My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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July 29, 2012
29 Comment

“The Sacrifice of Pleasures Is Of Course Itself A Pleasure.”

“The sacrifice of pleasures is of course itself a pleasure.”

– Muriel Spark, Loitering With Intent

This observation stopped me in my tracks. Agree or disagree?

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  • http://jcosmonewbery2.blogspot.com.au/ J Cosmo Newbery

    No, most definitely not!

  • mab

    It’s the pleasure of feeling virtuous (I sacrificed the pleasure of ice cream, web-surfing at work, lounging on the couch and ate vegetables, worked, went to the gym — don’t I feel great?!), the pleasure of self-mastery. If that’s what she’s talking about, I agree.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.kay1 Carolyn Kay

    Heidi Grant Halvorson:

    “All three types of if-then plans were put to the test, with surprising and consistent results. The researchers found that negation if-then plans were not only far less effective compared to other plans, but that they sometimes resulted in a rebound effect, leading people to do more of the forbidden behavior than before.”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heidi-grant-halvorson-phd/achieve-goals_b_1662687.html

  • http://twitter.com/Wiktor_K Wiktor Kostrzewski

    In a larger sense, and in the age of instant gratification, “sacrificing” pleasures may simply mean delaying them. And in privileged contexts, knowing that something will feel nice – but not just yet – is a source of pleasure in itself.
    If the tradeoff is “not feeling nice because of A, in order to feel nice because of B” – then that is true and frequently found in our neck of the woods. I’m afraid, however, that for many people it’s “not feeling nice because of A, since A is no longer affordable/available/within one’s reach.” This is a more painful change, and a more poignant sacrifice than the one Muriel Spark wrote about, methinks.

  • Anne

    The statement is either Delphic or incomplete. Did she elaborate?

  • jr cline

    I agree. Sometimes I have to mow the grass.

  • Patience Advocate

    Maybe if we’re talking about delayed gratification, especially in this age of instant everything. I think the waiting for something is often more pleasurable than the fleeting experience itself.

  • Jill

    That sounds like something Miss Jean Brodie would have agreed with…

  • Bhamgal

    True for a masochist, perhaps, but not for the average person.

  • Sharyn

    Absolutely – especially in the context of “sacrifice” being a choice, not a “have to’. That, to me, is how a sacrifice at Lent can be enjoyable. Enjoyable in the sense of self-control, and also in the sense of contemplation of blessings/pleasures that it helps us not to take for granted. Then there’s also how much more you appreciate something when you resume it after not having it for a while. Of course, all of this is premised on the “choose to”, not “have to”.

    • gretchenrubin

      Very thought-provoking response.

    • Disqus

      Not everyone needs to be denied of things in order to appreciate their worth. Perhaps if that needs to be done, then thing was not THAT valuable to begin with. That sounds more like changing the value of something by altering the circumstances.

      • Kathy

        I think you are missing the point…my understanding of self denial is the complete opposite…it is actually seeing oneself outside of “self” and offering sacrifice…appreciating yourself as part of a bigger picture and not controlled by desire. To me this only enhances self “worth” and makes us a better human being and valuable to our fellow man.

  • heatmary

    Nothing makes me feel more confident, self-aware, capable, or accomplished than having the power to say no to myself, or rather, to my (bad) habits, etc. My choice to sacrifice what doesn’t benefit me, even briefly, or once, makes me feel like I’m in control and have the power to determine and correct my habits. That feeling of accomplishment can’t be beat by much, in my opinion.

  • http://twitter.com/oneyearoftrash One Year of Trash

    100% Absolutely. It also reminds me of this: “One definition of maturity is learning to delay pleasure” (Dave Ramsey is where I heard that one!)

    I have made a lot of choices to improve my life the past few years, and this holds true for each habit I take on. Getting out of debt? Sacrificed pleasure to spend, was a pleasure to have no debt. Losing weight? Sacrificed the pleasure of eating what I want, and my body changes are awesome. In most cases, I find the sacrifice of pleasure leads to even greater pleasure.

