Several thoughtful readers emailed me to let me know that this morning, on the Kathie Lee & Hoda hour on The Today Show, Hoda gave a big shout-out to The Happiness Project. Terrific!
If you want to watch the discussion, it begins at about 2:30.
A very nice surprise for my morning. Thanks to everyone who wrote to make sure I didn't miss it.
Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: How to keep reality TV from ruining your life, or, 9 tips to make TV-watching a source of happiness.
At lunch today, I was part of a spirited conversation on the pros and cons of reality TV. That's a broad category, of course, covering a wide range of shows from The Real Housewives to American Idol to Jersey Shore to Project Runway. My older daughter loves that show where they do fancy cake decorations -- what's it called?
TV is significant for happiness -- if for no other reason, because of the time involved. In terms of hours, watching TV is probably the world’s most popular pastime. Among Americans, it’s the most common free-time activity – for an average of about five hours a day. It’s a source of relaxing fun.
But while television is a good servant, it’s a bad master. It can swallow up huge quantities of our lives, without much happiness bang for the buck.
Here are nine tips for keeping TV-watching a source of happiness:
1. Watch TV with someone else. We enjoy all activities more when we’re with other people, and we tend to find things funnier when we’re with other people. Use TV as an excuse to get together. Sports TV, awards TV, and competition TV, in particular, are a lot more fun to watch with other people. In fact, you can even…
2. Use TV as a bridge. If you’re having trouble connecting with someone – your sweetheart or your teenager, say -- try joining that person when he or she is watching TV (even if football or Top Chef isn’t necessarily your favorite). Watching TV is companionable, you share an experience, you can comment on the action here and there for a bit of conversation…it’s a way of showing someone that you want his or her company and engaging in a low-key, pleasant, undemanding way. One of my resolutions is to Enter into the interests of other people, and lately I've been trying to show a greater interest in SpongeBob.
3. Record shows. Recording shows allows you to use your time more efficiently. You can skip the commercials and watch a particular show according to your own schedule and mood. Also, interaction with actual real live people is the most important element to happiness, so you don’t want to leave your friend’s house early because you need to get home to catch a show.
4. Don’t record shows. Anticipation is an important aspect of happiness. Looking forward to a certain day and time so will heighten the pleasure you’ll take in your favorite show. And it’s fun to think that you’re sitting down at the same time with people across the country to see what’s next for those crazy kids on Vampire Diaries. Also, you’ll be able to enjoy reading about it right away (see #5), without worrying about spoilers.
5. Enjoy the commercials. This is particularly easy if you rarely watch TV. An enormous amount of ingenuity and creativity goes into commercials, and they can be fascinating if you pay attention.
6. Learn about TV. The more you know about anything, the more interesting it becomes. Read some TV criticism, read some interviews with the creative people involved in the show, become more knowledgeable.
7. Don’t surf. Especially if you’re feeling frazzled and overwhelmed with multi-tasking, sit down, start watching, sink into the experience, and stay on one channel. Let the show unfold in its time slot, don’t keep switching around to catch bits and pieces of other shows. Be a satisficer, not a maximizer.
8. Do surf. One of the joys of watching cable TV is the cornucopia of shows on display. As is oft remarked, “So many channels, yet so little to watch” -- but nevertheless I love seeing the variety of sports, music, pop culture, dance, movies of all sorts, old TV shows, religious programs, history…it’s fascinating. (Btw, surfing is so addictive because of the phenomenon of “intermittent reinforcement”: activities that sometimes, unpredictably, do yield a big, juicy reward – “Look, Tootsie is on! -- and sometimes don’t – “Is this infomercial really the best thing on TV right now?” -- tend to have an addictive quality.)
9. Choose to watch TV. This sounds obvious, but often, we don’t really choose TV, it’s just the easy default activity. Make the effort to ask yourself, “What would I like to do for the next hour?” before you plop down with the remote control.
