The Happiness Project

Want To Feel Happier? Enjoy Childish Pleasures.

My children make me happy for many reasons, of course. But it strikes me that one reason that they make me happy is that they encourage me to engage more deeply with the physical world.

Left to my own instincts, I’d drift absent-mindedly through the apartment, reading, writing, and eating cereal for dinner every night. Through my daughters, I become much more alive to ordinary pleasures—the comfort of our weirdly soft fleece blanket, the vanishing sweetness of cotton candy, the textures and colors of the Play-Doh, scented markers, and velvety pipe cleaners left scattered around the kitchen.

I'm trying to push myself to enter more deeply into childish pleasures. I love blowing bubbles, but I haven't blown bubbles in a long time. I delight in looking at new boxes of Crayons and magic markers, but I almost never do any coloring myself. I've never used our cunning set of animal stamps.

I do make good use of food dye and sprinkles, however. I use any excuse to pull out our food dye! We have a giant box of sprinkles, colored markers that work on food, sugar crystals, rainbow nonpareils, and the like.

I get so much pleasure from turning vanilla yoghurt into a rainbow confection that I'm trying to be more aware of other opportunities to enjoy childish pleasures.

How about you? What childish pleasures do you enjoy, or wish you took the time to enjoy? Skate-boarding, jump-roping, shooting hoops, playing jacks? A forty-something friend told me that whenever she and her three sisters get together, they play Four-Square. It made me so happy just to hear that.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in—no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* A thoughtful reader sent me the link to this one-minute YouTube video for Google's "Search plus Your World." If you watch like a hawk, you can see the URL for The Happiness Project make a cameo in the search results displayed. Note: you will have to watch very closely.

* If you're looking for a good book, please consider The Happiness Project. Blatant self-promotion: New York Times bestseller for 44 straight weeks now.
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.

In Which I'm Embarrassed to Admit How Happy a Certain Clutter-Clearing Move Made Me.

In my study of happiness, one thing that has surprised me is the disproportionate effect of clutter. In the context of a happy life, clutter seems trivial -- yet over and over, I see how drained I am by the presence of clutter, and how cheered I am when I get clutter under control.

One of my Secrets of Adulthood for clutter is: Put things away near where they want to be. When I find myself moving an item from Point A to Point C, over and over, it's time to figure out if we can store it at Point A or at least at Point B. Instead of storing my husband's overnight bag with the rest of the luggage, which was inconvenient, we decided that it "belonged" in the bedroom closet. Instead of sitting out in the hallway for days at a time, for various family members to trip over, it gets stowed without delay.

This rule sounds laughably obvious, but I often forget to follow it. One recent example: my older daughter is going through a stage that involves the heavy use of nail polish and related products. Every day, it seems, she's taking off nail polish, or putting it on, or both, on her fingers, her toes, or both.

I kept putting away the nail-polish remover, and the cotton pads, and the bottles of nail polish, all of which belonged in separate places. Yes, first I'd ask her to put the things away, and sometimes she'd remember, but usually not.

Then I remembered: put things away near where they want to be. Why had we decided that the nail polish, cotton balls, and nail-polish remover belonged in three different places, all over the apartment? Consolidate! I got a bag and a box from my collection of spare containers (a very handy collection to have, as long as it doesn't get too large, itself, which is more of a risk than you might imagine), put the bottles of nail polish in the bag, put the bag in the box with the remover and cotton balls next to it, and put the box on a shelf in my daughter's room. Now she totes the whole thing around the apartment, and does a much better job of putting it away.

In addition to minimizing clutter, this innovation also meant that I had less reason to nag my daughter or to be annoyed by her mess. Less clutter, less nagging -- a happier home!

A little thing, very little, but as Samuel Johnson observed, “It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.”

It's embarrassing to admit what an utterly outsized hit of happiness I got from this bit of organization.

* If you need a good gift for someone who loves to read -- or if you love to read and want a little treat for yourself -- check out the delightful Slightly Foxed -- "the Real Reader's Quarterly." It's a little quarterly magazine, published in Britain, with essays about books. These aren't reviews, but personal recommendations. For people who read a lot, it can be hard to find new suggestions, and every time I read Slightly Foxed, I add several titles to my library list.

