The Happiness Project

Problem With Procrastination? Try This: Do Nothing.

Just about anyone who has ever put off a troublesome task is familiar with one of my Secrets of Adulthood: Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.

When there’s some chore you just don’t want to tackle, every other chore seems alluring. As a friend told me, “My apartment is never cleaner than when I have a writing assignment due.”

In Roy Baumeister and John Tierney’s fascinating book, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, they suggest the “Nothing Alternative” to this problem. That is, if you want to get yourself to do something, make the alternative to that task to do nothing.

This rule was inspired by the habits of writer Raymond Chandler. Chandler set aside at least four hours each day for writing; he didn’t force himself to write, but he didn’t let himself do anything else. He wouldn’t let himself read, write letters, write checks—nothing. He summed up: “Two very simple rules, a. you don’t have to write. b. you can’t do anything else. The rest comes of itself.”

When I read this, I realized that I’d been following this rule without giving it a name. When I want to do the difficult work of original writing, I often work outside my apartment, in a library a few blocks away. This gets me away from the temptations of the internet, and it also forces me to accept the “nothing alternative.” I say to myself, “I’ll stay here for two hours,” and then I’m stuck. If I’m not writing, I’m just sitting there. Sure, sometimes I jump up and go look for a book in the stacks, but that doesn’t take long. I end up writing just to pass the time. At home, by contrast, there’s no end to the useful tasks that I can find to occupy myself.

So if you often find yourself procrastinating by working, try making yourself do nothing.

How about you? Do you procrastinate by working—by cleaning, organizing, answering emails, cruising the internet doing “research,” making plans, or the like? Has the "do nothing" alternative worked for you?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* My friend Laura Vanderkam told me about the blog Wandering Scientist, and I've really enjoyed reading it.

* Want a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

Quiz: How Fun Is Your Workplace? Your Home?

In The Levity Effect: Why it Pays to Lighten Up, Adrian Gostick and Scott Christopher make an interesting argument that “levity” is an extremely effective tool for helping people to work better. An atmosphere of light-heartedness, it turns out, helps people pay attention, eases tensions, and enhances a feeling of connection.

When I read this, I thought, “Well, levity would be tough for me, I’m not particularly funny, and I’m not particularly outgoing.”

But what the authors mean by “levity” is really a sense of lightness. It's less about being funny and more about being able to have fun and see the humorous side of everyday situations—especially difficult situations.

Ah, I thought, I’m trying! The Ninth of my Twelve Commandments is “Lighten up." When I posted sticky notes with key phrases all around my office and apartment, the one I put in the master bathroom read, “Tender and light-hearted.”

Gostick and Christopher include a quiz about workplace levity. Looking at it, I realized that most of my workplaces included these elements, which I’m sure contributed to the positive experience I had everywhere (except for the summer I worked as a waitress at Dos Hombres Mexican restaurant, and zoikes, I did not like that job).

For example, I’d assumed that the atmosphere around the Supreme Court would be serious, thoughtful, and grand. And it was. But in her chambers, Justice O’Connor incorporated several goofy aspects that made it a lot of fun, too. Each Halloween, she required her clerks to decorate elaborate pumpkins, and birthday celebrations were always a big deal, and she took the clerks on a yearly outing (we went fishing). And that sort of thing really did make a difference.

How does your workplace measure up? Take Gostick and Christopher’s quiz:

New employees are made to feel welcome
Meetings are positive and light
We have fun activities at least once a month
It’s common to hear people laughing around here
I can be myself at work
We have a lot of celebrations for special events
When brainstorming, we like to have fun
My boss is usually optimistic and smiling
Customers would call us fun to do business with
I have a friend at work who makes me laugh
We have a good time together

Does your workplace have "levity," according to this quiz? Do you think it matters?

This is a great list for home, too. For my next book, Happier at Home, I tried several resolutions that were meant to try to bring more levity into my apartment. For instance, I tried to under-react to problems, and it really did help.