Bottom line: if you watch TV mindfully and purposefully, it can be a source of happiness, especially if you use it to connect with other people. If you watch it passively, automatically, and for want of anything better to do, it can be a drain on happiness.
Special bonus tip: I've found my resolution to Abandon my self-control to be very helpful. In other words, I try to find external props to direct my actions, instead of relying on my all-too-undependable will-power. If you'd like to watch less television, try putting the remote away in a very inconvenient place, and making yourself put it away every time you use it. If it's a big pain to turn on the TV and to change channels, you might find yourself drifting to other activities that will be more satisfying in the long run.
What have I missed? Do you have other strategies for making sure that TV remains a source of happiness, not a drag on happiness?
* It seems as though there's an app for everything, and I was particularly delighted to see the app Ben's Virtues, based on Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues Chart -- the chart that inspired my own Resolutions Chart.
* Speaking of my Resolutions Chart, if you'd like to see a copy, as inspiration for your own happiness project, email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.
Interview: Mindy Kaling.
I'm a gigantic fan of Mindy Kaling. I love her in The Office, as Kelly Kapoor (Mindy not only stars in the show, but also writes and produces); I love her on Twitter (@mindykaling); and I've already pre-ordered her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). She is brilliantly hilarious, and her work has added a lot to my daily happiness.
So I was thrilled to get the chance to do a happiness interview with her.
Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Mindy: I do two things that consistently, and instantly, make me happier. One is running. Please understand, I am by no means an athlete. I run a 12 or 13 minute mile, which is about the pace a real runner would do if they were doing physical therapy after a traumatic leg accident or something. It is not an impressive pace, but it's my instant trigger to a good mood. That's the great thing about endorphins - you don't have to be really in shape to get them.
The second is sending my parents a text message. My parents got into texting recently and they love it, and are working adorably hard to master it, but don't have too many people to text with. When I send them a text with some young-people abbreviations or emoticons, they respond immediately. I don't know why, but it makes me feel great to be in touch with them through text.
What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?
When I was 18 years old, I took a semester off from college and was an intern at Late Night With Conan O'Brien. It was the most glamorous job I ever had, and I idolized the writers there. I remember lying in bed every night telling myself that if I ever got a job as a comedy writer, I would be so happy and all my dreams would have come true. Six years later I got that job, working on The Office. I felt incredibly happy and grateful for a about a week, and then a whole new set of complaints set in. This would've shocked and disgusted my 18-year-old self. It's helpful to remember the younger version of me because it reminds me to feel grateful when I want to be snotty. Also a little scary because obviously, happiness for me does not come from career success alone.
Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
I really need to stop watching horror movies. I love them because I am really drawn to true crime and the world is so different than the comedy world. But man, horror movies just kill me. They keep me up all night, makes me fearful of my loved ones trying to murder me, and make me scared to walk around my own house at night. It's nuts.
Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you've found very helpful? (E.g., I remind myself to "Be Gretchen.")
My best friend's Jocelyn's father once told me that "the best revenge is living well," which is terrific advice, but very difficult to listen to if you're a hothead and a vendetta-carrying person like myself. When I get mad or feel slighted, I remember this advice and it helps me "let go" of the bad feeling. I think of it in a very practical way: the time I would spend having a mean thought or acting out against someone could be better spent thinking of a fun workout playlist on my iPod, or finding a cool recipe to use on my slow cooker, thus making my life more fit and more delicious (these are my ideas of "living well" -- you have to understand how awesome my slow-cooker is).
Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
My friends and Office writers Brent and Charlie derive an incredible amount of happiness from 5am to 7am, when they are woken up by their children and do early morning rituals with them. This sounds totally crazy to me but their joy cannot be fabricated. Interaction with their children makes the people I work with the most happy.
Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
I don't consciously work on being happier because, well, honestly, if I heard myself telling someone "Yes, I've been actively working on my happiness," I would think "what a Los Angeles weirdo." I do think I work on my happiness subconsciously. For instance, as I've gotten older, I implement rules in my life that I don't change at all, no matter what. I get to work at 6am as an actor, and when I wrap as an actor, I stay on at work as a writer, and work sometimes 10pm or later. With that schedule, I miss out on sleep a lot. So, on the weekends, one day I need to sleep 9 hours without any interruptions. I realized that the weekends I found the most relaxing were the ones where I felt I slept late - "as late as a teenager" is how I think of it - for at least one day of the weekend. I know I won't be able to do this when I have kids, so I want to take advantage of this now. Making sure I get enough rest is a way I work on being happy.
* I love this post showing 29 stunning examples of tilt-shift photography. I didn't even know what tilt-shift photography was, and now I love it.
* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1). Just write “newsletter” in the subject line.
I had so much fun appearing on the Nate Berkus show this week. It was really a pleasure to talk to him -- and to engage with the two women about happiness. If you'd like to watch, here it is:
* I love to poke around on Boing Boing -- "a directory of wonderful things." It wonderful.
* I've heard from a lot of people who are planning to give The Happiness Project as a Mother's Day gift (which is May 8 if you live in the U.S.). I'm happy to send you a free, personalized bookplate for the book -- for your mother, or any gift recipients, or yourself -- but May 8 isn't far away, so make your request soon! I want to make sure it reaches you in time. (Yes, I mail them anywhere in the world, and feel free to ask for as many as you'd like.) Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. REMEMBER to include your mailing address.
I've already heard from so many people who heard about The Happiness Project on the Nate Berkus show.
If this is your first visit here, welcome! Poke around -- read some tips and quizzes, watch some videos, take a look at some of the most popular posts.
If you'd like to learn more about the book The Happiness Project (can't help mentioning, a #1 New York Times bestseller), you can...
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.
See the clip on Jeopardy! (yes, Jeopardy! how crazy is that?)
If you'd like to sign up for the "Moment of Happiness," to get a free, daily happiness quotation in your email in-box, sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.
If you'd like to get my free monthly newsletter, with highlights from the blog and the Facebook Page, sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.
You can also join the happiness discussion on the Facebook Page or on Twitter (@gretchenrubin).
I hope you find my work thought-provoking and helpful. Happy reading!
* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1). Just write “newsletter” in the subject line.
Very exciting -- plans are underway to make a single-camera, half-hour comedy TV show based on The Happiness Project. With Kristin Davis to star!
Kristin Davis appeared on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and she talked about the possible show.
I still can't quite believe this project is underway. It still has a long way to go, so keep your fingers crossed.
* Join the Facebook Page! Lots of interesting discussion there.
I was thrilled to be on the Today Show to talk about holiday stress.
Ann Curry interviewed me back in January, when The Happiness Project first came out (here's that video). I really enjoyed doing that segment, so I was very happy to be speaking to her again.
With me was Dr. Catherine Birndorf -- which was a lot of fun, because not only is she the co-author of a book on happiness, The Nine Rooms of Happiness, she's also a good friend! So the conversation was fun and not too stressful -- very appropriate, given that we were talking about how to avoid stress.
* Join the happiness discussion on the Facebook Page.
Did I happen to mention that The Happiness Project was a question on the quiz show Jeopardy!? Oh, right, I think I did. Well, I just got the clip, if you're curious.
I have to say, I find this thrilling.
I fell out of my chair in shock and delight when I heard that The Happiness Project and I were a question on Jeopardy! last night.
The category was "Glee," and the clues were all synonyms for the word. My clue was "Gretchen Rubin chronicled a year in which she tried to be more gleeful in a blog and a book called this 'project.'" Answer: "The Happiness Project."
That certainly makes me very HAPPY. I mean -- Jeopardy! Wow.
** Update: Now I have the clip -- have to say, I didn't really believe it until I watched it myself. I especially loved the way Alex Trebek said "The Happiness Project" with a happy lift.
Gretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.
Buy the book
Sample Chapters Book Video
Free Audio Book Sample