* Want to launch or join a group for people doing happiness projects together? To get the starter kit, for help starting a group, email me at gretchenrubin1 at gretchenrubin dot com. To learn more, and to find out if there's a group in your area, look here.

 

From Ray Bradbury: "Love What YOU Love!"

A thoughtful reader send me a link to a wonderful site, Letters of Note -- "correspondence deserving of a wider audience." In particular, she pointed out a letter that writer Ray Bradbury wrote to a fan.

The line that caught my eye was: "Love what YOU love!" It's constantly a surprise to me just how challenging this is. Why is it so hard to know ourselves, and to act in accordance with our own interests, temperament, and values? Several of my resolutions, Personal Commandments, and Secrets of Adulthood are meant to help me remember just this: "Just because something is fun for someone else doesn't mean that it's fun for me--and vice versa," and "I can choose what I do, but I can't choose what I like to do," and of course, most important of all, "Be Gretchen."

In my case, for instance, when I allowed myself to admit my passion for children's literature, a gigantic new part of my life opened up -- with new friends, new projects, and more fun. Not to mention when I made the even bigger change, and switched from being a lawyer to being a writer.

I remind myself of this as a parent, too. Did Ray Bradbury's parents think his time was well spent collecting Buck Rogers comic strips? Maybe not -- but in fact, this was excellent preparation for him. When I see my older daughter spending hours taking photos and short videos of herself, I do find myself thinking, "Shouldn't she being doing [fill in the blank]? "Wouldn't this precious free time of childhood be better spent [fill in the blank]?" But I really resist the temptation to tell her to do something else. After all, Elizabeth Craft, my own brilliant sister, once said to me, "I just wish I'd spent more time watching TV as a child." Because she now writes for TV! And even if my daughter's activities aren't preparation for her work as an adult, well, if that's what she enjoys, then that's what she enjoys.

This is my mantra, for myself and for my children: Love what YOU love. (And I do love Ray Bradbury.)

How about you? Have you ever struggled to acknowledge what you love? Lost sight of it for a time?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

*The Happiness Project is now in paperback! (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller). As I've mentioned before, if you're inclined to buy the book, it would really help if you'd buy it NOW, because early sales are so important for books. Buy early and often!
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.

"If I Could Remove One Phrase from the English Language, It Would Be 'It Is What It Is.'"

Happiness interview: Hope Edelman.

I first met Hope Edelman when her book The Possibility of Everything had just been published, through my friend Kamy Wicoff of SheWrites. I already knew Hope by reputation, because of her other books, such as Motherless Daughters. Then, as these things happen, our paths crossed again in a virtual group for writers.

