The Happiness Project

Seven Tips For Getting Yourself To Go To Bed On Time.

Yesterday I video-posted about the Pigeon of Discontent, "I can never get to bed on time." A few readers rightly pointed out that while I emphasized the importance of having a "bedtime," I didn't address the challenge of actually getting yourself to turn off the light when it's time for bed.

That's a very important question. Since I've started my Happiness Project, I've become more and more convinced that sleep is vital to happiness and energy. (Here are fourteen tips on getting more sleep.)

If you want to get more sleep, but have a hard time getting yourself to turn out the light, try these strategies:

1. First things first: give yourself a specific bedtime. Most adults need 7-9 hours of sleep every night, so take a look at your wake-up time, and do the math. Even if you don't regularly go to bed at your bedtime, knowing, "Well, it's midnight, so I'm two hours past my bedtime" might help prod you to bed.

2. Don't wait until you feel sleepy to think "Hey, maybe it's about time for bed." It's all too easy to keep yourself alert and busy way past the time that you should be asleep. If you insist that you're quite wide awake at 1:00 a.m., test yourself: sit in a dim room with your head back for five minutes. How does it feel? Are you still wide awake? Along those lines...

3. Stay away from the internet for at least an hour before your bedtime. Television, too, but I think the internet is even more apt to make me feel artificially wide awake. I used to try to go through my emails one last time before bed, to get a jump on the morning, but I realized that this stimulating activity made it much harder to go to sleep.

4. Don't drink caffeine for several hours before your bedtime.

5. Remind yourself how great it feels to wake up naturally, before the alarm goes off, without that sickening jolt into wakefulness. Then, when you're surfing the internet at 11:30 p.m., ask yourself, "Am I making a good trade-off?" I was recently talking to a group of medical students, and one guy protested, "But if I go to bed at 11:00, I won't have time to watch some TV before bed." I asked, "Is watching that block of TV so fun that it outweighs the pleasure of getting enough sleep?" (I don't know what he decided.)

6. Get ready before bed well ahead of time. I realized that, perversely, I often put off going to bed because I was too tired to take out my contacts, brush my teeth, and get changed. Now I get ready earlier in the evening. Side benefit: once I do these things, I'm less likely to head to the kitchen for a snack. On a related note...

7. Create a bedtime ritual, and do it at the same time every night. Maybe you fix yourself a cup of herbal tea, maybe you read in bed, maybe you do an evening tidy-up. By doing the same thing every night, you will cue yourself to start heading to bed.

One bit of folk wisdom that I heard when I had very young children was that "Sleep begets sleep." I found that to be true of my children, and also of myself. I sleep better when I'm well-rested than when I'm over-tired.

How about you? Have you found any effective strategies for coaxing yourself to bed on time?

* There's a lot of terrific material about fitness, health, and happiness on Greatist—"choose better, be a greatist."

* Blatant self-promotion: If The Happiness Project stays on the New York Times bestseller list until March 1, it will have been there for one solid year. Thrilling! So if you're looking for a good book, or for a gift, or a choice for your book group, please consider The Happiness Project. Buy early and often! Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.

Quiz: How Fun Is Your Workplace? Your Home?

In The Levity Effect: Why it Pays to Lighten Up, Adrian Gostick and Scott Christopher make an interesting argument that “levity” is an extremely effective tool for helping people to work better. An atmosphere of light-heartedness, it turns out, helps people pay attention, eases tensions, and enhances a feeling of connection.

When I read this, I thought, “Well, levity would be tough for me, I’m not particularly funny, and I’m not particularly outgoing.”

But what the authors mean by “levity” is really a sense of lightness. It's less about being funny and more about being able to have fun and see the humorous side of everyday situations—especially difficult situations.

Ah, I thought, I’m trying! The Ninth of my Twelve Commandments is “Lighten up." When I posted sticky notes with key phrases all around my office and apartment, the one I put in the master bathroom read, “Tender and light-hearted.”

