The Happiness Project

Don't Fall Into "Decision Quicksand."

I'm always gratified when I learn that one of my Secrets of Adulthood reflects not merely my idiosyncratic experience, but also has some science behind it.

For instance, one of my Secrets of Adulthood is: Most decisions don't require extensive research.

I came up with this Secret of Adulthood to remind myself not to squander my time and energy on decisions that don't matter very much.

Over the weekend, I read a short piece about a study that showed that "Decisions that are complicated but trivial...cause an inordinate amount of wasted time and unhappiness." The researchers call this "decision quicksand" because we can get sucked in, and drown, in these trivial choices.

Surprisingly often, I need to remind myself not to spend too much time on relatively unimportant decisions. Even though I don't want to spend my time and energy this way, it takes a considerable amount of self-awareness and self-control to resist the temptation.

The satisficer/maximizer split seems relevant here. As Barry Schwartz explains in his fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, there are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, "satisficers" is a word) make a decision once their criteria are met; when they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision; even if they see a bicycle that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option.

Studies suggest that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. They find the research process exhausting, yet can’t let themselves settle for anything but the best.

I’m a satisficer, and I often felt guilty about not doing more research before making decisions. In law school, one friend interviewed with fifty law firms before she decided where she wanted to go as a summer associate; I think I interviewed with six. We ended up at the same firm. Once I learned to call myself a “satisficer,” I felt more satisfied with my approach to decision-making; instead of feeling lazy and unconscientious, I could call myself prudent. Now I can also remind myself not to get sucked into "decision quicksand" for decisions that don't deserve that much attention.

Do you find yourself spending too much time and energy on unimportant decisions? The internet can make this problem worse, because information seems so limitless.

* There's a very thought-provoking post about introverts and happiness over on Susan Cain's The Power of Introverts blog.

* Get a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning -- sign up for the Moment of Happiness. I love quotes! Subscribe here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

Why You Shouldn't Let That Dreaded Call Go to Voicemail.

I was talking to a group of people a few nights ago, and someone mentioned a resolution that I thought sounded terrific.

"Whenever I can see on my phone that I'm getting a call from someone I really don't want to talk to," she explained, "I force myself to pick up right away. I never let a dreaded call go to voicemail."

"Oh, I always let those calls go to voicemail," someone responded. "I need to gear up for them."

"Well, I think it's better to pick them up," she answered. "I know I'm going to have to talk to this person, so I might as well get it out of the way immediately. Otherwise, I procrastinate, and it hangs over my head and ruins my mood. Plus the person gets more annoyed, because of the delay. If I just pick up, I deal with it, right then and there. And then it's over."

Given my particular work situation, this problem doesn't arise often (though it does happen sometimes); more often, I have to push myself to answer difficult emails right away, instead of delaying.

Nevertheless, the specific resolution is a terrific example of a larger Secret of Adulthood: No delay is the best way (usually).

For instance, I follow the one-minute rule. I try to exercise first thing in the morning. If I'm dreading a certain task, I get myself ready the night before, and then tackle it as the first item for the next day (here are some other tips to stop procrastinating).

I've found that articulating a specific rule -- "Don't let a dreaded call go to voicemail" -- is a great way to make sure that my habits and tendencies contribute to my happiness, instead of detracting from it. Having a specific rule in mind helps me shape my behavior. Mindfulness, always mindfulness!

How about you? Have you found tricks or strategies to help yourself avoid procrastination or to shape your experience?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* A friend pointed me to WWWord -- "a home for readers, writers, illiterates, browsers, time-wasters, mavens, and bores -- and all who use, abuse, love and hate the English language." If that description suits you, you'll find a lot of interesting information there.

* Want a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here.

8 Tips to Stop Procrastinating.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight tips to stop procrastinating, and get yourself to do something you don't want to do.