How about you? Have you found that an atmosphere of levity and good humor makes a difference to your workplace or home? Have you found any good strategies to keep things fun and light?

* It's fun to look around Laughing Squid, which "features interesting art, culture, and technology from around the web."

* Valentine's Day is next week. Give the gift of happiness! Well, you can't do that, but you can give The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller). Buy it for yourself, for your sweetheart, or for anyone who needs a good book to read.
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.

"How Can I Stop Being Overwhelmed by Big Projects?"

2012 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2012 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2012 a happier year -- and even if you haven’t officially signed up for the challenge -- welcome! Each week, I post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent raised by a reader. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we're also plagued by the Pigeons of Discontent.

This week's Pigeon of Discontent, suggested by a reader, is: "How can I keep myself from being overwhelmed by big projects?"

Being overwhelmed by big projects.

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…
Frustrated? Stuck? Put yourself in creativity boot camp.
Get rid of things that don't work.
Why I decided to put together a photo album that wasn't as good as it could have been.

I hope you enjoy the new format. It's still evolving, so bear with me while it's taking shape.

You can post your own Pigeon of Discontent at any time; also, from time to time, I'll make a special call for suggestions.

If you're new, jump in right now, sign up here. Studies suggest that by taking action, like signing up for this challenge, will help you keep your resolutions. For the 2012 Challenge, each week I'll post a video for you to consider, and you can check out the archives of videos here.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:
-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, “Email me for new uploads.” Or...
-- Go to your main drop-down box, click “Subscriptions,” find the GretchenRubin channel, click “Edit Subscriptions,” and check “Email me for new uploads” there.

To get the audio podcast of the video:
-- Log in to iTunes
-- Go to “Podcasts”
-- Search for “The Happiness Project.” Free, of course.

Quiz: Are You an "Energizer" or a "De-Energizer" at Work?

Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or Quiz Day, or List Day.
This Wednesday: Quiz--Are you an "energizer" or a "de-energizer" at work?

I'm reading Cross and Perker's The Hidden Power of Social Networks: Understanding How Work Really Gets Done in Organizations, and I was riveted by their discussion of energy. This caught my eye, because my father is always emphasizing the importance of energy, whether at work or at play -- especially at work.

Cross and Parker argue that energy is a key factor in understanding who is effective at work, and why. When they analyzed networks of co-workers, knowing whether someone was considered an "energizer" and a "de-energizer" shed a great deal of light on how networks worked, and how productive various people managed to be. Their discussion is complex, but here are some highlights.

About energizers:
-- those who energized others are much higher performers
-- energizers are more likely to be heard and to see their ideas acted upon
-- people are more willing to engage with energizers: to give them undivided attention, to devote discretionary time to them, to respond to them, and to want to work with them
-- energizers are quick to point out potential problems, but always in service of reaching a goal
-- energizers listen to others and value others' ideas, concerns, and contributions
-- energizers don't posture or conspire in alliances or cliques
-- energizers articulate a compelling vision, but not one so grand that it feels frustratingly out of reach
-- energizers show integrity: they follow through on their promises, deliver bad news or point out problems when appropriate, and deal fairly with others
-- Key point: "Note that energizers are not entertainers, or even necessarily very charismatic or intense. Rather, they bring themselves fully into an interaction." In a nutshell, energizers help move the ball forward.

About de-energizers:
-- people go to great lengths to avoid dealing with de-energizers
-- when bypassed, de-energerizers tend to persist in unhelpful responses; they feel ignored, so they behave in ways that make people avoid them all the more, instead of finding ways to engage constructively
-- de-energizers tend to see nothing but roadblocks
-- de-energizers, especially those with great expertise, tend to shut out others' views

So, are you an energizer or a de-energizer? Here are eight questions, adapted from Cross and Parker:

1. Do you take a sincere interest in other people?

2. Do you follow through on your commitments?

3. Do you engage in self-serving machinations, or do you work in service of a goal larger than yourself?

4. Do you see possibilities, or only problems?

5. Are you able to disagree with someone without attacking that person personally? (Note: excessive agreement is also de-energizing.)

