My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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January 20, 2013
10 Comment

21 Day Relationship Challenge – Day 7

Abandon Your Self-Control

21-DayChallenge-BlogPhotoToday’s resolution suggests that you “Abandon your self-control.” But, perhaps surprisingly, to abandon it by giving up something altogether.

Self-control, in this context, presents a challenge in relationships, because some people are more comfortable indulging in moderation, while others do better when they give up something altogether. There’s no one right way, so it’s helpful to figure out what works for you, follow it, and allow others to follow the way that’s right for them (even if it seems wrong to you!).

Which approach works better for you? Moderation or cold turkey? How about the people around you?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

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  • Miljana

    I’m the first one who HATE fightings and quarrels and long debates. Everything is possible to agree quick and easy if all of participants want. BUT, (“evergreen” – BUT,…), if it doesn’t pass like that, we need to react. It’s not good for health to keep your thinkings and dissatisfaction inside our bodies. That makes zeal (focus) for many troubles and illness in the future. We must have sometimes valve, to push out all our dissatisfactions. BUT, (again) the most important thing in that situation is the WAY in witch shall we express our impressions, the burduning things in our souls. We MUST find right words VERY carefully and say in the mustache, Not to make bruises on our souls, becaouse it will deepen the problems.

    • Gwen

      What the heck are you talking about?

  • peninith1

    When I am WITH my S.O. I find it easy to follow his lead in eating moderately and not drinking anything alcoholic. On my own, these habits–a couple of glasses of wine on any given day, and way too much mindless grazing–seem the hardest habits for me to consider giving up even though I believe my life would be better and healthier. Certainly something to consider. I would imagine that for couples living under the same roof, habits like smoking, drinking, over-eating and the like could be points of conflict. Why can’t we who are indulging in patterns that aren’t healthy for us just give those things up–especially when we see every day someone we love who does better?

  • Nomi1138

    I support the notion that abstinence is much easier than self control. I believe that everyone has a finite amount of willpower, and I don’t want it to get sucked up by unimportant things. Barack Obama’s quote also comes to mind, where he stated that he only owns blue or black suits, because he has so much to do each day, he can’t be weighed down by trivial decisions.

  • Susanne

    I’m with Nomi1138. I just find abstaining from something is SO much simpler on the whole. It’s just easier to go with a clear YES or NO instead of struggling with MAYBE. Except for chocolate. I practice moderation with chocolate because I have to — there’s no way I’m going the rest of my life without it, and no way I’ll even HAVE a “rest of my life” if I eat as much as I’d like to. Apropos President Obama and his suit colour: I worked with a woman years ago who wore black and white. Period. There’s a lot more variety in that choice that it appears at first glance — she had a beautiful and extensive wardrobe, but everything in it was white, black or both. She said it made shopping a snap. And she always looked like a million dollars!

  • marissa

    my partner helps me to moderate in areas that i usually over indulge, like eating and drinking. he doesn’t eat much nor often and stays very slim. he doesn’t drink a drop of alcohol. however, he is a smoker. i used to be but quit. i have never nagged him to quit, because i know nagging has the opposite effect. when he is around me he smokes less and he has even started cutting back by using an e-cigarette. i rhink we create balance for each other.

  • Ben

    A friend, Alix, says that she is pretty much black/white and prefers to give everything up all at once.

  • http://twitter.com/realitychickaus reality chick

    I flip flop between the two depending on how shocked I am by the number on the scales :-) Ultimately though I think moderation (some experts call it the 80/20 rule) is for me (still trying to convince hubby of this!)

  • Sammyy

    I’m pretty moderate, and my boyfriend likes to stop things all together. It sucks when we are both working out and I want a small taste of ice cream and he thinks I shouldn’t have any at all. >_>

  • Miljana

    What heck am I talking about? How old are you, dear Gwen? Think a little and you will understand very well what I was speaking about.
    Or, I can explain to you, but I don’t know wich part, what sentence you didn’t understand well.
    If I can help, I’m here.
    Have a nice day!

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