How many times each day do you try to work yourself up to tackle some undesirable task? If you’re like me – several. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that is never started, so I've come up with some tricks to use on myself, to prod myself to get started:

1. Put yourself in jail. If I feel pressure to jump in and finish something in a rush, and therefore can't bear to start, sometimes I put myself in jail. If you're in jail, you have all the time in the world. You have no reason to hurry, no reason to cut corners or to try to do too many things at once. You can slow down, concentrate. You can take the time to get every single detail right.

2. Ask for help. This is one of my most useful Secrets of Adulthood. Why is this so hard? I have no idea. But whenever I have trouble getting started because I don't know exactly what to do, and I ask for help, I'm amazed at how much it...helps.

3. Remember: most decisions don’t require extensive research. I often get paralyzed by my inability to make a decision, but by reminding myself that often, one choice just isn’t that much different from another choice, I can get started. Also, I try to identify a knowledgeable person, and just follow whatever that person does.

4. Take a baby step. If you feel yourself dismayed at the prospect of the chain of awful tasks that you have to accomplish, just take one step today. Tomorrow, take the next step. The forward motion is encouraging, and before long, you’ll probably find yourself speeding toward completion. In the same vein...

5. Suffer for 15 minutes. You can do anything for fifteen minutes, and fifteen minutes, day after day, adds up surprisingly fast. That's how I finally dug myself out of my crushing (if virtual) load of digital photos. Fifteen minutes at a time.

6. Do it first thing in the morning. The night before, vow to yourself to do the dreaded task. Get everything ready -- any phone numbers of information you need, files assembled, everything ready to go. And the next day, at the first possible moment – as soon as you walk into work, or when the office opens, or whenever – just do it. Don’t allow yourself to reflect or procrastinate. This is particularly true of exercise. If you think you’ll be tempted to skip, try to work out in the morning.

7. Protect yourself from interruption. How often have you finally steeled yourself to start some difficult project, only to be interrupted the minute you get going? This makes a hard task much harder. Carve out some time to work.

8. Remember, work can be one of the most pernicious forms of procrastination. Don't kid yourself.

Note: Pay attention to the amount of time you spend working on tasks you dislike. No one enjoys getting invasive medical tests or preparing tax returns, but if you feel like your life consists of nothing but going from one dreaded chore to the next, you might be better off figuring out a way to avoid some of those tasks altogether.

I’m very good at making myself do things I don’t want to do, and while this is an enormous help in many situations, it has also allowed me to go down some dead ends in my career. The fact is, you’re unlikely to be happy or successful when every aspect of your life or job feels like a big drag. Don’t accuse yourself of being lazy or being a procrastinator, but ask – what’s making this so difficult? The fact that you're finding it hard to make yourself do something is a sign that maybe you should be doing something else.

On the other hand, novelty and challenge, as uncomfortable as they can be, do bring happiness. The chore that feels onerous today may give you a huge boost of satisfaction tomorrow, when it’s behind you. Keep that in mind, too.

What are some other strategies that you've found useful in trying to get yourself to jump some hurdle?

* Want a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here.

Guess: What Arguably Trivial Habit Gives a Giant Boost of Happiness?

Is it...getting enough sleep? Yes, but that's not what I'm thinking of.

Is it...getting some exercise? Yes, but that's not what I'm thinking of.

Give up?

It's....putting things away in the proper place! Zoikes, this (admittedly fairly insignificant) habit gives a disproportionate boost of happiness. Just this weekend, I tried to find:

-- the cord that connects my camera to my computer
-- the headphones for my husband's iTouch
-- my younger daughter's swimming goggles
-- a copy of Patricia Clapp's novel, Jane-Emily, for my older daughter (a terrific young-adult book, by the way)
-- a business card I'd picked up at a meeting I attended three weeks ago
-- the flight information for my upcoming trip
-- a legal pad
-- a pair of AA batteries
-- my video camera

It gives me a small but real jolt of happiness to walk straight to a thing and lay my hands on it, without having to hunt around. Knowing where things are stored saves time; gives me a feeling of orderliness and comfort at home; saves me from frustration and worry -- not to mention redundant purchases.

