My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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“Do Not Spoil What You Have By Desiring What You Have Not…”

Epicurus

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.”
–Epicurus

* I’m a longtime fan of Ben Casnocha’s blog, but I just discovered his Business Rules of Thumb Wiki. This is a wonderful compilation of rules — what I call, in my own terminology “true rules” and “Secrets of Adulthood.” It’s a fantastic, thoughtful list.

* If you live in NYC, DC, Boston, Chicago, KC, Denver, LA, SF, or Seattle — come to a book event for The Happiness Project! Tour info here.
Pre-order the book.
–Read sample chapters.
–Get free bonus materials if you pre-order: email me at gretchenrubin1[at]gmail.com and write “I’ve pre-ordered” in the subject line. More info here.
–Watch the brand-new, fun one-minute book trailer!

  • RTP

    Thank you, Gretchen. I really needed this today; I just had a miscarriage. I never even thought I could become pregnant, so the pregnancy itself was a miracle to me, and it offers hope for the future. And the saying is so true; I never imagined, either, that I would have a man so wonderful as my husband. I love this blog — it’s like a friend who’s always there for you. Thank you!

    • gretchenrubin

      What a sad thing. Hang in there. It sounds as though you’ve thought hard
      about a way to hang on to your happiness in a very difficult time. I’ll be
      thinking of you and your husband.

      • RTP

        Thank you; I’m grateful for your kind thoughts!

    • A fellow seeker

      Oh I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. But as you said, there is hope for the future. I’m sure you’ll be a mom soon. I just know it. Please be well.

      • RTP

        Thank you! I think if I were to add a commandment of my own to the Happiness Project, it would be, “There is always hope!”

  • http://thedestinywithin.blogspot.com/2009/12/huron-carol.html angelina

    Hi, Gretchen

    The title of this post is sound advice. There will always be someone out there who is worst off than you are no matter who you are. If you feel unhappy share a slice of chocolate with a friend.

  • LJ73

    Best quotation all year!!

  • http://www.arrangedinlove.wordpress.com/ Arranged in Love

    I really like this quote!! All of us have so much to be grateful for if we just take a moment to see. First year of college, after going on a small trip to NYC, I always knew I wanted to live there or at least work there and be exposed to all the different cultures. Now, the chance of this happening is so near!

  • 423

    In this season of overindulgence this quote is very apt.

    It reminds me of the classic Jagger/Richards lyric:

    You can’t always get what you want to/
    You can’t always get what you want to/
    But if you try some time you get what you need/

  • http://www.uncertainchange.com/ Tomas Stonkus

    True. Appreciation of what we have. Another things easier said than done :)
    One possible solution to that is to have less things on your mind. If we do not have that many things to worry about, then we are able to remember what matters more easily.

    Even writing things down works great!

    I think people will always want more than they have. However, too many people focus on having more things that they forget to have more experiences.

    Best,
    Tomas

  • Carol

    This reminds me of lyrics in Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow: It’s not having what you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got.

    • 423

      Carol, I knew there was ANOTHER pop song that expressed this same sentiment.

  • actuary

    Gretchen, can you explain the cover picture on your book? It seems like a random brownstone block in NYC. Is it? If so, what block? And why? I get the significance of the bluebird of happiness, but not the buildings on the ground.

    • gretchenrubin

      You’re right, it’s buildings in New York City. We were trying to capture the
      idea that a happiness project is something you do in your own neighborhood,
      as part of your everyday life.

      Of course, buildings like that are typical for New York City — and that’s
      another thing about a happiness project. Everyone’s looks different. My life
      in NYC is different from a lot of people’s lives — but even though everyone
      is different, we can all learn from each other.

      And we just liked the way it looked!

      I have to say, working on the cover is one of the worrisome parts of writing
      a book. Covers are SO important, but so tricky. Tons of people have told me
      they like this one; it’s such a relief.

  • http://itapetingabella.blogspot.com/ Jessica Lauren

    Your blog is such a breath of fresh air, so delightful and joyous! A real source of inspiration, thank you for your many morsels of goodness.

    If you have a moment or two, please amuse yourself with my new creation. I would greatly appreciate the brief moment of adoration and any suggestions.

    http://itapetingabella.blogspot.com/

    Thank You.

  • naslicer2

    It’s true; I have tested this on by viewing mi version board. Things i wished to have some time back. They are things I have now. This has given me challenge to keep wishing and keeping what I have.
    thank you for your hapiness projects they have changed mi minds about mi hapiness.

  • Grammy 2 10

    What an awesome quote, and timely! My husband has been unemployed for 15 months. The pile of gifts under the Christmas tree isn’t going to be as big as it has in the past. But, we have so many blessings, and much of what we have now was once only a dream. It’s a truth I need to focus on.

  • http://penvspaper.com Jeffrey Tang

    I’ve got mixed feelings about this quote. On one hand, I understand why always wanting more can “spoil what you have,” but on the other, I think that wanting more can be healthy and stimulating – to a point.

    What I really like about this quote is the sense of progress. That we may not be “there” yet (wherever “there” happens to be), but we’re certainly moving forward.

  • http://www.barcodesaustralia.com Barcodes Australia

    That is a fantastic quote, so true. Almost all of us have so many things to be grateful for, we need to remember to keep our eyes open to them and see the good in our lives.

  • bryanwk

    There is a big difference between yearning in a negative way, and expanding your world with hope and positive desire.

  • ajitkaikini

    Braving the Craving is the only way to live life!

  • ajitkaikini

    Braving the Craving is the only way to live life with happiness!

  • http://twitter.com/MrktingRenegade Paul Gothier

    Another great way to start the day …internal oragnization through meditation. It is a great way to start and manage a day …through a calm and poised approach. Also Leo Babauta has great suggestions in his book “The Power of Less” , also very zen like: set limitations …choose the essential …simplify …focus …create great habits …start small!paul g.

  • TracyW

    I very much noticed this with my parents’ reactions to my brother’s accident, particularly those weeks when he was recovering consciousness (it’s not like the movies, people don’t just wake up like from sleep) and we didn’t know how much of him would be there when he woke up. My mother’s counterfactual was that my brother had not had the accident, so she regarded everything my brother did while he was recovering consciousness as a possibility of what he had lost. My father’s counterfactual was that my brother could have died, so everything that my brother did while he was recovering consciousness was a gain in Dad’s mind. I tried to stick to Dad’s outlook.

    Now every now and then I remind my mum, when she is worrying about my brother “Back when we were by his hospital bed, would you have believed that he would be capable of doing this now?”

  • http://www.myhappimess.com My Happimess

    Gretchen, I love this quote! Thank you for the reminder, which I seem to need daily.

    RTP, I’m really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope you’re doing ok. Thank you for giving me some perspective, also.

  • http://www.morethancarrots.com/ Hilla

    I liked this one too! I good reminder.