Gostick and Christopher include a quiz about workplace levity. Looking at it, I realized that most of my workplaces included these elements, which I’m sure contributed to the positive experience I had everywhere (except for the summer I worked as a waitress at Dos Hombres Mexican restaurant, and zoikes, I did not like that job).

For example, I’d assumed that the atmosphere around the Supreme Court would be serious, thoughtful, and grand. And it was. But in her chambers, Justice O’Connor incorporated several goofy aspects that made it a lot of fun, too. Each Halloween, she required her clerks to decorate elaborate pumpkins, and birthday celebrations were always a big deal, and she took the clerks on a yearly outing (we went fishing). And that sort of thing really did make a difference.

How does your workplace measure up? Take Gostick and Christopher’s quiz:

New employees are made to feel welcome
Meetings are positive and light
We have fun activities at least once a month
It’s common to hear people laughing around here
I can be myself at work
We have a lot of celebrations for special events
When brainstorming, we like to have fun
My boss is usually optimistic and smiling
Customers would call us fun to do business with
I have a friend at work who makes me laugh
We have a good time together

Does your workplace have "levity," according to this quiz? Do you think it matters?

This is a great list for home, too. For my next book, Happier at Home, I tried several resolutions that were meant to try to bring more levity into my apartment. For instance, I tried to under-react to problems, and it really did help.

How about you? Have you found that an atmosphere of levity and good humor makes a difference to your workplace or home? Have you found any good strategies to keep things fun and light?

* It's fun to look around Laughing Squid, which "features interesting art, culture, and technology from around the web."

* Valentine's Day is next week. Give the gift of happiness! Well, you can't do that, but you can give The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller). Buy it for yourself, for your sweetheart, or for anyone who needs a good book to read.
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

11 Brilliant Writing Commandments From Henry Miller.

Cruising around Pinterest (my new toy), I came across this list of Henry Miller's eleven work commandments, posted by Sadie Skeels. I'm astounded by how absolutely apt these commandments are for my own writing practices.

For instance, #10. I struggle with this problem all the time. And #2. I remember a conversation I had with my agent when I was writing Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill. I was so enthralled with the material that I couldn't stop researching, and finally she said to me sternly, "No more research." #5 is terrific advice; when I can't seem to write, I can review my notes, edit, cut...and pretty soon I've started writing again. I think about #11 in a different way; I struggle to make sure that writing doesn't crowd out other things that are also important to me.

Henry Miller's Commandments, from Henry Miller on Writing:

1. Work on one thing at a time until finished.
2. Start no more new books, add no more new material to “Black Spring.”
3. Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.
4. Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!
5. When you can’t create you can work.
6. Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.
7. Keep human! See people, go places, drink if you feel like it.
8. Don’t be a draught-horse! Work with pleasure only.
9. Discard the Program when you feel like it–but go back to it the next day. Concentrate. Narrow down. Exclude.
10. Forget the books you want to write. Think only of the book you are writing.
11. Write first and always. Painting, music, friends, cinema, all these come afterwards.

These rules seem helpful to non-writers as well; in almost everything we do, it helps to stay focused, refreshed, and perseverant.

What work commandments would you add? And what exactly do you think that Miller meant by #6?

* As I mentioned, I'm really enjoying Pinterest—"an online pinboard where you can organize and share the things you love." If you'd like me to send you an invitation, drop me a request at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

* Looking for an idea for a Valentine's Day gift? Give the gift of happiness! Well, you can't do that, but you can consider giving The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

Having Trouble Getting Yourself To Write? 9 Tips.

The most challenging aspect of being a writer? Writing. When I find myself struggling to be productive or creative, I remind myself of these nine tips.

1. Write every day. Staying inside a project keeps me engaged, keeps my mind working, and keeps ideas flowing. Also, I find, perhaps surprisingly, it’s easier to do something every day than to do it some days. (This may be related to the abstainer/moderator split.) "You're just grinding out material," a friend protested. "But that's when I have my best ideas," I answered.