Hope's very thoughtful work often focuses on serious challenges to happiness, and how to face them, so I was very eager to get the chance to interview her.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Hope: Taking a long, hot shower. If I’m feeling down or stressed I find it completely cleanses my attitude and lifts me up. Some ancient cultures believed in the spiritual properties of bathing and thought of it as a form of purification. There may be something to that.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
That’s it’s okay not to feel happy all the time. Striving for and expecting a consistently high level of happiness sets you up for disappointment. A regular life is full of emotional peaks and valleys. That’s what makes it interesting. At least for a writer.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Spending too much time online. A writer’s job now involves a hefty amount of platform cultivation and social networking which—despite the “social” tag—are relatively solitary pursuits. I thrive on real, face-to-face interpersonal communication. To me, spending an entire day alone in front of a computer is the purest form of hell.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself "No calculation.”)
The Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The wisdom to know the difference. That’s the ticket, I think.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (mine is reading children’s books).
Aromatherapy. If it’s night time, I put a few drops of lavender on my pillow. During the day I might burn some copal (a resin from Central America) and let the smoke swirl around the room. Buying or picking fresh flowers works, too, and putting a full vase in the kitchen or living room.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
If I could remove one phrase from the English language, it would be “It is what it is.” What’s that supposed to mean? Too often, it seems like a fast and easy way to label a complicated situation “a thing I cannot change," thereby giving the speaker permission to abandon efforts to improve it. No.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
I think I’ve always been about the same amount of happy, but not always the same amount of content. Does that make sense? What I mean is I always have an underlying feeling of gratitude for my family, for my health, for being alive. My mother died at 42 with three kids under the age of 18, so I don’t take any of my time here for granted. But insofar that my general outlook has historically been linked to how content I feel with the outer trappings of success such as house, workload, income, career—that part definitely fluctuates. When I’m feeling down for one of those reasons, spending time with my kids usually pulls me out of a funk, and reminds me of what really matters. Day trips that help break the regular routine are good for this, too. A day at Disneyland with my kids actually cheers me up. I hope I don’t take too much grief for saying that.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
I feel like I should say yes—but that wouldn’t be the truth. I do work on being calmer, more balanced, less reactive, more compassionate, more honest with myself, and measurably kind to others every day. When I feel I’ve achieved any of those in a given day, feeling happy is usually the outcome.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
I anticipated that having a baby would catapult me into an immediate state of joy. Instead, new motherhood with a colicky baby was an absolute blur of chaos and exhaustion. After about three months the crying stopped, and I was able to get more than three consecutive hours of sleep. My whole outlook improved. And I suddenly realized, “Wow! This is why people have kids!”

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email in-box. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1"). More than 20,000 people have signed up in just a few months.

Make People Happier by Acknowledging That They're Not Feeling Happy.

Sometimes, an idea sounds so simple, and so non-controversial, that it takes a while to appreciate how important and helpful it is.

I found this to be true about a happiness-project resolution I made after reading the brilliant parenting book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. In it, the authors Faber and Mazlish suggest acknowledging the reality of other people’s feelings: instead of denying feelings like anger, irritation, fear, or reluctance. articulate the other person’s point of view. In other words, Make people happier by acknowledging that they're not feeling happy.

Sounds easy, right? Wrong. I had no idea how often I contradicted other people’s assertions of their feelings until I tried to quit. “You always have fun when we go.” “You should be thrilled, this is great news.” “It won’t be that much work.”

I had the opportunity to put this resolution into action just yesterday, over a minor issue that could nevertheless have turned into a big pain. We've had a lot of snow here in New York City, and I wanted my younger daughter to wear her snow boots to school, but she wanted to wear sneakers. (Why do children always resist wearing appropriate gear?) I could tell by the warning signs that she was on the brink of getting very riled up. Without this resolution, I would have answered her protests with a stream of contradictions: "The boots aren't uncomfortable," "You've worn them before, and they felt fine," etc. Instead, the conversation went like this:

"I don't want to wear those boots. They don't feel comfortable."
"It's wet and snowy out, so you need to wear the boots, but you'd rather not."
"I don't want to wear the boots."
"You wish you could wear your sneakers."
"I don't want to take my sneakers in a bag, I want to wear them."
"You just don't feel like wearing these boots today! They aren't as comfortable to wear for the long walk to school."

Then she calmly put on the boots. Really.

Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return. That sure seemed to be what happened. Also, on my side, it's much more pleasant to feel calm, agreeable, and understanding.

This principle is just as true for adults. Recently, I undertook a MAJOR household project. Which, I admit, I did with about zero grace – but I did do it. My husband was well aware of my simmering resentment. Just before I was about to start the biggest part of it, he looked around and remarked, “Well, this doesn’t look like it will be too tough.” Wrong thing to say! Probably, he thought he was being comforting or encouraging. Instead, he enraged me. It would have been better to have acknowledged my feelings, by saying something like, “Wow, this looks like a huge job, it’s great that you’re going to do this.” Plus it never hurts to give me some gold stars.

I’ve found, too, that when other people deny or ignore my feelings, I tend to keep repeating myself (i.e., whining), because I think my feelings haven't registered. So, for example, maybe my husband doesn’t want to talk about my irksome problems with my email, and I don’t even particularly feel like talking about it, but until I get my “Wow, that must be so annoying,” I can’t let it go.