Also, I find that just as it's deeply satisfying to be able to find something when I want it, it's also surprisingly satisfying to put something away in the right place. One of life’s small pleasures is to return something to its proper and precise place; placing the flashlight on the second shelf in the coat closet gives me the archer’s satisfaction of hitting a mark. Have you ever seen those peg boards where people have outlined their tools or their kitchen implements, to show where each thing belongs? (I think Julia Child had one.) That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Now I strive to have an exact place for everything in my whole apartment (except toys – I just throw plastic dishes and stuffed animals into whatever box, drawer, or shelf is closest, or else I'd never have time to do anything else). Obviously, this system makes it easier to find the things I need without frustration, which boosts my happiness, but it also boosts my happiness to have that deep sense of placement.

It can be tiresome to decide, "Where exactly does this belong?" when I'm putting away a particular thing. Often, it would be easier just to chuck it into a closet or a drawer someplace. But taking the time to put things away in a proper place is worth the effort -- more than I would've expected.

How about you? Do you get satisfaction out of having an exact place for your possessions? Or do you think it's not very important?

* There's always a lot of interesting material on Flavorwire -- "cultural news and critique." For instance, I loved this link to Slate's color wheel of cartoon characters, which I found there.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and every weekday morning, you’ll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox.

The Ecstasy of Crossing Something Off the List.

This morning, my older daughter and I went to the post office to apply for her passport.

I’d been dreading this trip for days. Every task associated with it filled me with anxiety -- but nothing ended up being as hard as I expected.

And as we walked out of the post office, I felt a giant surge of energy, happiness, and relief. Ah, the ecstasy of crossing something off the list! Even accomplishing the smallest task gives me a little jolt.

This is my new Secret of Adulthood: Crossing something off the list is very cheering. (Also: Make sure you know where to find family members' birth certificates. I was very happy when I found that document in the proper file.)

* I'm really looking forward to the BlogHer Conference next week, and if you're looking for some interesting blogs to read, the BlogHer site has more leads than you can possibly follow.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and every weekday morning, you’ll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox.

7 Tips for Making Happy Decisions about How to Spend Your Time, Energy, and Money.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: 7 tips for making happy decisions about how to spend your time, energy, and money.

We all have to make decisions about how to spend our time, energy, and money. Because of my happiness project, I now explicitly ask myself, “Will this decision make me happier?” I’m determined to get the most happiness bang for the buck.

Here are some questions I consider:

1. Is this decision likely to strengthen my relationships with other people? Strong relationships with other people are a key—the key—to happiness, so decisions that help me build or strengthen ties are likely to boost my happiness. Yes, it’s a hassle and an expense to go to my college reunion, but it’s likely to have a big happiness pay-off.

2. Will this decision provide me with novelty and challenge? Novelty and challenge make me happier—but they also make me feel insecure, intimidated, frustrated, and stupid. To get past that hurdle, I remind myself that in the end, I usually get a big shot of happiness. When I considered adding video to my blog, I reminded myself that the process of mastering the process would likely make me happier. And it has.

3. What is the opportunity cost of this decision? (“Opportunity cost” describes that fact that doing one thing means foregoing alternatives.) Energy, time, and money are limited. Even if a decision would bring happiness, if it means that I have to give up the opportunity to do many other happiness-boosting activities, it may not be worth it. I could dedicate many hours to learning about classical music, and in the end, I might enjoy classical music more, but that activity would crowd out too many other things that I want to do more.

4. Does this decision help me obey my personal commandment to Be Gretchen? I want to shape my life to reflect my temperament, interests, and values. I ask myself: Am I making this decision to “Be Gretchen,” or because I want to impress other people, pretend that I’m different from the person I actually am, or deny a truth about myself?

5. When I consider a particular course of action, do I feel energized or drained?

6. How happy are the people who have made that particular decision? In Daniel Gilbert’s book Stumbling on Happiness, he argues that the most effective way to judge whether a particular course of action will make you happy in the future is to ask people who are following that course of action right now if they’re happy, and assume that you’ll feel the same way. Going on a family trip to Disneyworld. Getting a hamster. Learning to use Instagram. Working as a paralegal. Volunteering. In evaluating the likely consequences of a decision, other people’s experiences of happiness—or lack thereof—can be very instructive for me.