2. Even fifteen minutes is long enough to write. For years I told myself, “If I don’t have three or four hours clear, there’s no point in starting.” Now I realize that if I'm deep in a project (see #1), even a short bit of time is long enough to get something done.

3. Remember that good ideas often come during the revision stage. I've found, for myself, that I need to get a beginning, middle, and an end in place, and then the more creative and complex ideas begin to form. So I try not to be discouraged by first drafts.

4. Don’t binge-write. Pulling all-nighters, wearing pajamas for days, abandoning all other priorities to finish a project—these habits lead to burn-out. Also, if you do all your writing at the last minute, you don't get the benefit of #3.

5. Keep a commonplace book, inspiration board, scrapbook, or catch-all box to keep track of ideas and images. Not only do such collections help you remember thoughts, they create juxtapositions that stimulate creativity. My catch-all happiness document for happiness is 500 pages long, single-spaced. When I need a mental jolt, I just skip around and read random sections. It always helps.

6. Consider physical comfort. Do you have a decent desk and chair? Are you hungry? Too hot or too cold? (I now wear fingertipless gloves at my desk, because my hands are always so cold; they make me so happy.) Do you jam your shoulders up to your ears as you write? Is the light too dim or too bright? Make a salute—if you feel relief when your hand is shading your eyes, your desk is too brightly lit. Being physically uncomfortable tires you out and makes work seem harder.

7. Down with boredom. When my college roommate was writing her Ph.D. thesis, she kept a sticky note on her computer that read, "Down with boredom." She'd vowed to construct her thesis in a way that eliminated everything she found boring. When I'm working on a book, I repeat that mantra. If something's boring to me, I probably can't write about it in an interesting way. I need to find a way to make that subject interesting (Secret of Adulthood: If you can't get out of it, get into it), or find a way to leave it out altogether.

8. Stuck? Go for a walk and read a good book. Virginia Woolf noted in her diary: “The way to rock oneself back into writing is this. First gentle exercise in the air. Second the reading of good literature. It is a mistake to think that literature can be produced from the raw.”

9. At least in my experience, the most important tip for getting writing done? Have something to say! This sounds obvious, but it’s a lot easier to write when you’re trying to tell a story, explain an idea, convey an impression, give a review, or whatever. If you're having trouble writing, forget about the writing and focus on what you want to communicate. For example, I remember flailing desperately as I tried to write my college and law-school application essays. It was horrible—until in both cases I realized I had something I really wanted to say. Then the writing came easily, and those two essays are among my favorites of things I’ve ever written.

* Now for some blatant self-promotion: The Happiness Project has been on the New York Times bestseller list for 46 weeks, which is tremendously thrilling of course. Getting to week 46 has made me think about hitting the one year mark. That would be extraordinarily thrilling. If you're inclined to buy the book, or read it in your book group, or give it as a gift, I would so appreciate it if you'd do that sometime before March 1. Okay, end of commercial!

An Incomplete List Of Things To Do Daily, To Be Happy and Healthy.

Every Wednesday is List Day or Tip Day.

I've just started trying to come up with a list of the bare minimum of things we should do every day to be happy and healthy.

This list doesn't include major challenges, like "Quit smoking." Obviously, quitting smoking is very important for health, but it's not easy to add to a to-do list. This list doesn't include items like "Spend less time on the internet" or "Read more" because they aren't universal enough. This list also doesn't include items related to attitude: gratitude, cheerfulness, and the like. These are very concrete, very essential things to do as part of the everyday routine.