6. Do you give people your full attention? It turns out people are far more aware of a lack of attentiveness than you might think.

7. Are you flexible enough in your methods so that others can contribute, or do you demand that others adapt to you?

8. Do you exercise your expertise without bulldozing over other people?

What do you think? Does this category of "energy" make sense in terms of your own work experience? For me, it rings absolutely true. And I completely agree that a person can be very soft-spoken and languid in behavior, and yet terrifically energizing, because of the contribution that person is making toward reaching a goal.

* I get a big kick out of the lifestyle and design blogOh Happy Day -- partly because it's fun to read, and partly because when I was starting my book The Happiness Project and this blog, a good friend insisted that the phrase "happiness project" sounded like too much work, so I should re-name my blog "Oh Happy Day." So I feel a strange kinship to the site.

* If you haven't read it please consider The Happiness Project (can't resist mentioning: #1 New York Times bestseller).
Order your copy.
Read sample chapters.
Watch the one-minute book video.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook.

Why You Shouldn't Let That Dreaded Call Go to Voicemail.

I was talking to a group of people a few nights ago, and someone mentioned a resolution that I thought sounded terrific.

"Whenever I can see on my phone that I'm getting a call from someone I really don't want to talk to," she explained, "I force myself to pick up right away. I never let a dreaded call go to voicemail."

"Oh, I always let those calls go to voicemail," someone responded. "I need to gear up for them."

"Well, I think it's better to pick them up," she answered. "I know I'm going to have to talk to this person, so I might as well get it out of the way immediately. Otherwise, I procrastinate, and it hangs over my head and ruins my mood. Plus the person gets more annoyed, because of the delay. If I just pick up, I deal with it, right then and there. And then it's over."

Given my particular work situation, this problem doesn't arise often (though it does happen sometimes); more often, I have to push myself to answer difficult emails right away, instead of delaying.

Nevertheless, the specific resolution is a terrific example of a larger Secret of Adulthood: No delay is the best way (usually).

For instance, I follow the one-minute rule. I try to exercise first thing in the morning. If I'm dreading a certain task, I get myself ready the night before, and then tackle it as the first item for the next day (here are some other tips to stop procrastinating).

I've found that articulating a specific rule -- "Don't let a dreaded call go to voicemail" -- is a great way to make sure that my habits and tendencies contribute to my happiness, instead of detracting from it. Having a specific rule in mind helps me shape my behavior. Mindfulness, always mindfulness!

How about you? Have you found tricks or strategies to help yourself avoid procrastination or to shape your experience?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* A friend pointed me to WWWord -- "a home for readers, writers, illiterates, browsers, time-wasters, mavens, and bores -- and all who use, abuse, love and hate the English language." If that description suits you, you'll find a lot of interesting information there.

* Want a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here.

"I Remember the Warm Feeling of Relief of Knowing Where My Future Was."

“The first time I watched television I felt exactly as if something important had taken an elevator ride up to my head and gotten off and turned on the light in my mind. I knew that I was going to do something in television. It was in my cards. I remember feeling the warm relief of knowing where my future was.”
-- Mary Wells Lawrence, A Big Life (In Advertising)

I love reading accounts of how people find their vocations. It doesn't matter, at all, whether I'm interested in the actual vocations; I love reading about other people's love for them.

* Volunteer as a Super-Fan, and from time to time, I'll ask for your help. Nothing onerous, I promise! Sign up here.

Be Happier: Wake Up Earlier.

My happiness project has turned me into a sleep zealot. If I want to feel happy, calm, energetic, and mentally sharp, I must get enough sleep.

