My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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January 26, 2013
12 Comment

21 Day Relationship Challenge – Day 13

Ask for a Favor

21-DayChallenge-BlogPhotoToday’s resolution suggests that you “Ask for a favor.” Perhaps surprisingly, asking for favors, advice, for help (as long as the request isn’t too onerous) is one way to make people feel closer to us.

If you tried this resolution, did it come naturally, or did it feel forced?

Did it make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.ruhlen Rachel Ruhlen

    This one gets a whole lot easier when you have a lower back injury. We’re a one-car family and I ride a bike. It’s suddenly no problem at all to ask for a ride (or if none is available to wait patiently for whomever has the car). I don’t feel at all guilty about someone going out of their way to drop me off. I hope this lesson sticks with me long after the back injury is better.

  • Jeannie

    There’s a hidden gift in the “Ask for a favor” question for the “favor-grantor” as well. My father was an exceedingly independent guy who was great at giving to his wife and kids, but rarely asked for help, even for the simplest tasks. When he was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), it was a blow to us all, yet in some ways, it allowed Dad’s adult “kids” to give back to him for all the wonderful things he’d given us, and he learned the essential human gift: how to receive.

  • Sadye

    This definitely works. One night, when I was out with co-workers, one whom I don’t know very well and am a little intimidated by heard me mention running and asked whether I’d help her train for a half marathon. She’d seemed perfectly nice before, but after that, she seemed approachable, too.

  • marissa

    I fall into the “opposite of a truth is also true” for this one. I’m always asking, “Sweetie, can you do me a favour?” If I’m honest with myself then I’ll admit I abuse this habit. I ask for things that I can easily do myself. Then, when I really need his help on something that I can’t do myself, he’s in favour overload so the project that I need done the most gets put on the back burner.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.ruhlen Rachel Ruhlen

      My husband & I talked about that and decided that “Ask for a favor” and “Quit nagging” are sort of opposite resolutions. There is a line between asking for a favor and nagging…and if we are honest with ourselves we know where the line is. But, we also realized that asking for a favor opens us up to rejection.

      • gretchenrubin

        Usually, when I’m nagging, it’s about something that I don’t consider a “favor” but something that should be done because it’s that person’s task to do.

        In fact, it makes me angrier when it’s done in the spirit of having “done a favor.” A favor is something that’s above-and-beyond.

  • Marsha

    I did this ‘accidentily’ before reading the resolution today. I asked for advice from my 88 year old grandma. It was great, because I could tell she felt good being needed and I how her mood changed in the course of our conversation (she was cheery by the end of the call). I hadn’t realized what happened there until I read this post. I will try to utilize this more now, thanks.

  • Lisa Lisa

    I am a project chairperson for a very successful event today for National Seed Swap Day. Every person I asked to do a special task was so happy to do their part and help. It helped us become better friends and feeling the success of a job well done.

  • Miljana

    If you ask for a help to solve some problem, that doesn’t make you less capable, less smartie, Only stupid is ashamed to ask for help, to ask for explanation and clarification, but not ashamed of itself ignorance. It is possible that Benjamin Franklyn was right when he said “If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favour”, but, if we said one step before NOT TO CALCULATE, maybe ” if we want to make a friend, we have to do a favour to someone” ?
    Greetings

  • Dr. Anupchandra Bhayani

    I know that man is a social animal and he can’t be totally self-dependent. In a way we are dependent on each-other. However, I don’t believe in asking favor unless it is absolutely necessary.

  • Brenda_Lee_Nelson

    Gretchen, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s so hard for me to ask for help but it feels so good when I do. It’s also helpful to read this reminder. Thank you!

  • Steven Levinsky

    I get into the habit of not asking for help when I need it, and it makes me feel isolated when this happens. It’s easy to do, feeling one can do everything on one’s own. But when I am happy I am less fearful about asking for help.

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