The Happiness Project

2012 Challenge: Fighting The Horrible Pigeons of Discontent.

Introducing the 2012 Happiness Challenge! Join here, any time! Each week this year, I'll post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent that a reader has raised in the comments. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we're also plagued by the Pigeons of Discontent. These aren't the major happiness challenges that we face, but rather, those little nagging problems that settle into roost.

I'm constantly surprised by what a big happiness boost I can get from small changes. As Samuel Johnson wrote, “It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible."

In this video, I explain more about the 2012 Happiness Challenge.

Introduction to Pigeons of Discontent

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
What's your Pigeon of Discontent?
The "negativity bias," or, bad feelings are stronger than good.
A "little thing" (very little) that makes me happy: the gift bag.

I hope you enjoy the videos. You can post your own Pigeon of Discontent at any time; also, from time to time, I'll make a special call for suggestions.

If you're new, jump in right now, sign up here. Studies suggest that by taking action, like signing up for this challenge, will help you keep your resolutions. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video for you to consider, and you can check out the archives of videos here.

* I spend way too much time reading Maria Popova's Brain Pickings—"Curating eclectic interestingness from culture's collective brain."

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

The Key to Happiness: Love.

2011 Happiness Challenge: It's the last video for the 2011 Challenge! Hard to believe that the year is almost over. Please sign up for the 2012 Happiness Challenge here -- whether you've been part of it already, or you're joining for the first time. You're not behind, just jump in now.

For the last month of this year, instead of tackling a theme, I've been discussing a common question: What is the key to happiness? That's a question that can be answered in different ways, depending on what framework you use to address the issue of happiness. The resolution for each week reflects that week's answer. Last week's answer was First things first.

This week’s answer is Love.

Love

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Which "love language" suits you and your sweetheart?
Happiness myth No. 10: It's selfish to try to be happier.
Quiz: Do you make other people happy?

The format of the weekly videos will change in 2012. Instead of proposing resolutions, I'm going to talk about a different Pigeon of Discontent. Finding manageable ways to rid ourselves of those small, nagging problems can bring surprisingly large boosts in happiness.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2012 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. You can check out the archives of videos here.

* I love cruising around Tina Roth Eisenberg's design blog Swiss Miss. I particularly enjoy the category "Made me smile."

* Join the happiness conversation on Facebook.

A Key to Happiness: First Things First.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome for this last week of 2011.

For the last month of this year, instead of tackling a theme, I'm going to discuss a question: What is the key to happiness? That's a question that can be answered in different ways, depending on what framework you use to address the issue of happiness. The resolution for each week will reflect that week's answer.

Last week’s answer was to Know yourself. This week’s answer is First things first.

First Things First

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Do first things first.
Manage pain.
7 tips for dealing with a sweetheart who is constantly crabby.

How about you? Have you found that when you're trying to get happier or stay happy, it helps to think about the basics?

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

* Yes, there will be a 2012 Happiness Challenge! Stay tuned for details.

7 Happiness Theories I Reject.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.

As audacious as it may seem to contradict venerable figures such as John Stuart Mill, Flaubert, or Sartre, I disagree with some of their views about the nature of happiness.

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless." I argue that this is Happiness Myth No. 1: Happy people are annoying and stupid.

Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.” Heartily disagree. My Fourth Splendid Truth is "I'm not happy unless I think I'm happy." Or as Eugene Delacroix wrote, "He was like a man owning a piece of ground in which, unknown to himself, a treasure lay buried. You would not call such a man rich, neither would I call happy the man who is so without realizing it."

Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”

Sartre: "Hell is other people." [Actually, hell is other people, but heaven is other people, too.]

Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”

Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.” My Eighth Splendid Truth is "Now is now"; it means many things, but among other things, it reminds to remember the happiness that is here and now.

John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” [I reject this statement, but I would agree "Ask yourself whether you are happy on a scale from 1 to 5, and you cease to be so." For me, at least, trying to make those kinds of tricky judgments diminishes happiness—I find it very difficult to answer a question like that—while the simple question, "Am I happy?" contributes to happiness.]

How about you? Do you agree or disagree with these theories?

* I found a lot of great material on Greatist.

