My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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Buy Needful Things.

Spending

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in — no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I’m an under-buyer (as opposed to an over-buyer). That means I have trouble prodding myself to buy things, even things I absolutely need, like contact-lens solution. When I do buy, I buy as little as possible (even though this means I have to buy again before long). I often procrastinate about buying essential seasonal items, like mittens, until late into the season. I use things for too long, past the point at which they’re used up or worn out. Sure, a pair of old khakis is nice, but at some point, I really do need a new toothbrush.

As an under-buyer, I’ve developed some resolutions to help me buy, and the most important of these resolutions is Buy needful things. I force myself to stop at the drugstore to pick up the supplies I need. I prod myself to buy three tubes of toothpaste, not just one. I ask myself if we have an emergency supply of cereal and light bulbs. I ask myself, “Do I need this?” and if I do, I buy it (or at least I’m supposed to buy it) without saying, “I’ll pick this up another time.”

As Samuel Johnson wrote, “To live in perpetual want of little things is a state, not indeed of torture, but of constant vexation.” It’s no fun to be in a household that’s constantly running out of toilet paper.

Over-buyers, of course, have the opposite problem. They spend too much time and money buying things that they don’t really need. “We can use that.” “This might come in handy.” “That would make a good gift…for someone.”

For over-buyers, the resolution to “Buy needful things” is also useful, because it reminds them to ask, “Do I really need this? Right now? Or do I just think I might need it?”

To find out if you’re an under-buyer or an over-buyer, take this quiz.

How about you? Do you have to push yourself to make purchases — or to hold yourself back?

* 2010 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2010 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2010 a happier year, this month’s focus is Energy. Last week’s resolution was to “Get more sleep.” Did you try to follow that resolution? Did it help to boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Get more exercise. Start small! Be realistic!

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Nine tips for staying motivated to exercise.
Quiz: Are you a likely exercise drop-out?
Eleven tips for sticking to a schedule of regular exercise.

If you’re new, here’s information on the 2010 Happiness Challenge (or watch the intro video). It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For more ideas, check out the Happiness Project site on Woman’s Day.

* I was interested to read this article on Gimundo, Evolution may favor survival of the kindest.

* When I write, I have two imaginary characters in my head. One is the hostile reader, who attacks and criticizes me; the other is the ideal reader, who understands everything I’m trying to express. Since The Happiness Project came out last week, I’ve been fortunate enough to have several reviewers from the second camp, like this review from Terry Hong in the Christian Science Monitor. As a writer, it’s thrilling to see a reaction like this.

  • http://greenapril.wordpress.com/ greenapril

    Has anyone else been unable to watch the video because it’s set to private? Or is it just my computer or settings?

    • lyndsybrooke

      I cannot view it either.

      • gretchenrubin

        OK! I’ll fix it!!!!whoops

      • gretchenrubin

        Ok, I think it’s public now. Still learning! Sorry. Let me know if that
        didn’t work.

  • http://www.debztalkin.blogspot.com/ Deborah

    Working fine now! I’m putting on my Jazzercise shoes!

  • kreddy

    Like the post and the video but really wanted to comment on the Today Show interview.Very nicely done! I almost missed it because I had the tv muted while I was checking email but my husband (who has heard a lot about you and seen me reading the the book) noticed it was on and said, “There’s the happiness woman” and hit the volume. I would have been upset if I had missed you. Thank heavens for husbands who pay attention.

    • gretchenrubin

      I love that your husband called me “the happiness woman”! So glad you liked
      the interview!

      • Tracey

        My husband calls you that too!! Well, “the happiness lady”.

  • Maureen

    I became conscious of my buying habits about 2 years ago and find myself falling in the middle of the two. I tend to buy essentials and keep a supply. For larger items (pretty much anything that takes up more than a sq.ft. of space) I ask myself what I am going to get rid of in order to bring this new thing in. “Stuff” bogs you down – been there done that.

    P.S. I ordered your book and anxiously await it!