Here's what I've come up with so far...
Wear your seat belt
Take prescriptions medications properly
Go for a ten-minute walk (preferably outside)
Put your keys and wallet away in the same place
Take something with you (for instance, drop your dirty socks in the hamper on your way from your bedroom to the kitchen)
Charge your phone
Connect with someone close to you
Go to bed in time to get a good night’s sleep

As less crucial, but also highly advisable...
Make your bed
Kiss every member of your family
Sign the organ donor registry or tell your family you’d want to be a donor

What else would you add? I know I'm missing many items.

* I love looking at the beautiful images on House of Brinson.

* Keep your fingers crossed for me: The Happiness Project has been on Canada's bestseller list for 51 weeks. One more week, and it will be an entire year! I love Canada! The paperback came out later in the United States, so for that list, the book needs to hang on until March 1. But wherever you are in the world, if you're curious about the book, you can...
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.

9 Common Myths about Clearing Clutter.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day or List Day.

One of my key realizations about happiness, and a point oddly under-emphasized by positive psychologists, given its emphasis in popular culture, is that Outer order contributes to inner calm. More than it should.

After all, in the context of a happy life, a messy desk or house is a trivial problem—yet I've found, and other people tell me they feel the same way, that getting control of the stuff of life makes me feel more in control of my life generally. (Even if this is an illusion, it's a helpful illusion.)

But as much as most of us want to keep our home, office, car, etc. in reasonable order, it’s tough. Here are some myths of de-cluttering that make it harder than it needs to be.

Myths of Cluttering:
1. "I need to get organized." No! This is not your first step! Don't get organized.

2. "The more organized I am, the better." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter-intuitively, I find it easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet”). However, this impulse can become destructive: if you spend a lot of time alphabetizing your spices or setting up eighty categories for your home library, consider simplifying your approach. Also, some things simply won't stay organized, so it's not even worth trying; I’ve spent hours sorting magic markers and Calico Critters pieces, only to find everything a jumble the next day.

3. "I need to run out and buy some inventive storage containers." See #1. I love cunning containers as much as anyone, but I've found that if I get rid of everything I don’t need, I often don't need a container at all.

4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." True, it’s easier to let go of things when they're going to a good home, but be wary of letting this kind intention become a source of clutter, itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or create some kind of rigid system for moving stuff along quickly.

5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you need gigantic stores of rubber bands or coffee mugs?

6. "Someday, I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.

7. "After I lose some weight, I’ll fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll likely want to buy a new pair of jeans, not dust off the pair you bought seven years ago.

8. "I need to keep this to remind me of the past." I’m a huge fan of mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: do I need to keep all these t-shirts to remind me of high school, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep a giant armchair to remind me of my father, or can I use a photograph? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen—and when they don’t take up much room!

9. "I need to keep this object to show respect for the person who gave it to me." You can love someone, but not want to keep a gift from that person. It's okay to pass an item along to someone who will appreciate it more.

What other myths am I overlooking? Do these ring true for you?

* I just discovered Geoff Manaugh's Bldg Blog—so much to see and read.

* My next book, Happier at Home, is inching toward completion. Just finishing the interior layout now. If you'd like to be notified when the book becomes available, sign up here. Now that the year has switched from 2011 to 2012, my publication date seems much, much closer.

Trying to Eat Better? Ask Yourself This Important Question.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day or Quiz Day.
Quiz: Are you a moderator or an abstainer?

In honor of many people's New Year's resolutions—"Eat more healthfully," "Cut out sweets," "Lose weight," and the like—I'm re-posting this quiz, to help you determine whether you're a moderator or an abstainer. When I figured out that I'm an "abstainer," it helped me tremendously in terms of eating better.

Often, we know we’d have more long-term happiness if we gave up something that gives us a rush of satisfaction in the short-term. That morning doughnut, that late-night ice cream.

A piece of advice I often see is, “Be moderate. Don’t have dessert every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you’ll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.”

I’ve come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the moderators. They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.

For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation—and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson, about drinking wine: “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.” Like Dr. Johnson, I’m an abstainer.

