My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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January 18, 2013
29 Comment

21 Day Relationship Challenge – Day 5

Give Warm Greetings and Farewells

21-DayChallenge-BlogPhotoToday’s resolution suggests that you “Give warm greetings and farewells.” This is one of my favorite resolutions. It doesn’t take any extra money, energy, or time, but it can really change the atmosphere.

How does this resolution sound to you? If you tried it, did it come naturally, or did it feel forced?

Did it make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

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  • http://twitter.com/simplifybysara Sara Peluso

    I do this! I do this! No matter what we kiss hello, good bye & good night EVERY DAY

  • marissa

    i try to do this. ive read this is the book and it stuck. it also wore off on my partner. he’s not very physically affectionate, at least not in the traditional sense, but he always kisses me goodbye when one of us leaves the house. i go to bed earlier than him but he always comes in to “put me to bed” with a massage and a kiss goodnight. now that im reflecting on it, i think maybe i could do a better job. he has his little rituals for me, yet i dont have any for him!

  • A H

    Very good idea. We always do this too and I LOVE coming home from work and having my 2 year old give me a big hug and enjoying a kiss from my husband.

  • http://twitter.com/Cyn_Harris Cynthia Harris

    I do this with hubby every morning and night. And when I go visit someone. Come to think of this I even do this at the grocery store. I always greet the checker and wish them a good day, evening, or night when I leave. This is a good habit to get into. Thanks for sharing.

  • LJ

    YES ! YES! YES! This is such an easy and essential part of a relationship. When you personally greet and say farewell in your relationships — it says without words. “I care about YOU”. The “I am glad to see you” makes all of us feel wanted and loved (our core need). And the “goodbye” is crucial because what if the person does not return …
    I always walk my partner to the door when he leaves in the morning, and say “I love you”, so that those will always be the words we remember – no matter what.

  • peninith1

    This one has been so easy for me in my relationship. In 25 years of friendship with my S.O. it seems like there has never been a time when we have not been delighted to see each other and that has been reflected in our greetings and partings. In fact, realizing what a pleasure I took in seeing and greeting him played a big part in making me recognize the depth of my caring for him. This is a habit we’ve built up without even thinking about it, but it repays considering and applying in other relationships more consciously.

  • cgiessler

    My hubs has always done this but only recently have a reciprocated. I realized that it is a nice thing to do and makes the other person feel good. In my group of girlfriends, one of our friends is “the hugger”. She is free and loose with her signature really genuine hugs and it is amazing how much receiving one of her hugs can make you feel so good, so loved, and so cared for.

  • k2k9

    Take that lesson from your dogs, if you have one (or several, as we do!). You can leave the house for 4 minutes and they will act as though you’ve been gone for 4 hours… “I’m sooooo happy to SEEEEE youuuuu!” Ok, we don’t need to go that crazy with our family members, but you get the idea :)

  • Kell

    Just wanted to let you know how much I’ve been enjoying the relationship challenge so far. What has surprised me most was how many things have been applicable to me! When I got my husband to agree to do this with me, I was secretly hoping he’d learn a lot, but as I’ve been reading all of your tips, I realized how much there was for me to work on too!

    • gretchenrubin

      Terrific! I’m so happy to hear that.

  • http://twitter.com/kellyjholmes Kelly Holmes

    This is something I’m trying to more of, thank you for the reminder!

    When my guy gets home from work, I am usually in the middle of something – dishes, typing out a tweet, browsing Pinterest, playing a game with our 4yo – but I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to stop what I’m doing, get up, and go give him the warm greeting he deserves. He always gives me warm greetings and farewells, so I’m learning from him. :-)

  • unadiane

    This is a great resolution! My ex-husband was on a disability retirement, so he didn’t go to work, but I did. When I came home in the evening, no one bothered to meet me at the door or even get out of the chair or tear their eyes away from the TV. I felt unappreciated , as if I was only doing what I was “supposed” to do.

  • Tasha

    I love this! I always think, when my husband leaves, “what if that was the last thing I said to him?” Kind of morbid, I know. The other morning I was kind of cross with him, and I immediately called him as he was driving away and told him just that, that I would hate it if that was my last memory of how I talked to him, He laughed at me, apologized for flipping on all the lights and waking me up (which was why I was grumping) and I wished him a good day. My family does a pretty good job of this, but I am going to suggest this as a goal! Thanks!

  • Catherine Garvin

    Greetings dear ones: Sober optimism is my choice. Over the hill and dale, and the through woods my life choice begins with me. How do I want to spend my time? If I’m lucky to live long enough I will have an opportunity to experience everything. Rich, poor, sickness and in health are the vows, and values of self, are they not? What kind of experience do I want? Empowerment is here in every moment at my heart center. Simple task but challenging to really define and focus the four parts of me: Body, mind, emotional and spirit. I’m on the happy plan. Many blessings.

  • Lois Church

    My family and I–practitioners of “the long goodbye”– hug farewell in the front hall, then wave, watch, and sometimes blink the porch light until the relatives or friends leaving have walked or driven out of sight. Our hope is that they will take with them the sense that we cherish their presence and are eager for them to return.