  • eileen216

    I just saw you on Today’s show, and immediately turned on my computer to find your blog. I love what you said on the interview, and I am going to spend some time reading through your blog. ^^

    I used to be an over buyer. Now whenever I want to buy something, I hold it in my hand for 30 seconds. Then I think about do I really need it? If the thing costs $20, I also think could I spend the $20 on a better use? If I answer no to either question, then I put the item back. This method has worked for me…. most of the time. It’s still hard to resist sales though. haha….

    I am really glad I saw your interview and found the blog. I have signed up for the 2010 Happiness Project, and looking forward to a happier year. Thank you, Gretchen!

    • gretchenrubin

      Thanks for your kind words! I’m glad you enjoyed the interview. And great
      that you’ve joined the 2010 Happiness Challenge!

    • Rob_Mk_II

      I’m still working on making sure that I only have stuff that I use and need around. It’s easier for me to ensure that new things don’t get added than to deal with the aftermath of having once been lax in that area of control. My current strategy is similar to yours; I take lessons in skating. My son reminds me, when I’m considering purchasing something, that it’s equal to X minutes with my coach, and the decision becomes easier when I think about which I want more…

  • susannathan

    Gretchen,
    Saw you on the Today show and felt an immediate connection. I started my “happiness project” in October but lately have been feeling like I needed input from others on the same path.

    I was thrilled to hear what you had to say. I love your Blog and will get your book ASAP. I was blessed to know about your aha moment on the bus and so happy that you are sharing!

  • DrLith

    I’m an underbuyer as well. I actually used to be agony-ridden about purchasing decisions, when I first crawled out of the poverty pit that was umpteen years of gradschool+singleparenthood. I’ve gotten better, but there’s still a dinnerware pattern at Kohls that I’ve been secretly coveting for 15 months now without working up the nerve to actually buy a few place settings.

    I’ve found that Alice.com has been really helpful in my tendency to put off purchasing “needful things” in the household products category. You create a list of consumables and set an initial frequency at which you think you’ll consume them. Then you get periodic reminders to go restock your supply of contact solution, toilet paper, and toothbrushes, which is as easy as click, click, click from your list of products. Then it all arrives on your doorstep a few days later, at no shipping charge! The prices are surprisingly competitive, before you even factor in the time savings.

  • http://ittlehappinessproject.blogspot.com/ Betsy

    Hi Gretchen – I will have to watch your video. I’ve embarked on a Happiness Project of my own – a blog that focuses on happy things that happen every day, even when it’s not a good day at all. You totally inspired me and I appreciate your blog. Planning to pick up the book this weekend!

    As for buying, I’m not any sort of buyer now since my husband lost his job in Jan. 09. I think I was an overbuyer before. This experience has changed the way I buy for the rest of my life, I think. Right now I feel guilty and anxious even buying the things we need since we are short every month.

    I guess I hope to be an average buyer one day in the future.

    Keep up the good work!!! And again, thank you for inspiring me to focus on the good. It is very easy to get squashed by the bad.

    • gretchenrubin

      Wonderful, good luck with YOUR happiness project! Excellent!

  • http://whatchannelareyouwatching.com Stephen Fofanoff

    Interesting. I’m just getting started investigating The Happiness Project. Glad to see your advice regarding resolutions. I recently posted about resolution over-kill on my blog: http://wp.me/pwg7T-8o

  • Dalon

    Gretchen you did FANTASTIC this morning on the Today Show!!!!! (I just saw it – AK is a few hours behind the … ahem … rest of the world – ha!) I’m so glad your book is doing well – I’m excited to pick one up myself. Thanks so much for sharing all that you’ve learned – and being open enough to share your personal experience with your daughter. Amazing how kids see the world differently – and thank goodness!!! :-)

    • gretchenrubin

      Thanks! So nice to hear!