At the same time, though, a resolution that has also boosted my happiness is "Get up earlier." A few years ago, because I wanted a calmer, less hurried morning with my family, I started getting up earlier -- and I enjoyed it so much that I've started setting my alarm earlier and earlier. I started at 7:00 a.m. with the rest of my family, then moved to 6:30, then 6:15, and now 6:00. I love the early morning so much that I'd wake up at 5:00, but that would mean a bedtime of about 8:00 p.m., which just isn't workable. I can barely stay up to a normal adult hour, as it is.

I spend the hour from 6:00 to 7:00 working at my desk, and I love the light, and the quiet, and the sense of focus and freedom from interruption that I have during that hour. I wish I could go for a walk, too, but so far the desire to spend the time at my desk has triumphed.

I'm a fan of the writings as well as the photographs of photographer Edward Weston, and in his Daybooks on February 2, 1931, he captures the atmosphere of working in the early morning: “Peace again! – The exquisite hour before dawn, here at my old desk -- seldom have I realized so keenly, appreciated so fully, these still, dark hours.”

One of the great challenges of a happiness project is to think about time: whether the structure of our ordinary days reflects our values, interests, and temperament. Sometimes, making a shift like waking earlier or changing a daily routine can make a big difference.

Of course, for someone else, a happiness project might suggest getting up later. There's no right or wrong way, only what is right for a particular person. How about you? Do you love early mornings -- or quite the opposite? If you could, would you wake up earlier, or later?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* A thoughtful reader who knows about my continuing obsession with the sense of smell sent me the link from the New York Times about Sensorium, "a nerdy, interactive exhibit devoted to perfume" sponsored by Firmenich and Sephora. It's right here in New York City, and I cannot wait to go.

* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month’s material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Sign up here.

8 Tips to Stop Procrastinating.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight tips to stop procrastinating, and get yourself to do something you don't want to do.

How many times each day do you try to work yourself up to tackle some undesirable task? If you’re like me – several. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that is never started, so I've come up with some tricks to use on myself, to prod myself to get started:

1. Put yourself in jail. If I feel pressure to jump in and finish something in a rush, and therefore can't bear to start, sometimes I put myself in jail. If you're in jail, you have all the time in the world. You have no reason to hurry, no reason to cut corners or to try to do too many things at once. You can slow down, concentrate. You can take the time to get every single detail right.

2. Ask for help. This is one of my most useful Secrets of Adulthood. Why is this so hard? I have no idea. But whenever I have trouble getting started because I don't know exactly what to do, and I ask for help, I'm amazed at how much it...helps.

3. Remember: most decisions don’t require extensive research. I often get paralyzed by my inability to make a decision, but by reminding myself that often, one choice just isn’t that much different from another choice, I can get started. Also, I try to identify a knowledgeable person, and just follow whatever that person does.

4. Take a baby step. If you feel yourself dismayed at the prospect of the chain of awful tasks that you have to accomplish, just take one step today. Tomorrow, take the next step. The forward motion is encouraging, and before long, you’ll probably find yourself speeding toward completion. In the same vein...

5. Suffer for 15 minutes. You can do anything for fifteen minutes, and fifteen minutes, day after day, adds up surprisingly fast. That's how I finally dug myself out of my crushing (if virtual) load of digital photos. Fifteen minutes at a time.

6. Do it first thing in the morning. The night before, vow to yourself to do the dreaded task. Get everything ready -- any phone numbers of information you need, files assembled, everything ready to go. And the next day, at the first possible moment – as soon as you walk into work, or when the office opens, or whenever – just do it. Don’t allow yourself to reflect or procrastinate. This is particularly true of exercise. If you think you’ll be tempted to skip, try to work out in the morning.

7. Protect yourself from interruption. How often have you finally steeled yourself to start some difficult project, only to be interrupted the minute you get going? This makes a hard task much harder. Carve out some time to work.