Have you found that acknowledging bad feelings allows them to dissipate better?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* The other day, I posted about the resolution to Ask yourself: What did you do for fun when you were 10 years old? On that topic, here's a short news clip about Michael Giacchino -- a spectacular example of someone turning a childhood passion for music and film into a career.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email in-box. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1").

Six Questions To Help You Keep Your Cool -- Instead of Losing Your Temper.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Six questions to help you keep your cool.

One of my worst faults is my tendency to “snap” – to react sharply, in a minor but harsh way. This trait clouds my happiness and the happiness of everyone who feels the lash.

The conventional advice for mastering your temper is to “Count to 10” before reacting. My problem is that, in the difficult moment, it never occurs to me to count to ten.

Figuring out ways to control my snappishness has been one of my chief goals for my happiness project. To try to rein it in, I’ve tried everything from getting more sleep to the Week of Extreme Nice to hypnosis.

I also came up with a set of questions that kick into my brain (sometimes) in time to affect my behavior.

When I feel myself losing my temper, if I can muster the mindfulness to be self-reflective, I ask myself these questions:

1. Am I at fault? I hate to be criticized or to be in the wrong. Often, I’m angriest when someone is chiding me about something that I am, indeed, guilty of. When I’m about to hit back, I remind myself to accept criticism politely, if grudgingly.

2. Will this solve anything? I often snap when I feel like I’m confronting the same annoyance over and over. Fact is, people often have irritating habits that aren’t going to change. Failure to meet deadlines, failure to return phone calls, untidiness, etc., etc. I try to remember that snapping isn’t going to make any difference, but will only make me feel bad.

3. Am I improving the situation? This is particularly important with my younger daughter. If I lose my temper with her, the problem just escalates to a whole new horrible level. She dissolves into tears and wails, “You talked to me in a mean voice!” It’s far more effective to stay calm. Also, nicer.

4. Should I be helping you? Often, I lose my temper because I’m actually feeling guilty about my own unhelpfulness. My guilt makes me crabby, but it’s really a sign that I should be taking action.

5. Am I uncomfortable? Discomfort shortens my fuse. I’ve become much more careful to dress warmly (even when people make fun of my long underwear and double sweaters), to snack more often, to turn off the light when I’m sleepy, and to take pain medication as soon as I get a headache. The Duke of Wellington advised, “Always make water when you can,” and I follow that precept, too.

6. Can I make a joke of this? Using humor is extraordinarily effective, but I usually can’t find the inner depths to laugh at an annoying situation. A distant goal for which I’m striving.

It’s tempting to dwell on questions like, “Whose fault is it?” or “Why am I upset?” but in the end, these tend to stoke my temper instead of soothe it. I try to remind myself that no behavior is annoying if I don’t find it annoying. A hackneyed observation, but true.

Have you found any good strategies for keeping your cool?

* My friend Erin Doland is the editor-in-chief of the fabulous site, Unclutterer, and now the excellent Simplifried --"a blog about ending mealtime stress. If your nerves are fried, we'll be your simple, delicious, and nutritious cooking guide." The Simplifried Manifesto says it all!

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email in-box. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1"). I'm thrilled by the response to this -- I started it just a few weeks ago, and almost twelve thousand people have signed up already.

I Was on the Today Show!

I was thrilled to be on the Today Show to talk about holiday stress.

Ann Curry interviewed me back in January, when The Happiness Project first came out (here's that video). I really enjoyed doing that segment, so I was very happy to be speaking to her again.

With me was Dr. Catherine Birndorf -- which was a lot of fun, because not only is she the co-author of a book on happiness, The Nine Rooms of Happiness, she's also a good friend! So the conversation was fun and not too stressful -- very appropriate, given that we were talking about how to avoid stress.

* Join the happiness discussion on the Facebook Page.

