeling much better!

[Fiona]

I totally agree with exercise and sleep, but if I am trapped at work having my bad day, then I will take refuge in a mindless or repetitive task. Alternatively I use my breaks to play something comforting like tetris... If my immediate mind is involved in the game then the calmer side of me takes over and can slowly work out my problem and give a reasoned reply to the email or response to the colleague etc, without me going into a tailspin first..

[LuAnn]

Great advice. This is one I'll definitely save and apply. Thanks!

[Marcie]

Great tips! I will certainly refer to these next time I have a bad day. The only thing I would add is to take some time to enjoy nature; this can take the form of going for a walk somewhere where I can feel the sun, hear the breeze rustling the trees, and hear the birds chirping or it can just be admiring nature from a window. Yesterday, I tok a few minutes at work to take-in with awe (and admittedly a bit of fear) the raging thunderstorm outside my window at work. The rain was coming down in sheets and the trees were almost dancing - I was totally engrossed by it.
Ayway, nature always has a way of making me feel happily insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Thanks again for sharing your insight!

[Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams]

Great tips - so simple and yet so powerful. And yes, everything really does look better in the morning.

[LarryG]

I love the post, the engineer in me says... hey you've got two number 8s and no 9 ???
:)
that brought a smile -- which is an additional tip...
Smile on purpose, or at the little things...
Thanks for sharing this wonderful info!

[Sheldon]

Great post Gretchen! I find riding my bicycle (exercise) about the best thing I can do when I'm feeling stressed or down. Don't think that men can't ruminate... some of us have it down to a science.:) I also agree with behaving like you want to feel.

Thanks for letting us into your personal world with all your foibles. I almost feel like I know you.:)

[Jodi at Joy Discovered]

Gretchen, this is really, really an excellent post. You cover so much here and it's so human. My favorite piece of advice was to find an area of refuge (that is another wonderful post). I think I follow all this routine almost to a "T" when I'm having a rough day but now that I've read about it all here, I think the next time around I will be more mindful of the process. One thing I might add is to listen to peaceful, uplifting music. That helps me a lot, too. Have a wonderful day! Thank you for this!

[Angela]

What a great post, Gretchen. Thank you so much for sharing this insight. I printed it out to put into my "lifebook" (my lifebook is a collection of writings, photos, drawings, etc., all created by women, that are bits of beauty, wisdom, humor and love that help me live the life I want to live.)

[laura klein]

What a timely post, Gretchen. I've shared it with my tiny group of followers.

[Karen]

I've had some issues worrying me not just one day, but many. Thanks for giving concrete advice about things we can do to not only feel better but actually make our circumstances better. Today I took care of some nagging issues and already feel better because I took action.

[Annette]

This is all so good! I think when you (we)need to spill your guts, often a woman is a better choice than a man. Men "tend" to listen for "what is the POINT?"
They want to SOLVE it. When I am upset, I want to get it out, have someone show compassion and really listen...and "get it." I'm not usually looking for someone to "fix" it. If men can listen like they are holding a giant trash bag for you, without having to DO anything, then it can work. But it's good if they understand this up front.
If your husband cannot do this, call a friend who reliably is "on your side."
I also cuddle my puppies. That always helps tremendously! I tell myself that I am not "at fault" and not responsible for everyone else's feelings.

[Clare]

I liked the one about talking to your husband.

My fiance and I both try hard to say when we are feeling bad: 'I am feeling sad' or 'I'm not in a very good mood today' or 'I'm angry' rather than going off on one.

We know each other well, but we're not psychic.

[Take Out Menus, Fast Food]

I was thinking of looking up some of them newspaper websites, but am glad I came here instead. Although glad is not quite the right word… let me just say I needed this after the incessant chatter in the media, and am grateful to you for articulating something many of us are feeling - even from distant shores. Please come visit my site Restaurant Fast food Directory when you got time.

[Joan]

I dont know why but I guess I am shocked that you would have a bad day. Someone who seems to have it all...how could you be attacked?? and sad? Just goes to show we are all equal...

[Lucy]

Sorry to hear that you have had an upsetting day. Glad that these tips help you too!

[Cee]

Great stuff, Gretchen. #3, so important, yet so hard to do. Along with your ideas to keep busy, do good things, a movie or book to totally engross my mind helps. It also helps pass the time so then you can turn in early.

[Lynsey G]

Well, I just forwarded this to several people as a "do something nice for somebody else" exercise, and I DO feel better. Thank you!

[Jennifer]

What a wonderful, wonderful blog! Thank you so much for this. I followed over from Alexis Grant's Aspiring Author blog. I'm very glad that I did.

Happy weekend,
Jen

[Meream]

Exercising and doing something for others always work. :)

[dr aletta]

Just had a bad day myself and got to your post through Twitter. I'm proud to say I did all 8 steps intuitively, well except #8, but I'll get to bed soon.

[wj]

you missed a biggy - breathing slowly an deeply

[Ruth Karr]

A wise therapist once told me that dwelling in angry, negative mood states, ruminating on what I should have said or done in a bad inter personal exchange, is actually an indulgence. You are indulging yourself, he used to say, and I still remember his comment 20 years later.
Ruth

[Banuta Rubess]

Excellent post! Especially about NOT RUMINATING. Also - always good to be reminded that others can fall into an abyss - and what they do to clamber out. Also the points on Neville Chamberlain.

[laura]

great post, and some wonderful tips. i too have felt this way many times and I feel like as my business becomes more successful, and I become higher visibility it feels as though with all the wonderful things that go with that I also become a bit of a target. Sort of like why people rip apart celebrities and somehow justify it in their minds as being ok because they are public figures. Very strange phenomenon.

[mindfulsavings]

Good tips. Here is another thought when you're having a bad day. Stay present in the moment. Rather than fighting the feeling, step back just a bit and observe your feelings. If you accept the feeling, realize whatever you are feeling is ok, this is where I am now, nothing lasts, you will probably feel better. When you stop resisting the feeling you often feeling better.

[jenny]

Thank you Gretchen, this is very helpful!

[Julie Butcher-Fedynich]

Sometimes I blog about people I think are nice and link to them. Then I'm thinking of the nicest people in my life instead of the pooters.

[Michele Connolly, Get Organized Wizard]

I also find this helpful:

1. Adopt a sulky posture
2. Find your most whiny voice
3. Wail 'Why is life so cruel!' at the top of your lungs

This always makes me laugh at myself, which gives me a fresh perspective and a little distance from whatever's bothering me. Often I see a new insight.

Seriously, try it!

Michele :-)

[Mike]

Tip #2 always does the trick for me. No matter what my mood it always lifts me when I buy a stranger a Starbucks. Highly recommend it. Next time you roll through a drive-thru pay for the car behind you and don't stick around for a "Thanks" or a question. Just remember, random acts of kindness are not nearly as altruistic as they appear because they make YOU feel great :-)

[cheryl]

I've been going through a tough time lately and a friend forwarded me your link to this post. This is just what I needed to put things into perspective and help me get out of my black hole. I'm going to print it off and make the effort to accomplish each and every one of them.

[Kate B]

This is really awesome! Just what I needed! My friend's having a bad day too so I'm going to send her the link!

[Emily]

This post is so wonderful! I love the idea of a Good Bad Day- it feels good, even when you're down, to still take care of yourself and be as productive as you can, given the "bad day" mood. Thanks!