I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately. When I admitted to myself that I was eating my favorite frozen “fake food” treat, Tasti D-Lite, two and even three times a day, I gave it up cold turkey. That was far easier for me to do than to eat Tasti D-Lite twice a week. If I try to be moderate, I exhaust myself debating, “Today, tomorrow?" "Does this time ‘count?’” etc. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control.

For instance, we keep a bag of cookies in our cupboard. If I ever ate one of those cookies, they'd prey on my mind constantly. I'd constantly struggle not to eat them. But because I've never once eaten one of those cookies, I never think about them. I don't have to use any will-power not to reach into that bag. It might as well be a bag of flour.

When I told a moderator friend about this, she shook her head pityingly and said, "That's just sad. Really. Life is too short not to have a cookie."

"No," I answered, "for me, life is too short to use up my precious mental energy on a few cookies. I'm happier if I don't eat them."

There’s no right way or wrong way—it’s just a matter of knowing which strategy works better for you. Once again, back to the Fifth Splendid Truth: you can build a happy life only on the foundation of your own nature. If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of mental energy battling their temptations.

You’re a moderator if you…
-- find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure—and strengthens your resolve
-- get panicky at the thought of “never” getting or doing something

You’re an abstainer if you…
-- have trouble stopping something once you’ve started
-- aren’t tempted by things that you’ve decided are off-limits

People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, “It’s not healthy to take such a severe approach” or “It would be better to learn how to manage yourself” or “Can’t you let yourself have a little fun?” On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, “You can’t keep cheating and expect to make progress” or “Why don’t you just go cold turkey?” But different approaches work for different people. (Exception: with an actual addiction, like alcohol or cigarettes, people generally accept that abstaining is the only solution.)

Does this ring true for you? Do you identify as a moderator or abstainer?

* Yesterday, I joined Pinterest, "an online pinboard to organize and share the things you love." I'd heard so many good things about it, and am just starting to dive in myself.

* Would you like a free, signed bookplate for your copy of The Happiness Project, or as a gift? Or, for the audio-book or the e-book, a free signature card? Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

Making New Year's Resolutions? Ask Yourself 6 Questions.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day—or List Day, or Quiz Day.
This Wednesday: Six questions to help you make effective New Year's resolutions.

Forty-four percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and I know I always do. I’m more inclined to make resolutions than ever, in fact, because if my happiness project has convinced me of anything, it has convinced me that resolutions—made right—can make a huge difference in boosting happiness.

So how do you resolve well? This is trickier than it sounds. Here are some tips for making your resolutions as effective as possible.

1. Ask: “What would make me happier?” It might having more of something good —more fun with friends, more time for a hobby. It might be less of something bad —less yelling at your kids, less nagging of your spouse. It might be fixing something that doesn’t feel right—more time spent volunteering, more time doing something to make someone else happier. Or maybe you need to get an atmosphere of growth in your life by learning something new, helping someone, or fixing something that isn't working properly. (These questions relate to the First Splendid Truth.)

2. Ask: “What is a concrete action that would bring change?” One common problem is that people make abstract resolutions, which are hard to keep. “Be more optimistic,” “Find more joy in life,” “Enjoy now,” are resolutions that are hard to measure and therefore difficult to keep. Instead, look for a specific, measurable action. “Distract myself with fun music when I’m feeling gloomy,” “Watch at least one movie each week,” “Buy a plant for my desk” are resolutions that will carry you toward those abstract goals.

3. Ask: “Am I a ‘yes’ resolver or a ‘no’ resolver?” Some people resent negative resolutions. They dislike hearing “don’t” or “stop” (even from themselves) or adding to their list of chores. If this describes you, try to find positive resolutions: “Take that dance class,” “Have lunch with a friend once a week.” Or maybe you respond well to “no.” I actually do better with "no" resolutions; this may be related to the abstainer/moderator split. A lot of my resolutions are aimed at getting me to stop doing something, or to do something I don’t really want to do—such as Don't expect gold stars. There’s no right way to make a resolution, but it’s important to know what works for you. As always, the secret is to know your own nature. (That's the Fifth Splendid Truth.)