8 Tips to Beat Holiday Stress.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: eight tips to beat holiday stress.

'Tis the season to be jolly -- and also stressed out. If you're feeling irritable, rushed, resentful, lonely, or overwhelmed, keep these strategies in mind to help boost your happiness:

1. Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a major disturber of people’s moods. Jet lag, traveling, parties, and over-excited children all make it hard to get your usual number of hours. Making an effort to get to bed at a decent hour really pays off.

2. Exercise. Studies show that one of the quickest and surest ways to boost your mood is to exercise. If you’re away from home and can’t do your usual routine, even a short walk will help. Even better, exercise outside, where the sunlight will help improve your mood and focus.

3. Stay in control of your eating. It seems to me that guilt about holiday binging is a major source of the blues. As an abstainer (as opposed to a moderator), I've decided that I won't have even one sweet during December. It’s easier for me to abstain altogether than to be temperate. It may seem Scrooge-ish not to have gingerbread cookies or bites of a Winstead’s Frosty, but I'm happier when I'm not worrying about it.

4. Take your time; plan ahead. Hurrying to pack, rushing through stores, sprinting to make a flight – these are sure to put you in a bad mood. Try to give yourself plenty of time to do what you need to do.

5. Learn from the past. What has made you unhappy in years of old? Think back. Avoid your triggers. Stay out of the kitchen, stay out of the mall, stay away from Uncle Billy – sometimes there’s a weird triumphant satisfaction in getting worked up, yet again, by a particular situation. Don’t do it! Don’t expose yourself to known happiness risks.

6. Make time for real fun. Sometimes holiday vacations, which are supposed to be “fun,” are actually a huge hassle. Figure out ways to have fun. In my family, we decided to reduce gift-giving. All the adults “draw” for each other’s names, and we each buy stocking presents for just one other person. Also, include time for things YOU like to do: going to a movie, taking a nap while everyone else goes skating, going to the gym. I plan to spend a lot of time drinking coffee with my sister.

7. Behave yourself! If you sulk, snap, tease, or shirk, you’re not going to feel happy. It may feel good, but only for a moment. Then you’re going to feel bad. Instead, try to help out, bite your tongue, clean up, or run to the store. Look for opportunities to say, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” or “This is fine,” or “What should I be doing?” Do good, feel good—this really works! The way we act shapes the way we feel, so if you act in an affectionate, thoughtful way, you’ll feel more affectionate and thoughtful.

8. Fill your heart with love. My Twelfth Personal Commandment is “There is only love.” If you’re heading into a difficult situation, take a moment to fill your heart with love. Think of all the reasons that you’re grateful to your family and friends, and the happy memories you’ve shared, and how things might look from other people's perspectives. This can be hard to do, but it will make you happier. And if you’re happy, you’re going to be better able to make other people happy. That is the mystery of the Second Splendid Truth.

Holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, love, and fun -- and we can't bicker, complain, and nag our way there. Figure out what YOU need to do to keep a holiday spirit. Number One on my personal list: everyone must GET ENOUGH SLEEP.

What stresses you out during the holidays? What do you do to keep yourself feeling calm and light-hearted?

* I love looking at book jackets, and I really enjoyed this post with the 25 outstanding book covers of 2010.

* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Sign up here or email me at grubin at gretchenrubin dot com. Just write “newsletter” in the subject line. More than 50,000 people get it.

"I Thought That If I Wasn't Happy, Given All My Good Fortune in Life, That There Was Something Wrong with Me."

Happiness interview: Phoebe Potts.

Ever since I read Scott McCloud's brilliant Making Comics, I've been intrigued with the possibilities of the graphic novel. One of my overarching intellectual interests is -- how can the structure of information be shaped to help people understand and learn? There's a lot that a graphic novel can do that a text novel can't (and vice versa, of course).

So I was very interested to get my hands on Phoebe Potts's new memoir, Good Eggs. I read it in one day.

Good Eggs is about Phoebe and Jeff's struggles with infertility, but it's also about their marriage -- they have a wonderful marriage -- and Phoebe's depression, and her family, and her exploration of her religious heritage. It covers a lot of subjects, very succinctly and powerfully -- and it's also very funny.

Happiness is one of the big undercurrents of the book, so I was curious to hear Phoebe address the subject explicitly.