8. Remember, work can be one of the most pernicious forms of procrastination. Don't kid yourself.

Note: Pay attention to the amount of time you spend working on tasks you dislike. No one enjoys getting invasive medical tests or preparing tax returns, but if you feel like your life consists of nothing but going from one dreaded chore to the next, you might be better off figuring out a way to avoid some of those tasks altogether.

I’m very good at making myself do things I don’t want to do, and while this is an enormous help in many situations, it has also allowed me to go down some dead ends in my career. The fact is, you’re unlikely to be happy or successful when every aspect of your life or job feels like a big drag. Don’t accuse yourself of being lazy or being a procrastinator, but ask – what’s making this so difficult? The fact that you're finding it hard to make yourself do something is a sign that maybe you should be doing something else.

On the other hand, novelty and challenge, as uncomfortable as they can be, do bring happiness. The chore that feels onerous today may give you a huge boost of satisfaction tomorrow, when it’s behind you. Keep that in mind, too.

What are some other strategies that you've found useful in trying to get yourself to jump some hurdle?

* Want a happiness quotation in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here.

Feeling Angry, Resentful, or Self-Critical? Make the Positive Argument.

I've discovered an almost uncannily effective strategy to keep myself from going into downward spirals of resentment, blame, and self-accusation -- when, for instance, I find myself brooding over thoughts like, "I'm not getting enough work done" or "My daughters don't get along very well."

When I realize I'm having thoughts like this (and I'll admit, just realizing that I'm having this kind of thought is a challenge in itself), I "make the positive argument."

As a consequence of a psychological phenomenon that might be called “argumentative reasoning,” we’re very skillful at arguing a particular case. When we take a position, we look for evidence to support it, and we find reasons that prove our point, and then we stop, satisfied. This mental process gives us the illusion that our position is objective and well justified.

However -- and this is the useful point -- if we try to argue the very opposite position, we can often make that case just as easily. If I tell myself, “I’m a shy person,” I marshal examples of my shyness; if I tell myself, “I’m an outgoing person,” I remember times when I was outgoing. I’m able to argue both conclusions quite persuasively.

To make use of this phenomenon, I resolved to “Make the positive argument” to challenge my critical thoughts about myself or other people. (It's nice to have a way to turn my natural belligerence to good purpose.)

“Make the positive argument” also helps me combat my decided habit of unconscious overclaiming (what a great two-word phrase, I should add it to my list!). In “unconscious overclaiming,” we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other people. Studies showed that when wives and husbands estimated what percentage of housework each performed, the percentages added up to more than 120 percent. When business-school students estimated how much they'd contributed to a team effort, the total was 139 percent.

Now, when I start muttering, “My husband doesn’t help us get organized for trips,” I argue to myself, “Actually, he does help us get organized for trips.” And I realize, he does.

Try it yourself! Did it work?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* I loved this infographic about the most common words in horoscopes. From my eye-balling of the chart, it looks as though "feel" and "sure" are the two most common words. I also enjoyed the meta-horoscope made of the most common words from 4,000 star sign prediction.

* Is your book group reading The Happiness Project? I've prepared a one-page discussion guide for book groups, as well as a guide tailored for church groups, prayer circles, spirituality book groups, and the like. If you'd like either discussion guide (or both), email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. (Don't forget the "1.")

Are You Always Late? 7 Tips To Arrive On Time.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Seven tips if you’re chronically late.

Feeling as though you’re always running twenty minutes behind schedule is an unhappy feeling. Having to rush, forgetting things in your haste, dealing with annoyed people when you arrive…it’s no fun.

If you're chronically late, what steps can you take to be more prompt? That depends on why you’re late. As my Eighth Commandment holds, the first step is to Identify the problem – then you can see more easily what you need to change.

There are many reasons you might be late, but some are particularly common. Are you late because…

1.You sleep too late? If you’re so exhausted in the morning that you sleep until the last possible moment, it’s time to think about going to sleep earlier. Many people don’t get enough sleep, and sleep deprivation is a real drag on your happiness and health. I've become a sleep nut since I started my happiness project. Getting enough sleep is really important.