4. Ask: “Am I starting small enough?” Many people make super-ambitious resolutions and then drop them, feeling defeated, before January is over. Start small! We tend to over-estimate what we can do over a short time and under-estimate what we can do over a long time, if we make consistent, small steps. If you’re going to resolve to start exercising (one of the most popular resolutions), don’t resolve to go to the gym for an hour every day before work. Start by going for a ten-minute walk at lunch or marching in place once a day during the commercial breaks in your favorite TV show. Little accomplishments provide energy for bigger challenges. The humble resolution you actually follow is more helpful than the ambitious resolution you abandon. Lower the bar!

5. Ask: “How am I going to hold myself accountable?” Accountability is the secret to sticking to resolutions. That’s why groups like AA and Weight Watchers are effective. There are many ways to hold yourself accountable; for example, I keep my Resolutions Chart (if you’d like to see my chart, for inspiration, email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com). Or you might want to join or launch a Happiness Project group. Accountability is why #2 is so important. If your resolution is too vague, it’s hard to measure whether you’ve been keeping it. A resolution to “Eat healthier” is harder to track than “Eat salad for lunch three times a week.”

6. Ask: "Are there any small, nagging issues weighing down my happiness?" (really a subset of #1) I call these the Pigeons of Discontent. They aren't major happiness challenges, but rather, the ordinary problems that bedevil us. The 2012 Happiness Challenge is going to be aimed at finding ways to get rid of these.

If you want to make 2012 a happier year, please consider joining the 2012 Happiness Challenge! The sign-up link isn't ready yet, but it's coming soon. By officially signing up, studies show, you help yourself better stick to your resolutions. More info to come.

Have you found any strategies that have helped you successfully keep resolutions in the past?

* Speaking of resolutions, several of my resolutions are aimed at making sure I exercise regularly. I've been exercising (regularly but mildly) for a long time now, but my couch-potato inclinations always lurk. Reading the New York Times blog Phys Ed strengthens my resolve by reminding me how much healthier and happier I am, when I manage to get some exercise.

* Again, if you'd like to see my Resolutions Chart, to get ideas for yourself, email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com. Or email me if you'd want the starter kit for joining or launching a Happiness Project group.

Does Waiting In Line Drive You Crazy? 8 Reasons Why.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.
This Wednesday: 8 reasons why waiting in line drives us crazy.

It's holiday time, and that means waiting in line: at the grocery store, at the airport, at shops, everywhere. I'm an impatient person, and standing in a slow-moving line is one of those very small, maddening aspects of life that drives me crazy. As often happens, however, when I learned more about the experience, it became more interesting to me.

Fun fact from the Wall Street Journal story on Find the best checkout line: you're better off waiting in a single-file line than in one of several lines for different cashiers; although people prefer individual lines, a single-file line moves about three times faster.

I also read a paper by David Maister, The Psychology of Waiting Lines. The piece is aimed at people who operate stores, restaurants, doctors' offices, and other places where people fuss about being kept waiting. Of course, most of us are the ones standing in line, not the ones controlling the line, but I was fascinated by getting this insight into my own psychology.

Maister's main point is that the actual time we're waiting may have little relationship to how long that wait feels. Two minutes can pass in a flash, or two minutes can feel interminable. Here are eight factors that make waits seem longer:

1. Unoccupied time feels longer than occupied time. When you have something to distract yourself, time passes more quickly. Some hotels put mirrors by the elevators, because people like to look at themselves.

2. People want to get started. This is why restaurants give you a menu while you wait, and why doctors put you in the examination room twenty-five minutes before your examination actually begins.

3. Anxiety makes waits seem longer. If you think you've chosen the slowest line, or you're worried about getting a seat on the plane, the wait will seem longer.