What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Digging holes in the yard. To the casual observer, it looks like I'm gardening, which isn't incorrect as I do eventually harvest produce as part of this activity. But really I just like digging holes.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
At 18, I thought that if I wasn't happy, given all my good fortune in life, that there was something wrong with me. I would feel ashamed that I was not more grateful. Now I know that happiness is one feeling from an expansive palette of emotions. And that experiencing all of them as they happen, however painful some of them can be, makes happiness so much sweeter when it comes back around. I mean, now I can recognize the real thing.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Contrary to my answer to #2, I do anesthetize myself from difficult feelings by consuming large amounts of sugar. Sometimes I imagine all the M&M's I've eaten, and that the number of dump trucks they could fill would circle the equator twice. The weight gain and general malaise that follows the sugar binges leaves me far from happy.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? Or a particular book that has stayed with you?
I had a book of Carl Sandburg's poetry when I was a kid with these great pen and ink line drawings. There was a poem called "Happiness," where he asked masters of the universe for the key to contentment, people who ran huge factories, and they didn't know. Then one Saturday he sees an immigrant family on the shores of the river in Chicago, playing accordion, dancing and generally goofing off. He doesn't have to say that he found happiness, at that point it's obvious. I don't think those same immigrants were happy all week long in one of the bosses' factories of course, but it seemed like the combination of food, music, nature and close relations coming together in an afternoon fat with space and time would equal happiness.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (mine is reading children’s books).
Making sure to take my Zoloft. Being near, or preferably in, the ocean with my husband. Looking at animals.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
When people sing together, they seem to be really happy. I've seen this at a Red Sox game, at my local synagogue, in the Gospel tent at JazzFest in New Orleans. I teach kids part-time and I notice that when they are not heard they are unhappy. The quickest way to see relief and pleasure wash over their faces is to ask them something and listen, really listen, to their answers.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
I was exceptionally unhappy and considering suicide when I was 25. It was the first time in my life I had stopped moving long enough for all the feelings I had left unfelt to catch up with me, like a 10 car pile-up on the highway. I became happier by asking for help to learn to be myself. I was advised to use the time-worn regimen of therapy, exercise and anti-depressants. But these three practices alone would not have worked had it not been for the constant, if meshugenah, love of my family and a few choice friends. Once I had effectively chosen life, MY life, I could lift my chin up off my chest, and that's when I saw my future husband. Being married to Jeff is the cornerstone of my happiness today.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
I just came out with my first book, a comic book memoir called Good Eggs. I worked on it happily in obscurity for three years. When the book launch finally came, I thought I would really like the "public" in publication. And while I am deeply grateful for the folks who respond positively to the book, getting attention in public isn't nearly as satisfying as drawing and writing all day. Getting paid to draw little pictures at home, stopping only to dig holes in the yard or hanging out with Jeff, that's what makes me happy.

* Readers interested in the subject of infertility should also check out the great blog, Starfish Envy.

* Speaking of comics and graphic novels, if you'd like a copy of my adventure in comic-making, “Gretchen Rubin and the Quest for a Passion,” email me at grubin at gretchenrubin dot com. Just write “comic” in the subject line.

Video: Happiness Booster -- Sing in the morning.

Video: Sing in the morning.

2010 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2010 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2010 a happier year – and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- last month's theme was Friends, and last week’s focus was to Join or start a group. Did you try to follow that resolution? Did it help to boost your happiness?

This month's theme is Attitude, and this week’s resolution is to Sing in the morning.

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Sing in the morning.
Dig deep.
Act the way you want to feel.
Life's Cruel Truth: you get more of what you already have.

Have you found any simple ways to boost your happiness by acting the way you want to feel? I have to say, I'm constantly surprised by this strategy's almost uncanny effectiveness.

If you're new, here’s information on the 2010 Happiness Challenge (or watch the intro video). It’s never too late to start! You’re not behind, jump in right now, sign up here. For more ideas, check out the Happiness Project site on Woman’s Day.

* I always love a visit to Real Delia.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.