The Happiness Project

Exercise, Weight Loss, and Happiness.

I was very interested to read John Cloud’s recent Time cover story about exercise and weight loss, Why Exercise Won’t Make You Thin. This is a very complicated issue, and the article’s argument has sparked many debates – but from a strictly happiness perspective, two points jumped out at me.

First: even if exercise doesn’t help me lose weight (and I admit, I’m very weight-preoccupied), it’s still extremely important for general good health and for not gaining weight -- and for keeping my mood positive. For example, one study showed that even moderate aerobic exercise boosted mood – for as long as twelve hours. Almost everyone I know who exercises regularly says that they stick to their routine for mental as much, or more, than for physical reasons.

Second: I should always be wary of occasions when I have the urge to “treat” myself. So often, treats don’t contribute to long-term happiness.

From the article, and from my own observation, it seems that exercise often inspires people with the belief that they deserve a “treat” – and usually a high-calorie treat. For example, I was just reading Sally Koslow’s novel, Little Pink Slips. The main character goes running with her best friend, and afterward, they split a scone. But as Cloud suggests, from a strictly calorie perspective, those two women would have been better off skipping the run and the scone.

It’s also easy to fall into the assumption that because exercise is healthy, anything related to it must be healthy – this tendency is called the halo effect. A friend of mine would chug a big bottle of Nantucket Nectars after working out. He considered this a healthy, energy-boosting drink so never thought about calories at all. I pointed out that a bottle has almost as many calories as a Snickers bar! (My gleeful revelation of this fact did not endear me to him, I must confess.)

For a long time, I’ve been keeping an eye out for studies of how people’s worrying about their weight affects their happiness. To me, this concern seem like a major factor in day-to-day unhappiness. I’ve never seen much on this issue, and if anyone has read any studies about this, I’d love to see the reference.

* I couldn't resist a blog called Happiness in this World: Reflections of a Buddhist Physician, of course, and I was particularly intrigued by this post about The Good Guy Contract.

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Health: Consider Switching Doctors.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

Sometimes, by coincidence, several people mention the same happiness-boosting idea around the same time, so it hits me with particular force.

A wonderful doctor is a tremendous source of comfort and reassurance; over the last few weeks, four friends have mentioned to me how much happier they were after they switched doctors. In every case, they were seeing a doctor who didn’t appreciate the amount of pain they were in, and who dismissed their efforts to try to explain the problem or find some solution.

One OB/GYN said something like, “Women have babies every day. You just had a baby. So you’re in pain, get over yourself.” Turns out my friend had a broken pelvis! Another friend kept explaining to a doctor that his advice wasn’t yielding any results in her case. He implied that she wasn’t being diligent about following instructions. When she switched, the new doctor put her on a medication that cleared up the problem immediately. Etc.

Given the importance of trusting and respecting your doctor, why is it so hard to make a change? I myself find it practically impossible to prod myself to switch, once I have had even one appointment with a doctor.

First, we need to believe that the doctor is smart and correct. Switching away from a doctor signals that we no longer trust his or her judgment, and that’s scary, especially if there’s some particular cause for concern.

Second, what with the records and charts and everything, it’s confusing to know HOW to switch.

Third, inertia is so powerful. Switching means finding a better doctor, which means doing research, questioning your judgment, tracking down information, figuring out who takes your insurance, where the office is located, and so on.

However, when my nine-year-old was a baby, I switched to a different pediatrician in a flash. My maternal instinct swamped my usual reluctance to make a change, and once I decided that I didn’t like the doctor, I had no trouble telling his office that we were going elsewhere. Maybe a way to coax yourself into switching doctors is to think of yourself in the third person, or to imagine how you’d act if a member of your family were receiving the treatment you’ve been getting.

(As a sidenote, I use this trick frequently: If I’m not sure about my reaction to some event, I imagine someone describing the situation to me as if it happened to a stranger. That often clarifies my view. Along the same lines, I remember reading somewhere that writer Anne Lamott thinks about herself in the third person, to take better care of herself: “I’m sorry, Anne Lamott can’t accept that invitation to speak; she’s finishing a book so needs to keep her schedule clear.”)

Remember, too, that you’re helping other patients when you switch away from a bad doctor, because your switch demonstrates to a doctor that his or her treatment was indeed unacceptable. I heard a lecture by a child-education specialist who said, “The only way that teachers know they’re assigning too much homework is when the most diligent kids can’t complete it. If you let your child stay up until 2:00 a.m. to finish, you’re not helping.” Same thing with a doctor.