7. I remind myself to “Choose the bigger life.” People make different decisions about what the “bigger life” would be, but when I ask myself that question, it always helps me see the right answer, for myself.

This list might help answer questions such as:

• Should I join Facebook?
• Should I buy a tent?
• Should I throw a Labor Day party?
• Should I buy a new kitchen table?
• Should I sign up for Spanish lessons?

There’s no right answer or wrong answer -- only the right answer for me.

How about you? Have you developed questions for yourself, or other strategies, to help make wise decisions?

* I came across Adam Bryant's New York Times interview of Kip Tindell, the chief executive of the Container Store. Very thought-provoking -- and I'd love to talk a look at his "Philosphy Epistle" file.

* If you read this blog, but haven't read the book The Happiness Project -- I promise, the book isn't just a duplicate of the blog. It's different, and I think most people think it's better. There's only so much that can be said in a blog post! Anyway, if you'd like more information...
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.
Can't resist adding: #1 New York Times and international bestseller

Read the Manual. It Actually Does Help.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is Possessions, and last week’s resolution was to Go shelf by shelf. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Read the manual.

Read the manual MP3 for Audio Podcasting

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Conquer a device.
Frustrated? Read the manual.
In which I learn a new, useful happiness term: mise-en-place.

What about you? Do you ever have trouble prodding yourself to read the manual? With what kinds of devices?

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* I so appreciate all the suggestions that people have given about how to connect with readers in the military and military families. I spent a long time today reading on SpouseBuzz -- so much great material there, even if you're not in a military family.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

Drowning in Clutter? No Time or Energy? Go Shelf by Shelf.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is Possessions, and last week's resolution was to Cultivate a shrine. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Go shelf by shelf.

Go shelf by shelf.MP3 for Audio Podcasting

But wait, I made a mistake! I said that William Blake wrote that "Order is Heaven's first law," but actually it was ALEXANDER POPE. Which I know perfectly well! I don't know how I made that error.

How about you? Do you agree that outer order contributes to inner calm, for you, or is that not the case? Have you found any good strategies for keeping clutter at bay?

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Fighting clutter? Go shelf by shelf.
10 tips to clear clutter...in less than 10 minutes.
Need a simple and effective way to get your life under control? Try the "one-minute" rule.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

Frustrated by Devices? Read the Manual.

Handsome, well-made tools are a joy to use; confusing devices are a drain. So often, I find, things once easy to operate -- TVs, irons, dishwashers, alarm clocks, washing machines -- are now humiliatingly challenging.

Cognitive-science professor Donald Norman points out that when we expect a device -- like a toaster or video camera -- will be fairly simple to operate, and it’s not, we assume we’re at fault, instead of holding the object responsible. One Sunday afternoon, when I was frantically trying to synchronize the data on my laptop with my desktop, I kept getting strange error messages. In desperation, I asked my husband to take a look. “Oh. Our internet service isn’t working,” he announced after fifteen seconds on the computer. I’d assumed I was doing something wrong.

Somehow, I’d become surrounded by several common household appliances that I hadn’t quite mastered. I was pretty slow with the DVR. I didn’t know how to use the “mute” function on our landline phone. I struggled to upload photos from our camera. I felt powerless in a confrontation with my laptop’s temperamental wireless mouse.

As I thought about these household frustrations, I realized that I’d been contributing to my own confusion: I almost never bothered to read the instruction manual. I resolved to “Read the manual”; when I acquired a new gizmo, or had trouble with an old gizmo, I’d push myself to learn to operate it.