* The holidays are coming. For your consideration: The Happiness Project (#1 New York Times bestseller). Buy early and often! Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

Don't Fall Into "Decision Quicksand."

I'm always gratified when I learn that one of my Secrets of Adulthood reflects not merely my idiosyncratic experience, but also has some science behind it.

For instance, one of my Secrets of Adulthood is: Most decisions don't require extensive research.

I came up with this Secret of Adulthood to remind myself not to squander my time and energy on decisions that don't matter very much.

Over the weekend, I read a short piece about a study that showed that "Decisions that are complicated but trivial...cause an inordinate amount of wasted time and unhappiness." The researchers call this "decision quicksand" because we can get sucked in, and drown, in these trivial choices.

Surprisingly often, I need to remind myself not to spend too much time on relatively unimportant decisions. Even though I don't want to spend my time and energy this way, it takes a considerable amount of self-awareness and self-control to resist the temptation.

The satisficer/maximizer split seems relevant here. As Barry Schwartz explains in his fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, there are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, "satisficers" is a word) make a decision once their criteria are met; when they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision; even if they see a bicycle that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option.

Studies suggest that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. They find the research process exhausting, yet can’t let themselves settle for anything but the best.

I’m a satisficer, and I often felt guilty about not doing more research before making decisions. In law school, one friend interviewed with fifty law firms before she decided where she wanted to go as a summer associate; I think I interviewed with six. We ended up at the same firm. Once I learned to call myself a “satisficer,” I felt more satisfied with my approach to decision-making; instead of feeling lazy and unconscientious, I could call myself prudent. Now I can also remind myself not to get sucked into "decision quicksand" for decisions that don't deserve that much attention.

Do you find yourself spending too much time and energy on unimportant decisions? The internet can make this problem worse, because information seems so limitless.

* There's a very thought-provoking post about introverts and happiness over on Susan Cain's The Power of Introverts blog.

* Get a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning -- sign up for the Moment of Happiness. I love quotes! Subscribe here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

The Eight Splendid Truths of Happiness.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.

In my study of happiness, I've labored to identify its fundamental principles. Because I get a tremendous kick out of the numbered lists that pop up throughout Buddhism (the Triple Refuge, the Noble Eightfold Path, the Four Noble Truths, the eight auspicious symbols), I decided to dub these fundamental principles as my Eight Splendid Truths.

Each one of these truths sounds fairly obvious and straightforward, but each was the product of tremendous thought. Take the Second Splendid Truth—it’s hard to exaggerate the clarity I gained when I finally managed to put it into words. Here they are:

First Splendid Truth
To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Second Splendid Truth
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy;
One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

Third Splendid Truth
The days are long, but the years are short. (Click here to see my one-minute movie; of everything I've written about happiness, I think this video resonates most with people.)

Fourth Splendid Truth
You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
[Many argue the opposite case. John Stuart Mill, for example, wrote, “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” I disagree.]

Fifth Splendid Truth
I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature.

Sixth Splendid Truth
The only person I can change is myself.

Seventh Splendid Truth
Happy people make people happy, but
I can’t make someone be happy, and
No one else can make me happy.

Eighth Splendid Truth
Now is now.

What did I miss? What Splendid Truth is missing from that list?

Now I’m trying to come up with my personal eight auspicious symbols for happiness. Let’s see—bluebird, ruby slippers, dice, blood, bird house, treasure box, roses…hmmm. I will have to keep thinking about that.

* I enjoyed cruising around The Cool Hunter—"roaming the USA and the globe, so you're in the know"—to look at all the cool things there.

* The holidays are approaching! If you're giving The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller), and you'd like a signed bookplate or signature card to include with it, sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com. But do it fast! There's not much time.
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

Want to Join a Happiness Project Group? Make Friends, Have Fun, Stick to Your Resolutions!

One happiness-project resolution that has added enormously to my happiness is my resolution to Join or start a group.

For many people, making and keeping friends is one of the most important (and challenging) elements of their happiness project, and being part of a group is a terrific way to make new friends, deepen existing friendships, have fun, create a sense of belonging, and spend time thinking about a subject that interests you. (For tips on making friends, read here and here). It sounds odd to talk about "efficiency" in the context of friendship, but belonging to a group is a very efficient way to build and strengthen relationships -- especially if you have a hard time making time for friendships.

