The Happiness Project

Cultivate Good Smells.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is the Five Senses, and last week's resolution was to Listen to your favorite song. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Cultivate good smells.

Cultivate_good_smells.MP3_for_Audio_Podcasting

Zoikes, why am I talking so quickly?

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Happiness is...a beautiful scent: fireplace, baby powder, Christmas tree.
Take a field trip. In my case, to cultivate good smells.
Cultivate good smells.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* For many people, alcohol raises happiness challenges. In the post The art of mindful drinking, my friend Caren Osten Gerszberg takes a thoughtful look at the issue.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

Listen To Your Favorite Song.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is the Five Senses, and last week’s resolution was to Tap into your senses--go outside. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution, to tap into the power of hearing, is to Listen to your favorite upbeat song.

Listen to your favorite upbeat song.

If you're curious about the song I mention, the Border ballad Raggle Taggle Gypsies, here are two great versions, from the Waterboys and from the Irish Descendants. (Preview: a very careful reader of Happier at Home will spot a fleeting reference to the song, which, as it happens, is also an allusion to Virginia Woolf.)

How about you? Do you find that listening to your favorite music cheers you? What song do you know will lift your spirits, every time?

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Want to feel happier? Listen to a favorite song.
The joy of rediscovering a song I love.
9 tips for dealing with a happiness emergency -- in the next hour.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* My thoughtful friend Melanie Notkin, a/k/a Savvy Auntie, let me know that the Girl Scouts now have a badge for "The Science of Happiness." Excellent!

* Join the happiness conversation on the Facebook Page. Lots of interesting discussion there.

Tap into Your Senses: Go Outside.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! Last month's theme was Self-control, and last week's theme was to Beware the licensing effect. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

his month’s theme is the Five Senses, and this week’s resolution is to Go outside.

Go outside.

You'll notice the loudness of New York City!

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Need a quick, easy happiness boost? Go outside.
Anne Frank: "Go outside; enjoy the sun and all nature."
16 tips for feeling happier at work.

Have you found that just going outside lifts your mood? Have you noticed whether the time of day, or being in nature, has any additional effect?

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* At the Mighty Summit a few weeks ago, I met Sarah Bryden-Brown, who told me about her e-book, Welcome To My World, with essays by mothers in various circumstances. Looks fascinating.

* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com, or sign up here.

8 Tips to Feel Better About Yourself.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight tips for feeling better about yourself.

First came the self-esteem movement -- then came the backlash to the self-esteem movement. What's pretty clear is we don’t get healthy self-esteem from constantly telling ourselves how great we are, or even from other people telling us how great we are. At the same time, it’s a rare person who isn’t sometimes – or often – plagued with painful self-doubt.

So what's the secret? When you’re feeling lousy, what can you do to feel better about yourself? It turns out that we feel better about ourselves when we behave in ways that we find worthy of our own respect -- such as helping other people, surmounting a fear, and the like.

Here are some suggestions that I try to remember when I'm feeling full of self-doubt and self-anxiety (a term I just made up -- is there a more elegant term for this feeling?):

1. Do a good deed. Be selfless, if only for selfish reason; you’ll benefit as much as the person you’re helping. When I’m feeling low, forcing myself to do something for someone else's benefit seems particularly hard, but then it gives me a big boost. As Montaigne observed, “These testimonies of a good conscience are pleasant; and such a natural pleasure is very beneficial to us; it is the only payment that can never fail.” In the same vein…

2. Make small gestures of good citizenship. Bring your old magazines to the gym so other people can read them. Pick up trash that other people have left on the subway. Sign up to be an organ donor.

3. Keep a resolution. Not only will you benefit from exercising or cleaning out your garage, you’ll also get a boost from the mere fact that you made a commitment and stuck to it. Feeling so overtaxed that you can't face the thought of trying to keep a resolution? Try this one: Make your bed. Just do that one thing. I know it sounds a bit preposterous, but many people have told me what a lift they've received from that small act.

4. Become an expert. There’s great satisfaction in mastery. Pick a subject that interests you, and dig in deep: the American Revolution, the works of Chekhov, wine, The Wire (my husband and I are currently obsessed with this TV show).

5. Boost your energy. Studies show that when you’re feeling energetic, you’re much more likely to feel good about yourself. For a quick shot of energy, take a brisk ten-minute walk (outside, if possible, where sunlight will also stimulate your brain), listen to some great music, or talk to a friend.