  • Tracey

    I am a mix of both. When I decide I have a project such as decorating a room, moving, going on a trip, making presents for people – SERIOUS overbuyer. We were so incredibly over-prepared for our long wilderness camping trip this summer. Super fully stocked first aid kit? Probably a good idea. 4 pairs of specialized hiking pants, 6 flashlights and headlamps (of which we used 2), and way too much food? Probably should have scaled back there.

    But in other ways I’m an underbuyer. I have been married with my own household for 3.5 years now. I drink tea regularly and have people over for dinner. I have only recently purchased a sugar bowl, and still do not own salt and pepper shakers. I could also really use a black cardigan to transform my summer work outfits in winter ones. I have not bought it, but I have bought less useful items on impulse between the time I realized I needed one and now.

    Sometimes I do wonder why I am like this. It will even happen in the same shopping trip. I will pay way too much for a certain kind of cheese because that is needed for the recipe I have planned for dinner on tuesday and I couldn’t possibly use a different kind of cheese or make a simpler meal. But I refuse to buy the name brand soda because it’s 50 cents more.

    Maybe it’s an OCD need for completeness? But then why wouldn’t I need to complete my china with a salt shaker (I’m going to buy one, I swear. Next time I go to the thrift store…)

    • gretchenrubin

      So funny that you mention the sugar bowl! I have been considering buying one
      for the past seven or eight years, never been able to bring myself to buy
      one. Salt & pepper shakers — we do have those however.

      • Charityuk

        I broke the lid to my sugar bowl so now I use it for storing post-it notes and paper clips on my desk. I don’t miss it for sugar at all!

  • http://www.ideaswithakick.com/ Ideas With A Kick

    Hey Gretchen,

    As an over-buyer, I found that a great exercise to learn to only buy needful things is limiting your budget seriously. When you buy like a poor person, you think a lot and loose a lot of preconceptions about what you really need.

    Eduard

  • http://www.renegadeyogi.com/ Eric Normand

    I think I am an underbuyer. I tend to think I’ll find an alternative to whatever it is (like some natural homemade stuff) and won’t have to buy it again.

    Ah! Good thing my girlfriend remembers to buy toilet paper!

  • http://www.creativityprompt.com/ Avital

    My husband and I have been exercising regularly (5Xweek) for 7 months now and the one change that had made that happen is doing it first thing in the morning. When we are too tired to think of excuses, but it also makes us happier throughout a day, because we begin each day with an accomplishment!

  • http://www.chilts.org/simplicity/ Andy @ Simplicity

    I am slowly converting myself from an over-buyer into an under-buyer and I think I’m now there. I look at almost all of my purchases and put them down again. If I still need them in a week’s time, I might go back :)

  • http://www.uncertainchange.com/ Tomas Stonkus

    I just buy what I need. I honestly do not put too much thought into it. Somethings that are essential I buy with questioning myself twice, but the more expensive purchases will usually take more thought.

    I think it all comes down to knowing why you are making the purchase to begin with. If you can answer that easily, then you should be able to buy it with ease.

    The question then becomes how do I know if I really need this? Well just ask yourself Why Five times and see if you can answer it all the way through.

    For example, I need to buy a toothbrush. Why? Because my old one is beat up. Why? Because I used for too long and now it’s hurting my teeth. And so on.

    At least that is how I make my purchases.

    Best,
    Tomas

  • http://backpackbasecamp.com Robin42

    I love the videos you are putting out there on you weekly blog now, Great idea!!

    Robin
    http://backpackbasecamp.com

  • http://richardshelmerdine.com/blog/ Richard Shelmerdine

    I’ve become an “under buyer” recently. Its such a great feeling to have little as compared to having a lot. You just ant the bare Spartan essentials. It’s more fulfilling too. Why own something for ownership sake?

