My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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May 27, 2012
13 Comment

“If God Had Not Made Brown Honey, Men Would Think Figs Far Sweeter.”

“If God had not made brown honey, men would think figs far sweeter than they do.”

–Xenophanes

They say that “Comparisons are odious,” but lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the effect of comparison on happiness–and on perception generally. Comparison to others, comparison to the past, imagined comparison, comparison across experiences…it has a powerful influence on our thinking.

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  • Marty Coleman

    Comparing is a social structure that allows us to understand the place of everything. It is knowing everything in relationship to everything else.  The problem I think comes when we give a happiness value to things within that comparison model.  We think that something bigger, more expensive, more impressive, sexier, healthier, more ‘normal’ has happiness attached to it.  We know it doesn’t in our intellect, but emotionally and socially we get sucked into thinking it does.  

  • http://www.pilgrimsmoon.com/ Tess Giles Marshall

    Comparison can be useful in showing us working examples of what might make us happy, and can embitter us if we make it our focus.

  • Peninith1

    The big trap comparison offers me (and I observe this in many others), is the trap of comparing what IS to some notion of what ‘should’ be in the best of all possible worlds. It’s the ‘if only’ feeling that longs toward something unrealized or frankly unattainable. If we are always focused on what’s NOT there, we can never enjoy and fully appreciate what is real.

    Honesty may require us to admit that a situation or relationship we’re in, a family member, a job, a house, a life are not the best we can imagine. Sometimes that restlessness should impel us to have the energy to change or strive toward the ideal. Other times, we only make ourselves miserable by overvaluing the ‘ideal’ and failing to focus on the genuine good and beauty in what is real and present.

    It’s part of attaining genuine maturity that we gain an ability to accept some people and situations as they are, and still retain the initiative to push toward something better and higher when comparison truly leads us toward that effort. Useless longing that ‘things would be different’ is the poison of comparison, courage to change is its gift.

  • Nsgo7703

    There is something about this image of Xenophanes that reminds me of Will Ferrell. I could totally see him taking this on, bringing laughter to more people as well as something to think about.

  • http://crazyintrovert.com/ Glori | Crazy Introvert

    Comparison has both good and bad sides. It simply depends on what your purpose is in comparing. 
    Comparing to prove that you are better is not as noble nor as healthy as comparing to improve yourself.

  • Jackie D

    “Compare and despair” is oft-repeated in 12 Step circles. The focus on externals is rarely rewarding for someone embarking on the inside job of living a meaningful life.

  • Susan B

    The only church service I’ve been to in the past decade had the sermon/message:  comparison leads to discontent.  The example that stuck with me was you buy a new house and love it until you visit a neighbor’s house.  You return home wanting to change the paint, carpet, etc., etc.  It has really stuck with me.  I don’t know that it’s always true, but it sure has been true for me with material things.

  • suomi48

    I believe comparison comes from thinking about the past and the future, instead of being immersed in the experience of the present moment.  When we mindfully focus on what we are experiencing now, there is simply no room for comparison.

  • Shell

    I have been really hard on myself lately; comparing myself to those around me. They are more organized, better dressed, skinnier, funnier, have cleaner houses.

  • Bunny

    Comparison is a big trap in my mind. I have lost friends who compared themselves to me or my life. (They seemed more concerned with not being as successful than simply being happy for me.)

    Also I find myself comparing… Not to others, but myself when I was younger. Then I talk myself out of my feelings by comparing myself to how I might feel when I am 20 0r 30 years older. It definitely robs you of the joy in NOW.

  • Ginny

    I try not to compare because it makes me competitive in an unhealthy way. I find it hard to know how to balance that with keeping up my ambition. I hate that I get this way and have fought it for a big part of my adult life. Truth be told the more satisfied I am with what I am doing as opposed to what I have the less I feel threatened by others when I compare. I find it is my accomplishments that make me happy for the long run not my stuff.  One thing that makes me mental and sends my competitive streak into overdrive are people who make false claims of accomplishmnet. People who call themselves journalists when they have written one article for the committee they sit on or call themselves models when they do face shots for the company they own. I have a thing about authenticity and I believe in earning your stripes, when people claim something they have not earned and I am slogging away at the same thing it really irks me. I hate this trait in myself and am targeting it try to improve. Finding the right way to word it to make it an effective resolution is difficult. Don’t compare is to broad and ineffective. I suspect focussing instead on what makes me happy will be the key.

  • Helen

    Something I TRY to remember is from Desiderata:  “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater or lesser than yourself”  I find that so true when I catch myself comparing myself, my life, my family,etc to someone else – not much good comes out of it.

  • http://alwayswellwithin.com/ Sandra / Always Well Within

    Comparison just brings us into the conceptual mind.  We will never find true happiness there!

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