6. Challenge yourself physically. This tip doesn’t work for me, but I know that many people feel great after para-sailing, white-water rafting, surfing, or rollercoaster-riding.

7. Face a fear. Some fears are physical (see #6), but not all fears. You might push yourself to speak in public, ask someone on a date, make a gesture of friendship toward an acquaintance, or begin an intimidating creative project. In these trying situations, I often comfort myself by repeating "Enjoy the fun of failure." And it's true, even when my effort fails, I feel good about the fact that I gave it a shot. As my sister the sage reminded me recently, "You've got to put yourself out there." Which is hard, but gratifying.

8. Make something by hand. There's something particularly satisfying about making something with your own hands, whether it's a loaf of bread, a photo album, a piece of furniture, or a fly-fishing fly. It's tangible, it's creative, it's right in front of you. Similarly, making visible improvements like cleaning out a closet can give a big boost. I get an (inexplicably) large boost just from changing a light bulb. I delay, I delay, I delay -- and then finally I change it! A triumph!

How about you? Have you found any good strategies to feel better about yourself? As Joseph Addison observed, “The important question is not, what will yield to man a few scattered pleasures, but what will render his life happy on the whole amount.”

* I loved looking at the beautiful images of the art installation "White Flags" by Aaron Fein.

"Looking for a good book? I offer for your consideration The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.
Order the Page-a-Day calendar.

Need a Quick, Easy Happiness Boost? Go Outside.

This proposed happiness resolution is easy. Go outside.

Go outside into the sunlight; light deprivation is one reason that people feel tired. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood and increase motivation.

For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.

Now, I’m the kind of person who loves to sit around the house in my pajamas. If I can manage it, I enjoy the occasional day when I never step foot out of my apartment. But even though I love staying in, there’s nevertheless something slightly oppressive about being inside all day.

And going from your front door, to the car door, to the office door, and then in reverse, isn’t much better.

At least for me, unscientifically speaking, spending time outside gives a feeling of freedom, of connecting with the seasons (even when the weather isn’t ideal), of breathing fresh air, of not being so trapped by a schedule that I can’t be out in the world. Plus, if you use your time outside to go for a walk, you’ll get a double benefit for mood and energy. Because I live in New York City, I get a lot of opportunities to walk around outside, and I know it boosts my spirits.

If possible, push the directive to “Go outside” a little further, and try to build some more outdoor time into your life. Go hiking, go birdwatching, get a dog, walk to work.

People in industrialized countries spent about 93% of their time inside; don’t forget how energizing and cheering it can be to go outdoors.

What about you? Do you love to go outside, or do you have to prod yourself to make sure you do it?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* I was part of a very interesting discussion for Frank Faulk's CBC radio documentary, Say No to Happiness, with my pal Todd Kashdan, Daniel Polish, and Jordan Peterson.

* Want to launch a group for people doing Happiness Projects together? Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com for the starter kit. Want to see if a group already exists in your area? Look here. Want to talk to people about starting a new group? Start a discussion here. I'm thrilled by all the interest in starting Happiness Project groups! Keep me posted!

Why These 6 Happiness "Boosters" Might Actually Make You Feel Worse.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.
This Wednesday: Why these six happiness "boosters" might actually make you feel worse.

Everyone has a few tricks for beating the blues. It turns out, however, that several of the most popular strategies don’t actually work very well in the long term. Beware if you are tempted to try any of the following:

1. Comforting yourself with a “treat.” Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself – will it REALLY make you feel better? It might make you feel worse. In particular, beware of…

2. Letting yourself off the hook. I’ve found that I sometimes get a real happiness boost from giving something up, quitting something, or breaking a bad habit. When you’re feeling down, you might be tempted to let yourself off the hook, to think, “I’ll allow myself to skip my run today, I need a break.” In fact, sticking to a resolution will boost your sense of self-esteem and self-control. So NOT letting yourself off the hook might do more to boost your happiness. I often let myself off the hook by being very messy -- "I'm too agitated to deal with putting these papers away now" -- but then the disorder just makes me feel more overwhelmed and anxious.

3. Turning off your phone. Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a mood boost from connecting with other people. Although it can be tempting to isolate yourself when you’re feeling unhappy, you’re better off making plans with friends or family.

4. Venting your negative emotions. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger aggressively only aggravates it; as Plutarch observed, “Anger, while in its beginning, often can be ended by silence, or neglect.” I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to behave calmly.