2.You try to get one last thing done? Apparently, this is a common cause of tardiness. If you always try to answer one more email or put away one more load of laundry before you leave, here’s a way to outwit yourself: take a task that you can do when you reach your destination, and leave early. Tell yourself that you need that ten minutes on the other end to read those brochures or check those figures.

3. You undestimate the commute time? You may tell yourself it takes twenty minutes to get to work, but if it actually takes forty minutes, you’re going to be chronically late. Have you exactly identified the time by which you need to leave? That’s what worked for me for getting my kids to school on time. We have a precise time that we’re supposed to leave, so I know if we’re running late, and by how much. Before I identified that exact time, I had only a vague sense of how the morning was running, and I usually thought we had more time than we actually did. My daughter goes into near-hysterics if we're late, so that motivated me to get very clear on this issue.

4. You can’t find your keys/wallet/phone/sunglasses? Nothing is more annoying than searching for lost objects when you’re running late. Designate a place in your house for your key items, and put those things in that spot, every time. I keep everything important in my (extremely unfashionable) backpack, and fortunately a backpack is big enough that it’s always easy to find. My husband keeps his key items in the chest of drawers opposite our front door.

5. Other people in your house are disorganized? Your wife can’t find her phone, your son can’t find his Spanish book, so you’re late. As hard as it is to get yourself organized, it’s even harder to help other people get organized. Try setting up the “key things” place in your house. Prod your children to get their school stuff organized the night before—and coax the outfit-changing types to pick their outfits the night before, too. Get lunches ready. Etc.

6.You hate your destination so much you want to postpone showing up for as long as possible? If you dread going to work that much, or you hate school so deeply, or wherever your destination might be, you’re giving yourself a clear signal that you need think about making a big change in your life.

7. Your co-workers won’t end meetings on time? This is an exasperating problem. You’re supposed to be someplace else, but you’re trapped in a meeting that’s going long. Sometimes, this is inevitable, but if you find it happening over and over, identify the problem. Is too little time allotted to meetings that deserve more time? Is the weekly staff meeting twenty minutes of work crammed into sixty minutes? Does one person hold things up? If you face this issue repeatedly, there’s probably an identifiable problem – and once you identify it, you can develop strategies to solve it -- e.g., sticking to an agenda; circulating information by email; not permitting discussions about contentious philosophical questions not relevant to the tasks at hand, etc. (This last problem is surprisingly widespread, in my experience.)

Late or not, if you find yourself rushing around every morning, consider waking up earlier (see #1 above). Yes, it’s tough to give up those last precious moments of sleep, and it’s even tougher to go to bed earlier and cut into what, for many people, is their leisure time. But it helps.

I've started getting up at 6:00 a.m. so I have an hour to myself before I have to rassle everyone out of bed. This has made a huge improvement in our mornings. Because I’m organized and ready by 7:00 a.m., I can be focused on getting all of us out the door. (On a related note, here are more tips for keeping school mornings calm and cheery.)

My husband and I actually have the opposite problem: chronic earliness. It's a great quality to share, because it means that both of us are happy to arrive early at the airport or a teacher's conference. However, we often have to walk around the block a few times, as we wait for the proper time to ring someone's doorbell, and we have a lot of empty time before movies start.

But if you conquered chronic lateness, what are some strategies that worked for you?

*If you're a freelancer, or want to hire a freelancer, check out Freelance Switch. A terrific resource.

* If you'd like a free, personalized bookplate for your copy of the print book of The Happiness Project, or if you read an e-book, audiobook, or library book and you'd like a free, personalized signature card (with the Paradoxes of Happiness on the back), email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. Ask for either, or both; feel free to ask for as many as you'd like; I mail them anywhere in the world. But be sure to include your mailing address!