My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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January 19, 2013
15 Comment

21 Day Relationship Challenge – Day 6

Dig Deep

21-DayChallenge-BlogPhotoToday’s resolution suggests that you “Dig deep.” That is, push yourself to stay patient, forbearing, or appreciative, or to find the humor in a situation instead of becoming annoyed.

Did you have an opportunity to dig deep? (They tend to arise pretty often!)

Did it make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

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  • peninith1

    Oh, yes. For a long time the comment ‘you think too much’ or ‘you tend to over-think things’ coming from my S.O. seemed meaningless, annoying, the words of a person I judged as unreflective and happy to live on the surface. It never occurred to me to wonder how I could find a ‘surface dweller’ so wise and good to be around! In time, I came to realize that my opinion of him could not have been further from the truth–he does NOT live on the surface, but rather chooses his positive attitude and does not obsess over things he can’t control or influence.

    I of course note the irony — he didn’t come to this awareness by ‘not thinking’ but rather by thinking deeply.

    In time, I realized he was observing my tendency to let thought spin on into scenarios, worries, anxieties, and fantasies. This led me to reevaluate. I recognized I often DO over-interpret, over-imagine and over-think in a way that gives me a lot of pain. It took some digging deep to consider this could possibly be true, and if true, actually a problem rather than an outright virtue. I will never be completely free of the impulse to interpret, imagine plot lines, spiral in on an incident more deeply than it deserves, but I have found–by being willing to dig deep–that I can not only recognize this tendency, I can control it for the benefit of myself, others, and my relationships.

    • Ingrid

      Wow, what a revelation for you and for your relationship(s)! Well done. I have to stop myself stressing the small stuff, it can be difficult to change our patterns, but do-able! I found this inspiring, thank you for sharing!

    • http://profiles.google.com/laurarochon Laura Rochon

      You have articulated exactly what I, as a life-long worrier and over -thinker, try to work towards of a daily basis: to chill out. Not imagine the worst outcome to every scenario. For years I was angered by people who told me I thought too much, and I also considered them superficial. Now, I realize that many people might think as much as I do, but they are examining the possibilities and not the catastrophes waiting to happen.

  • http://twitter.com/BuddishThoughts Buddish Thoughts

    Here’s what in loving about these resolutions (and all of Gretchen’s words and work): They’re real. They’re truly about just being and giving the best we can…not perfect, just purposefully ourselves. Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/BuddishThoughts Buddish Thoughts

    Hey! That leads me to a new personal commandment (or a slight adjustment to one I already have). This year I resolve to be purposefully myself. ; )

  • Miljana

    Dear Grechen, you are right when you say: ” Too often, I speak sharply, lose my patience, or make my (supposedly terrifying) mean face… Resolve to “Dig deep” to react with humor, with patience, with calm. Easier said than done, right? But it’s worth the effort.”
    But, the most important is not to mix outside events with the homestead, and opposite.And, sometimes we can remind our family to check themselves, to think a little if their bearing is good and correct. We, Serbians, have a good says, something like: TO EACH HIS OWN.

    • peninith1

      “To think a little of their bearing is good and correct . . . ” What a lovely way to encourage us to pause and remember that idea of one’s bearing, and how that moment of self-awareness can cause us to ‘dig deep’ to adjust our physical attitude–no slouch and slump, no scowl or sullen face, an actual idea that there IS a ‘correct’ way to carry ourselves towards others. Lovely. Thank you.

  • Susanne

    Well, so much for my “resolution” about leaving feedback every day (sigh). Love this Dig Deep, Gretchen! As mentioned before, I’m single with no current “main man” in my life, but I’m using this challenge to deepen my relationship with myself, my friends & family, and my community. I Dug Deep this morning when I met a neighbour in the grocery store, a woman I don’t know that well & hadn’t seen in some time. Ordinarily I’d have smiled and said hi & moved on, with lots to do and not enough time to do it in, but this morning, by CONSCIOUSLY pausing and really listening, I was able to do a Good Thing. Not just for her (she wrecked her truck in an accident on black ice 2 weeks ago & was both without a vehicle & badly bruised, stiff & needed some help around the house), but for myself (it feels good to be able to help someone!), and my community at large (we’re rural & somewhat isolated from the mainstream where I live, and helping each other out is a necessity as well as a kindness). We’re all busy & distracted, short on time, patience and attention. I’m trying to change that. Your Dig Deep is a life-changer. Thank you!

  • Beth225

    I can tend to be very serious. I have to remind myself to be cheerful. The other day I was venting to a coworker and felt badly afterword. Looking back, I should have been more positive. So, I ended up apologizing to her for my un-needed venting session and reminding myself to choose positivity (even when I don’t feel that way).

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  • Miljana

    I need to make some correction to my comment. “To each his own” is not adecvated translation for that what our says means. Real one will be: (“PREMA SVECU I TROPAR”) “Depends of the Saint, the Hymn (the Holly Song) is”!

  • Bobbie

    I find that I do this much more with my grandchildren than I did with my own kids. I wish I would have done it much earlier and encourage my children to “dig deep” with theirs. Now it has a name!

  • http://profiles.google.com/laurarochon Laura Rochon

    As a first time dog owner, I have had to learn to dig deep the past 5 months. That nine week old puppy we brought home in September is now over 60 pounds (boxer-mastiff), and staying patient and finding the humour did not come easy in the beginning. Every time the puppy was a puppy (making a mess, chewing something etc) I feared it was something I had done or not done as a responsible dog owner. Or I was mad at my boyfriend for not having proofed the house against the disaster du jour. he wanted the dog. I’m now realizing that no matter how much you plan, stuff just happens, but with a good steam mop and a bottle of enzyme cleaner, you can clean just about anything. I still get frustrated, but now I enjoy the dog more and my first response is not always to get upset,
    And, yes, if you are wondering, I do not have children, and no I never will.

  • Laura

    I am not sure I understand this one: when I think of “digging deep”, I think of going deeper, hence quite a lot of thinking and almost the opposite of reacting with light mood and humor….

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