What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Why Might Small, Comfortable Changes Work Better than Radical Steps?

StairwayI just read a short, interesting book by Robert Maurer, One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way.

I’m surprised I hadn’t known about kaizen before. The Japanese term kaizen is an approach of using small steps of continuous improvement to bring about change. Instead of pursuing radical changes – which are ambitious, difficult, and often don’t succeed – you take small, comfortable steps. Maurer points out that although kaizen developed in a business setting, it also applies to individuals.

His example: after telling his patient Julie about the importance of taking time for herself and getting exercise, instead of giving the standard (and unrealistic) advice that she spend thirty minutes a day on aerobically challenging exercise, he said “How about if you just march in place in front of the television, each day, for one minute?”

When she returned for her next visit, she reported that she had kept with that routine (which wasn’t hard!). This didn’t add up to much exercise, but it gave her a more optimistic, energetic frame of mind, and she was willing to take on more. Within a few months, she was doing full aerobic workouts.

When a goal is too intimidating – “How can I switch careers from law to writing?” “How can I have a baby as a single mother?” “How can I start my own business?” “How can I lose sixty pounds and get in shape?” – you don’t even want to think about it. Pushing yourself to think of the smallest possible steps toward that goal keeps it from being too scary.

Also, if you ask yourself a specific question often enough, you’re bound to come up with some useful answers.

Maurer suggests a few kaizen questions to prompt ideas:
-- If health were my first priority, what would I be doing differently today?
-- How could I incorporate a few more minutes of exercise into my daily routine?
-- What’s the smallest step I can take to be more efficient?
-- What can I do in five minutes a day to reduce my credit-card debt?
-- How could I find one source of information about adult education classes in my city?
-- Whom could I ask for help? [Yes! Ask for help! Why is it so easy to overlook this extremely effective strategy?]
-- What’s one small, loving act I can do today for a friend, acquaintance, or stranger?

For my own happiness project, I've found that these kinds of questions have helped me focus on concrete actions. Instead of asking, “How can I get more joy out of life?” I asked, “What’s one thing I can do for ten minutes each day that would give me a bit of joy?” Instead of asking, “How can I be a better parent?” I asked, “What’s one thing I can change about our mornings to make them more pleasant for everyone?” It’s hard to think of an answer to the first question; it’s easier to think of an answer to the second question.

That’s why with my happiness project, I focus so much on my resolutions. These concrete, manageable steps, attempted every day, are what have made me happier since I started my project. (If you need help keeping resolutions, here are twelve tips.)

* If you're looking for a way to make small, concrete, comfortable changes, try using the Happiness Project Toolbox.


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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

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