5. Staying in your pajamas all day. One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in my happiness research is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As improbable as this sounds, it really works. Sometimes it can be fun to hang out in your sweats all day, but if you’re feeling lethargic, powerless, or directionless, not getting dressed is going to make you feel worse. Put on your clothes -- including your shoes -- so you feel prepared for whatever the day might offer. While you’re at it, make your bed.

6. Having a drink. Alcohol affects people differently, and even if you don't have a drinking problem, alcohol can still be a drag on your happiness. Speaking for myself, alcohol is not a happiness-booster. I more or less gave up drinking because I realized that even just one glass of wine or a beer made me feel belligerent and indiscreet -- and then desperately sleepy. Don't assume that a drink will help you unwind, or feel more convivial -- it sure doesn't have that effect on me.

Have you ever tried to cheer yourself up using a strategy that just made you feel worse, in the end? Or what are more effective ways to beat the blues?

* I've been thinking a lot lately about my love for little things (both literal and figurative, a la St. Therese of Lisieux), and so was particularly interested when a thoughtful reader sent me this lovely video -- Carrie Rebora Barratt of the Metropolitan Museum talking about her passion for "Small Things."

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and every weekday morning, you’ll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox. Sign up here, or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.

Volunteer. Give Pro Bono. Help Others. It's the Right Thing to Do, and It Will Boost Your Happiness.

Volunteering is the right thing to do -- we all know that. And studies show that it boosts happiness; those who work to further causes they value tend to be happier and healthier, experience fewer aches and pains, and even live longer. And it’s not just that helpful people also tend to be healthier and happier; studies show that helping others itself causes happiness. “Be selfless, if only for selfish reasons,” as one of my happiness paradoxes holds. About a quarter of Americans volunteer, and of those, a third volunteers for more than a hundred hours each year (which requires just two hours each week).

One cause for which I volunteer my time, energy, and money is the New York Public Library. I love the NYPL! Whether you want an excellent book to read, help updating your resume, a great place for your teen to go after school, or research materials for the Ph.D. you're writing about the history of the French Revolution, you find people and resources to help you -- and all for free.

And just as the research predicts, my bit of work for the Library has made me so happy. I've met so many terrific people who share my love of reading and research. I've learned about treasure troves of books and materials that I never knew existed. I've drawn closer to New York City.

Do you need some help figuring out how to volunteer? Many great organizations match volunteers with opportunity. For example, Catchafire -- "give what you're good at" -- is a site that, in just a year, has become the largest pro bono ("for the public good") service provider in New York City, with more than 5,000 professionals giving pro bono.

One of the most pernicious myths about happiness is that it's selfish to try to be happier. In fact, research -- and experience -- prove just the opposite. Happy people take greater interest in the problems of the people around them, and in social problems. They spend more time helping others, and are more likely to volunteer and to give away money. Happiness gives people the emotional wherewithal to turn outward, while the less happy are more likely to feel distrustful, isolated, and preoccupied with their own needs. So if it’s selfish to be happy, we should aim to be happy, if only for selfless reason.

To put this argument more succinctly, the Second Splendid Truth holds:
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make someone else happy;
One of the best ways to make someone else happy is to be happy yourself.

Do you volunteer your time and skills? To what? Does it make you happier?

I'm part of Catchafire's Powerful Woman campaign in support of National Volunteer Week. To give your times and skills to a cause you love, go to Catchafire.

* April is National Volunteer Month, and it's also Donate Life Month. Kill two birds with one stone by volunteering to donate life! Volunteer as an organ donor by signing the online donor registry. Live your values. Do good, feel good.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and every weekday morning, you’ll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox. Sign up here, or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.

Video: Manage Pain.

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is Body, and last week’s resolution was to Get some exercise (but it doesn't have to be much). Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Manage pain.

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
17 tips for coping with a medical emergency.
8 tips for feeling happier during an unhappy time.
Why it's important to "Identify the problem." (It's harder than it sounds.)
7 tips for dealing with a sweetheart who is constantly crabby.

Have you found ways to manage pain better? Does it affect your happiness?

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* My friend Melanie Notkin's book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids, is available for pre-order -- a terrific resource for all the fabulous "aunties" out there. I love Savvy Auntie as a great example of a happiness project. As Melanie explained, "In 2007, the summer I decided to create the Savvy Auntie brand, I was in my late 30's and frankly not where I wanted to be in life. I wasn't married. I wasn't a mom. I wasn't working, I wasn't happy. But then I realized that happiness is a choice and that when I focused my life on all that I am instead of what I am not, I grew happier."

