My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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August 14, 2010
11 Comment

“The Best Way Out Is Always Through.”

Broccoli The best way out is always through.
–Robert Frost

One of my personal koans.

* I was interested by this article about color, happiness, and depression: Different colors describe happiness vs. depression.

* Are you reading The Happiness Project with a group? I’ve prepared a one-page discussion guide for book groups, as well as a guide tailored for church groups, spirituality book group, and the like. If you’d like either discussion guide (or both!), email me at grubin at gretchenrubin dot com.

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  • http://twitter.com/MenopauseChat Menopause ChitChat

    I love that quote—so true!

  • http://www.chapeauxbysimone.com chicsinger simone

    My shrink tells me that often! Specially when I try to compartmentalize my pain and check it off a “”to do” list. Feel Sad Today: check! Oh well! Thanks for the reminder.

  • romay

    I thought Carl Jung said this? Oh well, great minds think alike.

  • LivewithFlair

    Yeah for Robert Frost! I like this quote because it reminds me of what my great neuroscience therapist said: “You have to sit with the pain and let it have its way with you.” In other words, when I’m trying to get out, run away, or fight something (especially depression), it might be better to sit through the mood, ask it what it’s trying to say, and stop fighting it so hard. You gotta move through it and not run from it. http://livewithflair.blogspot.com/

  • Alicehh

    I love your writings. But I have to add one thing. I taught a loss and grieving group for years and I have come to the conclusion that “The ONLY way out is THROUGH”. Believe it or not it is true. I hear what Robert Frost is saying, but he makes it sound like it is an option. It is not the best way or the worst way. It is the ONLY way. You cannot work through issues without dealing with the problems you are facing. If there is any other way will someone let me know. I would love to know shortcuts to facing difficult problems or loss of dreams.

  • Brian

    I have trouble with the “always”. Because sometimes, you need to take a step back, or sideways, or find a way around. Some problems are such massive cliffs that going through is simply futile, at best a waste of energy, at worst fatal.
    And sometimes, quitting is the right answer. Not every problem needs to be solved.

  • http://www.tootoomama.com Daisy

    I’m with Brian. Dangerous to use words like “always.” There are most certainly times when the best way out is “around” — I find that’s usually the case when I have placed myself in a position that’s out of synch with who I am. Pushing through in those instances would be false and just compound the misery. I am a believer in leaning into your strengths, and acknowledging and working around those things we’re less good at. I am learning to accommodate my crazy need for 9+ hours of sleep (ran myself ragged before, and paid for it), and I start projects now KNOWING that I am a procrastinator who should be delegating certain kinds of tasks whenever possible.

    Then again, is this all semantics? Is my working “around” really not all that different than working “through” if it requires acknowledging truths about myself?

    • trying

      Maybe working around is just a different way through? I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week.

      Sometimes, you have to push through things to grow stronger. Sometimes, things are unhealthy and will hurt you more than help you if you try to push through them. I had to get out of something this week that was really unhealthy for me. The issues that made it unhealthy for me to participate are still there, and need to be dealt with, but I have to find another way through. So maybe the best way out IS always through, but there’s more than one way and you have to find the best and most healthy (leaning to your strengths and taking care of your own health) way for you. Interesting thoughts.

  • Mizchulita

    As someone who has been going through a slow and painful withdrawal from benzos for the past few months, I can attest to the truthfulness of that statement. It has helped me come to terms with the fact that sometimes things won’t be pleasant, but I can keep on truckin’ anyway.

  • http://LowStressWeightLoss.com Sarah@LowStressWeightLoss

    I like it – it’s a more eloquent version of “if you’re going through hell, keep going” which someone once sent me on a card & I had pinned in my office during a rough time.

  • http://www.coupleoncouples.com Graeme

    Hmmm, sounds like a little synthesia to me! Apparently many famous musicians associate colors with sounds, like Hendrix and John Mayer (Beethoven too I believe). Interesting share :)

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