"Collecting Birds' Eggs and Meditating on the Flight of Time."

“In solitude I used to wander about the garden, alternately collecting birds’ eggs and meditating on the flight of time. If I may judge by my own recollections, the important and formative impressions of childhood rise to consciousness only in fugitive moments in the midst of childish occupations, and are never mentioned to adults. I think periods of browsing during which no occupation is imposed from without are important in youth because they give time for the formation of these apparently fugitive but really vital impressions.”
--Bertrand Russell, Autobiography

Although I wouldn't express this idea quite the way Bertrand Russell does, it is a good explanation for why I don't make my daughters take piano lessons.

* A kind reader sent me the link to the blog 1000 Awesome Things. Excellent.

* For more discussion of happiness, join the Facebook Page.

Comments

[Positively Present]

Love the quote and love 1000 Awesome Things. I love checking out that site and feeling happy when I connect with an awesome topic. :)

[Nancy]

Your conclusion is distressing. Music lessons in childhood are a gift beyond price throughout life.

[Mikel]

"Flight of Time." I can relate...

[Gretchen Rubin]

Ah, Nancy, I have to disagree! Music lessons IF YOU WANT THEM are a gift beyond price. If you don't want them, they aren't. I truly believe this. I know so many people who took piano or violin lessons, hated every minute, and don't feel as though their lives were enriched in any way. I took guitar lessons for more than two years, and it did nothing for me.

Every thing we spend time on has an opportunity cost. If you're taking piano lessons, you're not gathering birds' eggs. If you love the piano, that's wonderful. If you'd rather be running around in the woods, it's not.

Of course, it's a balance. Sometimes we have to push through unpleasant stages to get to a point of mastery where real enjoyment can kick in -- and parents have an important role in encouraging kids to stick with things, not to give up too soon. But I think it's clear that some people I know (like me) never exhibited any evidence of abiding interest.

One of my Secrets of Adulthood is: Just because something is fun for you doesn't make it fun for someone else, and vice versa.

[Amelia]

@ Nancy: I am a musician and I agree with Gretchen. If you want to learn music, it is a wonderful gift, but so are art lessons or robotics courses or athletics training... if you want to be there. I have seen so many kids take music lessons (and other things) because their parents want them to, made trouble during classes (just like kids who don't suit the education system), but then find something else that sweeps them away with passion - all that wasted time doing something they hate!! I believe that introducing kids to all different things not just music is very important so that they may make a choice about what they like. Yes, they will flit about trying lots of different things (not a waste of time in my eyes), but there will be inevitably be something that they settle with, and to find those one or two things that light their fire is truly the best gift you can give a child.

[All Women Stalker]

Insightful. I'm now thankful my parents never let me do all kinds of lessons, too. I love those moment of drawing at the back of our books.

:)Meream

[moosy]

A child needs to have time to be utterly bored: this way they'll develop creative skills, because they have to look for things to occupy themselves with.
That's always been the reason my mother never imposed hobbies on me (I had two days on which I practiced a hobby I liked), and made sure we never had one of those gaming consoles. Our time behind television (and later on, computer) was also limited (three days a week for a maximum of three hours). Even though I disliked this as a child, I will apply this to my own children later on, because I now realize how much time my brother and I have spent creatively thinking up solutions to not be bored. Those creative games are still my fondest memories. I am only 24 now, so I'm not romanticizing my childhood yet ;)

[MJ]

I think the modern trend to schedule 100% of childrens' time is appalling - it will kill any creativity or intellect. We all need unstructured time - that is when we THINK. And really, the only reason we are alive, and the highest and best thing we do in life, is to think in quiet alone. That is the meaning of human life.

Re the music hoo-ha I agree with Gretchen. Forcing miserable children to endure miserable lessons doesn't do anyone any good. Now that I'm older I can imagine the less than satisfying lives of my past music teachers, faced weekly with a mentally checked-out, passively-resisting, mute child shrugging and eye-rolling through each week's interrogation re "you didn't practice this week, did you?" and counting the minutes until she could escape to reading and writing again. We were probably equally miserable - AND I think that the years of this gave me the not very happy or helpful message that life consists of a lot of misery that one must endure silently, or undermine subtly, until one can escape to non-misery. Not a great way to view the world.

[Daphne Gray-Grant]

I am a HUGE believer in unstructured time for kids. In fact, as a result, I've homeschooled my kids for the last 10 years. And I have triplets -- so it was a big commitment.

But I also agree with Nancy that childhood music lessons are a gift beyond price. We put all three of our kids in piano lessons at age 5 with a wonderful, relaxed teacher.

Two of the three blossomed and one did not. We let the one who wasn't very interested drop out after about three years. She was still eager to take the lessons but wouldn't commit to doing the practising, so we stopped them for her.

For the others, it's been a huge, life-affirming gift. Whenever we return home from holidays, the first thing my son does is rush to the piano. He's been composing since age 9 and he has pent up demand for playing after a break.

In fact, he has severe learning disabilities and being good at the piano has really saved his life, I think. (He fooled his piano teacher into thinking he was reading music, when, in fact, he was playing by ear.) I can't imagine what our lives would be like without his music and what HIS life would be like without that outlet.

[Nomi]

I'm a big fan of unstructured time for both kids & adults, but as a musician I want to point out an interesting fact: Many, many of my adult piano students came to me saying "I was forced to take piano lessons as a child and hated it, and now I regret not having given it a fair try and would like to study again because I still love music." I'm not going to squeeze a lesson from this, but I wanted to throw this observation into the mix.

[EscapeVelocity]

"Meditating on the flight of time." I remember doing just that one late afternoon on the backyard swing, probably not quite forty years ago.

[bella]

Learning about anyting in any way is a gift. Providing a child with a rich environment full of OPPRTUNITIES to learn is the gift I think we should strive to give. Then they can choose art, music, bird watching,dancing, science or whatever. I am grateful every day for the rich childhood my parents and family provided

[MJ]

The key to music lessons etc. is allowing the child to quit what he/she doesn't like - lots of opportunities to try different things are a rich life, but telling a child that "only losers quit," so he/she must never quit anything and endure years of it in misery is a key to lifetime unhappiness. If they hate something after a year or two or three, LET THEM QUIT.

[boots]

I hear you re: music lessons. But the problem is, it's much easier to master an instrument if you start early. It's a lot tougher to start as an adult. Most excellent musicians I know had a couple years where their parents had to force them to practice and though they didn't like it at the time they're happy about it now. I think learning a second language is similar--kids' brains are just quicker to pick up certain things than adults' brains are.

[meditating]

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