4. Uncertain waits are longer than known, finite waits. People wait more calmly when they're told, "The doctor will see you in thirty minutes" than when they're told, "The doctor will see you soon." Maister gives an amusing illustration of a phenomenon that I'd noticed in my own life: if I arrive someplace thirty minutes early, I wait with perfect patience, but three minutes after my appointment time passes, I start to feel annoyed. "Just how long am I going to have to wait?" I fume.

5. Unexplained waits are longer than explained waits. We wait more patiently for the pizza guy when there's a thunderstorm than when the sky is clear. We wait more patiently on the plane when we know that there's another plane at the gate. I remember being very annoyed as I waited for a doctor, until a nurse explained, "A woman who's pregnant with triplets is having trouble breathing." When I understood the reason for the delay, I lost my impatience.

6. Unfair waits are longer than equitable waits. People want their waits to be fair. I get anxious, for instance, when I'm waiting on a crowded subway platform, when there's no clear, fair way to determine who gets on the next car. The "FIFO" rule (first in, first out) is a great rule, when it works. But sometimes certain people need attention more urgently, or certain people are more valuable customers. Then it gets trickier. Often, when people are treated out of sequence, it's helpful to have them be served elsewhere—e.g., people giving customer service by phone shouldn't be in the same room as people giving service in person.

7. The more valuable the service, the longer the customer will wait. You'll wait longer to talk to your professor than to talk to a sales clerk. You'll stand in line longer to buy an iPad than to buy a toothbrush.

8. Solo waits feel longer than group waits. The more people engage with each other, the less they notice the wait time. In fact, in some situations, waiting in line is part of the experience. I remember waiting in line with my daughter and some friends to buy Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at the midnight release. It was quite a scene.

Since I've read this paper, I've been far more patient about standing in line. I'm occupied (see #1) with thoughts analyzing my own experience of waiting in line! Have you found any good ways to make waiting in line more pleasant? One thing I do is to practice "waiting in line meditation." Just saying that phrase makes me feel very high-minded and wise. Do you think that the rise of the smart phone has helped people wait in line more patiently?

* The site Color Me Katie got me thinking about the importance of color. Like the sense of smell, color is an element of experience that pervades our environment, and has a huge influence on our mood, but is easy to overlook. Color! This may be the dawn of a new obsession for me.

* Speaking of waiting in line to buy gifts...if you're looking for gift ideas, I have some great suggestions! Yes, you guessed it: The Happiness Project, #1 New York Times bestseller.
Order your copy
Want another option? Consider the The Happiness Project Page-a-Day Calendar.

7 Happiness Theories I Reject.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.

As audacious as it may seem to contradict venerable figures such as John Stuart Mill, Flaubert, or Sartre, I disagree with some of their views about the nature of happiness.

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless." I argue that this is Happiness Myth No. 1: Happy people are annoying and stupid.

Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.” Heartily disagree. My Fourth Splendid Truth is "I'm not happy unless I think I'm happy." Or as Eugene Delacroix wrote, "He was like a man owning a piece of ground in which, unknown to himself, a treasure lay buried. You would not call such a man rich, neither would I call happy the man who is so without realizing it."

Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”

Sartre: "Hell is other people." [Actually, hell is other people, but heaven is other people, too.]

Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”

Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.” My Eighth Splendid Truth is "Now is now"; it means many things, but among other things, it reminds to remember the happiness that is here and now.

John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” [I reject this statement, but I would agree "Ask yourself whether you are happy on a scale from 1 to 5, and you cease to be so." For me, at least, trying to make those kinds of tricky judgments diminishes happiness—I find it very difficult to answer a question like that—while the simple question, "Am I happy?" contributes to happiness.]

How about you? Do you agree or disagree with these theories?

* I found a lot of great material on Greatist.

* The holidays are coming. For your consideration: The Happiness Project (#1 New York Times bestseller). Buy early and often! Order your copy.
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