Of course, tougher than making a switch from a bad doctor is having no choice about what doctor you see, or having no doctor all. It’s good to remember that.

* Have I mentioned lately how much I love Unclutterer?

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Nine Tips to Keep Yourself Exercising, from a Former Couch Potato

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Nine Tips to Keep Yourself Exercising.

One of the most commonly made, and most frequently broken, New Year’s resolutions is the resolution to exercise more.

People who exercise are healthier, more energetic, think more clearly, sleep better, have delayed onset of dementia...the list goes on.

There’s also a lot of research into the connection between exercise and happiness – some studies suggest that it provides a real boost, some studies suggest that while correlated, exercise isn’t a factor in making people happier. I’m interested to see what further studies reveal, but I’ve made up my own mind: in my experience, and the experience of everyone I know who exercises, exercise makes me calmer, more cheerful, and more alert.

But even once you’re convinced of the benefits, if you’re not inclined to exercise, it can be hard to adopt the habit. My favorite activity is reading in bed, and I don’t enjoy games of any sort, but over the years I’ve managed to transform myself into a regular exerciser by deploying these strategies:

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week.

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. The longer the day goes on, the more likely you are to get derailed.

3. Never skip exercising for three days in a row. You can skip a day, and you can skip two days, but on the third day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient. (This rule is more effective than it sounds; it kept me exercising regularly during college.)

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. When my father started running, he said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. I never push myself hard, because I know that if I did, I might stop exercising altogether. And don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. The fifteen-minute walk you DO take is better than the three-mile run you DON'T take.

5. If you don’t have time both to exercise and take a shower, find an activity that doesn’t require a shower afterward, like yoga or walking. I do an extremely tough weight-training regimen that doesn’t make me sweat (and yes, it is effective, even with no sweat!).

6. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer? (they’re only $20). A lot of people are feeling a real money crunch right now, but exercise is a high life priority, so if you can afford it, this is a place to spend some money if that helps.

7. Remind yourself of the benefits from exercising. Personally, I’m more motivated by short-term gratifications like “I’ll feel more focused” or “I’ll sleep better” than long-term considerations like “I’ll live longer” or “If I have surgery, I’ll recover quicker.” A trainer told me that, in her experience, men are more motivated by the idea of improving their performance (a better tennis game) or restoring an ability (climbing stairs without getting out of breath); women are more motivated by the promise of improving their appearance.

8. Think about context. If you find it much harder to go running in winter than summer, maybe the real trouble is that you don’t like the cold. Do you hate the loud music in your gym? Is your work-out so exhausting that you can’t face the rest of your day?

9. When choosing an activity, a gym, or an exercise class, make convenience a top priority. You’re much more likely to go to a mediocre gym near your office or home than to a great gym that’s out of your way.

Apart from the happiness gain you'll get from the exercise, merely the fact that you've kept your resolution to yourself will boost your happiness.

* A blog I've enjoyed for a long time is Marginal Revolution. It's about economics -- always interesting and often raises issues that touch directly on the subject of happiness.

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Back in Kansas City, I get some happiness-boosting SLEEP.

The more I've reflected on happiness, the more convinced I've become of the importance of SLEEP to staying happy.

We left new York City for Kansas City on Saturday, for our annual eight-day holiday stay -- and upon arrival immediately started on our traditional KC activities, like going to Winstead's, going to the Plaza, etc. But although we feel like we have a lot to do here, we really don't.

Last night, after a tiring day of buying some gifts at a bookstore and watching the girls decorate gingerbread cookies, I went to bed at 9:00 pm. I slept until 7:00 this morning. Ten solid hours. I felt ridiculous going to bed so early, and figured I'd be awake by 5:00, but I guess I was more tired than I realized.

I wouldn't be able to get to bed at 9:00 every night, of course, but as a consequence of my happiness project, I have definitely gotten better at going to bed as soon as I feel sleepy. It really pays off. I feel a lot more energetic today than I have in a while.

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Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line. I won't send it until after the holidays, though, so don't be surprised if it doesn't show up right away.

News: Oprah and her battle with her weight; she's back at 200 pounds.

A few days ago, I saw news reports that in the January issue of O Magazine, Oprah reveals that she has gained forty pounds and now weighs 200 pounds.

The article isn’t out yet, but apparently she says she’s mad at herself. “I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?'” she wrote.

Hearing that made me feel sad. Oprah is so fabulous, I'm sorry she can't let go of this issue and just enjoy being herself. But weight is such a tough issue.