I considered the video camera that my husband had bought. When he brought it home, I’d ripped it out of the box, threw away the packaging, flipped through the manual, and started pushing buttons. Now I’d try a different way. I waited until I had some time and patience to spare, then pulled out the manual and sat down with the camera in my hand. I read the instructions carefully and calmly. I looked at the labeled diagrams and at the camera. I experimented to make sure I knew how to use it. Suddenly, the video camera seemed much less confusing. (However, I still resent the fact that I had to read a manual several times to learn to use a toaster.)

“Read the manual” has been helpful on a metaphorical level, as well, to remind me to make necessary preparations and not to expect instant mastery. Did I have the tools I needed, and did I know how to use them? Was I actually looking for the pull-tab or the “tear here” mark that would allow me easily to open a package instead of struggling needlessly? Was I giving myself time to study and learn? Too often I skimped on preparation time, whether planning the online invitations for my daughter’s birthday party or learning a new word-processing trick. “Read the manual” reminded me to take time to prepare.

Little things, very little -- nevertheless, they made a real difference to my comfort with my possessions. As Benjamin Franklin pointed out, “Human Felicity is produc’d not so much by great Pieces of good Fortune that seldom happen, as by little Advantages that occur every Day.”

How about you? Have you ever found yourself struggling with a device because you didn't bother to read the manual?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now.

* One of my favorite resolutions is to Read more, and I was very happy to be included in this post by Camille Noe Pagan about how different writers make time to read.

* Want to launch a group for people doing Happiness Projects together? Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com for the starter kit. Want to see if a group exists in your area? Look here. Want to talk to people about starting a new group? Start a discussion here.

Two Important Lessons from My Much-Procrastinated Trip to the Dentist.

This afternoon, I finally went to the dentist. I was due for a check-up in July, and for the last eight months, I've been moving the reminder card around my office and coming up with new excuses about why I couldn't make an appointment.

I made the appointment last Thursday, went in today, and the whole process took thirty-eight minutes from the time I picked up a magazine in the waiting room to the time I walked out the door holding my bag with freebie toothbrush and floss. I walked the twenty-five blocks to get there, too, on this beautiful spring afternoon, so even half of my travel time was well-spent.

From this experience, I draw two lessons for myself -- both of which were quite apparent to me, although I neglected to act on them:

1. Procrastination is itself draining. That reminder card cluttered up my office and cluttered up my brain. Repeatedly thinking "I should...no, I'll wait...but I really should...but not now...I'll do it later..." etc. just weighs me down. Just do it! Or decide when I'll do it, and then do it when that time comes.

2. I have plenty of time for the things that are important to me. I kept telling myself, "I don't have time to go to the dentist." Really? For eight months? During that time, I went on vacation, got my hair cut, met friends for coffee, and went on kindergarten field trips, so clearly I'm not so pressed for time that I can do nothing but work. The fact is, it wasn't a priority -- which is fine. But I should be honest with myself.

I've found that saying "I'm too busy" makes me feel harried and distracted. Now, instead, I tell myself, "I have plenty of time for the things that are important to me." It's more important to me to go to the bread factory with the kindergarten class than to go to the dentist. That's my choice. But telling myself that I "don't have time" makes me feel out of control.

Do you find that procrastinating makes you feel drained and overwhelmed? And yet it's so hard just to do those things which ought to be done, without delay. Two of my Twelve Personal Commandments are Do it now and Do what ought to be done, and yet I struggle with this mightily.

* I keep thinking about this post from Love That Max -- "a blog about kids with special needs (and the parents who adore them)." In Helping kids with special needs fit in: I did not buy the purple Crocs, Ellen wrote about deciding not to buy the purple Crocs that she knew her son would love like crazy, to help him in a way that he couldn't see. I think this is an issue for all parents -- resisting the delight of doing something that will make our children very happy, in the present, out of love.

* Mother's Day is May 8 (in the U.S.). If you want a free, personalized bookplate for a copy of The Happiness Project that you're giving for a gift (or for yourself), please drop me a note soon! I want to make sure that my letter with the bookplate reaches you in time. Yes, I'll mail them anywhere in the world, and feel free to ask for as many as you like. Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com, and don't forget your mailing address.