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

Video: Get Some Exercise (But It Doesn't Have To Be Very Much).

2011 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2011 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! This month’s theme is Body. Last week’s resolution was to Get enough sleep. Did you try that resolution? Did it boost your happiness?

This week’s resolution is to Get some exercise (it doesn't have to be a huge amount).

How about you? Have you found that you feel happier or more energetic when you exercise? In my statistically non-significant survey of the people I know, those who exercise regularly often say they do it for mood-related reasons rather than body-related reasons -- and that's certainly true about me. If you manage to exercise regularly, do you have any strategies to help yourself stay on track?

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
12 tips for getting regular exercise-- and the benefits for happiness and fitness.
Are you a likely exercise drop-out?
Exercise, weight loss, and happiness.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2011 Happiness Challenge. It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For the Challenge, each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution for you to consider. For more ideas for resolutions to try, check out the archives of videos here.

* Lots of interesting conversation, on a wide variety of subjects, on TheMotherhood.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

8 Tips for Feeling Happier During an Unhappy Time.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: 8 tips for feeling happier during an unhappy time.

At some points in life, it's not possible -- or at least not easy -- to feel happy. However, even then, it's sometimes possible to feel happier. By taking whatever steps you can manage to give yourself whatever happiness boost is possible, you give yourself a deeper reservoir to deal with your happiness challenge. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Remind yourself of reasons to be grateful. When things look really dark, it's hard to feel grateful, but remembering what's good in your life can help put problems into perspective. I have a friend who recently suffered a big disappointment at work. She said to me, "As long as my family is healthy, I can't get too upset about anything." This may sound like hackneyed advice, but it's really true.

2. Remember your body. Take a twenty-minute walk outside to boost your energy and dissolve stress. Don’t let yourself get too hungry. Get enough sleep. Manage pain. When you’re anxious, it’s easy to stay up late and eat ice cream -- and that’s going to make you feel worse in the long run. It's very tempting to run yourself ragged trying to deal with a crisis, but in the long run, you just wear yourself out.

3. Do something fun. Temporarily distract yourself from the stress, and re-charge your battery, with an enjoyable activity. Watching a funny movie is a reliable way to give yourself a pleasant break, and listening to your favorite music is one of the quickest ways to change your mood. When my older daughter was in the intensive-care unit as a newborn, my husband dragged me off to a movie one afternoon -- and that few hours of distraction made me much better able to cope with the situation. Be careful, however, not to “treat” yourself by doing something that’s eventually going to make you feel worse (taking up smoking again, drinking too much, indulging in retail therapy). My comfort-food activity is reading children's literature.

4. Take action. If you’re in a bad situation, take steps to bring about change. If you’re having trouble with your new boss, you could decide to try to transfer. Or you could change your behavior. Or you could find ways to pay less attention to your boss. Ask yourself, "What exactly is the problem?" It's astounding to me that often, when I take time to identify a problem exactly, a possible solution presents itself.

5. Look for meaning. Re-frame an event to see the positive along with the negative. Maybe getting fired will give you the push you need to move to the city where you’ve always wanted to live. Maybe your illness has strengthened your relationships with your family. You don’t need to be thankful that something bad has happened, but you can try to find positive consequences even in a catastrophic event.

6. Connect with friends and family. Strong relationships are a KEY to happiness, so fight the impulse to isolate yourself. Show up. Make plans. Ask for help, offer your help to others. Or just have some fun (see #3) and forget your troubles for a while.

7. Make something better. If something in your life has gotten worse, try to make something else better – and it doesn’t have to be something important. Clean a closet. Organize your photographs. Work in the yard.

8. Act toward other people the way you wish they’d act toward you. If you wish your friends would help you find someone to date, see if you can fix up a friend. If you wish people would help you find a job, see if you can help someone else find a job. If you can’t think of a way to help someone you know, do something generous in a more impersonal way. For instance: commit to being an organ donor! When you’re feeling very low, it can be hard to muster the energy to help someone else, but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. Do good, feel good; it really works.

What other strategies have you used to make yourself happier during an unhappy time?

* I spent a lot of time reading -- and looking at the lovely photos -- on the blog SouleMama.

* Is your book group reading The Happiness Project? (I know a lot of groups have been waiting for the paperback release.) I've prepared a one-page discussion guide for book groups, as well as a guide tailored for church groups, spirituality book groups, and the like. If you'd like either discussion guide (or both), email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. (Don't forget the "1.")