The relationship between happiness and weight is complicated and under-studied, I think. It’s an issue to which I want to give more consideration. I just read a fascinating book by Abby Ellin, Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat-Camper Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight, And How Parents Can (And Can't) Help, that gave me a lot to think about. A lot of people say that weight shouldn’t matter for happiness, but the fact is, for a lot of people, it does matter.

In his book What You Can Change . . . and What You Can't (p. 190), Martin Seligman points out: “All thin-ideal cultures…have roughly twice as much depression in women as men. (Women diet twice as much as men...) [In] cultures without the thin ideal…the amount of depression in women and men in these cultures is the same. This suggests that around the world, the thin ideal and dieting not only cause eating disorders but also cause women to be more depressed than men.” Two root causes of depression are failure and helplessness; dieting makes you feel both. (Note: I can't find my copy of the book to double-check the quotation.)

I also can’t help but think that there’s some major aspect of eating, nutrition, exercise, and metabolism that we don’t understand and that is playing a significant role in the obesity problem. If OPRAH has trouble with her weight, with all the massive support and motivation she has…

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What a combination. Alex Fayle, of the terrific blog Someday Syndrome, wrote a guest post on Leo Babauta's fantastic blog, Zen Habits. I was thrilled to be included in this post on 11 Ways to Cure Someday Syndrome.

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Exercise: A quiz -- Are you a likely exercise drop-out?

Every Wednesday is Tip Day (or Quiz Day).
This Wednesday – A quiz: Are you a likely exercise drop-out?

I discovered THE KEY to my Happiness Project. What is it? Resolutions. It has been the ability to make and keep my innumerable resolutions that has allowed me make real changes in my life, and therefore in my happiness. (As always, if you’d like to get a copy of my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the "AT" sign, then gretchenrubin "DOT COM." Just write "resolutions chart" in the subject line).

One resolution that many people make and break is the resolution to EXERCISE. Exercise is a key to good health, and for me, has always been essential to feeling calm and cheerful. In fact, when I’m feeling blue, one of the best ways to shake the mood is to exercise. The Big Man is exactly the same way. On Sunday, he was feeling low, and a trip to the gym chirked him up considerably.

And even if I don’t feel better, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I exercised.

I’m fascinated by the question of why sometimes people are able to stick to resolutions, and some people aren’t – and what steps people can take to help themselves stick to their resolutions. There are a lot of factors, of course, in each individual’s case.

I have a friend who is a yoga instructor and a friend who is a strength-training trainer. I asked them if they recognized any warning signs in people who are likely NOT to stick to a resolution to start exercising.

They both agreed that there are warning signs. So take this quiz. If you recognize yourself in the statements below, beware. You may need to make a special effort to stick to a program. Check off any statement that sounds like it could have come out of your mouth:

“This time, I’m really going to stick to it! I mean it, I’m totally, 100% committed!”
This person sounds like he’s trying to convince himself but not really succeeding.

“I’m potentially thinking that maybe I might join this class.”
This person hasn’t really made up his mind. He’s not committed. Although he sounds very different, he's actually an awful lot like the person who says…

“I have to start TOMORROW. No delay!”
This person is afraid that she’s going to lose her resolve. It’s probably happened to her before.

“Well, afternoons don’t work. And I can’t do mornings. I can come Tuesdays at noon, but not this Tuesday. Or next Tuesday...”
The President of the United States works out almost every day! If people really want to exercise, they find the time.

“I’ll squeeze it in at lunchtime. I can just run out between meetings.”
This person hasn’t acknowledged to himself that exercise must be its own priority, and if he doesn’t do that, it’ll always get shoved to the bottom of the to-do list. Which means it won't happen.

“I can’t wait to start. But first, I need to buy some new clothes. And some new shoes. And a mat. And I want to read up on it, too.”
I had a roommate like this. She loved shopping and everything involved in the preparation stage. But once she had all the stuff she needed for yoga or roller-blading or whatever, she lost interest.

If any of these statements remind you of yourself, use it as a warning sign to re-commit yourself to sticking to your exercise plan.

Sometimes it helps to tell yourself that you’re just going to do it for six months. That doesn’t sound too onerous. Both instructors agreed that once people have kept up a program for six months, the exercise has become part of their routine, and it becomes much less likely that they’ll drop out. Also, if you really just can't fit it in, or make yourself do it, try to go for a twenty-minute walk each day. Or two ten-minute walks. Even that much exercise is so much better than nothing.

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I always find interesting material on LifeTwo.

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Exercise and happiness: A new study surprised me.

