My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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February 1, 2013
4 Comment

21 Day Relationship Challenge – Day 19

Beware of Unconscious Overclaiming

21-DayChallenge-BlogPhotoToday’s resolution suggests that you “Beware of unconscious overclaiming.” It’s so easy to focus on everything we do, and overlook contributions made by other people. And that leads to anger and resentment—which aren’t good for relationships. Being aware of this tendency helps us to feel grateful to others.

Did you identify any examples of your own unconscious overclaiming?

Did being more aware of this tendency make a difference to your happiness?

We can all learn from each other, so please post your experiences with the resolution in the comments section below.

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Other posts you might be interested in...

  1. “I do all the work around here,” or, unconscious overclaiming.
  2. Announcement! Join the 21 Day Relationship Challenge.
  3. A Psychological Term I Love (and Am Guilty of): “Unconscious Overclaiming.”
  4. How Is Your Happiness Challenge Going?
  5. Feeling Angry, Resentful, or Self-Critical? Make the Positive Argument.
  • sopranomom

    The last 7 years I have been working part time with my husband. It has certainly helped me curb my overclaiming and helped me appreciate what he’s been doing all these decades. (We’ve been married for 35 years.) Funny thing: working together has also made him appreciate me more even though he had to train me on everything in his field. Although working together isn’t healthy for every couple, it has helped us not overclaim because we are seeing every day what the other is doing.

  • Miljana

    There are situations and periods when somebody is ready for great works, and you are not, just that day. Or opposite. Your biorhythms are not harmonized. Usually, the problem is that all of us make some plans by ourselves, non-consulting the others. And our plans do not match, so everyone wants to carry out his plan. Maybe can help deal and tolerance.

  • peninith1

    I’m in the middle of family upheaval–major moves being done to move my 88 year old Mom to my house, with all the associated trauma of giving up personal space and saying good bye to ‘things’ and my home town; Mom herself is giving up ‘home’ and all that means to her; there’s a new preemie in the family and I’m the grandma working hard to help, and my daughter in law’s Mom is clearing out her own Mother’s condo after her death. Unquestionably the new Mom & baby are the top priority, and all of us are working like trojans. It is a big temptation to want to ‘overclaim’ the burden of your unexpected workload, but equally important to remember that others are in the same position and not to get all caught up in who is working harder than whom. It’s sort of like ‘Lifeboat’ on dry land. We all have to cooperate or else!!! I’m invoking St. Therese for patience and a cheerful demeanor these days.

    • gretchenrubin

      Really a taxing situation. Hang in there!

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