  • http://twitter.com/shrinehoppers shrinehoppers

    I do this at work every day. My class is large (24 students) and so I don’t always get a good chance to speak with every student individually, so I make a point to tell them “good morning” as soon as they arrive, in my warmest/friendliest voice. This is especially important for the students who frustrate me or are prone to misbehavior, because this way, I make sure we have at least two positive interactions during the day: I’m glad to see them in the morning, and I’ll be here again tomorrow morning, too. I think it’s crucial that students feel appreciated and loved by their teachers.
    I started this after reading The Happiness Project, by the way. Interactions with one student were almost always negative, so I made a point to be extra kind to him in the morning before I had to reprimand him for misbehaving.

    • gretchenrubin

      I just read a fascinating book, “Teach Like a Champion” by Doug Lemov. There’s a section in it about greetings and how important they are.

    • http://profiles.google.com/laurarochon Laura Rochon

      Thank you for pointing out that the relationship challenge can also extend to my students. I am an intermediate teacher who has a home room class and two rotary classes, so sometimes I see almost 80 students in a day. I know I try to greet each student as they come into class, and those especially vulnerable ones several times throughout the day, and to linger at the door as they leave. I will now try to consciously put the relationship challenge into my relationships with my students, as well as those in my private life.

  • Karin E.

    When someone arrives home at our house, they enter through the garage, so anyone who’s downstairs hears the garage door open. Without exception (and without really saying) we’ve always made it a habit to get up, open the back door and wait for the person to come in. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have someone waiting for you at the door after a long day at work or a busy afternoon out. My husband and I started doing this early in our marriage, and our sons just picked up on the habit naturally. It’s one of the things Iove best about our family.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1203642028 Kate Cone

    Thanks, Gretchin: When my kids were growing up (they are now all young adults and living away from home), I made it my purpose to give elaborate goodbyes and hellos. Hugs, “Have a great day” and a kiss on the cheek meant the world to them, but it gave me a great boost too. Now my husband and are “home alone.” When he leaves, I say goodbye or give him a hug, ask if he has his cell phone. When I hear the door close on his arrival home, I call from wherever I am, “Helloooo!” I think it’s a New England thing. When we enter, we call “Hello,” and when someone else comes in we do the same. Just manners, and it shows lots of love in a tiny gesture.

    • gretchenrubin

      It’s surprising how much this little gesture matters. It can really alter the atmosphere of your home and your relationships.

  • sass

    This is something my family has done for years. Anytime someone comes home or gets up in the morning at least 1 of us but sometimes 3 of us run to that family member with all the excitement of our family dog or like my daughter was when she was a toddler and would run to the door with arms open wide shouting “Daaaaaadyyyyyyyy” or “Naaannnnnaaaaa”. It may sound silly but its great!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lesa.wilbert Lesa Aloan Wilbert

    This is one challenge that my famliy and I done forever. I was once asked what my son had just said as he hung up the phone with my husband. It has become one word: “bye-I-love-you.” My grown sons greet us and each other with a hug in prvate or in public. My husband and I make it a point to stop whatever it is that we are doing and say a warm hello (that includes a healthy kiss). If one of us comes home stressed and starts in with the list what happened that day, the other very sweetly says, “Hi there,” as a gentle reminder, and we stop, regroup, and start fresh with that warm greeting. PS I love sharing these challeges with him.

  • Miljana

    “The only person I can change is myself”, you wrote. I don’t think so. You can change: your address (flat, city, country, continent), the husband (if you see that you made mistake and you live with wrong person, who doesn’t want to change anything about himself), your surrounding (exterier), enterier in your sweet home (to be the sweetest one)… The LIFE IS only ONE and we need not to spend the lifetime wrong way. We may not to be victims of anybody and anything, changing ourselves all the time, to be passent to the others. If I find that I’m a good person, positive thinkings, good caracter I don’t want to change my self, to act all the time. I expect of people to accept me like I am, or we are not from the same story, they are not good company for me. We have to find the other companies, the other friends, couples … The only problem are the children, when we give and spend the best part of us in their growing up right way, but they do not… and we cannot say they are not our children, we’ll find the other. We can find the other husband/wife, but not the other children. That is not good regulated, conceived, generally.
    My oppinion and my recommendation is to follow

    TOUGHT of the Year !

    There are two kinds of people: who like me and who have no savour!

    Have a nice day!

  • http://twitter.com/ClockworkProf Clockwork Professor

    We already do this. When my daughter and I leave for school in the morning, her little brother insists on a kiss, a hug, and a “hugga-mugga” (from “Daniel Tiger”) from both of us. My husband always gets a kiss. It’s a good way to start the day.

  • Phaedra

    I always greet my significant other with a really big smile. I just do it naturally but he recently told me how much he loves it. It makes him happy to know that he is the source of my smile and it makes him look forward to seeing me!

  • Angelique

    When my husband leaves in the morning to go to work, my daughter and I always wave to him at the window. Even the dog runs straight to the window now as soon as my husbands starts the car in the garage as it also knows about our waving goodbye ritual in the morning.

  • Kittee

    We are a little behind, but so far this is my husband’s favorite. Mine too. Probably because the change is so easy to incorporate and makes such a big difference. Kind of along the same lines as the philosophy that the first four minutes of an interaction with someone tends to set the mood for the entire day. (Sooo much easier than quit nagging or keeping score, which I’m still working on.)
    Thanks for this suggestion!

  • Pingback: More Thoughts on Gretchen Rubin’s 21 Day Relationship Challenge

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