I was very surprised to read in the New York Times that recent research, studying twins, indicated that, despite studies that seemed to suggest that exercise was almost as effective in relieving depression as anti-depressants, in fact, the “association of exercise with reduced anxious and depressive symptoms could be explained genetically: people disinclined to exercise also tend to be depressed. One does not cause the other.”

The study was looking at the effect of exercise on symptoms of depression and anxiety. I wonder if exercise might help non-depressed or anxious people with keep more positive moods. In other words, what is the effect of exercise on the moods of non-depressed/anxious people?

It sure seems to me that exercise has a big effect on my mood, and I've heard that from many other people, as well.

When I’m feeling blue, exercise helps a lot. Perhaps that’s because when I’m exercising, I’m distracted and not ruminating on anything that might be upsetting me. Maybe it’s because exercise boosts energy, and feeling energetic helps people feel cheerier. Maybe it’s because I know that exercising will help keep me healthy, so I feel good about doing something that’s good for me. Maybe it’s because just the sheer ticking-an-item-off-the-to-do-list is satisfying. Or maybe it's just that I expect that exercise will make me feel better, and so it does.

The relationship between exercise and happiness is fascinating, so I'm eager to see what studies follow.

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I was thrilled to see that along with Three Beautiful Things, I inspired someone to take on her own happiness project -- check it out at Gleeful.

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Eating right: 11 tips I'm using to "Eat very right" (and cut calories).

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eleven tips that I’m using to “Eat very right” (and cut calories).

For the month of September, I've resolved to “Eat very right.” I wouldn’t be able to eat this right forever – and I wouldn’t even try -- but I decided to take a boot-camp of approach to cleaning up my eating habits.

1. No sweets. Not even a bite. I gave up my beloved Tasti D-Lite – ah, I miss it. I’d already pretty much given up food like cookies and cupcakes, but boy, I do love to eat candy. For mini Tootsie-Rolls, peppermint patties, butterscotch disks, etc. I’ll have to wait until November.

2. When possible, choose fruits and vegetables, and after that, lean protein. So if I have a choice between rice and roasted vegetables, I choose vegetables. If I have a choice between pasta and fish, I choose fish.

3. Only one bowl of cereal a day. I love cereal and would eat it at every meal. Also, I do the bottomless-cereal-bowl trick, where I eat all the cereal, and when I see the milk that’s left over, I fill the bowl with cereal again to use it up. Not this month.

4. Nothing in the cracker/pretzel family.

5. Keep tempting food in an inconvenient place, keep healthy food in a convenient place. When I’m hungry, everything looks good. If I see a lovely fruit salad ready to eat in the fridge, that’s what I’ll want to eat.

6. No juice and no alcohol.

7. No “bites” of other people’s food. I take one bite of the Little Girl’s grilled-cheese sandwich, then another, and then pretty soon I’ve eaten half a sandwich.

9. Eat at home whenever possible. My brother-in-law worked at a restaurant, and he told me that whatever you might order, and however it might be prepared, it has tons of butter on it.

10. No bread from a bread basket, and no bread as a snack. Well, except that sometimes, when I really need a quick, fast snack that I can eat on the run, I toast a whole-wheat pita pocket and eat that.

11. Don't eat when I'm not hungry; eat as soon as I do get hungry.

When I told my sister about the changes I was making, she said, “You basically eat very well. Why cut this stuff out altogether? You can have treats once in a while. It’s a more sustainable way to eat.”

Well, yes and no. I wouldn’t want to try to live by these rules forever, but the fact is, it’s easier for me to give things up altogether than to indulge moderately. I agree with Samuel Johnson, who wrote, “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.”

Take Tasti D-Lite, which I was eating twice, sometimes three times, a day. It’s easier for me to give up Tasti D-Lite altogether than to eat it three times a week. I’d spend way too much energy thinking about whether I should have it today, or tomorrow; or now, or later this afternoon; or whether this cone should “count” or whether I should get a freebie for some reason. For me, a happier approach is to give it up altogether, so I don’t fret about it.

Speaking of Tasti D-Lite, it’s a good example of how something that’s allegedly healthier for you can actually lead you to make less healthy choices. I would never, in a million years, eat an ice-cream cone every day. But because Tasti D-Lite doesn’t “count” as ice cream, or a “real” dessert, I eat a ton of it.

In the same way, when I gave up fake food, I realized that although I’d never eat a candy bar every day, I was eating “health bars” every day, when I would have been better off eating real food, like soup or salad or a smoothie, instead.

Have you found any tips to help yourself to "Eat very right"?

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A thoughtful reader told me about this truly amazing site, Wordle, and did one for me a few days ago. So very, very cool! A wordle could make a great gift, too.