I've heard from lots of people who want to launch or join groups for people doing happiness projects together, so I created this (free) starter kit, to help folks get the ball rolling. If you want a copy, email me at gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com.

People all over the world have started groups for people doing happiness projects together. These groups swap ideas, build enthusiasm, give encouragement, and – perhaps most important – hold each other accountable. (Think AA and Weight Watchers.) Some of these groups consist of people who know each other already -- colleagues at a law firm, a sorority, a church study group, members of a family -- and some of these groups consist of strangers who come together just to work on happiness projects.

Thanks to the people who responded to a survey, I now have a list of many of the existing groups. You can see the current list of existing groups here or on Facebook here. If you'd like to find out if other people in your areas would like to start a new group with you, start a Discussion Topic under the Discussions tab in the left-hand column on Facebook here. If you've started a group, please do take a second to answer these six quick questions! It's really helpful to have this information.

One important note: it takes work to start a group, and once a group has started, it takes work to keep it going. My three children's literature reading groups are among the lights of my life, but they do require a fair amount of time and energy. (Yes, it's true, I'm in three of these groups.) The thing is, being in this group is so worth the effort. It absolutely is. But it's not effortless. For instance, right now I'm in the middle of an email blizzard as I try to coordinate the next meeting date for one group. It's a bit of a hassle -- but what truly fun thing isn't sometimes a bit of a hassle?

As Samuel Johnson (one of the patron saints of my happiness project) observed: “The production of something, where nothing was before, is an act of greater energy than the expansion or decoration of the thing produced.” And while it takes special energy to start something, it also takes energy to keep something going. Just acknowledging that to myself helps me expend the energy more readily.

Have you found that it takes effort to be in a group? And did the group make you happy, nevertheless? What kinds of groups make you happy?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* I got a kick out of seeing these smiles hidden in everyday scenes.

* Want a free, personalized bookplate for your copy of The Happiness Project – or for a friend? Or a signed signature card (if you have an e-book or audio-book)? Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com. ask for as many as you’d like, I'll mail anywhere, and they're free.

In Which I Reveal a Big Secret. Well, It's Big to Me.

It's time to admit that I’ve been keeping a secret from my blog. Now all will be revealed! At last, it’s time to confess…not only am I working on a new book, I actually just handed in the draft to my editor! I’ve been working on it for a long time! (I know, this secret may not seem quite as earth-shattering to you as it does to me.)

Happiness is an inexhaustibly fascinating subject; I’d just begun to plumb its depths by the time I’d finished my last book. I wanted to pursue the subject more deeply -- but how?

For the first project, I had to develop a framework to understand happiness, and I took a wide, encompassing approach. For this new project, I wanted to go narrower, and deeper. I wanted to put some striking concept at the center, to find a single lens through which to view happiness. But what should that idea be?

As I was pondering this question, I recalled one of my favorite lines from Samuel Johnson: “To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition.” HOME! That’s what’s most important to me, I realized. To be happy at home.

Happier at Home is about what I did to try to be happier at home. I was pretty happy when I started -- happier than when I started The Happiness Project -- but still, I knew I could be happier.

Why am I announcing this today? Well, today my two daughters headed back to school, to start seventh grade and first grade, and I'm reminded, once again, of my Third Splendid Truth: The days are long, but the years are short. (Of everything I’ve written about happiness, I think this piece, as short as it is, is the one that resonates most with people.) Now is the time to be happier.

And for me, throughout my life, September’s back-to-school atmosphere has always given me a new zeal for self-examination and self-mastery. Those fresh clean notebooks, that new schedule...everything seems possible. I make resolutions at New Year’s, and also in September.

For that reason, Happier at Home spans a school year. From September through May, I work on being happier at home, with themes like Possessions, Time, Marriage, Interior Design, Parenthood, Neighborhood, Body, Now.

Happier at Home will come out next August.

Ah, it feels good to talk about it!

What do you think? Does it grab your interest? How do you like the subject and the title? (Subtitle is still a work in progress.) Each time I write a book, I think sadly, "Alas, no book will ever be as much fun to write as this book. It's all downhill from here." And each time, I've loved my next book even more. And so it is with Happier at Home. It is such a joy to write this book.