  • SylviaBlack

    I’ve definitely experienced the mood/energy boost from exercising. I’m also in sort of a fortunate position in that I really enjoy running, so it doesn’t feel like something I’m forcing myself to do at all. Weight training, on the other hand, is something I don’t like as much, and I’m more prone to coming up with excuses about why I shouldn’t have to do it. Something to work on :)

  • Charityuk

    Definitely an overbuyer here – “responsible, thoughtful and organised” is spot-on. I know I can be that without stockpiling washing powder and cornflakes, and I’m working on it. http://www.unclutterer.com and http://www.myzerowaste.co.uk are helpful. But I also underbuy when it comes to clothes, make-up etc. I guess I don’t value myself enough in that way, and am making an effort there to, to throw out stained ratty clothes and be more groomed.

    At least I can be a little smug as I do exercise already . My gym has a great creche so I can get a short break from my toddler three mornings a week and do something good for myself. The childcare is my main motivation ;)

  • http://hpshealthylifestyle.blogspot.com/ HP van Duuren

    It usually is enough to only enjoy the thought:

    ‘I could buy it’,

    and since I usually don’t really
    need it, I usually won’t buy it.

    What excersising is concerned, I frequently excersise and even created a Healthylifestyle Blog with a Video to help people to get inspiration for early morning Jogging. (with slightly mysterious, eccentric – royalty free – selfmade Music.)

    Talking about eccentric, funny fact that the eccentric mathematician that invented the worlds first computer is hardly known about!!!

    What ‘Survival of the Kindest’ is concerned, I do understand that amungst ‘Eskimo’s’ (Yupik’s, Inuit’s) it’s ‘Not done’ to have angry emotions, because in a Snow World where people are very dependend on each other it’s an ‘Unproductive’ emotion.

  • pamwalter

    There is definitely a difference between “needs” and “wants”. I am going to add the “Do I really need this?” question to my resolutions for the new year.

  • Nancy

    I have been enjoying your blog so much and now the videos too! My book just arrived today so I am excited to start reading! Thank you for starting a happiness revolution and congratulations on your success! Is there a way to get notified about the videos? Did I miss something? I KNOW I missed this weeks video until last night!! However, I have walked every day this year, so I got the message somehow! LOL!
    As for shopping, I agree with Betsey that sometimes my mixture of traits shows itself in the same shopping trip! I under buy and take forever for big purchases couches, TV’s – real $ hogs! I go back and forth a little bit for regular stuff, but I NEVER run out of toilet paper! And I can NEVER resist books! :) So, if I should not be spending…I don’t go in the bookstore! Other than that I am pretty sane and work hard to live within my means.

  • teadams

    I’m an underbuyer as well. I’ll do crazy things. Like once I bought a desk that came in about 100 parts. Not only didn’t I pay the $50 to have someone put it together, I did not even buy an electric screwdriver. Putting together the desk took a whole weekend, and my hands actually started to bleed before I broke down and bought the electric screw driver.

  • natalie57

    One thing that always makes me happy is the intro to your videos. The music and the bird flying up the screen just get me dancing in my chair. I could get up and dance. That would be exercise. I don’t dance as much as I used to. Dancing is a perfect form of exercise.

  • lattemama

    Gretchen, I love the video element. I wasn’t sure why you were so dedicated to learning how to do it at first, but I can see how that extra dynamic adds to the blog. It’s also nice to put the verbal voice along with the writer’s voice as a read your book. Nice touch and good work!

  • ElizMcK

    I do not enjoy shopping at all, so I have to prime myself to shop at all, (even grocery shopping is a major ordeal for me), but I do have some tricks that help. I normally clean out the refrigerator and can come up with two or three meals, prolonging the actual shopping day. I always buy one more than I need of non-perishables such as coffee, toothbrushes, toothpaste and a bundle of toilet paper. This alleviates the need for the “just shopping for a few items” trip. This type of planning I enjoy!

    I do the same thing with clothing. If I find pants or tee-shirts I like, I stock up. I normally choose classic items so they won’t go out of style. I know shopping is a sport for some people and I envy you at times. I just cannot for the life of me get into it.

  • Diana

    I am currently reading (and loving!) your Happiness Project book. You mention signing up for a 20-minute strength training program (with a trainer). Does it have a name or description so I can look for something similar in the DC area? Thanks!