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I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

Do you worry about your weight? My latest resolution: “Eat very right.”

I made a new resolution, just for the month of September: “Eat very right.” I’ve already made other resolutions related to eating, but this month, I’m pushing it further.

I gave up fake food a while back, which was a major step forward, but my eating habits still have a lot of room for improving the healthfulness of my diet.

Also, although I REFUSE to go on a proper diet, I’d love to lose a few pounds. I’m about three pounds over where I’d like to be – not my “ideal” weight, which is probably unrealistically low -- but the weight at which I stop fussing much about my weight.

In his book What You Can Change & What You Can't, Martin Seligman observes: “All thin-ideal cultures…have roughly twice as much depression in women as men. (Women diet twice as much as men...) [In] cultures without the thin ideal…the amount of depression in women and men…is the same. This suggests that around the world, the thin ideal and dieting…cause[s] women to be more depressed than men.”

He points out that two root causes of depression are failure and helplessness – and dieting makes you feel both. Plus, almost no diet works for long. Most weight comes back.

For me, it’s definitely true that, right or wrong, my weight has a big influence on how happy I feel. When I feel unhappy about my weight, it really weighs me down. Whether or not this should be true, it is true.

So…there are two solutions. The first is to change my attitude. If I accept my body as it is, I won’t fret about it. I’ve tried to adopt a modified version of this, by trying to feel more grateful for being healthy, pain-free, and pretty darn close to my ideal weight. I should be happy about my body, not unhappy.

The other solution is to lose weight so that I’m at the point where my weight doesn’t bother me. I’m extremely fortunate that I’m pretty close to that point. I would just have to lose a few pounds to get it off my mind.

I’m trying the multi-prong attack: revel in my body as it is; eat more healthfully; and also try to lose a few pounds.

My rules for the month:

1. No Tasti D-Lite. This is the biggest sacrifice and most dramatic change. Tasti D-Lite is a kind of frozen yogurt that I LOOOOVE. It’s allegedly low-calorie, but it’s probably not. Also (this is embarrassing) I usually get a cone of Tasti D-Lite twice a day, and having three in one day isn’t at all unheard of. This is really my one big indulgence. I almost never eat dessert, or drink alcohol, or eat red meat, or eat cheese...but for September, I'm giving up Tasti D-Lite, as well.

2. No bread unless it’s part of a meal. So I can have bread as part of a tuna sandwich, but I shouldn’t just take a slice of bread out of the package and eat it (which I do often) or eat bread from a restaurant bread basket.

3. No bites of candy, cookies, cake, etc.

4. No worrying about portions—I can eat as much as I want of fruits, vegetables, and healthy protein.

5. Keep a food journal. This has been one of my resolutions before, but I just wasn’t able to make myself remember to do it. This month, I’m going to try again. Studies show that dieters who keep meticulous food journals do a much better job of losing weight.

One concern I have: what if I follow all these rules – which, although I’m not on a “diet,” definitely have me feeling aware of what I’m eating and giving up things I’d like to eat – but I don’t lose any weight? I’d have eaten more healthfully, which is good – but I do want the benefit of the weight loss. So am I wrong to follow #4? Is it a waste of self-control to monitor my eating like this, without getting the pay-off of weight loss?

Really, though, I should think about following these rules for the rest of my life, so I don’t want to get caught up in the madness of “dieting.” I’m much thinner now than I was many years ago, and the way I lost that weight was by making big changes in my eating habits, keeping them over the long term, and losing the weight imperceptibly slowly. This is not an easy way to lose weight, but it’s probably the best way if you want to keep your weight off.

Now, some people are probably thinking, "Wow, Gretchen is waaaaaay too obsessed with her weight." I am preoccupied with my weight, that's true. Some people have told me that I should spend more energy trying not to let it bother me, and less energy on trying to keep my weight down. But the fact is -- I'm happier when I'm at a lower weight, and it takes some concentration to stay there. So what's the right approach? What do you think?

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I was very pleased to be included in this terrific list of top Personal Development blogs. And I was also pleased to see many of my blogland pals there with me, each with an excellent blog: Jonathan Fields, Zen Habits, Life Clever, Life Hacker, Pick the Brain, Dumb Little Man, Alex Shalman, and several others.

But alas for human nature! Seeing myself on the list made me happy, then I became preoccupied with the question – how do I move myself higher on the list? If you could spare a few minutes to email folks who might be interested in The Happiness Project, to send them the link, I’d appreciate it very much.

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I’ve started sending out short monthly newsletters that will highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click on the link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog. Or just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.