* Good news, bad news. Good news: Colleen Wainwright successfully hit her goal for her fiftieth birthday, to raise $50,000 in 50 days for WriteGirl, a project to which she's deeply committed. Bad news: now she has to keep her promise and shave her head -- bald! Learn more about the fabulous "50-for-50 project" here.

* Sign up for the daily Moment of Happiness to get a happiness quotation in your email inbox. Or sign up for the monthly newsletter, to get highlights from the blog and Facebook. If you'd rather, send your requests by email to gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com.

"Happiness, Like Goodness, Is Almost Impossible to Describe..."

"The difficulty for a writer...is that it seems to be a law of language that happiness, like goodness, is almost impossible to describe, while conflict, like evil, is all too easy to depict."
-- W. H. Auden, "Deborah" from Forewords and Afterwords

* Want to launch or join a group for people doing Happiness Projects together? Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com for the starter kit. Want to see if a group already exists in your area? Look here. Want to talk to people about starting a new group? Start a discussion here. I'm thrilled by all the interest in starting Happiness Project groups! Keep me posted.

How Is Your Happiness Challenge Going? (Asking Again.)

Last month, I posed the question: "If you're doing the 2011 Happiness Challenge, how is it going, now that we've reached the halfway point of the year?"

Several people kindly pointed out that, although June is month 6 of the 12 months of the year, the year isn't halfway over until July 1. Whoops!

So I'm asking now, at the proper time: "If you're doing the 2011 Happiness Challenge, how is it going?"

But really, it's artificial to ask this question even on July 1, because most people doing the 2011 Happiness Challenge didn't start on January 1. People still join every day -- which is great. No need to wait for January 1, or the first of any month, to start a happiness project. Today is the best time to start!

If you've managed successfully to keep even one resolution, give yourself a big gold star. It's hard to make change; it takes mindfulness, self-knowledge, and self-mastery. I'm often surprised by how hard it is to make even a change that's pleasant, like my resolutions to Read more. Why is it so hard to push myself to make time for something that I love? And yet it is. (I will note that my obsession about the sense of smell is still so powerful that I'm finding it pretty easy to work that into my day -- but it doesn't take much time or energy to smell something.)

Have you followed any resolutions that have made a particular difference to your happiness? I’m always so curious to hear what people have tried, and what has worked. For instance, I've been surprised by how much clutter seems to weigh on people's happiness. Although a crowded closet or a messy desk is trivial in the context of a happy life, for some reason, people report getting a disproportionate boost of good cheer and energy when they clear clutter. It's a Secret of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm.

How do you keep yourself accountable? I use my Resolutions Chart (email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com if you want to see a copy). Some people use the Happiness Project Toolbox.

It has really been gratifying to see the high level of interest in starting Happiness Project groups. If you'd like to launch a Happiness Project group yourself, for people doing happiness projects together, email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com for the starter kit. To see if there's a group in your area, check here. To find other people who would be interested in starting a new group in your area, start a discussion here. If you've started a group, please answer the six quick questions. I'm so curious to hear about the groups!

Have you found a system that works for you? Accountability is so important; without accountability, it's easy to make big plans for change but then end up abandoning them. Something like 80% of New Year's resolutions are abandoned by mid-February, and surely a good number are abandoned by January 3.

Have your tried resolutions that didn’t work? One of the most challenging, and also most popular resolutions, is the resolution is to Get more exercise. As a dedicated couch potato, I labored for years to get myself into the habit of regular exercise.

It's thrilling to see that almost 11,000 people have joined the 2011 Happiness Challenge. If you haven't signed up, join now. Studies show that taking an action, like signing up, will help you hold yourself accountable for your resolutions. And it doesn't matter when you start; the important thing is to get started. Each week, here, I post ideas for resolutions that you might want to undertake for your own happiness project. I also post a weekly video with proposed resolutions.

I'm so interested to hear about people's experiences with their own resolutions. What has and hasn't worked for you, in your happiness project?

* I loved this video of two children who unwrap a big gift -- not knowing that their father, who just finished his deployment, is hidden in the box. One child bursts out crying, and I absolutely understand that emotion. Too much to take in.

* If you're in the U.S., you've got a holiday weekend in front of you. Have fun! And if you need a good book to read...please consider The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.