  • aliceinthenorth

    Absolutely agree. A great friend who I have now sadly lost touch with said to me one day (in our twenties): “I always try to have something I am denying myself – just so I know I can and that I haven’t bought into ‘it’ – it can be as little as not having a cookie, or as much as [....].” Although we have lost touch I think of her often and of what she said that time and many other times. She is my wise lost friend of my youth.

  • http://twitter.com/_HappyClub The Furries

    There is some wisdom behind it but a sentence with the word “sacrifice” in it can hardly be related to happiness in my book…

  • Mark

    Not necessarily a pleasure, but still worthwhile. Confidence and self belief thrive when you keep promises to yourself.

  • Jazzy

    I believe sacrifice has the potential to be satisfying and rewarding depending on the bigger picture. I enjoy self-discipline on a daily basis as a means of exerting control over the things I like least about myself. I like saving for what I really want instead of the instant gratification of getting the alterntive. However, the greater satisfaction I gain is when I recognize that the sacrifices I am making is ulimately for the greater good (and not a compromise of my core values). To explain…I know I have the “right” to vacations away, expensive coffee, unhealthy foods, new clothes when I want (etc..you get the point) but in order to have these things I would face the consequences of not being able to provide for my kids the way I want to with respect to my time, funds and energy…especially since I”m a single parent who strongly values family. So basically..when I can align with what I value, what’s important to me and what I believe in, the sacrifice holds significant pleasure because I am not in conflict with myself over the choices I am making.

  • Peace Freedom

    I agree and it is actually a very powerful gauge for SELF CONTROL. This also secures FREEDOM OF CHOICE in one’s life. Not feeling compelled or otherwise to do or not do something, or want or not want something is LIBERATING to say the least. This is a motto that I came up with from life experience and I believe that all things boil down to this: Always DO and CHOOSE what YOU can LIVE with. So if sacrificing certain things is what you can live with and it gives you pleasure, then so be it!

  • Sacrifice is needless.

    Absolutely disagree. Life is sufficiently difficult enough as it is. Why sacrifice at all? To have to sacrifice and psych oneself into thinking that it is a pleasure is merely denial That’s painfully pathetic. My view is similar to Bhamgal’s — only a masochist would think thus, or someone who believes that one of the “nobler” purposes of human life is to suffer (POOH!).

  • innerchild

    Nothing could be better than to know oneself: being able to have self-control is indeed a pleasure. And a sign of maturity. Sacrifice away! Find pleasure in self-restriction and grow!

  • kariperr

    Agree! Wasn’t this the point of Thoreau’s experiment at Walden Pond? Isn’t that the point behind week-long camping trips, biking through Yellowstone, hiking Everest, and any other difficult, trying experience that we undertake? When we sacrifice pleasures, we open ourselves up to new emotions and experiences. In turn, we are better able to appreciate the pleasures when we have them.

  • djkc

    I think it makes sense sometimes to deny oneself for the sake of another — but I have a hard time with simply denying oneself for the sake of doing so. It’s so Calvinistic.

    • gretchenrubin

      Samuel Johnson made that point very well: “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.”

  • http://rpsmiles.com/category/latest-news Del Mar Dentist

    I absolutely agree. Sacrifice has always been a choice. If you sacrifice you’re own pleasure for the happiness of other that’s also pleasure. The happiness you feel inside is immeasurable. Does she have other quotes?

  • HistoryBuff

    Absolutely! This is why people dont lose weight: they cant deny themselves the “pleasure” of sweets, soft drinks, fast food to get the “pleasure” of having a healthy body…

  • Kathy

    Absolutely agree. To deny oneself in whatever way is purifying and helps me to feel in control of myself. That is why I love the Lenten season and try to practice fasting/abstinence once a week during the rest of the year. Even a small denial helps us to focus on others besides ourselves. So go ahead…sacrifice!

  • Paula Durlofsky, Ph.D.

    Hi Gretchen- I LOVE Muriel Sparks. When I had the pleasure of meeting you last year at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women we discussed Tolstoy. Excited to say, I will be blogging for this year’s conference!

    Anyway, I agree with Sparks in that there will be times when we all need to do things we do not necessarily want to do in order to “get where we want to go” and that means giving up immediate gratification, which leads to delayed gratification. Thanks for posting this insightful quote.

    “Thinking Matters”
    http://www.drpauladurlofsky.blogspot.com

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